Recently I was hanging out in Whole Foods with Chris and Josh and there was a woman standing near the fruit while I was getting a peach.
I looked at her and I said, “man, these don’t really smell,” and she said absolutely nothing. She went into total mute mode.
And so what did I do?
Absolutely nothing!
I didn’t really care. It didn’t really make much of a difference. What does it matter to me? The guys asked me, “well what could you have done differently? What happened?”
But, who cares? Let it go. She just didn’t respond. I approached her well – on an observation – and she just didn’t respond. Do you really want to hang out with somebody who doesn’t talk to you? Do you want to hang out with a mute?
It doesn’t make much of a difference. And in the time that the guys were analyzing this woman and why she didn’t respond, there were four other cute women hanging out around the salad bar checking us out.
Chris and Josh were busy saying, “well, what could we have done differently?” and they missed the next opportunity.
Who cares? Stop with the attitude of wanting to get them all. Why would you want to get them all? Do you really have that much time to date them all?
You want to get the gems. You want to go for the woman that responds to you – not the one that ignores you.
So she ignored me. I don’t care. Ask me now what she even looked like and I probably couldn’t tell you. Life moves on. Life is a marathon.
This is how we ended the bootcamp. WHO CARES? – that is the phrase that every guy needs to remember from this point forward. If a woman does not respond to you when you’ve done everything correctly (which we all did!) then look at the situation and say, WHO CARES? There are plenty of other women out there.
Life starts from the second that she blows you off. That gives you the opportunity to see all of the rest of them!
Now that you have this mindset check out todays video on how to meet women in the mall. This is live footage from actual approaches in a Seattle Mall.
Enjoy and have a great Friday!!
NEXT!
I think it’s great to “not care” to a certain extent. A lot of guys I’ve met get hung up on not getting that one girl they approached, but they don’t realize is that the girl won’t really matter in retrospect.
I suppose that in “theory” it might be possible to get nearly every single woman you approach… but why would anyone even want to anyways??
“I suppose that in “theory” it might be possible to get nearly every single woman you approach… but why would anyone even want to anyways??”
Actually, EVERYONE would want that!!! …but it’s not possible, even in “theory”. The point is just not to beat yourself up or overanalyze or take personally the women who don’t want to talk or aren’t interested. You let them roll off and move ahead.
the thing is, i realized the interaction goes a lot better ever since i started to adapt this mindset, and it also helps me practice easier. because i can go next, next, next…………… and not even looking back and beating myself over it.
Listen, plain and simple, if you know you’re being genuine and just being social and someone is being anti-social or even rude, then it’s not worth it. Nothing wrong with you. Hell, there may not be something wrong with him or her. Could be just bad timing.
I’ve been blown out of a group once and then successfully opened it up later in a night. Sometimes timing is key. But either way, you just shrug it off.
Actually, perfect example. Last night I went into a bar and sat next to someone really cool and had great conversation. All I said was, “Hey.” After he left, a girl came and set next to me and I said hi and she ignored me. Then another guy and girl sat next to me and I said, “Yo!” Spent the rest of the night with them at the bar and we pretty became good friends. In fact, one is a manager at a night club and we’re hanging out there tonight!
There are way too many people around you to be upset because ONE didn’t respond positively. I see it as, “great, she didn’t waste my time and now I can go talk to other much cooler people.”
Good post, David. Also, the video is also interesting. It makes going to mall to talk to women not so juvenile
So to all you men commenting on this, I’m curious to get your opinions —
Do you think this applies to the reverse situation? What if in David’s story, he was me and I had said hi to a guy by peaches who said nothing in response? Are your comments the same?
Today at Whole foods, I noticed that David was speaking to a forty-something hot women in the check out line. He casually started a conversation, ended it to pay for food, and then let her walk away. Outside she was sitting down eating her food, and we grabbed the table right next to hers. David played it cool, casually commented, and then started a real conversation with her. He talked about her work, why she got into it, and then transitioned into speaking about her dogs. The mood was relaxed and casual and the conversation had a great vibe to it. If anything, the woman was nervous talking to David, because he is grounded and comfortable talking in his own skin (usually it’s the other way around). David was playful when talking about walking the dogs on the beach, and then closed her with the same thing. Basically, he said “I’d love to get together with you and walk the dogs on the beach.” It was very relaxed and even she had a relaxed reaction to it, “Oh no sorry, I’m engaged.” David then kept his dignity and said “Oh, Congratulations!”
So, it’s the same idea as this blog today. He saw it, went after it, and dropped it when it didn’t work out (and even kept his dignity). Who cares! This is a true example of an abundance mindset.
i was there, and it’s the way David really said congratulations. Hid voice tone was genuine, and he really doesn’t care. Even the way he said “I’d love to get together with you” is very non nonchalant.
That girl even looked disappointed when she said “oh i’m sorry, but i’m engaged”
Hehe, nice blog! i guess the same goes for women, Lauren
it’s just that women expect men to start the talking or to atleast approach her.. i guess.. 
