Freezing In The Moment
June 14, 2008 
9 Comments
Freezing in the Moment By David Wygant
So we were talking about freezing in the moment – when you feel like your feet get stuck in concrete, and your mind is fluttering all over the place.
But step one is believing that you can do this. Step one is watching it, learning it. That’s why I tell guys all the time: if you can concentrate, and you can learn this stuff, and you can practice – the more practice you get, the less apprehension you will have.
It’s all about practice. A newbie called me up on the phone and said, “I want to learn how to do this in an hour.” I said to him, “fine. I can give you the foundation, but you have to learn it, live it, and keep building upon it.”
Nobody can change somebody in an hour. I can change something about you in an hour. I can take a newbie, and make them a newbie in stage one. I can take somebody who is average to sometimes really good and I can make them REALLY good. I can take somebody who is really good, and make them excellent. I’ll always take you up a level from where you are. Sometimes I’ll take you up two levels, but the key is to really be able to do it on your own.
Practice as much as you can, all the time. Step two, when you freeze up – you can do a couple of different things. One – I like the visualization of picturing her naked. I really do. That will create a very playful smile on your face. I tell women to picture men as a big life like version of Scooby Doo.
That way they can realize how goofy men are and smile at us with a playful smile.
Because then I’d walk over, and I’d be cracking myself up. If that doesn’t work for you, write something really funny in your Blackberry, or on your cell phone – make it a screen that you can get to. Read it really quickly, and make sure it makes you smile.
Maybe it’s a picture of something – maybe you need a visual picture of a hot naked woman that makes you smile. Maybe it’s a picture of you with an ex-girlfriend that’s really hot, and you look really good with her – you put that picture up. Whatever makes you feel good.
If you create a warm emotion, you’re going to be able to create an emotion when you talk to her. You’ll be able to talk to her without that apprehension. Watch: right now I’m going to look at my Blackberry, and here’s something from a woman that I’m hanging out with – see the smile? I got this smile, because I’m thinking of something pleasurable.
So then I walk over with an observation – and I’m just thinking pleasurable thoughts. I say, “hey, I like your hat.” And you just do it like that. You just said something very visually nice, and you said something that was mellow, and you got a visual impact.
When you speak you speak with power and conviction in your voice. You own your words and speak with no fear.
Get an audio recorder and work on your delivery.
So that gets rid of that apprehension. But you have to keep practicing that all the time. You have to practice that look, and that whole thing. And you have to keep approaching. But if you approach five or six women a day, that apprehension is just naturally going to go away. You’re not going to care anymore what she thinks.
Client 1: I know what you mean. You mentioned a lot of stuff. When you gave me that hat to try on, and told me to ask her how it looked on me, it was one of those moments – whoa. And you can’t do anything. You can’t remember anything.
But I did it. And I’m excited to get over this, to practice this. So I did it, and I feel like the next time I am going to have a little bit more control over what I do, and be able to have a little bit more fun with it. And it’s going to be easier – at least in that situation. I’ve done it, and I know that I can do it again.
David: Because you saw that it works! It worked for you. She went over and she didn’t take your head off. She didn’t bite, she didn’t kick you in the nuts, and she didn’t tell you to fuck off. She was actually nice.
Client 1: It’s not that I expected any of these things – it’s more subconscious.
David: But you’re subconsciously thinking it.
Client 1: I suppose, yes.
David: Yeah, you’re not thinking it, or saying it to yourself. You’re not thinking, oh my god, she’s going to take my head off. But it’s subconscious programming.
Client 1: Yeah, or I’m more afraid because I have absolutely no idea what is going to happen or how she is going to react.
Client 2: Yeah, for me it’s more that I have no idea what is going to happen.
Client 1: I think that’s important because we could write a whole separate blog about the topic of assumptions and expectations.
Client 2: Do you remember the thing we talked about this morning?
David: Yes, assuming things. Alright, let’s start with that.
Man, that’s a tease, right? And do you know what’s great? If I’m teasing you right now, and you want more… think about it, if you’re reading this and thinking, fuck, man, what an ass – he’s not giving us more! He’s not telling us about assumptions right now. How does that make you feel?
You love it. You loved to be teased.
Do you know why you loved to be teased? Because you’re a human being. Human beings like their minds to be intrigued and teased, that’s what it’s all about.
So think about it – think about how annoying this is going to be. I might post the next blog, what – two weeks later? Maybe a week later? It depends, it will be whenever I feel like it. I’m going to pull it out of the archives, I’m going to listen to it, and I’ll think, damn, this is good, I want these guys to hear this.
What a tease. But you know what? That’s what you do with women, too. You tease them. Foreplay starts in a woman’s mind, so you want to tease the hell out of her.
