Pump and Dump By David Wygant
So, you’re dating a woman now whose only sexual experiences have been with men that are pump and dumpers. For those of you who don’t know what a pump and dumper is: it’s what I call ‘minutemen.’
Not the minutemen from the Revolutionary War.. They get in, they thrust their hips, they pump a few times, and then they dump all their little men: all their little sea-men to swim all over the place.
A lot of women who are young (and some unfortunately that are older) have only been with pump and dumpers and they have no idea of how unbelievably amazing sex can be with an attentive, sexually aware man. They don’t know sex with a man that has been reading these blogs – a man that really knows that sex and foreplay start right inside a woman’s mind.
So let’s say you’ve done it all right. You’ve started with sex and foreplay, and you’ve seduced her mind and you have her all turned on. How do you encourage this woman – who is basically very submissive in bed due to the fact that all of her experience is with Mr. Pump and Dump?
The reason why she is submissive, much of the time, is that she has never explored her own sexuality. A lot of women that have had pump and dumpers don’t know what they want sexually, and they are usually women that have never masturbated. They don’t know what feels good and what doesn’t. Their only experience is with Mr. P & D.
For those of you who think he is related to P & G, you’re absolutely incorrect. Pump and Dump is not Proctor & Gamble – though I heard that Proctor & Gamble makes their products for pump and dumpers. But it’s just a rumor that I heard!
Anyway, how do you encourage this woman to open up to her own sexuality?
First of all, this woman may or may not have ever had an orgasm before. I would assume that she never has. She thinks she might be having an orgasm – it might be a momentary wave – but she is not having a full-blown orgasm.
If you ask her if she’s had an orgasm, and she says, “I think so” – there is no “I think so” when it comes down to orgasms. Either you’ve had one or you haven’t! If a woman will tell you that she thinks she had an orgasm, it means that she has probably only experienced a little wave of pleasure and not a full orgasmic experience. Ladies, please chime in here and describe what a full orgasmic experience feels like so all the men know.
So let’s assume that she’s never had an orgasm. You’ve got to become the teacher in this relationship. She is probably the type of woman that just expects you to do whatever you want to do, and she’ll just lie there submissively.
So you need to show her slowly how amazing sex is. I would take some extra time and give her a full body massage. I would spend extra time kissing her and just touching her, everywhere except in her breast and her groin area.
I would take extra time when I go down on her and not only lick her, but to also touch all parts of her body also at the same time. I would also slip one finger inside as I was licking her in order to give her a different experience.
I wouldn’t ask her if she is coming. I would just continually do all the things that I know bring pleasure to a woman, and I would ask her, “how does that feel for you? Are you enjoying this? How do you like the pressure? I want to please you and I want to make you feel amazing.” Don’t say, “I want to give you an orgasm.” Don’t tell her you want her to scream and yell. Just say, “I want to make you feel wonderful. Okay?”
And take your time. Allow her to open up and allow her to see sex in an entirely different light. Don’t expect the magical orgasm right away. Don’t expect her to open up immediately. Your only job is to show her – through a soothing, relaxing, attentive sexual session – just how great sex can be.
Another way to do it, too, is when you’re having sex with her, is to do the opposite of what the pump and dumpers have done. Hold her really close to you so she can feel the tightness and feel the sensuality of sex, and then grind in very slowly as you pull her close to you. That way your pubic bone is actually massaging her clit at the same time. By doing that and staying deep inside her, you’re going to give her feelings that she has not had before and you’re going to get her to open up. You may actually get her to start having a clitoral orgasm that way, in time.
You are also going to show her a different side of sex, going to show her the sensuality of sex so that she can feel protected, warm, and nurtured during the experience.
Right now, all she feels is used. All she feels is that guys want to get inside, get off, and leave. So you’ve got to deal with the fact that she was with Mr. P & D. You’ve got to be tender and warm, and you’ve got to put absolutely no pressure on her at all.
By following these simple steps, you’re going to make her feel really comfortable, and you’re going to be able to get her to explore herself even more. She’ll surrender herself to you, in time, but you need to be very patient – because the other guys, the Mr. P & Ds, were not patient. It’s your turn to be patient now.
Right now a “special” friend of mine is visiting me. We have a great sex but she has never experienced an orgasm before.
Tomorrow I want to take my sweet fucking time to explore her body from head to toe, give her an erotic massage of her feet (she’s very sensitive there) and her neck, and back and of course seduce her mind long time before
David, thank you for the advice.
S
P.S. She noticed candles in my room! An immediate turn on as she confessed later on!
That’s what I want to focus on with any woman I date from now on. I like to explore the sensuality with her way more than the physical sex act alone. I want to make her feel more pleasure than she thought she was capable of.
I want to make her feel like a real woman ;p
David,
This was a great blog, I used to be the P&D guy, and man, there wasn’t even that much pleasure in it for me. It almost felt like a chore. Basically, what you are talking about here makes it better for both people. Ya, lets get some women opinions on here! David, thanks again man.
