Drop the Ego
By David Wygant
You know, I was just on the phone with a client of mine and we had an interesting conversation about how to deal with assholes. There is no other way to put it, right?
My client wanted to figure out how to get a particular asshole (“Mr. Asshole”) to like him. No matter how nice my client was to him, Mr. Asshole still acted like an asshole. That is, Mr. Asshole was still confrontational and disagreeable about almost everything. I told my client that an asshole is one because there is always shit coming out of their mouth.
There is no reason to befriend everybody. If you are nice to someone and they are an asshole to you or are just plain old rude to you, then you have done nothing to them to warrant their behavior. You’ve been nice, self-aware, non-confrontational, and you haven’t challenged them. You’ve killed them with kindness. Yet they still choose to be an asshole.
So what’s the point? You need to understand and accept the fact that you can’t make everybody like you and respond favorably to you.
The way I look at it is if someone is being an asshole, it’s really your ego that doesn’t like it. Your ego may not like that you can’t succeed in getting this person to think the way that you are thinking. Your ego may not like that you can’t get this person to respond favorably to you.
It’s also your ego that doesn’t allow you to just walk away from someone like this. If I have to deal with an asshole, then I will kill them with kindness during the one or two obligatory minutes I must spend talking to them. When I then walk away, I will just mutter “asshole” under my breath and walk away . . . because I just don’t care.
I don’t really care if somebody doesn’t like me or doesn’t respond favorably to me. All I care about is that I treat everyone with respect, kindness and integrity. That is the kind of person I am.
So if you are dealing with an asshole, you need to remember that it’s just your ego that is affected by them. Then drop the ego, and just walk away.
You know, it’s funny. Let me share with you a perfect story about needing to drop the ego. When I was recently in Hawaii, I surfed for four days. On three of those days I kicked ass – I got up on the board, I surfed and I had a great time.
I was there with my ex, Alison. She just started surfing not too long ago, but she’s already good at it. She’s one of those naturals. So on surfing day number four, I knew I felt a little stiff. I do yoga on a regular basis, so I went into a lot of yoga poses to try and unlock my body and get rid of some of the stiffness I was feeling.
I was still stiff after I did that though, and my intuition and my gut told me to just go out in the water and swim. Because I used to be a competitive swimmer as a kid and used to be a lifeguard, I should have just had a great time swimming the day away in the Pacific Ocean . . . but of course my ego wouldn’t allow that.
My ego made me get up on that surfboard because I wanted to surf one more day and because I wanted to prove that I could do a good job at it four days. So, what happened? My lower back jammed on my left hand side, and I spent the last couple days rehabilitating it.
By the time I post this blog, my back will be fine. The question is: Will I learn from my experience? That is, the next time will I trust my instincts and honor my body, or will I allow my ego to rule once again?
The analysis is no different when it comes down to dealing with assholes. You have to trust yourself. You have to be open, and you have to drop that ego. The more you keep that ego, the more hurt you will experience. So remember that not everyone is going to like you and you can’t catch every wave.
Todays video is all about how to find great single people online. Match.com would never want you to know what I am about to share.
agree, the moment they realize they have no effect on you, is the moment they give up and end up even more pissed off. its a win/win.
however i do like to play with an assholes mind here and there sometimes!
Haha, assholes get at me all the time at my work! They complain about too high prices, which I can’t do a shit about! They complain about outdated groceries as if I put them there on purpose or something..
Now I see that I’ve let my ego get in the way almost half of the times that I’ve tried SO hard to make them realize what assholes they are being at that moment..
You’re a funny, funny man, David Wygant.
Thanks Just Me
I actually had one post all over this blog the last few days.
No matter what people said to him he had to rebutt it and fight.
Egos……
rey
as you know the only assholes that i play with are ones that try to enforce the leash law.
rey tell everyone about the leash police we ran into yesterday. they are a perfect example of assholes:)
David and Khem,
I just got my HEART BROKEN. You said that I can say whatever comes to my mind. Day before yesterday, Kheim mentioned me to tell her that professor was watching me otherwise I could’ve dont something too.
Here is what I text:
MEL,
I could’ve responded it better today when you were teasing me with your ungly leg. lol. but professor was stariring at us during the presentation. So you better be ready on thursday because my response will be better than your.
