In over 14 years of doing this, I think I have heard it all. I think I have heard every fear imaginable — fear of approaching, fear of getting intimate, fear of saying what’s on your mind and even fear of initiating that first kiss.
You guys have labeled all these things in so many different and creative ways, from monkey chatter to approach anxiety. I mean, if you Google “fear,” it is amazing how many different versions of it will pop up in the search results.
What I am about to share with you in today’s podcast is going to blow you away. I know that every week I tell you that the podcast is the most powerful one ever, but that is because every week I come up with something more powerful than the week before.
In this podcast, I am going to tell you why there are only two emotions in this world: one is love and the other is fear. Hate is fear. Approach anxiety is fear.
Love and fear really are the only two emotions, and in this podcast I explain to you how to really embrace loving everything and fearing nothing. Click here to listen now:
Also, if you want to learn how to truly embrace love in your life and also how to truly erase fear, then you need to check out my Men’s “What’s Your Excuse?” and my Women’s “No Excuses” programs.
Popularity: 12%
Ha. Anytime I hear about the love/fear dichotomy, I remember the lame self-improvement guru played by Patrick Swayze in the movie Donnie Darko.
Life is just one thing or another?!? No way. There are so many gray areas in life. I find this type of view rather simplistic, and I don’t see the point of breaking it down like that anyway.
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Today’s blog post made me smile because the first thing I thought of was the “Fear and Love” scene in Donnie Darko.
Just felt I needed to mention that before listening to the podcast.
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Very powerful and fundamental lesson on life. Live a life of love and not one of fear. Thank you for the great message!
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Hi David! Would be cool if we could download your podcasts as MP3 or if the webplayer would have least a timeline where you could jump back an forth in the podcast!
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I like what Kim and David said at the end, about the fact that nobody probably even cares about the things you fear. I look at it like this…….Is anyone actually off spending their evening thinking or caring about something i said or did? Especially if i barely know them. If so i feel sorry for them. lol
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Hey David
I like your blog and your content.
But now your seem to really miss something.
Eckhart Tolle talks about enlightenment. If someone is in the now moment then his emotion is love.
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It sounds like David hasn’t read The Power of Now. It’s about how most of us are in our heads focusing on the past or the future, and the thinking never stops. We regard the future as a place we’re trying to get to, which reduces the present to a means to an end. I didn’t really get what the time travel reference had to do with the book (or anything else for the matter).
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CeCE
Ahh not very simplistic at all.
Actually very complex but if you look deep into life you will see that fear and love actually rule everything we do.
Its our thinking about how much gray area there is that gets us all confused.
I did a seminar a few weeks ago and every excuse came down to fear….everyone from every person.
I challenge you to look at all your excuses AND see how each is driven by a deep fear.
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Logan
The time travel was all about fun….not everything I say has to be so damm compelling:)
I have a sense of humor as you know and just saw some time travel movie and was still trying to figure out how that would work.
Sometimes when I am joking around some of you just dont get the humor and try to look so deep into what i am saying.
Its funny if you knew me and hung with me you would be laughing at the time travel part…..but when i put these podcasts out some people try to dissect every little thing i say…..thinking there has to be a deeper message when in reality i was having fun and sharing:)
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Logan
ONe last thing…its all about being enlightened and being present in the moment.
Have you ever heard my whats your excuse program and the self love portion of it?
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Martin
The time travel as I told LOgan was just being fun……and really thats it.
I have read parts of the book and have spent the last 10 years living in the now the present and just that.
I dont need a book to tell me that:)
I have told many people who cant live in the present to pick up and read that book….
Its a lesson many people need to learn!!
Did you enjoy the book?
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The problem the two don’t coexist in the same moment..so if you have fear you can’t let love in. It’s a choice and often something you have to work hard on especially during hard times, but ultimately it’s your choice and responsiblity alone to live without fear and thereby live with love. Nice simple one David
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David, maybe you should point out that the fear you’re referring to is not the same the fear that means “respect”. ;D if you know what I mean….remember the scriptures where it says “Fear the Lord..”? Lol I have a feeling someone will get confused.
I’m going to listen to the whole podcast when I get off work.
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Thanks Marina
We really can simplify things in life if we really look deep inside.
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C Man
I have never been a religous person at all…….Fear the lord:) I think i have heard that before:)
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Any chance you could post the mp3 for download?
I always seem to have problems with flash players in my browsers. And I’d love to be able to put your podcasts on my iphone so I can listen to them when I’m mobile.
Thanks
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David, thanks for your answer.
I know your were joking and still I’d like to point something out. Of course I think of myself as deep.
To me it seems, that almost noone seems to understand the now thing.