I have a little bit of an issue here, i would really really appreciate it if someone had any comments to my funny/weird situation.. here’s the thing; there’s this guy i’ve been hanging out with lately.. two weeks ago we started having lunch together and we really hit it off.. great humour.. we both laughed at silly jokes etc etc. we also flirt with each other and have planned to watch movies together and so on..
and all of a sudden as we’re walking side by side with bags and all he says: “we look like a married couple” and i laughed and agreed with him.. he repeated that when we got on the subway again..and i laughed again! 
and so yesterday i went shopping with him.. he had to buy something for his twin brother as well..
and so i helped him carry the bags and all.. i was being nice
damn..it gets worse.. we passed two ladies with their kids.. and one of the ladies had her little toddler in a wagon, and the baby was crying really bad! so i was looking at him to see how he’d react to the noisy children.. he was all calm and smiling as we passed them by.. and so i asked a really stupid, innocent (in my mind a very GENERAL question with NO intentions at all) question: “so what do you think about kids?” a really really general question.. damn i’m soo stupid!! here’s what he said: “i want kids of my own one day… what do you think of me? of course i want to pass on my name
how about you?” in a very casual way.. so i said: “yea, i do too” then he said: “but of course not now.. late twenties or something..what, did you think i didn’t children at all? i mean, who doesn’t?” i’m like: “i don’t assume anything about you, that’s why i ASK you right out”.. plain casually and laughing at the same time 
and THEN he says:”well, cool.. so if you wanna have children one day, give me a call” 
?????????? Did i really blow it?? and what was that response??
is it usual for a guy to be this cool about such a stupid question? man, he must think i’m all ready to settle down.. NOW! which i am NOOOT at all..
i meant it as a general question..
i’m a little bit positive about this whole thing because we’ve been so open with each other that i feel like he must know how i am as a person to not be wanting kids this soon..
i’ve been having these monkeys in my head since yesterday! hope they won’t ruin my mood when i’m off for a house party tonight
anyone??
Cheers to David for not taking it personally. And who knows, his saying hello may very well have brightened that woman’s day even if she didn’t respond in the moment.
The easiest way to connect with people? Let go of your agenda. I don’t “date” anymore. All the expectations were just way too constricting. Now I am totally free to connect with anyone, anywhere, and be totally relaxed about it. A guy came up to me at a bar last night. He said “I don’t know why I feel compelled to talk to you. I only like blondes, I’m on a date (motions to the platinum blonde girl at the bar), I’m not hitting on you … there’s just something about you.” We had a really hilarious conversation and just enjoyed the connection in the moment. It was fun. It didn’t need to “lead” to anything. I spent all last week with another guy. There was intense chemistry and connection but we never even made out. We both had an amazing time and I received a beautiful loving email from him yesterday.
Everywhere you go, you meet yourself. Every single person crosses our path for a reason. When you let go of any and all agendas and are willing to just be, people will be magnetized to you.
oh, and in my experience you can’t fake letting go of your agenda. it wasn’t until I really sincerely decided that I’m not interested in a long list of things that many people consider to be needs (sex, marriage, kids, exclusive relationships, dating, career success, social status, etc. etc.) that my energy changed enough to be truly inviting. and I could only let those things go once I sincerely recognized their lack of value in my life. not one of those things ever brought me anything more than a fleeting high (usually followed by some kind of low). whereas feeling peaceful and connecting in the moment gives me lasting happiness.
Dave,
I phrased that first comment badly.
What I meant was that although eveyone would likely want the SKILL of attracting every woman in existence off of an approach, I’m guessing that the actual reality of doing so would probably get pretty boring over time if it ever got to be that predictable.
As an example, think of gambling. You may go to the casino with a bit of cash and you’re EXCITED because you don’t know how things are going to play themselves out. It’s that very idea of risk and unpredictablity invloved that makes it all so much FUN. But if people won money every single time that they played the slots than many would likely quit their jobs and just go to the casino whenever they needed money. Than they’d eventually get bored with it altogether and probably start doing something else to amuse themselves. Thus, the actual ACT of gambling would likely become as fulfilling for them as doing laundry or washing dishes.
Like “Alright, I’m horny and there’s a girl, so let’s get this over with so I can go do something else already.” Achh!
Personally, I see getting rejected occasionally as all part of the fun, because it brings me back down to earth and makes it sweeter when I actually DO get the girl.
This probably isn’t what David was getting at all, but those were my own thoughts in response to it.
And that’s just me.
Great post, David. I don’t usually post remarks, but I wanted to add just one little thing to this discussion for the ladies and gents.
There is something to remember with the idea of “Next” or “There are plenty of fish in the sea”. Do not get bitter. Maintain your composure.
I love this blog.
It’s really about having an abundance mentality by knowing that you are good enough, just as you are, to attract as many people as you want. Not everyone will be open and receptive right away. Blame timing, blame chemistry, blame they are bitches… whatever. It doesn’t really matter because there’s always someone else that you may connect with.
For JustMe,
You didn’t blow it at all. I think you are overanalyzing and beating yourself up for something insignificant. What I read from your post is that he was flirting back with you and hinting at potentially hooking up with you. His comment on “if you wanna have children one day, give me a call” is his attempt at sexual innuendo. It’s his way of finding out how you’d feel about sex (with him).
thanks, Khiem! my friends told me so as well
if only you’d written that on saturday haha.. no, but seriously..
he sent me text messages yesterday and we kept our flirting thing going.. so i’m cool now..
oh, and he’s a LITTLE bit shorter than me :O (you hardly notice, but even so) how’s that for not wanting “perfection” (ref. to one of David’s earlier blog) he’s got a killer personality though..
thanks again!
Very nice post, I share the same position about this.
holy fucking shit, you just beat spiderman3 in box office collections. Your blog is fucking action packed , good shit.
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