There are no flaky people. Anywhere.
You think you have flaky people in Missouri, right? You have flaky people in Vegas? You have flaky people all over Southern California, right? And there are flaky people all over Jersey and New York, right? And in Arizona…
But here’s the thing about flaky people: they don’t exist. If someone flakes on you, it just means that they are not really that sure about you. They are just indecisive about if they are into you or not.
We all flake on people that we’re indecisive about. Do you know how many times I’ve been invited to a party or out to dinner with some people, and then at the last minute I realize that I really don’t want to go? And I bail out.
Does this make me a flaky person? No, it’s just because the people that were invited to the party just didn’t really intrigue me enough to want to go. It wasn’t worth my time to go.
Client: You said you were going to go in the first place?
David: Of course! We always accept those invitations before we think about it.
Client: Yeah, we all do that to a degree.
David: Right, and then later – at the last minute – we realize that the person that we’re going to go hang out with doesn’t really excite us, so why are we going to go give up one of our nights?
So when people bitch and complain about people being flaky in terms of dating and other things, I just tell them to let it go. You just didn’t excite them enough, and for once you’re on this end of the stick. More often you’re the one flaking on somebody.
If someone is truly excited about hanging out with you, they are not going to break the plans. If they do have to break the plans, they will say something to you like, “something at work just came up, can we do something tomorrow night?”
Khiem: And if you seem to be meeting constant flakes, well, then you just aren’t exciting or intriguing enough.
ok, then how do u create more excitement?
I would like to add that with experience, you will actually learn which women you are really connecting with and which ones are indifferent or just being polite….. and you will only exchange numbers with the first category (why would you want the number of someone you aren’t connecting with anyway??)
Once you can do this and understand the difference, most of your phone numbers will lead to dates and the idea of “flake” won’t really be something you have to deal with much anymore.
Hmm… so how do you make sure you intrigue that person to be with?
*begin
You create excitement and intrigue by being exciting and intriguing. You’ve got to put together all the things discussed in this blog (and more). That means having passion, being able to tell a story, being able to listen, owning and liking your imperfections, not being afraid to be vulnerable, liking yourself, having confidence, not seeking validation, not giving away your power, respecting yourself, and like a recent blog said by not being afraid of being disliked. It’s so easy to just type that, a bit more difficult to put it all together in the real world.
From my personal experience, when it comes to friends, male or female, or dates with women, I get flaked on when i’m not genuinely excited about the date. The other party can sense it. I NEVER get flaked on with women when tease them, give them hints about what we’re going to do. So I guess the trick is to tease and intrigue.
This is so true…I have become “flaky” when it comes to guys because I have limited time and I dont want to waste it on someone I am not that excited about. I would rather do spend it with friends or even alone. But if a guy is fun and exciting Im all for making time.
You have to know how to be an exciting and intriguing person. A part of that is building anticipation. When you can get someone to be excited about doing something with you, it’s really attractive and that kind of attraction is viral…
It’s all about having fun and letting her know that when she goes out with you, she will get an experience. The kind that would make her foolish for passing up.
Fun.
Sometimes you don’t have to be the “star” interesting person (aka ‘show and tell’ – which often turns into show-off and tell all) – you just have to be interested in getting to know the other person (tell me about YOU). There’s nothing so interesting to a man as a woman who is interested in him, right? Well, back at ya!
Ouch. Harsh.
So are you suggesting that the reason why people flake on you is because you have failed to captivate them enough? Have you ever considered that maybe the reason people flake on you is because they themselves may be nervous? Or lacking in motivation?
It seems logical enough.
I think blaming yourself about the indecision of others is unhealthy. I am not suggesting that it is always their fault I am simply saying that you should look on both sides of the picture.
I don’t think people flake because they are nervous. Lacking in motivation would be the same as not being excited or intrigued about that person, because if you were excited or intrigued about that person, you would be motivated to meet with that person. I admit, I have flaked on a few people, because I personally was not too intrigued with those people.
I agree with the tease and intrigue. You want to keep that “mystery” and that element of surprise. You give the other person small doses of information and gradually build to the date.
Dragonclaw – Good point. No matter what the reason, I think ultimately the point is not to worry about it. People flake for all kind of reasons and trying to figure out why is an exercise in futility. If someone flakes on me without even having the courtesy to call then I’m just not going to worry about their movivation (or lack thereof). I’ll just move on.
The first time I was stood up for a first dinner date, I went through the initial self-blame game (what did I do wrong? Maybe he saw me waiting and ran the other direction…etc.) Then I decided, always have a plan B. He backs out at the last minute, doesnt show, whatever… I do something nice for me. Go to a movie, have some self-pampering I never make time for. I have what guys hate to hear, I have “me time”. I realized that to let someone I hardly know ruin my day was just silly. So, I can’t control the “why’s” of the situation or the “guys”, but I can do something nice for myself as a plan B. And if he calls for another date, usually I am just a flakey chick with a very busy schedule. In this age of cell phones, if a person can’t call you and “flake” out, then that is just a bad sign of things to come. He just did me a favor by being his flaky little self. No harm done.
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, I rate this article for four from five. Decent info, but I have to go to that damn google to find the missed pieces. Thank you, anyway!
This has happened to me more than once and more than twice. I really like a guy and want some form of a relationship. However, I never hear from him again after the second or third date. After talking about it and maybe even crying over it, I grow strong and say f&@# it. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe the man was married or in a serious relationship and just playing me for a#@ on the side. Maybe he did me a favor instead of stringing me along for a year or two then really breaking my heart. We as women have to realize that every man who we meet is not our future boyfriend or husband. Some of them are just stepping stones leading to something better.
Late to the discussion. David, I love your blog, but I strongly disagree. There ARE flakes and these are people who say ‘yes’ to something and don’t follow through. There are people who do just say ‘no’ upfront, you know.
Is there a rule that you can’t say “no” to an invite in the first place? When you say yes, the other person is committing time too. The inevitable “no” from you will come, it will just come later, after the person has invested time and energy based on you showing.
Well, sounds to me that you are a flake. if you tell people you are going to do something then just man up an d do it. Maybe you will learn your lesson and not make commitments that you may not keep. I have a few better words than flaky for people like you, but I won’t use them here…