I wrote this blog on an airplane, bored out of my mind.
I brought Rey with me to New York last week. I had always thought Rey’s last name was Laing, and he never bothered correcting me. I had tried to check us in online before we got to the airport, but my printer was out of paper. My good assistant Rey hadn’t noticed it, and as I don’t really pay attention to office details, I hadn’t noticed it either.
So we got to the airport and scanned Rey’s credit card to check him in, and the screen said: Hello, Mr. Reynold Liang-Liu. And I thought, oh shit, that’s not the name on the reservation I made!
Before 9/11, if your name was Fred Mertz you could get on the plane with a ticket for Oscar Thompson. No one would care. But these days, with so much security, they care about things like that.
So thank god for the communication skills that both of us possess – luckily all we do is talk nonstop. We were able to persuade the American Airlines rep to let Rey on the plane even though his reservation didn’t have his complete name. Actually, it was fairly easy.
All right, so finally we got on the plane and I found this article in a magazine called “Fast Tracks to Dating Disaster.” Supposedly 626 women have revealed which moves will make an evening end with nothing more than a handshake.
One of these moves is taking a phone call during dinner. Are you an idiot? Are you really going to take a phone call during dinner when it’s your first date? Not only are you not going to get laid, but you’ll be lucky to get even a handshake.
Here’s another: forgetting your wallet. You forget your wallet and you’re going on a date? That’s just screaming to her that you’re cheap and irresponsible. What are you going to do? Call your dad to drop it off? How do you forget your wallet?
How about not holding the door open? Didn’t your mother teach you any manners? Hold the damn door open! It’s not that hard! Open the door, hold it, and let her go in first.
Next dating disaster is complaining about your ex. Hey, you picked her! This one is off the charts. You went out with her! You chose to date her! Can’t you embrace the lessons that you learned? As far as I’m concerned, I embrace every person I’ve ever been with, no matter how it ended. I chose to date these women for a reason, and I’ve learned things from them. I would never bash my exes.
How about arriving underdressed? I’ve seen people on dates before where the guy will actually have on a baseball cap turned backwards, a ripped t-shirt and chinos and the woman is dressed in a cute little skirt and a top.
Here’s one: talks a lot about himself. A lot of people talk about nothing but themselves. But it’s called a conversation for a reason. It should go back and forth like a tennis game. You listen and then react to what she says, and then she reacts to what you have said. This is having a conversation.
You don’t just sit there and brag about yourself. We’ve written blogs about that. Deeper braggers – remember those people who just want to talk about themselves?
Recently, this guy who can’t seem to stop asking out the girl I’m hanging out with bought her a series of Rolfing sessions, which costs about $1,300. She knows how expensive it is, and he looked at her and said, “oh, it’s no big deal. It’s like pennies to me.”
Come on, dude, what an ass. Never talk about how much a gift costs – especially when you’re trying to buy someone else’s girl something! You’re never going to get her anyway! People are so crazy.
Okay, here’s another fast track dating disaster: chewing with your mouth open. Do people actually do that? Do guys actually chew with their mouths open, especially on a date? That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard.
I had a roommate in college that used to chew with his mouth open. I would have to close my eyes when I was sitting across from him at dinner.
Next dating disaster is quoting the Simpsons. You have to be kidding me. Do people actually quote the Simpsons? They say, “ay caramba”? That is so 1990s!
Another disaster: putting his arm around me. Women might not mind that one as much as this one: copping a feel. Yes, there are apparently guys out there who think that they still need to feel breasts halfway through a dinner date.
I have a friend who is a total trip: at the end of every date, he brings her back to his $10 million home, hops into the hot tub naked and throws his date a bathing suit. He keeps an endless supply of bikinis. He doesn’t think that a date is successful until he gets off. He’s 47. He’s a caveman.
Those are some really good ones. What are your fast tracks to dating disasters?
Sitting there and listening to his comments about how much he owes in child support to his ex wife and how much of a bitch she is. Then I begin to think hey dude is that what you think about women. I am opposite.
I don’t mind if the guy wants to talk about his childhood just don’t tell me hey this is what i look like as a child and show me a picture of him as a female.
That is one turn off. Hey when guys left me alone and all by myself. Hey I was raised by my parents mom and dad have been together now for fifty years.
But I will give a guy a break if he can not afford it. What I usually do is not while people are looking and give him the money. Hey this is not dutch.
I have alot of good ones! Surprisingly, one of my biggest turn offs is if a girl tries to go all the way on the first date! I’ve had girls attempt this and i just think how many other guys have you done this with? Have a little respect for yourself!
