I wrote this blog while hanging out in New York City a few weeks ago. It was the last day of the recent bootcamp.
The last day of the bootcamp is always comprised of all of the clients going out together in the stores and working on everything they’ve learned over the weekend. It’s always a really great day.
I was with Justin, who is from Japan, and we were talking about the experience that a lot of guys have when they move to the United States. They may have been here a few years, and they know the language well, but they aren’t entirely confident in speaking it yet.
The frustrating thing is that when they talk to people, they can hear them and understand what they are saying, but the immediate response in their head is in their first language.
The response in their head could be something really clever or funny, but then when they go to spit it out in English, it just doesn’t work that well. It’s frustrating. It’s like, damn, that’s not what I meant to say!
So when they come to something like a bootcamp and learn how to talk to the opposite sex, these guys think to themselves, oh my god, I have to be so fast! How can I think that quickly?
The problem is that they can’t. And this frustrates them immensely! Deep down, they have so much to talk about, but they just aren’t able to spit it out in English because the way that it sounds in their head is not the way it comes out.
They just aren’t yet confident in their command of the English language. The words don’t come out the way that they want them to, and sometimes it sounds funny.
But here’s the thing: even I butcher the English language. You should hear some of the things that come out of my mouth. I can’t pronounce the word ‘drawer.’ To me, that should be pronounced ‘draw-ah.’ According to Rey, I also butcher the word ‘water,’ making it sound like ‘wadder.’
We all have some type of language barrier. Guys that come from another country evaluate themselves so much more and they are so incredibly self-critical. But you just have to get out there.
The more you talk, the better you’ll get at the language. Look at Rey. Rey couldn’t speak a word of English four years ago, and now he can carry on a conversation with just about anyone. Sure, there are times where he butchers the language, and there are times where he speaks a little bit too lowly – but you have to realize that it’s a long evolution.
So when you go out there, just do it! Just speak slowly and with a smile on your face. If you’re having a good time with it, people will be attracted to you.
There is a guy named Yu that butchers the English language so bad – he is Engrish beyond belief. But he’s always having a good time with it, and when the words don’t come out right, nobody even cares.
If you feel like everyone is evaluating your language skills, don’t feel that way. No one is looking at you and laughing. What they are thinking about is, oh what a nice guy. And the other person will actually slow down their speech automatically for you.
If your energy is there, it will keep the other person interested, and they will want to stay engaged in the conversation. So remember: it’s about your energy, it’s not about how you say it!
I am from Southeast asian country and English (American) is our second language. For seven years now of living here in Canada I still experience hardship in pronounciation of some words. What I meant to say is the accent. It takes time for me/us to express what I/we want to say because I/we need to translate my/our ideas from our own language to English.
The funny thing is that usage of some terminologies . Somebody corrected me for using the word “naughty”. Here, this word applies only to women or for a kid. They usually used the word ” asshole” for a guy instead. Even the word “anyway” , here they pronounce and spell it with an “s” at the end of the word.
Anyways, this is not really a big problem for me because I live in a multi-cultural environment. This is just matter of observation. A lot of immigrants experience the same things.
This is so true, even for native English speakers. It may be hard to listen and respond to others because we are trying to think of something clever to say – so we get distracted. But to have to translate both the incoming words and outgoing thoughts before speaking? Then throw in the regional and national accents and that’s really tough. Don’t forget to smile and give eye contact!
Like I told my buddy who is from Spain. It’s never about your speaking language if you know how to say things in different ways. And he knows how to do it. Unfortunately, in his country, being upfront and and straight to the point is his style and can be a turn off for some women.
But for others, he turns on attraction switches like no other.
ha I find it funny how we mess up the same words! Being from New Jersey when I went down to Virgina for college many of my friends love to mock and joke around about how I say water and drawer and you described it perfectly. Love your blog keep up the great work
I recently went to Ukraine for a few weeks and I was having dinner with some very pretty girls. I speak a little russian but I can barely understand them when they speak it because it all goes by too fast and blends together. Anyway(s), it was still a lot of fun trying. I would try to make a joke in russian and they didn’t get it. Then they would joke with me in english and I didn’t get it. It was like time-delayed laughter, or making jokes in slow motion. It takes a while before the words sink in and then sudden you realize, she was making a joke and vise-versa.
It’s fun to learn another language, even just a little bit when you travel. But not russian! English is a piece of cake compared to a language that has 10 different endings for every noun, verb and adjective in the language! You need to memorize every word 10 different ways from sunday!
My sweetie is from Mexico, and he is VERY… well… he gets embarassed… about his accent. He says a lot of people laugh at him because of it. So, everyone was very shocked when he actually called and spoke to me.
Honestly, it DOES take active listening when someone you are dating is learning your language. And there ARE some times when I have to ask him to repeat himself.
However, (I am seeing its all men posting, so I wanted to throw this in), hearing him speak to me lets me know that he is aware I will NOT laugh, and I appreciate that he has confidence in my ability to understand him.
And, in turn, I am trying to learn Spanish. I feel that if he is trying so hard to speak to me, when he usually feels uncomfortable speaking to people, that I should meet him in the middle.
It is VERY VERY hard to learn a new language, and I give every single one of you “props” (I’m cheering for you), for doing just that.
Even now, I can translate what he writes to me, but I make a LOT of mistakes when I try to speak Spanish.
All of you men, it takes time and effort, and its just fine to make mistakes, because its all about learning. So as the title of this thing says “Go ahead, screw up”. because you are doing AWSOME!