Grumpy Old People
January 21, 2009 
25 Comments
Here is something interesting that I was just talking about with the guys. We were in Long’s and Whole Foods and we ran into probably three or four really grumpy old people. I’m talking probably 75+.
There are two kinds of old people: there are those that you meet and you have like a magical experience, because they are just celebrating their amazing lives. They are full of life and wisdom and you just sit there captivated by them. You can almost see the young kid they were in their eyes.
The other kind of old person is the miserable one. They don’t say, “excuse me,” they give you dirty looks, they’re just miserable.
Rich said something really interesting: by that age, you’ve either won or you’ve lost. And the ones that are miserable are the ones that have lost – and they know it. They lost in life. And they are pissed off at the world. They are pissed off that their life wasn’t that great. They are pissed off that their life is gone.
But what’s interesting is that your life is never gone – ever. So you’ve had a shitty first 74 years? So what? It doesn’t mean (if you live until you’re 85) that the last 11 years can’t be spectacular!
Life is not about winning or losing – it’s about embracing. Life is about enjoying. Life is about going with the flow and it’s not about being bitter about the things that you didn’t do. It’s about making the changes so that you can do the things that you want right now.
You’re never too old to learn this lesson. You’re never too old to live, and you’re never too old to enjoy yourself.
So if I have any bitter, old readers: start living your life every day! If the first 74 years sucked, it doesn’t mean the last 11 have to too!
Life is great. I know how to meet people. I know how to connect. My career is in overdrive. My talent is growing with every day.
I’m 31 and I feel younger than I did at 25, when I was overweight, smoking, and doing all kinds of weird drugs and trying to be the miserable writer I thought I should be.
Boy was I wrong!
Now I just need to understand how to meet someone who doesn’t get boring after the first hour and feels the same about me.
Mike
I would hate to be a bitter old man
I had a crabby manager that I just hated working with and for. She was transferred away about 4 months ago and I was so secretly happy, I just loved going to work! Two weeks ago they decided to send her back. At first, I was practically devastated; this women is a control freak, a drama queen, one of the mean girls if you dont’ suck up to her. My director was concerned, since the whole department moral was starting to slide. Then my new guy suggested that I can worry about what “might” be, or I can choose to be positive or negative about a situation of which I have no say in. I “choose” to be positive. Going to work is still going to be just fine. If she chooses to be the way she is, so be it. I have choices also. I choose happy. It’s been challenging at times, but it’s working for me, and it’s helping me to become a much stronger person. A positive attitude goes a long way and it can sometimes diffuse another person’s negativity.
I believe that in life, there are going to be people that just don’t play nice. Perhaps their life has been difficult, they see the glass as half empty, their health is compromised. Whatever their deal is, I cannot change them. Just like when we all read this blog and try to figure out our lives, so do others need to be responsible for their own lives and happiness. It’s me that allows them to effect my day in a negative way, and I can control the negative by choosing to remove myself from the situation and move on. They are just not my problem, they are their own problem.
Now when I encounter someone who is cranky, crabby or rude, I just smile and move on. Sucks to be them. Wonderful to be me. Life is just too short to let these people ruin our days. May they find their happiness at some point, but until then, they won’t ruin mine. I’ve worked too hard and for so long to be in a good place. I’m not letting go.
Deb – I went to college one year with a middle-aged woman who had done much of her college credits via correspondence (she lived in the sticks) but had to do the last year in-residence…away from her husband and her boys so it was in the dorm with us youngsters! She used to tell me that when this petty shit happens that it helps to remember that “YOU can afford to be big about it” (meaning even if the other person isn’t). It’s really surprising how much that thought helps.
Another person used to tell me that there was a zen-thing about that kind of conflict – that you had to “BE THE DUCK” and “let it ROOOOOOOLLLLLLLL off your back.” Sounds like a meditation mantra, eh? Try it and at the very least, it will make you laugh…especially when you share with some co-workers and they make little quacking noises as a reminder when the offender is headed in your direction! Some of mine just say “AFLAC” and that works nicely too!
K- thanks…. so true. Like water off a ducks back I’ve heard. “Love the AFLAC” warning signal.
I’ve been treating the boss-bitch so positively and open minded that I think she’s so confused by it all. That is great entertainment and puts a smile on my face for the day. My plan… it is working. Hee-hee.
You go, girl – TOTALLY mess with her head! Maybe that’s what they mean by killing with kindness. No reason not to have a little fun doing it…tee hee!
a.movie
That sounds a lot like me at the moment at uni, minus the writer thing!
Could you possibly give me a couple of lines how you transitioned from that stage of your life to getting your life and career sorted out?
Thanks
Pete
Nice blog David
I used to work with this woman and we called her Granny she was sweet ole lady. She passed about two years ago. She was in her nineties she was full of vigor. I said to her one day that if I live to be her age I want to be able to take care of myself.
