Enjoy Your Adult Adolescence
January 10, 2010 
15 Comments
I was recently sitting and talking with Will, whom you may know from some of my videos. Will is a young guy in his mid 20s. We started talking about where he is at in this stage of his life versus the stage I am at in my life.
He asked me about how I was when I was in my 20s. I told him my 20s were my adult adolescence. The more I thought about it, I realized the 20s decade of your life really is your adult adolescence.
Think about it. You get out of college at about 22 years of age, and you’re so geared up for life.
You really believe you know everything. Â You’re grown up now. Â After all, you have graduated from college. Your mom and dad congratulate you, and you think you’re ready for the big world.
You have dreams. You have aspirations. You think you know what you want for a career.
Then no matter who you were in college — whether you were great with women, a great athlete, or the smartest person in your class — you go into the real world you realize that you are at the bottom of the totem pole all over again. It’s like starting from scratch.
Your 20s is almost like starting high school all over again, except this time you are playing for keeps. In your career, you are playing for keeps. You start to think about work in a totally different way.
You start thinking about relationships differently. You will see members of the opposite sex differently, thinking “Wow, I could meet the person I may want to marry one day.” Â
Your mindset is really different. You quickly figure out that you have a lot to learn in your 20s.
You get your ass kicked throughout your 20s. You really do.
You get your ass kicked in your career. You have to learn to deal with people who are a lot smarter than you — people who have been around the block, and people who know the game and know how to play it very well.
You learn a lot in your social life as well. You learn, as a guy in your young 20s, that a lot of 22 year old women want to date guys who are in their mid-20s. So you are the young guy once again. You don’t want to date college girls anymore, because they are too young for you.
So this time in your 20s is really a time to learn. It is a time to get introspective.
Your moods change too in your 20s. That is why you may tend to get a little more depressed at times and more introspective.
That is something I particularly remember about my 20s. I remember it being okay to just think and be introspective.
Don’t beat yourself up. Â Don’t be hard on yourself. Understand that you’re going to be fine. You’re going to have an amazing, kick ass, unbelievable life.
Work hard, but relax when you need to do so. Go out there and meet people, and learn from the experiences. Date multiple women. Talk to lots of women. Figure out who you are through your interactions with other people and with yourself.
Your adult adolescence in your 20s is far greater than your teenage adolescence because you are not living with your parents anymore and you’ve got a little money in your pocket. I remember that period of having a little bit of money — even digging for change in my couch for money to go out on a Friday night — as some of my favorite times in my life.
Now that I have a great career, I live in a beautiful house and everything is fine, I look back at that time in my 20s very fondly. I remember how good that $2.00 beer tasted with those eight quarters I brought with me. I remember truly appreciating happy hours — and seeking out all the best food options (wings one happy hour and Mexican food the next).
Here is something I want everyone to do: Help the people who are in their 20s right now. I know when I look back on my 20s, that was an amazing and fun time of my life. It was carefree.
What I stressed out about in my 20s, as I look back upon it now, was ridiculous.
I was stressing about things that really didn’t mean much, but at the time I thought meant everything.
I was going out there getting better with women, and was actually learning my career. I mean, come on, when I was 23 years old I never imagined I would be some master communicator who teaches people how to connect with the opposite sex.
I wanted to be a personality. I wanted to be an actor when I was 23. I didn’t know how to do it. I didn’t know why I wanted to do it. That is just what I wanted at that point in my life.
So, really, enjoy your adult adolescence because that time is magical. I have videos of myself when I was in my 20s, and I remember how much fun I was having.
I am an adult now with a great life, a great career, and a 401K. There was nothing better, though, than that $450.00 a month apartment I lived in at 167 West 80th Street in New York City and that time of my life. Everything at that time is an incredible memory.
It’s the “wow factor” of everything going on in your 20s that often causes people in their 20s stress. Realize, though, that the “wow factor” will become the stuff of some great memories for you as you get older. So enjoy it!
This is a great post David. You’re 20′s are just like starting all over again. You start to look at the depth of your character (I know that sounds cheesy) but you do begin to have a mindset shift.
Great post David, as a college senior this is very useful. I think you previously have mentioned working on Wall Street in some of your posts, and I was wondering what your experience in this area was. Thanks for all your advice.
-Andrew
Amen to that. Well said David
Thanks a lot David. I’ve just started reading your blog, about a week ago and I’ve watched you videos on youtube. I am realizing more and more facts about interacting with women and people in general as I read. I am on my mid 20s and I’ve been a guy who has a had lots of opportunities with women, and still do, but didn’t know how to ‘close’ them. I am getting much insight from here and I will go out there and be a better guy than i have been.
