There seems to be a game being played nowadays called Finding Jesus.

When you find him and you become a born-again, all your mistakes miraculously vanish.

They disappear.

They’re no longer valid.

It’s amazing.

I was working with a client at the gym yesterday. He turns to me and says, “You see that woman over there on the elliptical?”

“Yea…”

“Do you know who she is?”

“Uh, she’s a blonde woman at the gym,” I said.

“Yes, and she’s one of the biggest pornstars in the past 20 years! She did every anal scene out there before anal was even cool.”

“Wow, dude. It’s scary that you know this.”

“Yea…well, I watched a lot of porn.  My dad didn’t hide his stash very well. And I never forget a face…or an ass.”

“And what am I going to do with all this information?” I asked.

“Well, she found Jesus, and now she’s free.  She’s basically living a whole different life.”

“Great, I’m glad for her.  I’m glad she found Jesus.  People have been looking for Jesus for a long time.  Where did she find him?  Was he here at the gym?  Was he on the 405?  Was he at Coffee Bean?  Was he at Starbucks? …Was he at Whole Foods?”

“Yeah, now she’s all about her kid and everything else, and her whole past life has been erased now that she’s found Jesus.”

I said, “Yeah, I get it.  People go to Jesus to erase all their stuff in life instead of embracing it, dealing with it, and making amends with it on their own.  They basically say to themselves ‘I killed three people, I now found Jesus, and I am saved.’”

Bullshit.

I’m so sick of that.

Here’s the deal: regardless of whatever you’ve done in your past, if you then decide to go find Jesus, it doesn’t erase what happened.

Your past is a barometer of who you are.  All your past lessons, all your past experiences have made you the person that you are.  Jesus is not going to take that away from you. Nobody will take that away from you.

The only thing you need to do is look at your past and figure out what lessons you learned.

My past is wonderful—it’s how I became the person who I am right now.  I don’t want my past erased.  I don’t need to have my past erased, and I don’t need to find anybody.

I’m not against religion.  If you want to go find Jesus, go ahead—look for him.  There are rumors of where he is all the time.  He was a grilled cheese sandwich a few years ago.  Then they put him on eBay.

I’m not bashing religion.  What I’m bashing is the mindset that you can just erase your entire history. It doesn’t work that way.  Life doesn’t work that way, and I’m tired of people doing that.

I know I’m going to get a lot of hell for this blog today. (Get it?) I know you think that it probably has nothing to do with dating, but that’s 100% wrong.

I know people who say that they’ve found Jesus, and now it doesn’t matter if they were sluts for 10 years.

So what if you were a slut? Embrace it.  Whatever you were, embrace it.  Learn from it, grow from it, and be proud of your past.

You don’t need to cop-out and say that you’re looking for Jesus on the side of the road to erase all the sins you’ve done.  I don’t believe that they were sins in the first place.  

We all make choices, and these choices are what make us the people that we are today.

Embrace. Your. Everything.

Somebody who who hears that women don’t want to be approached, so you don’t do it.

Somebody who hears that women don’t want to be met at a supermarket, so you don’t do it.

Somebody who hears that women don’t want to be met on the street, so you don’t do it.

Are you constantly trying to validate your own excuses by looking to the masses to validate what you’re feeling?

I was talking to a client today. He looked at me and said, “Women just don’t want to be approached at the gym. I talked to several of my girlfriends about it, and that’s the general consensus.

I said great, “I am so glad that several of your girlfriends know the exact answer for every single woman in the entire world. Every woman in the entire world doesn’t want to be approach at the gym? Yeah, you’re right…that validates your excuses.”

My client starts laughing and says, “You know, they are women. They said that they don’t like to be approached at all.”

“Oh my god, was it the same group of women that basically told you that women don’t want to be approached at the gym? Did you get them all together one day and just ask them these things to validate your own fear?”

Here’s the deal guys: I couldn’t give a shit what the masses say.

I do my own thing.

If I want to approach somebody at a gym, at a coffee shop, or at a supermarket, I do it. If I find somebody interesting, if I like their energy, I’m going to go find out who they are.

I do it because I never want to go home and say to myself, “Oh God, why didn’t I go talk to that person, why didn’t I go meet this person?”

Stop listening to the masses and start doing what your heart wants.

Stop validating excuses, that’s all you’re doing. You’re looking for somebody to validate your own excuses and whenever you do that, you can always find it.

Instead, go for what you want.

And whenever I move into a new place, I really like to re-decorate it with new things.

Every place has a different energy. Every place has a different feel to it. Every place has a different environment.

The sounds at night, the way the light shines through the windows, the way the sun wakes you up in the morning at different times—they all vary with each new place.

