Going Up?
September 24, 2008 
20 Comments
The following is a great question from a client at a recent bootcamp that I had in London this past weekend.
Last night here for me and as always sad to leave.
Great trip and just put the finishing touches on an office here!!!
So no more 2 bootcamps a year in London. Pretty soon we will be having a monthly bootcamp with this awesome new coach that is based in London!! I enjoy my trips to London and plan on flying over the pond much more in the future.
Stay tuned for more.
Enjoy todays blog.
Client: How do you open women in elevators? I spend so much time in elevators – in my building, I’m in the elevator 20 times a day.
David: Let’s talk about elevators. Approaching someone in an elevator is the easiest thing in the entire world. Both men and women can use this technique – any person can use it.
Once again, you have to play the odds and the percentages. What do people do when they get into an elevator?
Client: They hit the button and they look up at the screen.
David: Right, they hit the button, they look up at the screen, and they don’t say a word. Even if two people are in the elevator and already talking, the minute you walk in they shut up, right?
So what I will do in an elevator is this: if I’m alone with somebody in there, I will look at her and I will say, “what floor may I get you?” She’ll say, “oh, I already pushed the button,” and I’ll respond, “you know what’s missing in elevators? Concierge service! Wouldn’t it great if they still had the old-fashioned elevator rides? Have you ever gone to New York City in some of the old apartment buildings with the elevator operators? Wouldn’t it be great if all the elevators had elevator guys? And maybe even someone who like told a story or something? So you can be entertained on the way up, and you don’t have to think about the shit you have to do at work that day, or whatever it is.”
That’s one elevator approach. Here’s another: there is a group of people in there and when you walk in, they get quiet.
I will walk in and say, “shhh! Quiet now. Don’t end the conversation because of me! What is it with the elevator – it’s unbelievable! Every time some stranger walks in and there is a group that knows each other, everyone stops talking! I’d much rather you guys keep talking! If it’s something interesting, I can participate and we can all have some fun! Why do we always have to just stare at the numbers?”
Another elevator approach that I’ve used is that the minute that the doors close, I say, “alright, let’s all look at the numbers right now and count out loud together like we’re in kindergarten again. One…two…buckle my shoe. Three…four…shut the door,” or whatever – you just do a children’s rhyme.
So just go in and have fun. And once you get the humor out of the way, you can say, “hey, do you work in this building?” and then you can get into a conversation.
Client: I like this approach too, if I get into the elevator and there’s just another person, I can say, “why is it always so quiet in elevators?” and just use that as the opener.
David: That’s it! It doesn’t matter – you can use them all. There are so many different things that you can do, but the bottom line is that it’s always all about pointing out the obvious. Everything that I talk about, and everything that I do, is all about pointing out the obvious.
If you don’t point out the obvious, you just become like every other person. You’re looking for the perfect opener, it has to be PERFECT – and guess what? There is no perfect opener. It’s just about how you deliver it.
You can walk into a place and say absolutely anything – it all depends on how you deliver it.
Millen is Fired….finally!!!!!!!Thank you Lord, this is one of the happiest days of my life:-)
Truth be told I never really got the hang of chatting up strangers in elevators. In the past though, my most successful opener has been simply “Hey, how are you?”
As a kid, I was mortified whenever my dad talked to strangers in an elevator. Looking back I have no idea what I was so embarrassed about, I wasn’t even doing the talking! I’m proud to say that today I’ve followed in Dear Old Dad’s footsteps and talk to people in elevators and many other places.
Oh man! I was a belman at the Marriott hotel for like 6 months. Do you know how many elevators i was in??? Well 3. But I was in them a lot! I usually just made small talk, wish I had some of these openers back then.
That’s so funny, I was just thinking about this today. I use every elevator ride as an excuse to connect with people in the moment. It’s really fun, actually. I love it when they smile and laugh.
hmm this all depends on how i feel that day, if i wake up feeling chatty than i’ll talk to people in the elevator. or i’ll just be the silent guy in the elevator when i feel sluggish and sleepy.
Wow, this sounds fun!
Yes, my dad use to talk to everyone as well. He would always joke with people at the supermarket and restaurants, everywhere! He would always find something obvious to bring out and then he would laugh. That’s a nice quality to have:)
Ha, i have the habit of making cute comments in the elevator. It’s really great improv.
“You can walk into a place and say absolutely anything – it all depends on how you deliver it.”
