Fall In Love With Two People
January 9, 2010 
8 Comments
Let’s talk about falling in love. All of you want to fall in love. Everybody wants to fall in love.
Falling in love is great. It’s a drug.
Let me tell you something. There is nothing greater than falling in love.
Close your eyes and remember the first time you fell in love. Remember your first love. Remember your high school or college love. Maybe you just recently fell in love with someone. It’s like you’re capturing that essence.
The feeling of love actually is kind of a drug. There are hormones – like Dopamine — which actually are produced in our bodies which give us that feeling.
Anyway, falling in love is such an amazing process. It really is. To look at someone and know absolutely that you love them is amazing.
Here’s something that is interesting about falling in love. Falling in love is really peeling a layer from yourself every single day and giving it to another person.
There is one thing about falling in love, however, about which most people don’t talk. While falling in love with someone is incredible, you should always be falling in love with two people.
The other person with whom you should be falling in love is yourself. Every day, you should be falling more in love with yourself.
You should be doing this whether you are in a relationship or whether you are single. Let’s say you are single right now and you’re searching for someone.
If that is the case, I have but one question for you (and it’s not about how many people you went out and talked to today). My question to you is this: Did you fall more in love with yourself today than you did yesterday?
Every day you should accept yourself more. Every day you should work on yourself. Every day you should realize more who who you are as a person.
Every day you embrace yourself is another day that you’re falling more in love with yourself. This is so important, because the more you fall in love with yourself the more someone else can fall in love with you.
Love is a selfless thing. Opening up and expressing love to somebody is a selfless thing.
Let me show you how this all fits into a relationship with another person. Let’s say you are a mushy person who likes to say “I love you” every five seconds to your partner, and expresses yourself by writing poetry and little Post-It® love notes all over the house.
Then suppose that your partner is someone who is just not a “Post-It® note” kind of person. That person loves you just as deeply, but expresses their love in a different way. The way they express love might be with a smile, in the way they hold your hand, the way they kiss or the way they say “I love you” in the morning.
If you’re a secure person and you’re falling in love with yourself, then you are going to also be a secure person when you fall in love with somebody else. The reason is that you are not going to expect to be treated the exact way you treat your partner (which will never happen). Never in life will you meet someone who is exactly like you in every way.
So think about this. When you are truly in love with yourself, you can truly love another person because you’ll expect absolutely nothing back.
When you’re not truly in love with yourself, you’re always going to be looking for confirmation. You’ll think and/or say things like, “I told you I loved you this morning. Will you tell me you love me tonight? Please do it so we can be even.”
There will be some days when you might say “I love you” to you partner thirty times, and your partner only says it to you once. This shouldn’t matter to you. If you are bursting with love and you are totally secure with yourself, then you should say “I love you” thirty times in a day if you want. If you get it back even one time, then that’s awesome. Appreciate and enjoy it!
David,
The greatest thing about your blogs is that you give great advice on all the other little things that play such a big role in creating attraction aside from just approaching a woman. I don’t think we get that from any of those PUA’s out there.
Great work.
I have a situation related to this topic and I am hoping that either david or anyone can help me think clearly through this matter. Well I’m on a trip with my girlfriend and well before this trip, to afford it, I sacrficed a lot of things (I.e. Friends, other obligations) so that I can work about 70 hours a week to afford this trip.
I worked my butt off the past 2 and a half weeks so I can afford this trip and have some leftover money for us to do other things together (we have a big todo list we made together.). So naturally, after a hellish 2 weeks, I finally get to see her (she wasn’t in town the past 2 weeks, so it was just me,) and naturally, I just wanted to kiss her and hug her. Unfortunately, she pushes me away and tells me that she is on this trip with friends, so that she doesn’t want to give anyone special attention, so I’m just a friend to her. I am okay with this, since I know she doesn’t like pda. What really gets me is that there are guys on this trip that like her a lot. She talks and flirts with them, hug here and there, laugh at their silly jokes. In the movie theater, she opted to sit by these two guys and play around with them. The fact that these two guys are single and they both like my girlfriend more than just as friends bothers me, but again I didn’t want to be a jealous controlling boyfriend, so I just let it go. It gets worse because she hardly acknowledges me at all. She doesn’t send me any reassuring texts or anything. Like she doesn’t understand that I put in two hellish weeks to see her. I thought it takes two to tango, but I’ve done so much so far for mediocre responses. She’s really pushing my boundaries with all the flirting she’s doing with the other guys. Am I being just too damn insecure or jealous? If not, how should I approach her about this situation? I love me and I love her too. Am I just over reacting?