Every place is a blank canvas and whenever I move, I like to re-do the entire place.

And when I seek to redecorate, I only use a couple resources.

Firstly, I’m a master at Craigslist.

I will comb through Craigslist and I will find all the best deals. I truly believe that whatever you buy for a place is perfect for just that place and you should be able to re-sell it again and literally get all your money back when you move. It’s something I’ve been doing for a long time and I enjoy it.

Not only that, but along the way you tend to meet some really interesting people.

Lately, I’ve been looking for the perfect sofa for my office. I’m into the mid-century furniture and I like to throw in some modern pieces as well—some metals and everything else in there because I do like the kind of industrial-yet-classic look.

I look online and usually I’ll go from one link to the next until I find what I’m looking for. Recently, I found a really cool company in Los Angeles called apt2B.com. They’ve got amazing stuff: couches, bedroom furniture, bathroom items, kitchen stuff, home decor, everything; and the prices are ridiculous.

You guys are about to understand me a lot better. I really do geek out about certain things: dating/relationships, flipping cars, and business—good business.

What really impressed me about apartment2B is their customer service. I sent them an e-mail about a sofa, I described exactly what I was looking for and I got in touch with a gentleman named Alex.

Alex treats business like I do. When a customer e-mails, he gives them an answer. He tries to find something that’s perfect for them and tries to get as much information as possible.

I sent Alex pictures of one of my rooms and he actually found the perfect sofa to go with the room, a sofa that I really wasn’t going to even think about the first time around.

Customer service, it’s a dying breed nowadays.

Most companies don’t give a shit about customer service. They take you through a telephone robot tree; they don’t answer your e-mail; they just don’t care about you, they care about your money.

They want to make it simple and easy—for them—while forgetting about the human connection.

And you all know how much I preach about making real connections.

For over a week Alex and I have been e-mailing back and forth. We’ve gotten to know one another. He’s a good guy.

I know that he’s nice. I know that he moved here from New York. I got to know him and it made buying from them really amazing because, like me, the guys over at apartment2B are all about customer service.

For example, one guy e-mailed me about a bootcamp.  We got on the phone, we talked about it, and we got to know one another.

Have any of you guys e-mailed me about specific product?  I’ve e-mailed you back personally.  Customer service is everything in life.  It’s the beginnings of communication.

The reason why I bought the sofa from Apartment 2B was not only because of the great deal that they gave me, but also because of the customer service.  I was treated the exact way I’d like to be treated.  That’s the same reason why I fly American Airlines, and the same reason why, despite my desire for an iPhone, I stick with T-Mobile—their customer service is spot on.

Life is all about how you treat people.  And when you’re treated great, and when you treat other people great, people gravitate to you.  People want to do things for you.  People want to give you deals.

So if you’re looking for furniture for a new place, or you want to get some good design ideas, check out apt2B.com.  It’s a cool site: great people and a really great experience.

And this being extreme honesty month, I want to tell you something: most companies suck at customer service.  So if you work for a company, get on the ball, treat people great, and make your customers feel like friends.

. . .

Hopefully, all of you have learned something today. 

What was the worst customer service experience you’ve ever had?

How do you feel when you walk into your neighborhood store—do you feel like a friend or do you feel anonymous?

“David, I met this woman who I’m so aligned with. I can feel her.

The chemistry is off the charts. It’s ridiculous.

We talk and we totally understand one another.

I feel like I’m touching her without even touching her.

I understand her, she understands me. There’s one issue.

I’m 60. She’s 30. How do I get her to want to be with me?”

Listen very carefully to what that terminology is: How do I get her to want to be with me?

Getting someone to want to be with you means that you’re actually going into salesman mode, so you’re selling somebody the benefits.

You might as well state it like this, “Hey, look, I’m a great guy, I can have sex with you better than any other man in the world. I’m going to be cool. I’m old, I’m wise, I could teach you so many things…”

Blah blah blah. That’s not the way things work. The second you go into salesman mode when you meet somebody is the second you give any and all power away.

Here’s the deal: 60 and 30 is not going to work long-term. It won’t. It can’t.

A 30-year-old woman has way too much going on in her life, way too many experiences. She probably wants a family. She’s got so many things she wants to do and experience that by the time she’s 45 or 50, she doesn’t want to be with a 75 or 80-year-old guy, and that’s understandable.

Life is about the moment. When two people meet and gravitate towards one another, it doesn’t always have to be permanent. It can be something that can just be a week or two or three or a month or four months or a year.

Everybody in life is a messenger for you. People are there to teach you things that you can learn from. That’s the beauty of what dating and what life is all about.