She didn’t reply.
Today I was in my class waiting for her. When she came in I text her.
How are my cats doing today?
She turned her back and and took it offensively. She was like .They are my cats. You are crazy and weired. You are weired and it hurts me. She said in front of 10 people. I had to leave the class. When I heard this.
I felt like my heart just broke in to pieces. I felt so insulted. I left the class. I just got her text.
“I hope I didn’t cause you to leave. I just feel that you were being inappropriate with your comments. I have a boyfriend.”
Last time when she and I working together. she said she is very nervous. I said. Mel, don’t worry “You and I are work together tomorrow. Just take it easy. You will be fine. Trust me.”
What did I do wrong here david. Does that mean that I don’t know how to talk to girls.
What should I do to win her heart back. I really want this girl.
How should I appologize to her. I look forward to your response
Tariq
Tariq… she has a boyfriend
But hey, i dont know your whole story.. and i should def not be giving advice.
Anyway, I hope you feel better by the time, and good luck!
Tariq
RElax!!!!!
You will be fine and i have a long response that i am working on right now for you.
hey thanks. But you know I understand that. I respect everybody but in return i get nothing. WHY is that? I don’t disrespect anybody in front of 10 people. WHY ME….
I’ve had a few asshole friends in my life and basically not playing into their antagonization is what works every time. It used to really bug the shit out of me, until i realized that I was allowing it, so I would simply not play into their behavior, and then eventually would not hang with them. Its funny some of us will hang out with assholes in the first place when they are just bad energy that has no place in our lives.
And its definetly our ego that keeps us leashed to them. Great blog david.
Do you respect yourself Tariq??
Don’t worry so much about what other people do or don’t.
That’s what I told my ex. (among many other things)
A question for you guys: I should probably know this, but what time is it over there? I mean, you guy are online simulatanously here..
It’s 23.06 pm here in Norway..
Is it round 2.00 pm in the US now?
*simultaneously..
dang, getting a bit dyslectic here
Rich
THanks for the great post.
Are you ready to work:)
Just Me
Dyslectic……that is one tough word to spell:)
Tariq
It happens to everyone.
Life is all about rejection and learning how to deal with it.
I have a great response coming that will make you feel much better.
This is a second time my heart has broken. I totally agree with your comments david. I am alone in my life. The only reason I fell in love with her because it was my dream that I WANT a girl who have a good sense of humor, good chemistry, talent, knows whats going on in the world right now. A girl who has a knowlegeable about the current affairs. She has all qualities. So far who ever I attrated too. not love but attracted to has a boyfriend.
Good blog, even better video! I got a copy of DD’s Online Dating a while back, and your video encapsulated pretty much everything into a short four minutes.
About the blog, I completely agree. I always had that unachieveable ‘get everyone to be your friend’ desire throughout my life, and it took me 20 years to realise this, and your blog only zoomed in on this.
It took me just as long to pick the real friends from the faux-friends. And it was only as I became more observant that I realised this that I found it in little things like asking to borrow money, simple favor, borrow a little oregano, tobacco for cigarettes etc as well as body language, general apathy, Always being a ‘giver’.
Now I’ve never been the person to blame everyone but myself, or to always expect something back in return, but I’ve learned to trust my gut more, and differentiate the fake friends from the dudes who’ll back you up or help you out when you’re in a mess.
David,
I also wanna show her that I wasn’t trying to hit on her. I wanna know is there anyway I can get her back? what should I do to get her back so she Chases me like crazy. Please include the solution for this.
Thanks
Tariq
She is not going to chase you.
SHe has a boyfriend.
So you need to just be friendly and nice and thats it.
Life is not about playing games and trying to manipulate someone…..she is your friend and she has a boyfriend.
There are plenty others!!!
Dan
I try to sum it all up but as you know it can go a lot deeper and that i why i have the products.
But some things are very simple and easy but online dating is a skill.
People need to know how to market themsleves!!
And what they write and the pictures they post can be all the reason why they are not meeting anyone.
Tariq,
you do know how to talk to women, okay, and this is nothing to do with it.
You manifested being in love with this woman and you barely even knew her, so what you did was you developed a crush.
You had a crush on her, okay?
You had a crush on her based on what she looks like and what you thought she was all about.