#2 being a gold digger. Some of the first words out of her mouth. So what are you going to buy for ______. I don’t even know you and you’re already asking me for things? This isn’t going to turn into a relationship.
#3 Being a bitch! Don’t yell at rondom people for no reason. Don’t disrespect my friends. My god if your like this now how are you going to be when you think i did something wrong? Its going to be the end of the world! I don’t need that drama.
Thats not asking for too much is it? lol
I am the type of woman if I am with another man and he sees an attractive woman sitting next to us and makes a comment. I will say something nice in return. As far as asking about your bank account forget it. If you are going to be with a man because of what he has you wont get much. I try to stay away from trouble. I am not into lip service and I am there to spend time with the guy I chose to date in the first place. As far as wanting to open the treasure chest the man better play hard to get that for he is not going to on the first date with me. I want to get to know you first.
I’m pretty gravy with everything to be honest, as long as they dont turn up ridiculously late or talk about themselves all day long
I would like to get to know the guys friends and family so I can see what kind of person he is. This way I can tell if he is straight or not. The way you treat others shows what kind of person you are in the long run. Arguments lip service use that on someone else that wants to hear it. Speaking of the past only gets me to thinking you are still hooked on that person you left behind. If you are then get back with them if you want a repeat of what you left behind.
What I don’t like about a guy is when he gets in trouble and wants my dad to bail him out. Hey my dad did not take any guy of mine to raise. I have been through two different marriages this happened. Can’t support yourself then how can you support someone else. Another turn off is talking about my parents. This is during the dating and even marriage. Hey I have a last name it is the one pasted at the end of my first.
Be yourself it costs nothing. We all make mistakes in life but also we do learn from them. Life is a learning tool. So we are taught to use it well. It helps not to make the same mistake again.
Blog later. It is 9:20pm cst here.
Back in college, an international student asked me out for a date. Since neither of us had a car, he called for a taxi and tipped generously. We saw a movie, for which he paid, then we took a taxi to a club to go dancing. Again he tipped generously and paid for the cover charge. He was startled to be told that we had to order drinks immediately after sitting down. He asked if I could pay until his friends arrived and he could pay me back – so I did. Two guys from the dorm arrived (without any dates), he paid me back, and they stayed for the duration of the date! This is NOT the way to impress a woman of ANY age, never mind too much activity for one night – particularly the first date – and too much company, if they aren’t also bringing dates with them. Plus they talked in their own language to him without talking to me. It was creepy in more ways than I can say. Fortunately, my parents had raised us girls to always take phone money and taxi money, just in case things went wrong on a date for any reason. And no, I did not go out with him again.
I agree with you K but my mom taught me keep that dress down and those pants up and the men will respect you better. We are of our mothers teachings and the guys are the teachings of their dads. Since when did any woman take a man on to raise.
I’m pretty tolerant about the ex thing as long as its not bashing or swearing about them. Its really when a man is generally negative that I tune out. A man who spends the entire night boasting. I believe that if you’re really great at something, you won’t have to tell everyone, everyone will tell you. Even that I don’t mind a whole lot because everyone gets a little nervous on first dates now and then, but if I can’t get a word in edgewise during one of those prolonged “I’m so great” monologues, I won’t be seeing him again.
This is a little advice for the ladies. You may be talking to your date about something in your life that is quite important to you, for example you are a cub scout leader in your free time (as was the case for a date of mine).
You talk about it for quite a long time, he listens and discusses it with you for a while… but then he changes the subject slightly. He will have good reason for doing this – the topic isn’t that interesting to him, you have discussed it for long enough and he feels he can relate to you better by talking about something that will be interesting to both of you.
So try to avoid jumping back to talking about your cub scout responsibilities at every possible opportunity – for us men the conversation will become tedious, you will come across as irritating and we will not want to talk to you ever again.
If you are boring us our eye contact will normally become weaker (possibly looking around the room for more interesting stimuli such as the barmaids), the conversation will be one-way, we will stop asking you questions about it and we will attempt to divert the topic of conversation.
END OF RANT
Question for the women: What is the best way for us men to get the message across that we don’t want to discuss this interest of yours any further? Or do we just have to be polite and put up with it?
Nice post. Thank you for the info. Keep it up.
I can tell instantly when a guy isn’t being genuine, and is running his game that is obviously his dating “MO” and that is an instant turnoff. Maybe that’s more of an LA thing with all the agent-y and actor-y types. I want to know who you really are, not some false image you’re trying to project or sell.
The other huge fasttrack to disaster for me is when a guy doesn’t listen or his attention span to what I am saying (and I’m not a huge talker either) lasts about 2 seconds before he starts talking about another topic. It’s pretty much done right there as far as I’m concerned.