So my 60-year-old friend asked me, “What if I’m honest with her like you told me to be and she just doesn’t really want to go any further? What do I do?”

You tell her this:

“Look, I’m 60, you’re 30. You’re an experience for me and I’m an experience for you. We’re going to share things, we’re going to learn from one another, and our time will be up whenever it’s meant to be up. But why deny a connection? Why deny something where you can both grow as people? That’s what expanding yourself is all about and I can understand if you have fears about it, but I’m not looking to spend the rest of my existence with you because I don’t expect you to wheel me around the nursing room in 15 years. But right now I’m young, I’m viral, and there’s something here that I want to explore.”

And then you shut up.

Most people can’t even do this last part because the uncertainty is better than the possibility of rejection.

But I urge you to step into the uncertainty, for that’s where all life’s gifts are hiding.

If someone doesn’t get back to you, you start assuming the negative.

You start creating this really negative story inside your mind.

“Ooh, they didn’t get back to me because…” and then you list all the reasons why in your negative head—why the person didn’t get back to you.

You then engage your friends, and ask, “Why do you think they didn’t get back to me?” And then you all sit down and create a whole story that doesn’t even exist—you just keep assuming.

Or maybe you text somebody, and they don’t get back to you.  And then you send them another text saying:

Hey, obviously you don’t want to hang…

Obviously? Maybe that somebody was busy.

I hate when people do that to me.  To be honest—since it’s extreme honesty month—it drives me up the wall.

I didn’t get back to you because I had something else going on.  I wasn’t living by my phone.  I didn’t have it in my hip constantly.  I don’t answer my texts 24/7. I’m not some doctor, on-call.

Basically the reason why I wouldn’t text somebody back immediately is because I have a life, and the life that I’m living is more interesting than being glued to my phone.

The next time you go on creating a story in your mind, think to yourself: maybe this person is enjoying their day and having a life.

Get out of your head. Get out of the negativity zone. And if you are in that negative zone, don’t communicate with anyone from that place.

Don’t send the negative follow up text.

Don’t call and leave the annoyed voicemail message.

Be cool. Go out, have fun, and let everything happen as it should.

I’ve been wondering: why did I not do this my entire life?!

Why do we dance around certain topics?

Why are we so afraid to really say the truth?

It’s amazing, when you’re 100% truthful and honest with people, they think you’re actually defending yourself, justifying things, or selling yourself.

It’s really amusing in a lot of ways.

I wanted to hang out with a friend the other night.  They couldn’t make it.

I said, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll sweeten the deal next time.”

She said, “What are you selling?”

I was like, “I’m not selling anything!  I like to sweeten the deals.  I enjoy doing things for people.  I enjoy hanging out with people, eating a good meal, whatever it might be.”

It was fun.

So instead, I had a client come over last night. He stayed late, and I looked at him and he seemed run down in so many ways.  He just didn’t have the zest, the pop, the energy that he always had.

And it’s because of his relationship.

So I looked him straight in his eyes and I said, “You need to end this for your health.” I went through a long synopsis of what I saw about him and how I was concerned. I gave it to him straight.

He kept saying that he hoped that his wife would change.

I told him that people don’t change. The only person that you can change is yourself. No one is going to change for us.

No relationship is going to miraculously get better.  No person is going to suddenly start to understand you.

We spend years hoping that people change. And they don’t.

Usually I would allow a client to engage me in the change conversation.  He would then tell me all the ways that his wife should change and can change and then I would listen to that and basically agree or rationalize with him, and say, “You know you’re right, give it another shot.”

But I felt like he was wasting time. I looked at him from a health point of view and I saw how stressed out he was—it wasn’t good. I told him that he needed to be honest with himself and make a decision, even if tough.

We’ll see how that goes.

Yesterday, I had a guy come to see a car that I’m selling for a friend.  He offered a ridiculously low number—$2,000 less than the asking price, and the care was already priced really well.

He then went into a whole sob story about his daughter’s birthday and how he needed to spend $500 on his daughter’s birthday, otherwise he’d be in trouble with his ex-wife.

I listened to him. I did.

And then I looked at him and said, “I don’t care. I’m not paying for your daughter’s birthday.  My friend deserves the money for his car. That’s fair to him, right?”

“All I’ve got is $14,000.”

“You shouldn’t have come over with just $14,000, you should have brought $16,000.”

I then paused for effect.

“Your final offer is 14? My friends wants 16. But I’ll tell you what: I’ll meet you halfway, plus 10%, for a final total of $14,800. My friend would be okay with that offer.”

“No, I can only do 14 because of my daughter’s birthday party.”