Peace, Dan
Also, I would like to ask you a quick question. I am 19 and do not really feel like I want or am ready for a relationship right now. I feel really happy and really internally inspired but still feel like I want to spend more personal time with myself before I fully commit. Everytime I go on dates I realize that the girls always want things to go further (relationship wise) and I then remember how I do not feel like I want that right now.
But then again I have never really had a relationship, so am I misguided or missing out? However, this is why I am the P&D guy because I meet girls at parties etc. I am not a jerk but I just feel like I should spend more time with myself. What do you think?
Thanks a million for all, Dan
Whew …. I need a fan to cool off after reading this blog
I can’t imagine any woman reading this who wasn’t nodding her head in agreement with everything David said … and fantasizing that she will find a man who feels this EXACT way about having sex with women!
I was a late bloomer to have sex in the first place (one week shy of my 26th birthday) and I am 36 now – so I have about a decade’s worth of experience to draw upon … but I can relate 100% to what David talks about in this blog. I ONLY slept with Mr P&Ds for about the first 6 years – and as David said I was totally passive and reactive (and orgasmless as well!)
Then I met someone who was – uh – better. He was GREAT about long, long foreplay, then would become a Mr. P&D during intercourse. So I graduated to totally loving and becoming very passionate during part 1 while still remaining passive and orgasmless during part 2. Since I dated him on an off for 3 years – that was as good as I thought it got … UNTIL …
Just recently I met someone who is very much as David describes himself to be in bed — In fact, I literally was confused about what was going on when he did some of the exact things David describes here …. then something amazing happened: I totally LET GO, relaxed …. and then all of a sudden and quite unexpectedly, I had my first during sex orgasm of my life!!! That just has led to nothing but INCREDIBLE sex for both of us – because I want to do everything under the sun to him to give him the most incredible orgasms of his life, and mine keep getting better every time
So from a woman’s perspective – at least from mine – what David is saying here about getting women to enjoy sex more is not only 100% true … but doing so will also make that woman want to give you the hottest sex of your life as well
David, thanks for giving this REALLY important tutorial to all the men out there …. and may all we ladies hope and pray that every man out there is reading this!!!
I must admit I really like these sex blogs, thanks David.
I’m with Diane, I need a fan … cold shower too.
I will disagree … I know what I want sexually. When I was married I was the one with the imagination … Let’s just say, I managed to get two beautiful children out of it. LOL I remember timing him one night … it wasn’t even a full minute.
With that said, there are certain boundries I won’t cross in a dating relationship, that orgasmic experience will have to wait.
As always, David talks about a topic and gives us lessons we ALL need to learn and he does it with the ultimate class.
Great post…
I was directed by David to ask my questions on the blog. I’ve scoured it for the last hour now and still don’t see where to post it, help anyone?
How do I ask a question? David directed me to the blog, and I looked for an hour but just don’t see where?
Hey skimmingstones — You post questions right where you asked where to post them, i.e., right here!
There isn’t a special questions section – you just post your questions in the comments section back here and David will see it …. he always does, so no worries 
Plus you will probably get some other feeback from us opinionated readers too
hey DAN THE ORGINIGAL,
Thanks for your help regarding this girls lol
I’ll keep that in mind tomorrow.
David, I agree with the other two gals who’ve posted — this is one HOT blog!
What I think it demonstrates is the sexual version of the golden rule (which is at work in EVERY part of life!) … Do unto others as you would have them do unto you —
Totally true with sex like everything else, so when you start to be open and giving to your sex partners and seek to give them unbelievable pleasure – it is guaranteed that your sex partners will do the same to you (and AMEN to unbelievable mutual pleasure!)
Okay, some input from a woman. I’m in mid-forties and experienced orgasms way before I ever had sex, because of a massager used as a vibrator way before anyone really talked openly about all this. I’m talking way back in the teen years. So, married for almost 30 years and have had my share of orgasms. I can say that from my experience the woman has to be in a mood to want sex and this could be created by being nice and doing those things that she likes whether it be of a sexual nature or not. Then I prefer to be approached from behind in a slow movement of maybe a guy putting his arms around me or slighty brushing my breasts and then gently letting me know he is hard and ready by pushing his body against my behind. And when I turn around seeing a steady gaze that tells me he wants me. A smile that says want to have sex? After that of course hopefully finding some surface where we can explore each others bodies further. I find the sucking of my big toe or index finger to be a turn on especially if he seems to like doing it. The short massaging of my feet and slipping his hands down my legs to play with the clit and inner thighs. Feeling his mouth over every part of my body, kissing my neck slowly and my mouth along the way. Grabbing my hair and pulling my head back and this works when entered from behind too. I like different positions as the same sex in the same way gets boring. The same places get boring. The same apparel gets boring. So spice it up. Be spontaneous. And I happen to like giving as much as receiving and a must is clean bodies so each other doesn’t have to worry about that. And the girl must move, rotating hips, doing crunch up against the man’s chest, or whatever, just move sometime. Now, can you believe that I’ve come to a point in my life where my husband does not want any sex at all. He has medical and mental problems about not being able to keep an erection and I am now trying to find out how to deal with still wanting great sex. But, I think the most important things are touch, time, attention and love along with the simple things of helping each other and being nice like you were in the beginning of the relationship and never losing respect. It takes two people working on it everyday and thinking just what can I do to please this person to make it last. Those are my current thoughts. I hope someone benefits from them. Oh yeah, and I agree that some women feel good when having sex, but you will know when you have an orgasm, because it’s like not wanting to stop until the wave of sensation reaches a peak where you are breathless and panting and you just fall back in pure bliss. The best is when two people actually time it and have it at the same time. And yes you men can hold an erection by withdrawing and stopping and not reaching that point of no return, you just have to discipline yourself. One other thing, a woman is most sensitive at the top of the clitoris and gently probing up and down there in the upper portion can be great foreplay. Ok, that’s all for now.