I love this line!!! It reiterates body language is all really, but it’s such a cool saying.
well as enthusiastic as you can get when breakin thru the walls of anonymity i cant see how far you can get here. journeys in elevators are rather short, so you surely can break the ice without having to fear you will sink like the titanic, but how to follow up then? i mean you can hit the emergency button and say, “ok this is now or never, ever made love in an elevator with a complete stranger? no. now here is your chance.” I’am afraid some might think this is a bit too much straight forward though. alternatively i was thinking of something like “do you come here often?”(as if you would bring one of these cheesy pickup lines), “do you like to dance with me? they are playing our song”, “please stop checking out my ass, i do feel flattered but you have to hold your impulses until we get out of here” or “i guarantee i have no gun, i’m just happy to see you” (well, that could creep her out prolly, but i think it’s fun, i’m so immature sometimes). or “if you walk out that door right now i guarantee you you will never see me again. dont say i havent warned you”. with a playful voicetone clearly.
ok what i want to ask is, do you think it is a bad idea to show your interest in more than just a chit chat here, especially since it is a place were people tend to tighten up? remember this window of opportunity is rather small.
i have another one:
excuse me, can i ask you a quick question? i have this friend and he was once in an elevator like this one and he said to this girl next to him “nice ass, wanna hook up?” do you think that’s rude? would that work with you? either she says “no certainly not” so you can follow up with ” i told him he was an asshole. but i really would like to get to know you. my name is …”
or she says “maybe …” so you say “nice ass, wanna hook up? my name is …. btw.”
or going back to the dance thing, reaching out like you wanted to shake hands (its important that you bring up your left hand here), but when she reacts you take her hand with your right as if you were inviting her to the dancefloor, bringing the line “come dance with me they are playin our song” at the same time and either she plays along or says no, then you can follow up with “ok then lets just hold hands until we get out of here”, stand straight and smile happily.
for the girls do you think that could work? or is it completely out of the question. i’m looking for something playful, fun and bold, dont want to creep you out.
Mr. Boobastic,
If someone told me any of the lines you mention above in an elevator, I don’t know if I would laugh or if I would get upset. It is really extreme. I think you should try something softer. but hey, we’re all different, so you never know.
ok i see. ty Marisa. since you decided to change my alias into BOO-bastic, i assume that these approaches are not the best i could deliver.
originally i had in mind to create a moment of romance and i realize that trying too hard is counter-productive. actually i had some “success” with similar but it was always out of the moment and chemistry was clearly there before, so it was more in the flow of things. and sometimes i didn’t even realize what i do, saying things i would not dare to say had i thought about it before, but for some reason they “worked”. Other times you walk away and you have so many things coming up in your mind that you could have done and said, but it is too late. so, chances favour the prepared mind but i don’t like coming up with canned lines, rather have the right mindset to jump thru windows of opportunity. and i still want to put a smile on that face and a sparkle of romance in her eyes. softer. i’ll think about that, but what do you think about “direct” approaches generally in these situations if i may ask you? would you feel embarrassed if a man shows his interest as a man here?
Sorry for the typo MB, my fingers must have slipped too fast through letter m .LOL
First of all who am I to say what is right and what is wrong. I am just saying how I think I would react. I imagine that if a total stranger says something like “ok this is now or never, ever made love in an elevator with a complete stranger? no. now here is your chance.” and then press the emergency button to stop the engine I would freak out. I think I would kind of beat you up or something, ha,ha! You have to consider you don’t know the other person, and that maybe having something more neutral like what David Wygant suggested will be less risky. I think you are skipping several steps.. On the other hand as you said this might work if you already know the person. that’s it!
beating me up LOL. how tall are you? if you use any nasty tricks you get disqualified u know. ..
but i shouldn’t have put this one first because it was just a joke, first impressions are important obv. Frankly if a lady in the elevator would do this i would be a little bit scared too. and it’s even worse because i hardly can beat her up, right? well i thought about the “softer” and i feel it is right so i’ll go with that.
I know you got a bit carried away, so yeah. it was funny
you’re so bombastic !
now you nicked me the o … why do you keep insulting me? that is not very nice
anyway i will ignore this freudian mistyping and say: thank god i am.
just look at me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2J5xs2ukksE
That was great! I know what to do next time I have to get in an elevator. I just cannot stand the silence in an elevator. There’s this great elevator in the Westin (I think that’s right) in Atlanta that offers an awesome view of the city. It’s so great that they are charging $5 per person to ride it to see the city from above in the Sundial restaurant.
Mr. Boombastic, you are a riot. You made me lol with “if you walk out that door…” one. That would make my day. I’d probably rush you and say “o.k. let’s elope!”
WHat about this one?
“…, reaching out like you wanted to shake hands (its important that you bring up your left hand here), but when she reacts you take her hand with your right as if you were inviting her to the dancefloor, bringing the line “come dance with me they are playin our song” at the same time and either she plays along or says no, then you can follow up with “ok then lets just hold hands until we get out of here”, stand straight and smile happily.”
HILARIOUS!!
Mr. Bombastic you’d make a terrific humorist. You remind me of Craig Ferguson!!