“Well, then go find another car.  Time is money.  You can run all around town, looking at different cars to try and hopefully find one that’s priced this low with this much work done, or you can spend the money because I know you have it.  Nobody just has 14.”

He just looked at me, hopeful.

“I hope your daughter enjoys her party.  But it’s not my friend’s job to pay for it. See ya.”

Later that day, he texted me:

All I’ve got is 14. Are you sure?

I sent him the same text back:

The number doesn’t change.  Good luck.  

And it felt good.

It feels so good to look at people and call them out.

It feels good to tell people exactly how you feel and not worry about being in your head.

And it’s fun to watch everyone’s reaction.

If you tell a woman you’re going to call her, then you call her.

If you have sex with a woman, you don’t become text dependent. You don’t text her for two days. You get on the phone and you call her. You don’t substitute text conversations thinking that they’re real conversations.

Real men are men of their word.  

Women crave it, women desire it, and women deserve it. It makes them feel secure. It makes them feel good about showing their body, their heart, their soul, and their everything-else with you.

When you tell a friend you’re going to help him move on Saturday, you show up and you do it no matter what.

When you tell somebody you’re going to pick them up from the airport and you don’t feel like it at the last minute, you either pick them up or you pay for their cab.

It’s about becoming a man of your word. What you say is what you do.

There are a lot of talkers out there. They talk the talk but when it comes down to walking the walk, they have absolutely no concept of how to do it.

If you break your word with somebody, the first thing you need to do is apologize and explain yourself and admit that you were wrong.

There are no excuses in life and we’re full of them.

I was going to call you, but time ran out.

I was thinking about you, I texted you.

No. You call when you say you’re going to call. Women crave it, women desire it, and women deserve it.

Become a man of your word. That’s what this month is all about: becoming extremely honest.

If you run into somebody and they confront you on something that hurt them in the past, instead of going into defense mode, man up.

Look at them straight in the eyes and say, “You know what, I was wrong, you were right.”

It’s going to throw them a bit. They’re going to look at you and say, “You don’t really need to explain yourself,” and that’s when you become an even better man.

You look at them and say, “Yes I do, you deserve it. You deserve an explanation, you deserve the truth. And I feel honored to be able to deliver it to you.”

No more white lies.

No more beating around the bush.

Ask for what you want. Make promises that you can keep and if you don’t keep the promises, admit your mistake and become a man of your word.

. . .

I hope everybody had a really good week.

Share with me some of your breakthroughs, some of your raw, honest moments.

And also please share with me if you broke down and weren’t 100% honest and why.

Here’s what most people do:

They will set a standard time to meet—let’s say 7:00, 7:30.

Then they’ll text to confirm, and the text will usually be something bland and boring like this:

I’ll see you tonight at 7:00! Looking forward to it.

Wow, great! Sounds like every other text she’s ever received. It doesn’t sound like anything fun, interesting, different—nothing to pre-arouse her before the date.

I was talking with a client yesterday on the phone. He was taking a girl out later for a scavenger hunt. So I told him, throughout the day drop little clues and little hints about where you’re going to meet her, and maybe some ideas of what you’re going to do—without actually telling her.

You do this because it pre-arouses her. It gets her all intrigued. It gets her really interested in what you are about to do.

And it’s fun! And it’s different! And if you like her and think she’s cool, then you’re showing her a side of your personality that’s playful and fun.

To be honest with you, I do this when I find somebody interesting, because I want somebody to be fun, playful back right at me.

I date her the way I want her to date me. — Click to Tweet

I’ll send her little fun texts, trying to intrigue her mind, because I want a woman to do that back to me.

When I’m in the pre-arousal period, I’m going to see the type of person that I’ll be hanging with—I’ll see if she can play along with me or if she’s fun.

How she responds during this time tells me a lot about who she is as a woman. Is she fun, is she playful, is she uptight, is she tense, is she spontaneous? And that shows a lot of things.

And don’t forget: most people don’t do this! So it shows her that she’s with somebody who’s in complete control.

And let’s be honest: women want to be led. They want a man that’s in control. They like to be told what to do. They like to be told when to show up. And as long as you can tell them when to show up and what to wear, they’ll all be fighting for the date with you.

Most guys are so boring. And that’s the reason why they don’t get a second date. It’s about having fun.

So the next time you date, do something a little different. Intrigue her with some texts. Make her think a little bit. And more importantly, have her anticipate the date all day long. Because, to her, dating is just foreplay; the more she anticipates going out with you, the better the connection you’ll have.

It’s all about anticipation with women.

Don’t be a standard dater.  Be somebody who’s creative and playful and understands what dating is all about.