Lily, can you be more specific
I’m hoping I wasn’t too out there on posting that. I usually just read what others have to say.
Lily
Your post was amazing!!
I wish others would go as far as you did.
I welcome all deep posts so keep them coming!
Thank you and I have been enjoying your site.
Lily,
I appreciate it when people speak from experience with a healthy attitude. While fantasy has it’s place, reality is more educational/helpful. While reading your post I thought of some women from past relationships that didn’t get it. It would be great if someone else reading here has some experience that proves helpful to you.
In this blog David does a great job (re)contextualizing male performance for someone in their 20’s and 30’s. The male in their 30’s, instead a being a failure by younger standards, excels from the perspective of what they have to work with. (and the same goes for someone in their 20’s, they are not a failure by older standards, they have their own benefits.)
While I don’t have any experience with what you’re dealing with, some things do come to mind…
Instead of “sex”, make it a mutual “spiritual” exploration… Touch (massage), eye gazing, smell (aroma: oils, incense), visual, taste (food)… what sensations/emotions can you elicit/play with…
…If things do get more physical, look for alternatives… If I understand correctly, in settings outside of a doctor’s office, some men find prostate stimulation enjoyable. (Don’t know where you can find “how to” advice on this one.) And as you know there are plenty of alternative ways for him to please you… (It’s amazing how satisfying it can be, just to please a woman.)
Lily,
It was a really good post….Very descriptive…. Only teasing about being more specific.
I saw your smiley face Barr and I knew you were teasing. I really don’t usually express myself online. But, as far as my own personal life, and this is in response to you Ken E. , I do get it, and I do express my love in other ways to my husband. I wasn’t looking for help online with that issue. I was responding more to the “Don’t Pump the Dump” issue.
LOL there is so much to learn
AHAHAHGH! Your term ” pump and dump” is hilarious! I really do enjoy your blog and wicked sense of humor David.
I’m in my mid 40s and still am embarrased to admit that up until i was 20 I was the king of the P&D…. more acutrately I had trouble lasting longer than a few minutes. I truly owe my love of extended foreplay to this affliction and a wonderful woman who helped me to understand just how small a role intercorse plays in the grand scheme of things. She helped transform me from being a selfish and needy jerk into what i can only describe as a man completely addicted to giving pleasure. Now nothing is more erotic than slowly building desire throughout the day … a text or phone call during the day , something sexy and short to let her know that I am craving her or how hot she makes me…. later i might brush up against her in a semi-suggestive way while we make dinner… or slowly kiss her neck from behind when she least expects it.
It’s all about communicating in a mostly non verbal way… that i feel connected to her emotionally ,and to express that in a somewhat subtle way how much I want her physically.
David, you are able to articulate so wonderfully , what a any man can do to enhance a woman’s sexual pleasure which we all know will only lead to more a more pleasureable experience for himself.
To be able to give all of that to a woman who has been subjected to a P&D man , and watch her gradually become more and more comfortable with her sexuality is a huge turn on for me.
Hopefully the women who read this blog take the time to educate their minutemen, and the men are open and receptive to the powerful message you have delivered ….. it’s a shame that it doesn’t reach more and more of us.
i can definitely say i’m far from a pump and dumper… too bad some of the women around boston, aren’t very open minded…. because i feel i’m a great guy, down to earth guy and they’d probably be surprised at what i could do for them both sexaulity and emotionally.
cheers,
Joe
I totally agree with what most of the commentators have mentioned in this blog. I personally used to be a P&D until today
I totally agree with what most of the commentators have mentioned in this blog. I personally used to be a P&D until today.
I disagree with the idea of a man constantly asking if something feels good and what he can do to make it better. I think it is better to ask after sex about what touch felt great and what just did not work. Last thing I want to do is have a conversation while having sex. I would feel like I was in that commercial about cell phone reception, “can you hear me now? How about now?” By the way, if your girlfriend is having a hard time reaching orgasm, she can try squeezing her vaginal muscles while grinding on you. Usually, just grinding on you either on top or while underneath you works to stimulate the clitoris. Good luck.