On a first date, Justin, you probably have to put up with it. It could be nerves or who knows, but if you like her enough for a second date, deal with it for the first one. Or lead her off into tangents relating from the cub scouts onto other subjects?? If she bores you that much, do you want to go out again anyway?
Cub Scouts? isnt it brownies? Anyway, if she likes talking, let her talk! Its nice that a person has an interest of giving back! Maybe shes young at heart and wants to do something fun, like baking cookies! YUM!
Sandra – I hope you’re not implying that my dress was not down and my pants not up?
I’ve had some very strange first dates that were huge turn offs, all from internet dating. 1- describing his ex-wife and insinuating that all women are evil like her and not to be trusted. Why are you be dating if that is your premise? 2- agreeing to meet for the first time at a fast food resturant, and then ordering 2 waters, asking the wait person if there would be a charge for that. 3- following up on a first date with a questionairre of all my sexsual likes and dislikes, including S/M, whips, cuffs. etc. When I let him have it with a lesson on manners and how offensive his e-mail was, he said woman are all sexually suppressed and vowed he’d never date again. (thanks for the favor Mr.) 4 – and lastly, not finding me to be the “perfect 10″ he was looking for, and spending over an hour telling me all the things that I can do to change, and then perhaps he would reconsider another date. I only hung around to listen to his stupidity because he had to be macho enough to let me know he had another dinner date after our soda date, so I kept him so engrossed in “improving” me, that he was over an hour late for his next date. Hee-hee, that felt good. And don’t be over 30 minutes late and not call to explain when you have my #. That’s just concieted. Oh, and one more, don’t whip out the pocket bible and try to save me over a cheese burger. I try to just be nice, real, I like to laugh, nothing over the top wierd, but my friends say that I am in that phase of being flypaper for freaks, and I believe there are many of them out there. Therefore, I am off internet dating, including CL. Too many wierdos. David, is it wrong to be nice and keep it simple. So many guys say that is what they want, but it just doens’t work for me.
WOW Sounds like there have been some weird first dates!!! I was on a first date yesterday and we sat over a coffee and had a good chat but I had to take a work call which only lasted 2 mins of the 3 hours we spoke is that bad to take te call or to check my 2 text messages when my ohone buzzed I didnt reply to either though.
Back to point though one of my fast tracks to dating disaster is when a girl gives other girls the evil eyes and comments on there clothes or something of that nature!
Deb, Wow! I think you seriously need to get away from Internet dating!
Those dates were something!
Thanks Dantheoriginal… I gave it up a year ago after about 18 months of crazys. I can’t believe I went through those kind of dates either… I am learning many good tips from this blog. And sometimes it’s just good entertainment to read what everyone has to say.
Wow! Deb are u sure these guys who put women down so bad turned fag or what. I have some I could tell myself but I have to respect the internet. Yes I lived with an abusive husband that abused me mentally and physically. I was so glad to see him leave and I made his mind up when I could not find and gave him a DIVORCE!!!!!!!!!!
K to your email no I was not implying that I liked ur blog. I was talking about my mom and what she taught me. Pardon my sentences I meant to put a period after that. No offensive I hope.
Justin be understanding if you can. If this is the first time that you have been with the woman she is as just nervous as you are. Just politely say lets don’t talk about that anymore and place your hand on hers. Then bring up the subject of the evening and why you are there.
K
I don’t know you and you don’t know me I don’t have any right to judge anyone. Please forgive me if I offended you in some way.
Here’s a definite no-no, especially on a first date. If you are one of those people who instead of requesting a different set of silverware when the ones you have are apparently not washed properly uses the dirty silverware, that is definitely going to come off as bad. Oh yeah, don’t be one of those people who eats out of dumpsters, and if you are, please don’t admit it. Or better yet, stop doing it altogether. It’s gross!
Dave
Justin – How should men change the subject as in the scenario of your cub scout leader date?
Ask her what kinds of things that she does or enjoys for herself – adult things like movies or books, working out or volunteering, etc. Or bring up something else specific that she has mentioned. And don’t be afraid to bring her back to adult conversation material if she veers back.
I do understand how you feel – I admit that I despise conversations about how cute some child acted or people’s baby stories – BORING!! Even worse are potty stories. Fortunately, men are not as bad as women in that area. Many people forget when they spend a great deal of time around children that they are back in an adult world when they are on a date. Most realize it eventually and laugh it off.
Republicans
She showed up stoned. Yeah…. once I discovered that, I ended the date as quickly as I could without being rude. Less than an hour.