Today on this full moon Sunday and the night of the season premier of the second season of one of my favorite shows, True Blood, it is the perfect day to work on getting rid of the demons in your head. Today is the day to eliminate the old stuff holding you back.
So in today’s blog I’m going to talk about a female client I helped to see that she needed to eliminate certain things that were holding her back sexually, and talked to her about how to eliminate some of the sexual demons in her head.
I recently had an interesting conversation with a client. She’s a woman in her early 30s who, for the first time in her life, wants to start experimenting sexually. She is learning about who she is and what she wants sexually with a man.
As we were talking, I told her that there are a lot of women who don’t give themselves permission to have great, fun and crazy sex because they believe that most will judge them if they do. The truth is that if you do have sex like this, that some men will judge you.
If you are the type of woman who wants to experiment sexually, then you need to find a man who is going to embrace who you are and what you’re all about because a judgmental man is never going to understand you. Why do you want to be with somebody who judges you?
If you all of a sudden want to have a sexual relationship with a man, then you should be able to have a sexual relationship with a man. There are no boundaries except the ones you put on yourself.
Why are you going to allow other people to put boundaries on you, when the whole point of exploring yourself sexually is so you can be boundary free? It’s the whole reason you make the decision to explore yourself sexually in the first place.
With each lover you have, you learn more and more about yourself. As you learn how to please a man, you will learn how you want to be pleased.
So then in the long run when you’re ready for a relationship, you’re the lover you always wanted to be and you’re going to find the kind of lover you’ve always wanted to find. That’s what exploring yourself sexually is really all about.
So for those women out there who want to experiment sexually, I say go for it. Enjoy it!
If while you’re doing that you run across men who judge you, those are not the men for you. Those are men who are going to impede your growth as a sexual person, not help you to become the kind of sexual person you want to be.
Anyone friends or boy friends are not worth it if they judge you, unless you yourself is the type who judges everyone. It’s not my place to judge others, we each has to do what we feel is true to ourselves. Sex is a beautiful thing with another person when you truly trust the other with everyone of your fantasies. Which really applies to every facet of your relationship not just the sex.
Emotionally we too have to explore and often try something new, also with friends and family. Too often we all get stuck in our own limitations, I know I do.
I agree with both you and Marina.
The were some guys that I met only wanted me for a one night stand and forget the rest. Those are the guys I stay away from. When I am with a man I want to explore every inch of his body and allow him to explore mine. Sex between two people should be a wonderful experience not something for someone else to get their jollies off.
The type of people you described in your blog are those who like to play on someone emotions and feelings and not respecting themselves in the long run. Are you referring to PUA’s that only have time to go out and play the field just to win a woman’s affections and discuss with their pals later?
Words of wisdom! for women who want to explore more on the sexual side. David man you post some great topics on your blogs and the best part is it’s real life shit thanks for the post! and I agree with Sandra and Marina if your dating some who’s like a district attorney tell you you what and what not to do about your sexuality then it’s time for you to get yourself out of the court and go find your guy who’s gonna be with you and support you this applies both to men and women their are always the judge judys out there.
Pete
You are right about that and me myself and I don’t want someone to be the controller of the relationship either…Tell you a secret I have been with a few and today they are history.
Sandra,
Remind me not to tell you a secret…LOL you are get at not sharing them here
Marina
I know what you mean hey did you notice that not many people answered this blog. I wonder why? Later in an email
I love a woman who knows her body well.
My ex-g/f once asked me why I never asked her how many men she’s been with. I didn’t care! Whether it was a lot or just a few… what mattered to me is her experiences made her into who she is today…. THAT’s who I fell in love with.
I don’t necessarily want a promiscuous woman… but a woman who is proud and comfortable of her sexuality, THAT, I love
So if you need to explore to find yourself, go for it!
I disagree. I think everyone is jugding people. But maybe not saying it loud.
For example. When one girl called me one night to tell me she was just about to go out and have fun with couple who invited her for couple drinks and “some fun” i start to jugde her. She told me she get to know them on internet. ARE YOU GUYS KIDDING ME that you are never judging ?
Or maybe i get it wrong.
I can understand that she was lonely but if she is looking someone for sex only how worth she is ?
If a women tell me that she slept with batalion of guys do you think im not gonna jugde her ? Of course i will. She was like that she might changed or not. But whats gonna be first thing after you hear that ?
And if someone spend 10 year in jail for mudres and robery, and go out telling you that, would you hang out with that person ? HELL NO ! You will jugde this guy but not neccessary telling him straight into the eye what you think about him.
Its like you are seeing a guy who acts weird [coz maybe he is stressed or whatever] and you think about him he is weird. You are judging him.
You dont wanna hang out with him.
EVERYBODY JUDGES
Maxx,
As anything in life we have a choice. It’s a conscious decision to lead a non judgmental life. It’s not that the thought don’t creep in once in a while, but you have to be aware of them and let them go. Granted things people who prey on young one, even I have a hard time I don’t want near me. Judgements really are poison to your own being. When I am around people who constantly judge others I remove myself from them as their thoughts feels like poison in my mind. Next time try to observe how you feel when those judging thought come into your mind. When I observe thoughts that makes me sick to my stomach, then I make it a priority to let them go, as in the long term I believe these will affect my health. Personally I have found the phases in my life when I was not happy and content on my own thats when these thoughts came. Trust me when you reach the point where you are able to make yourself content and appreciate yourself then these judgmental thoughts hardly ever show up. Thats what you really want to work on yourself not others or judge them, it’s not our job.
But if you not judge you are like you dont care.
If one of your friends do something bad and you not judge him he is gonna do the same thing over again. When you can just judge him saying him it wasnt good and try to understand him why he did it.
Im not into judging everybody and everything, but i cant imagine myself life without judging, where everything is ok.
Like guy who murder someone isnt a murder ? Yes he is. Its judging. We cant escape from this.
Like the guys is hitting on you and you arent attracted to him because …. [fill it up]
so you judging him.
When nobody gonna judge there will be no difference between good and bad. If nobody gonna judge than nobody gonna care.
We have to judge to feel the difference between what is white and what is black.