Great
When I read the title I instantly knew that the other person to fall in love with is myself 
. I just knew it. Maybe I’m getting wiser 
. Anyway great reminder. Thanks David.
Mike-Ro – I had the feeling too. I remember when he had the blog “We’re Pregant!” I had a feeling it wasn’t about pregnancy. But just a funny commentary. It always reminds me to not look at his titles too seriously, because you have to read the entire blog first to know why the title is.
Great blog David. Keep it up!
To LOST
Brother, I feel your pain. I’ll keep this as short as possible, but you must act upon it.
First of all, you are not overreacting! She’s walking all over you because she knows she can. Subconsciously, she’s testing you.
This is where you need to setup boundaries for yourself. What actions will you not tolerate in a relationship? How will you react to her actions if she over-steps the boundaries. This is something you have to do right now. Think of anything that would piss you off.
Here’s the thing, this DOES NOT mean you are going to be a controlling and needy boyfriend. This DOES mean that you respect yourself and that you deserve to be treated well. This is what David means when he says “Fall in love with yourself”. When you love yourself, you respect yourself.
Remember, these boundaries are made for yourself. They are not made to control others. In fact, rules are made to be broken and the opposite sex will always test you on them and whether or not you respect yourself. They have all the right, they need to know if they can respect you and whether or not you are worth their time and love.
Once you setup your boundaries, life will start to become easier. You’ll know how to react positively to these situations and move on. Try meditating on your response to each “boundary” that’s overstepped. Imagine being confident in each situation.
She might continue to push your “wrong” buttons, in which case I’d say she’s manipulative and immature. This means you should stay away from her, believe me she won’t change anytime soon and you can do way better. Or she might start paying more attention to you.
I’ll give you a hint in the proper direction as far as your current situation goes:
If she continues to pay more attention to other guys: DON’T SAY ANYTHING! Your actions will speak for themselves. Instead of moping about it, go have a good time. Find a group of women to hang with. Go be social and let her see that YOU DON’T NEED HER. Your life does not and will never depend on another person except yourself. That’s a sign of maturity, confidence, and masculinity. Go have fun without her. You’ll be surprised how many people out there, especially women who love the company of a guy who knows what he wants.
Which will bring me to the last thing I want to ask: DO you know what you want? Make sure to figure out what it is you’re looking for in a woman before you start dating her or seeing her. Compare your notes to what qualities this girl has. You’ll be surprised at what you might find out.
Good luck to you and remember to take action!
M.
Hey Dave your blogs are the greatest man love em
not only are they crucial for dating but also very great for creating a better life and happier one. One where you can love, embrace and be proud of everyday. Keep it up!
Thanks Dave for that insight. You’re absolutely right that a person falling in love needs to love himself or herself first and be secure.
I’ll share my recent example of when I did not love myself when I fell in love unconditionally and it went awfully wrong. I trusted the other person and, when blindly in love, I answered his plea for financial help. That was wrong to start and it was the biggest mistake I made; I gave up control. I appreciated him more than I valued myself. What’s unconditional love for another person when it means to jeopardize your own need for stability? Being more in debt is a stupid way and harmful to me, so I now understand what I did wrong. I first must know that I am important too and I must learn to love myself to attract respect and love from other people.
What’s more? Since I first watched Dave’s blogs and read some of the content of this site (days ago), my life has started to turn around. I’m starting to know what I need to portray of myself and it has started to pay off. I’m getting positive responses in the dating scene.
So to all of you guys and gals out there feeling down, don’t give up. I fell hard and I picked myself up. You can too. It all starts with you. Believe you can and believe you are worth it.
As for the debt this person owes me, I know I won’t get it back and I am not going to bother to try. Karma, people. I’m not going to dwell on negative energy anymore. Vengence will only suck me dry. I’m too good and too smart for that.
Good luck to you, “Lost.” You showed responsibility to her, you worked hard to earn this time off and you appreciated her and she blew it. Evaluate your inner qualities and let it go. Time will heal all. Don’t hold your breath waiting for her to grow up and realize what she is missing, you are too good for that. Admiring Michael’s pointers about boundaries, yes, do set your own and communicate them. However don’t make the mistake of trying to get her jealous. It just complicates the matter more. Have a good time for you, not for winning her back.
Best of luck,
Candid
I was married and in love for over 12 years, then she started cheating. I was so hurt that I’m afraid to fall in love again, the pain was worse than any physical pain I’ve ever felt. Everytime I feel myself getting close to a woman I suddenly put up a wall. This is a problem I’m trying to deal with. Any advice from anyone with this problem?