Having recently turned 25, this subject really grabs me. I book and manage myself entertainer through music/comedy and can relate to the love of showbiz. Though I am experiencing some success on a local level, I have a ways to go before I am established on the scale I desire.
In business, relationships, etc, I have much to learn. I tasted independence when I lived on my own for a few years in Toronto. While I learned alot, I had illusions of grandeur and did not have a realistic plan. Because I failed to manage my finances well, I’ve been humbled to living with my parents.
That said, I realize this is just a phase. I have a plan to be back on my own within the next year.
For the next half of my 20′s I’m going to focus on continuing to be a better version of myself.
I like the advice David has said about people in their 20′s: Be patient and don’t beat yourself up. I need to do these things!
Recently I’ve been on a few dates with a girl three years my junior. In the past I would have been overly excited with a second date. Now I see the bigger picture and realize the concept of abundance. I definately agree that we need to keep our options in dating multiple people.
Wow! This really resonates with me big time. Thank You David.
Being a 23 year old, I always seem to beat myself up for not knowing everything and for being inexperienced. I tend to get stressed out about ridiculous, small issues. It’s always such a relief when you write something that relates to me.
I’m reminded by a podcast you recorded last year, “There’s no such thing as a bad day.” I recommend the podcast to all 20-somethings.
Thanks David
Now I feel small
. I’m just 18 but sometimes I feel that I think different in a good way , than most guys in they’re 20′s. Maybe it’s beucase I’ve started reading this blog and really getting into this stuff at 17.The problem is, I can’t always do my…objectives I set up in the morning. And for every little thing I beat myself up.
It’s weird, most friends see me extremly confident, but in reallity I have my issues but they don’t want to see that.They only see the best side of me.
David or other readers, what is the best advice you would give a 18 years old guy who really wants to grow.Not beating myself up? I really want to know what you think.I’m very open minded so feel free to say anything
.
P.S THanks, I’m not in my 20′s yet but I can relate to that, I turn 19 in april.
Yo Mike,
I’m 17 and I’ve also been reading the blog for a while, I know where you’re coming from! People view me as really social but I also feel that there are a lot of things for me to work on.
I’ve read many articles about loving yourself and believing in yourself, but I don’t think just reading them is enough. You have to take them to heart and say “I love myself” with feeling and believe it, so whenever negative feelings pop up. Just remember the positive and remember it with conviction. That’s what I do =)! Good luck Mike! Keep on working hard!
Thanks for the feedback Eric. Look here’s my email:zappy91@gmail.com
In my opinion one of the best ways to keep improving is to learn from others. I mean, in this case is really cool cause we’re not so different , at age. Want to talk about this stuff just email.
STEVE, If you’re reading this…you remember a couple of posts ago I was talking about a girl that I was trying to be with that had a boyfriend and eventually turned me down?I did what David sugested in the “So she has a boyfriend” post and guess who got a call about 3 weeks later?:))
. We’ll see if I manage to pull this off.
She finally gave up.Don’t know what happened I had already deleted her number, email adress…but miracles do happen
P.S BIG ISSUE.Why do I get over excited when on a date with someone I like and have chemestry?I’m so happy and excited that I’m always smiling and giving away good energy….but this behhaviour isn’t helping…Once a girl told me this thing but I can’t control it
. Help?:)
Well I’m about to turn 21, so trust me David. I’m gonna enjoy this adult adolescence quite a bit.
And Mike, I’ve definitely been there with your “BIG ISSUE.” It’s hard, but you need to flip your thought process upside down. Treat the date like a big test for her. You’re looking to see if she meets your standards. Don’t even really bother trying to meet any standards you think she might have. You aren’t spending time with an angel who has graciously allowed you to spend some time with her. You are a man who is trying to figure out if she measures up. Be playful, flirt, have fun, and enjoy the chemistry, but I think if you go in with the mindset of “she doesn’t have my approval yet” then you’ll be much more successful.
At any age self judgemental thinking and not enjoying the moment is not the path that lead you to true freedom.
COllin thanks.I’ve read something like this.Don’t know where. As I’ve said I know the theory but sometimes I just, forget. My last date was kinda like me always laughing and pointing out her funny body language
. I can’t have a straight face,seriously I’m not the person to be 
. But if I think about it I am like that when I’m alone and not talking to anyone. It’s weird anyway hope I get over it. Thanks again…
I’m 26 and my g/f just broke up with me (for good reason) I just wan’t ready for the long haul and pushed her away and now i’m single.. This really hit.. for the next half of my twenty’s I just want to learn to have fun and date many women, laugh, learn about myself and create long lasting friendships!
My 20′s really were a wonderful time, man I miss those days.
After being out of college for two years now, I completely agree with you.