I have 51 years left on this planet and I intend on making them the best years I have left and living for the moment and taking care of the situation as it comes. Life is too short just to sit around and doing nothing but being one crumpy ole lady. No nursing homes for me or should I say rocking chairs. Life like relationships is what we make of it.
Pete,
Which part reminds you of me? The first sentence or the second? I would guess the second since you are asking me for advice.
When I was at my worst, I was working at a job I loathed, I was smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, and I was eighty pounds overweight. I didn’t have anything to show for my career, my personal life sucked, and I was going through some of the worst depression I had in my life.
What did I do to get started? Well, you are already way ahead of me by just finding a site like this and listening and talking with the great people you find here. David is a great guy with lots of great ideas about dating and meeting women, but he also is a very good person to study from. Watch how he talks about how he feels and how he thinks, it is all in his writing and blogs.
The main message is to focus on positive things. That doesn’t mean negative factors won’t try and find you in life. Focus on what makes you happy. The more things you use against yourself, excuses, problems, anxieties, the more power they tend to get.
I’ll give you my depression example. When I was at my worst, depression would kick in and have me sit in front of my computer and I would literally play that free solitaire game that comes with Windows for hours on end, just staring at my computer screen. I had to start seeing a therapist and with her help I found that I could recognize when depression was taking over and I would think to myself about all the fun things I would do when I started feeling better. I also actively told myself that depression is like being stranded in the ocean.
At first you feel like you are going to die. Then you realize you can tread water. Then you become scared and alone. Then you start swimming. Then you feel like you are never going to go anywhere. Then you start seeing the shape of a distant island.
Pretty soon you are on the beach and the sun is shining and you find some food. And it goes on from there.
The message being; it is easy to feel lost and scared and like life is not worth it, but if you focus on the small goals and really let yourself feel good about the things you’ve done to get to where you are, then you can start a new goal. Start by treading water. Tell yourself, this is great, I can tread water, I never did that before when I was drowning in the ocean. Then you can tell yourself, why don’t I try swimming. And it builds from there.
ALWAYS let yourself enjoy your victories.
I hope that helps.
Mike
Hi David, I love this blog it reminded me of the Bernie Mac blog. The Mac blog sure helped, so has this one GREAT JOB!!!!………gracias
Mike
First off, thanks for taking the time to make that awesome post! I don’t like to judge by its length, but I do appreciate people who take time and effort to make a well made post.
Yeah was referring to the second part. I should have been more specific, I was trying to refer to basically how you sorted out your career.
I took an amazing bootcamp in September with David which really, really sorted me out. I’ve got to the point where in terms of dealing with people I’m completely content with myself, and I’m fine with approaching, building rapport blah blah etc. But I’m really interested in developing myself in terms of my career, and getting started in life.
I’d really like to expand outside of the drugs scene, and like you used to, yeah I smoke far too much, go to too many raves/clubs/random house parties, do too many drugs (coughmdma), and I really want to explore what else is out there. I already attend meditation, and do a few hobbies, but essentially, I want to get out of that scene.
You sound like you’ve really gone through a lot, and I can definitely relate to you a few years ago. This is due in part to PUA material (actually a very small part), Dale Carnegie and David Wygant. It seems we’ve both taken massive strides, and I really, really respect you for that. Your analogy about the ocean, island and food is actually a really good one. I know a lot of keyboard jockies online who post an absolute tonne of things like these, but again, your analogy is a really good one. I guess I’m at the swimming stage! I’m most definitely alive and happy, but I really want to get to that shore where a good job/business lies, along with a good mastermind group!
If you have msn, add me peterwcox@hotmail.co.uk or send me an e-mail. Really appreciate your help
Good blog and post, I liked your analogy about the ocean mike. I love hearing stories about people who overcome there hardship and move on to positive things. Good for you guys. Same for Deb good job on being the bigger person.
Allright as for the blog, Very true. I was thinking about that the other day talking to my uncle. My aunt left him and I am curently working with him. He almost lost his home ect .. because of the economy. He is about 54 and people thought he would fall in a depression. But after spending alot of time with him and talking, he will be even stronger after he pulls through his tough times. We talked about some of his dreams and just life in general which is the topic that I am an avid student of hehe. Anyways I was able to share some of the advice I learned here. I might even initiate him to you David when he is ready to start dating or just look like he would agree to benefit from your material. Right now I think he wouldnt spend the time learning but eventually he will. Hopefully, because there is so much he needs to find out. He is very reserve. I know a little bit where he comes from because I used to be that way.
So yes this was a very well written blog David. Your never too old to live…….. so true
thank you and good night
Vince
fun reading, its a great reminder for everyone, that its not too late to LIVE, we all have a choice, either we continue to live how we imagine our life to be or suffer.