Nobody can learn to live in the now.
To live in the now moment is the result of the personal develoment.
Everything you talk about is the result of the personal development. To have fun, to be fearless, to not care what others think, …
Cheers
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Bob
I need to ask my tech guy about that one.,….
Let me see what he says.
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Logan
I was just making sure that you got my humor:)
So many people do not understand the now thing they are so caught up in the past or the future.
And it is a learned thing to be able to do this.
I worked long and hard to remain present it was something that i haD TO BE aware of everyday.
Something that took a lot of work and time and i sometimes still catch myself forward thinking at time and need to bring myself back to the present moment.
do you surround yourself with like minded people who think like you?
That is really important as you progress through this journey of life!
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David, you and Brent Smith and David M. are the people I listen to now, and to tell you (especially when you talk about observing your environment), I have to say everything is happening. not fully, but now I “get it” when you always say not to have an agenda.
I even met a guy at the club and he reminded me so much of you. he had a tight polo shirt with some dragon designs on the back, curly hair like your picture on Facebook from the bar back in 1991. but he is taller. ;D
People, listen to David Wygant. He’s the most down to earth dating coach out there. He doesn’t tell you to go work on pickup lines, but to actually be yourself. I’m telling you, YOU WILL BE BLOWN AWAY!!!
P.S: David, I’ll be waiting for my check. there, I’m done promoting you. ;D lol
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c b t is the answer COGNITIVE BEHAVORIAL THERAPY
look it up on GOOGLES
based on cognive scientists scientific well documented research
don t rely on fly by night so called gurus
have they got a degree in guruology?
WHO ARE THEY TO TALK ABOUT THINGS THEY CAN T REAL MAKE SENSE OF ?
their game s called MARKETING
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Nico and Bob – guys, here is the link:
http://yeshdolh.byoaudio.com/rss/david_wygants_podcast.xml
It’s David’s podcast page. It has almost every podcast (except the God’s Waiting Room podcast). ENJOY GUYS!
David – why not giving this link to everyone? I bookmarked this a long time ago. You provided this link in a very OLD blog post. It can provide a convenience for those who can’t play the podcast.
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It’s interesting that you say “life is like a mirror”, and “whatever you fear in life, you will get”.
Perhaps we should fear a million dollars? lol!
Anyways, my question is, since you brought up the topic of religion,
Do you believe in some high power? God? It would be interesting to know your answer…
Peace.
GREAT BLOG BY THE WAY.
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Saul
Look this up on Google.
Narrow Minded Person.
Now be a good boy and also check out some other really cool things on Google.
Put in Vacation.
And book yourself to a place so you can get out of your narrow minded world you live in.
I love guys like you…..always the first to rip into something that is not scientific.
Expand your horizons Saul.
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John
I believe in a higher power just not sure what that is.
That is my best answer without going really deep into the subject.
Maybe we should ask Saul Lip Shits since he is Mr Science.
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Saul
Wow guys like you are so dime a dozen. Trapped in theories and never look outside the realm of what you have read in a textbook.
David Saul should google asshole:)
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Saul
Did you even listen to the podcast?
I guess not since you are not even close to the message that was presented.
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Saul
Look in the mirror what do you see.
FEAR!!!!
Exactly what David just said.
Fear and Love.
Fear is someone who cant think outside the box and fears everything that is not in there narrow realm of thinking.
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Not the most ridiculously powerful thing I’ve ever listened to. Eckhart Tolle thing got a chuckle. Started off real slow with the time travel thing. I don’t think we were put on this earth to love. I think we were put on this earth to get rich or die trying.
On a more serious note, it was an overall good podcast. From my own life, I see that there are always ebbs and flows between love and fear. When I’m feeling good, I know its not gonna last. Same thing with fear though. (“This too shall pass”)
What are things that you do to get yourself in that love state?
Or when you were younger, when you didn’t have the girl, the dog, and the beach, what did you do to work on self love?
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I pussied out yesterday David! I was at a starbucks tutoring a friend and there across from me facing my direction was this tall and beautiful girl facing my direction. She was involved in her work but she noticed me looking at her. We made eye contact once more after she got up to throw something away as she was sitting down. This time I smiled at her.
All the monkey chatter began going on in my head and I said to myself, I’m a good looking guy what’s there to lose? So I wrestled with the mutha**** monkey chatter and finally I got up to throw my cup away and on my way back I stopped right next to her and said, “Hi.”