If you don’t really understand what dating is all about, I strongly suggest you check this out right now:

http://www.davidwygant.com/art-of-close 

It’s time that you started getting second dates, third dates, fifth dates, and home-runs.

It’s time to stop being a one-and-doner.

Create intrigue. Get her aroused. Find success.

…

That’s fine. Go ahead and make the jokes right now:

David is talking about Whole Foods? Here we go again.  

Mr. Whole Foods: you must own stock in Whole Foods!  

Yeah, I know what you all say.  I see the funny things online.  I read some of the comments.  They’re saying that I only shop at Whole Foods.

Well all right, listen up: who cares if it’s Whole Foods.  It could be Ralph, Safeway, A&P, Piggly Wiggly, Winn-Dixie—doesn’t matter.  Could be any one of those.  Who cares?

Call it a supermarket.

Anyway, my client and I were walking around.  This woman was walking towards us and he looked at her.  And she looked at us.

He looked at me and he said, “We should just turn around and talk to her right now.”

I said, “No. We’re going to look all creepy-stalker-esque—you don’t do that.  We need to walk-around and circle back.”

Either you talk to her right at that moment—as I talk about in my program Undercover Approaches—or you do The Circle-Back.

(And you need to click that link and learn about the program if you really want to get good at this. Here’s my extreme honest little pitch: buy it.  You’ll understand what I’m talking about better and you’ll become better.)

So anyway, I looked at him and said, “We’ll go down the aisle, then the aisle next to it.  We will bump into her again.”

So we walked around, circled back through a couple aisles, and—imagine that—there she was.

“Bingo,” I said.

“Hello,” he said.

We smiled, we talked, and she was at ease.

Here’s the deal: if a woman looks at you and you don’t say anything immediately, but then turn around instantly and follow her down the aisle to go talk to her, you’re going to creep her out.  She’s not going to want to talk to you.  She’s going to run away.

If you smile, look at her, and then walk away, and then basically do the circle back and talk to her a few minutes later, it’s going to be natural, easy, calm, and she’s going to be open to a conversation.

A lot of you guys do the creeper-follow, and that’s why she doesn’t want to talk to you.

Learn the art of the Circle-Back, and you’ll be far better at meeting women that you don’t approach immediately.

Have a good, honest, fun night.

Is everybody rolling along and being honest?

I’m having a great time with this extreme honesty month.  It’s been a lot of fun.

Last Sunday I was in the parking lot of the farmers’ market with a client of mine. As I was leaving, a guy in a black Saab cuts me off and flies into a parking space.

Being the New Yorker that I am, I of course raised my fist in the air. (I don’t know what that means—raising the fist in the air—you think to yourself, “Wow, I’m raising my fist in the air.  It means that I’m going to do what, exactly?”)

So black Saab guy jumps out and he says, “What are you doing man? You’re so aggressive with your car!”

I said, “What are you talking about?  Your girlfriend is a raving maniac and she flew into the spot.”

All of a sudden I looked at him and I listening to his voice carefully.  He was angry and pissed off. He had an accent. His girlfriend also jumped out of the car, angry.

I said, “Hey, you from New York?”

“Brooklyn.”

“No kidding man, my brother and I have got a business in Brooklyn.”

And just like that, we bonded.  His girlfriend, formerly feisty, was now bubbly and talkative.

I said to the guy, “She’s feisty, huh? That’s good. I like it.”

She said, “Yeah I’m a Jersey girl.”

“I love Jersey girls. I love hot-tempered women.  You’ve got to admit: most of the people in L.A., they’re probably stoned—they’ll let you cut them off and stuff like that.  You drove aggressive like I do. Good for you.”

We talked for 10 minutes and had a really good conversation.

I realized at that moment, that all the times I used to get really angry at people, pissed off, not doing a thing, not saying anything, I could have turned it around and had a great conversation like I did.

And I did it based on a commonality.  It felt really good to just say, “Hey, I’m an aggressive driver like that too. You just happened to cut me off before I probably would have cut you off.”

I admitted that to them.  They laughed, we laughed.

I realized that being really honest feels great on every level.

It’s not just talking to your boss.  It’s not just talking to your significant other.  It’s just letting it all out in all ways, shapes, and forms.

Every day this month I’ve had an episode like that.

Hell, somebody called me a douchebag in an e-mail.

I e-mailed back and said, “Thank you. At least I created an emotion in you.  I’m glad that I was the douchebag that made you write back.”

That’s exactly how I felt.

. . .

How are you guys doing with this?  

Are you really being honest?  

Comments have been good on the blog, but what changes are you guys doing in your life and what do you see?

Are you seeing changes in your life?  

Are you seeing new ways to look at things?