Vince- are you the Vince from Tempa?
Yakub- No , I am the ”Vince” from Canada which you guys haven’t meet yet. That must of been a Hell of a guy with a name like that.
Jt- Do you remember when the mac post was posted? rings a bell but would like to reread it.
btw Yakub I really enjoyed the part 9 on the mastery series with your talk and David. Motivated me.
there we go no more confusion until another Canadian vince joins us. Did you guys ever do a Bootcamp up here?
Pete,
Pardon me then about my depression lecture. When you said you were at my level, I thought that’s what you meant.
It actually sounds like you are further along in some ways than I am. I have only listened to David’s mastery series and read his blog. I am due for a boot camp and David, if you are listening, I would like to come to the next boot camp in LA. I’ll call you and work out the details, but throwing my hat in there now. My best connections have always come from meeting people through work or connecting with girls that had boyfriends. But that isn’t working out anymore and I’m working for myself now, so I don’t have work friends to hang out with. I got into this habit of getting to know someone before I started to lean into them romanitcally and to be honest it just isn’t working out. I get the concepts David talks about but I am a guy who will learn much better from a boot camp type of training.
Don’t worry about how long my responses get. I love to write and that includes voicing my opinion on a site like this.
As for motivating yourself for work, I don’t know if I can help too much. I’ve always been told that I am very lucky to have something to do that speaks to my very center of being because of how much I love doing it. My writing is part of what saved me from depression and anxiety years ago. I started by telling myself to write for twenty minutes every day even if it was just trivial drivel. I had the love for what I did but I didn’t have the discipline. So I sat down, no matter how stupid I felt and wrote in a journal. That activity slowly transformed into what I do today which is very substantial and rewarding and most importantly — it pays! But there is definately no guideline for a successful writing career other than hard work, determination, talent and support, traits that would make any endeavor successful in my books.
So if you have something you love doing, I would say focus on that even if it doesn’t look like it is going to pay off for a while. I had no idea where my writing career was going to lead but I never would have gotten as far as I have now without making a serious effort to be happy doing the work especially when no one was paying me for it.
Take care,
Mike
Nice comments Mike.
Many years ago I was a flight attendant. Once, after our service in first class, I met this older gentleman. Very nice man; one of the positive ones David writes about. He said he was 82 and flew in B-24s in WWII. We had a super conversation up there in the galley and I finally came around to asking him where he was going/coming from. His face lit up with the question.
He said he was just coming back from Seattle. He had just had lunch out there with a 76 year old woman. I asked him, “You flew all the way out from Denver to Seattle just to have lunch with a 76 year old woman? She must be really special!” He replied, “I sure did and she sure is! It was great! I think I’m actually going to end up moving in with her, too!” I said, “Wow! That’s amazing. Congratulations!” “Where did you meet her, btw?” I asked. He chuckled a little bit, looked me straight in the eye and said, “The internet.”
Now that’s living.
I’ll never forget this man and the nice things he said about living in the moment… Thanks David and Rich for this post. It allowed me to bring back up a really fond and positive memory about how to live life.
Vince-
glad to hear that it was motivational for you!
looking forward to meet you in person some day!
Mike
Bit late posting this, but if you do end up doing a bootcamp, you’re going to have an amazing time!
My advice to get the absolute most out of it, do as many approaches as you feel mentally possible to do, because it means more feedback, and more useful advice applicable to you. In London on the 2nd day and 3rd day I started to churn them out very rapidly, but wish I did a couple more. But from the ones I did the feedback I got helped me so so much, and thats probably the advice ill give you
Dont end up like me wishing! Good luck
Pete
I know I’m gonna be a happy old man
So Kheim
Ur not ready for that rocking chair yet are you? When I am in my eighties I will stop dying my hair and then claim I am old that is if I live to be that old.
I think that you missed one subset of people…those that are grumpy and sarcastic, yet live life feeling as if they get God’s jokes. At times these individuals first appear grumpy and unhappy, but their whimsical outlook on life is just a filter for those that gain pleasure from similar experiences as they do. I do not live life in the same manner that they do, but I can appreciate the jokes.
I guess I can be considered mean and grumpy to my landlord who is trying to evict me be cause he claims I am a nuisance because I confront the the neighbors abot the noise level and the continaully running water thats comes from the toilet after they flush it and it is used as a form of harassment towards me in hope I will mopve so he doesnt have to pay relocation fees. I try very hard to get alone with people period but when you infringe on my rightrs I have the right to say something about it dout you guys think so? I pay low rent I live alone and cant afford to move. He want accept my rent sent it by regular mail and certitified it was returned with refuse written on it. Now you see Iwhy I can fit this title well. I have been here for 25yrs and wants to get rid of me for the low rent I pay and a so called nuisance. Can anyone out there help me?