She looked up at me and the monkey chatter possessed me and my lip started twitching. Son of a bitch! I tried to overcome the nerves and asked her what she was working on. She replied and as she spoke my frickin lips started twitching even more! I was smiling to try to cover it up but still, it was uncontrollable! She told me what she was working on and seemed interested, but my f-en lips man! So I had to cut it short, exchanged names, shook hands and quickly returned to my seat.
This has only happened to me once before and that other chick was a perfect 10. This doesn’t happen when I approach average looking chicks. I don’t know why I got nervous. I obviously lacked the confidence, but why? I could have gotten that girl’s number. Guaranteed. I guess I’ve just been out of the game for a while now.
I’m on your facebook David. What do you have to say?
Or any of you out there. What the hell happened? Has this ever happened to anyone?
This was a true case of fear….:(
M Casarez
PS, I get like this when I have to do public speaking! I’m a High School teacher and I get up in front of my kids every single day without a problem, but put me in front of their parents and I’m a nervous wreck!
Who knows what I’m talking about???? Public Speaking is the number one fear!!! Death is second!!! That means that at a funeral, the person up there giving the eulogy would rather be in the coffin than in front of this audience!!!!
I’m on facebook. Check me out too…. facebook.com/doowopmario
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hey MAC, I feel you on that one man. here is a trick, if you tend to get nervous about ugly one, you can play a trick on your mind: find one thing about her that is kinda negative (hair style, zit, funny nose, too much belly fat, etc….) and take it to the extreme! I’ve done that, and that keeps me centered. I’ve worked the reverse where I see an average girl, and since I want to see her more beautiful, I’ll take something positive and take it to the extreme. ;D
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Lol I meant beautiful. ahahahahahaha. ahahahahaha didn’t want to trick you on that one. you’ll be suprised how much it work.
but don’t make it a routine. you need to spend time with yourself and work from the inside-out. if you want to stay in touch, find me at: http://myspace.com/lescherubainsdecharisdondeli
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MAC–I appreciate your honesty with the situation with the hot girl. Actually, when we do boot camps, that is probably one of the most common things guys (and gals BTW) struggle with. Keep in mind that those “hot” girls often don’t get approached for that very reason so when they do they are pleasantly surprised! Be that person who “doesn’t care” and talk to her..be in the moment and not in your head. Be real and talk to her as if you were talking to a friend…listen to her!:)
As for my friend Saul…as a therapist I have to ask which approach you would prefer…Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, Rational Behavior Therapy, Rational Living Therapy, Cognitive Therapy, and Dialectic Behavior Therapy? And since CBT is based on the idea that our thoughts cause our feelings and behaviors, not external things, like people, situations,and events and the benefit of this fact is that we can change the way we think to feel / act better even if the situation does not change….how can we help you?
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Man I have to say…David this was a powerful podcast. I was laughing because I can relate to experiencing fake fear feeling. I have observed the silly fear in other people in social situations. i can experience high and lows with the confidence factor. I need to know maintain that sky high level of confidence. Sometimes I can approach, interact with women that Im attracted and Im cool. But then other times I see women Im attracted to and I freeze up. What the bleep? i dont get it. im open minded free thinking and any input would be great.
David your material is brilliant and a great experience!
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So funny that the Bible does mention that what we fear comes upon us and what we dread befalls us! (While I’m at this fear business I guess I’ll go ahead and dread finding the love of my life! =D)(Sorry, David, I haven’t listened to the podcast, yet, either.)
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hey david
i have read quite a few newsletters and heard your podcasts..i like the genuinity in them.. however i really dont agree with the fear and love idea.. i first read about it in conversations with god by neale donald walsch.. nice to read.. made me feel good for a day… didnt match with my reality though
whenever i tried to act out of love.. i was used and abused.. or i wasnt taken seriously.. every single time.. and no i never had an agenda.. it was real
i became smarter …even a lot selfish..and it made me happier..
totally given up on being idealistic(love)…
being realistic .. practical (thinking) works for me
its not about reading something and then feeling good for an hour or a day or a week.. its about diggin a lot deeper.. understanding how world REALLY works… and then deciding to change yourself…
being myself never worked either… sorry..
i just had to reply to this post because this topic is something cllose to me as i had spnet alot of time and energy tryin to find an ideal world
thanks.. like your newsletters though and you have a great sense of humour..
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merlyn
I don’t think what you’re talking about is actually “selfish”. I think you should always put yourself before others, but just not at the expense of others.
I think this is sort of akin to the “damsels in distress” mentality I used to have. I used to feel I had to “save” a girl and I always found myself drawn to shy, timid, “damaged” girls. I would lie awake at night and agonize over her problems, either real or perceived, and often spent entire days feeling shitty because I wasn’t able to “fix” her. I never felt that I was used by these “damsels”, but I did feel used by myself since I would always be going around with this cloud over my head. And the worst part was that I wasn’t attracted to these girls physically or emotionally. I was just a attracted to the idea that I could somehow make things better for them. I think that may be one of the fatal flaws to being a hopeless romantic.