So we just had some good mental foreplay!
If you want to live this life every day without fear you need to check out my mens and womens mastery series.
Click here for the mens. And click here for the womens.
Todays video is all about how to meet women right now….tonight!
Great blog David! But I still can’t get over the by the newbie’s request that you mentioned. I think one of the key words there was PRACTICE. I’ve met too many guys around who want a magic pill for their woman problems. Other times they want to study everything under the sun and bag the first girl they see. Both very horrible mentalities to have. I would love to see another blog about this…
Practice? Like just talking with people you see everyday? It seems like some people don’t want to get into a conversation though…maybe I just don’t come across confident I start talking to them, or do you notice some people aren’t interested in keeping a conversation goin?
decisiveness decisiveness……….. gotta practice that! i pussied out today when some girls approached me, and i completely freeze up at that moment. thanks for the tip David so i know what to do next time : )
I just came back from my second bootcamp in NYC and it was an amazing experience. Everything in this blog is enhanced a million times when you are with Dave and his coaches. They are great people that will change you in ways you have never imagined and he will get you to do things that you previously thought you weren’t capable of. They will especially get you out of your deep freeze when you attempt to approach a good looking woman. Every bootcamp I get better and better and I can’t wait for the next one. But as DW says, you need to practice everyday, everywhere you go.
This blog post motivated me to make a balls-out cold approach in a train on the weekend. It was a country train, and with a 90 minute trip ahead of me I wanted to speak to someone to pass the time. Have ALWAYS had approach anxiety.
Walking down the aisle with my bags and scanning those seated, a cute girl was giving me eye contact. Being within a metre of her I just sat down and started talking….was so incredibly easy and natural!
Until she told me she was 16 (can’t drive a car yet she said, and I asked why)……ARGH!
It could have turned awkward but we kept up the conversation on a friendly non-flirtatious level for an hour or so until her stop came. Was actually very eye-opening – she told me about her best friend’s secret pregnancy and later revealed that she had a secret abortion last month after a mistake with her boyfriend.
This is something only he and her best friend knew about, and she was telling me because I opened her up with personal stories of my own. Didn’t know what youth were up to these days….how often can you talk platonically to a teenage girl that isn’t a cousin?
HORRID luck on approaching a 16yo (NOT going to tell any of my friends….even though she looked very old for her age), but I’m glad I did it. Next time will be easy.
In a tragic sidenote, as I left the train I counted three cute (and definitely legal aged) girls sitting alone at the back. I would have noticed them had I broke off 16yos eye contact and kept walking…
Thank god this is anonymous!
The important thing is that the client needs to realize that there’s no magic pill.
Learning to be confident is a process. The process includes practicing not just talking to people but practicing the behaviors that makes you attractive until it becomes habit.
Once it becomes habit, you internalize an identity that radiates attraction
Hi, this is very very interesting. From watching the little video clip I came to think of something. The very nature of flirting. I mean, when some guy flirts with me I feel like I’m the only one he’s ever flirted with! That’s when you know he’s had a LOT of practice
Anyhow, it’s really hard to come off as a good person with no hidden agendas behind the talking/flirting. I mean, from what I’ve experienced flirting is a sign of a “good player”.. No?
ok, whats the best way to handle the ‘I’m not ready for something serious right now- but we have potential’ We have been talking for about 5 months, we became great friends, have been physical, but not since he told me he doesn’t want anything serious. Yet he still calls, texts- wants to hang out, go to a movie – etc. So I finally told him that I can’t be ‘just friends’ and I am not here for when it is convenient for him. His response was that sometimes he wants something more and then other times he feels he isn’t ready. I then said well when you are 100% sure – then we’ll talk. My thought is that if a man truly wants you then nothing can keep him away. I am also a firm believer in actions speaking louder than words. Did I jump the gun on this or did I maybe stand up for myself and demand a little more respect- if things end up working out later down the road.
KS,
I’m wondering how the two of you would (independently) define things like 100%, and serious…
You said you’re into actions and not words, but do his actions align with what you’re looking for?
Friends, short term dating, long term dating, serious, commitment, engaged; It is very possible that the two of you are using different words, but meaning the same thing. Just as it is very common for people to use the same words and mean different things.
From the little you wrote, and what I’m reading into it ( I may be totally wrong), he sounds healthy from the standpoint: He likes you and is progressing, but not prepared to get ahead of himself. Isn’t that dating? (Is serious moving in together? Is he pursuing others and you’d like to be exclusive?)
Some might be concerned that he’s pursuing you when he perceives that you want more than he can currently give. Do you feel he’s needy?
How fast would you like things to move? Why?