Did I want to be her therapist? Of course not! I just wanted to take her out on a Friday night and have fun with her.
Eventually I realized this and made the decision to stop caring about other people’s problems unless there was something I could do about them. I called it being “selfish” as well, but it’s not selfish unless you’re hurting another person by focusing on your wants and desires.
Also, the Fear and Love idea is far from perfect, I’ll admit, but I do believe there’s something to gain from it as long as you don’t take it all at face value. “It’s about diggin’ a lot deeper” as you said.
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UPDATE:
SO I went back to that Starbucks to tutor my friend, and lo and behold, she was there again. In fact, as I was driving there, my friend texted me and told me she was there. I thought he was pulling my leg, but when I got there and saw her I was very pleased.
So I told myself, “Ok, stop be her table and say hello”.
I did just that and made a comment about how I never imagined seeing her again, exchanged names, shook hands again and then went to my seat with my friend before my lips started twitching again.
About 20 minutes passed and every so often I would glance in her direction and she would smile at me. As she began to pack her things to get ready to go I looked over and smiled and then continued tutoring my friend. As she got up, my friend told me that she looked at me while I wasn’t looking. So I was like, “Really?”
She walked out and I told my friend, “I’ll be back.”
So I waited ’til she exited before I got out of my seat and once I got outside, I called out her name. She stopped and I went up to her and said “Excuse me for being blunt, but I find you very attractive and I was wondering if you’d like to go out some time.”
To which she replied, “I’m dating someone.”
To which I was wondering what to say next! So I really can’t remember what I said next, but I told her how surprised I was to see her again and how I was tutoring my buddy, and that just opened up the conversation.
My lips began twitching again to the point where I had to turn around and just compose myself. WHY!????!!!!
I got more and more relaxed as we spoke and I realized that I was building her up in my head to something she may not even be. So as I told myself that, I was good to go.
We were standing a good 10 minutes outside before I finally said, “You know, I know you said you’re dating someone, but why don’t you give me your number and maybe we can talk sometime or anything.” She agreed and when I pulled out my phone she was quite enthusiastic about my phone ( I have the new Blackberry Bold 9700) and asked me if that was the new one. I said yes and therein we had another conversation, this time about phones.
I felt a connection and she’s really attractive.
I didn’t contact her except for a text on thanksgiving night to wish her a great time with her family. She replied and said “thank you and shared a bit about what she was doing.
I ended up calling her yesterday, but no answer.
I feel like I’m already going to fast so I’m not gonna call her until I feel like I should.
Just wanted to update you all.
Any advice, comments, questions, suggestions are welcome!
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You did great Mac. Huh spies around town
. From my perspektive i would now prefer mé calling you if i was in a relationship. Any more calling from you would comeback across
as pushy. You did the first move and if you dont bump into her in the next couple of weeks, then closer to
Christmas or maybe better near New Year text or Call her just A’s if she was a friend wishing her a happy new year. She knows you are interested and she sounds curious too, but
go slow. You overcame your fear, great Night inspiration for the rest of us- thanks
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Thanks Marina,
I’ll take your advice and carry on with my everyday business. I have 3 weeks of work before I get the rest of the 2009 year off. I’m so excited!
Any other perspectives from the rest of you?
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Bro your right on about love and fear! Fear is a tormenter of the mind and it robs people. Im not much of a religious man anymore but i have done some study in the bible,and if you were to study the word fear in the bible, you would be shocked at how many times God told people to FEAR NOT!! Basically what he is saying in my terms is WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU AFRAID OF QUIT BEING A PUSSIE. Now whether people believe or not the principle is still true. We all have heared how Jesus walked on the water right, well that is a good parable on fear. Jesus diciples are in a storm at sea scared to death,when Jesus comes walking on the water. Then Peter ask Jesus if he can come out and walk on the water with him. So Jesus says come. Now get this Peter is walking on the water, but he begins to look at the wind and the storm and he begins to SINK! So Jesus takes him by the hand and delivers him. Then Jesus says to him “Why are you so fearful” WOW!!! We to can walk on the sea!! If we believe in LOVE AND TRUST IT. The sea and the storm is whatever your fearful of. If we believe in love we to can have the sea which is our fear under our feet so to speak. Us walking on fear instead of drowning in it is dependant on whether YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE. People who are fearfull all the time have a belief problem. Quit believing fear and believe in love and you will start walking on the water!!
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