That’s what your crush was.
You didn’t have your heart broken.
There’s plenty of other women that are out there for you.
Remember when we spoke the other day.
You’re young. You’ve got so much to live for.
Remember I told you when I was 23 when I shared that story with you about how I had crushes and how I had my heart broken.
I think I shared with you the story of me waiting on the street,
I had $5 in my pocket, I bought a bottle of wine, and all right everybody, don’t make fun of the $5 wine, but it was 1985. I had $5, bought a bottle of wine, Gary got a dollar to bring that girl a bottle of wine that we can share together, and she never called me back.
This is what happens in dating. When you’re younger, you manifest crushes, you manifest things in your mind. You should have stayed in class.
You were being funny. When you said, how are my cats doing today, did you smile?
And you texted her, why’d you text it to her? You were in class, and she came, and you said, I texted her how are my cats doing today? Why did you text her, okay? When she’s there, and you could have said it with a smile.
The problem with text messaging is everything can be taken the wrong way.
How are my cats doing today, if you put a smiley face on that, and then you added something like, they are so cute, then she’ll understand it as a joke, but what you’re doing is, you’re hiding behind the text message because you are afraid to say it.
If you said, how are my cats doing today, and you said it with a big, big smile, and you looked at her, she’ll know you were joking, and she’ll be able to play off that joke.
She turned her back, she said she took it offensively, she said they are my cats, you’re crazy and weird because the fact is you didn’t do it with a smile.
You didn’t do it with being playful. It’s all about your voice tone.
What we spoke about the other day on the phone was about voice tone.
Your voice tone needs to be able to show what your actions are meant, also.
So the fact is, she wrote you back and said, I hope I didn’t cause you to leave, I feel that you were being inappropriate with your comment because she didn’t think it was funny because of the way that you said it because you didn’t do it with a smile on your face.
So, just tell her — I would just write her back and say, hey, I was just joking around, I was just being playful, I really like your cats, that’s all.
Don’t make something more of it that it’s not. As for you getting her heart back.
You can’t win her heart back, okay? She has a boyfriend. Just be her friend, okay?
Just be nice to her. Brush this off like nothing happened.
The next time you see her, ask her how things are, be friendlier, okay?
You’re going to meet plenty of women.
The only thing you did wrong here was that you were not able to be playful with this. You just said a statement but you didn’t back it up with a smiley face or being playful, and this is a good lesson for every single person out there. You need to stop hiding behind text, and if you are going to text, you need to make sure that you put smiley faces in so someone knows your joking
Tariq, sorry to tell you buddy, but i can tell you are being really needy with this person, you are looking for her to complete your life. you think if you just have this one girl, everything in your life will auto correct.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t work this way. Like David always said “life is not about finding someone to complete you. YOU complete YOURSELF”, this is how you can attract the person you want, you have to be the attractive person first, thats able to attract everyone, to attract the person you truly desires. but long story short, no one can change your life, or make you happy except YOU.
about the dog leash story, me, david, and khiem were getting lunch yesterday. and as khiem and I are waiting for David to walk Daph, this old lady and her friend in super tight shorts dog starts barking at Daph (which Daph is trying to walk away from).
than the lady start throwing a fit at David that he should get a leash, and so on and so on. All David did was ask her to “mind her own business”, than the guy in tight tight shorts start throwing a fit too. And all David did was walk away, which is pretty cool, because if it was me, i’d probably start talking shit to the old lady in the middle of the street :/
I just got her message. she said, “Just drop it. Please don’t send me any more messages unless pertains to school. I destroyed everthing man.
Tariq
There was nothing there to destroy.
She has a boyfriend and to be honest she sounds really uptight!!
So why should you care anyway.
You had a fantasy about who you thought she was.
If she is making such a big deal of this and let me tell you this is nothing.
Stop giving your power away to one person.
You are a great guy and you will meet someone really cool one day.
Tariq, it doesn’t matter if you don’t get this girl, the fact is: you will NEVER get her. sorry man it’s harsh and i know. you’re only 23 and theres A LOT more rejections to come. you might as well take it and learn from it. But honestly man you have to stop being this needy, you will never get any girl if you’re this needy.
Maybe this rejection is good for you, because now you got a clean field to start working on yourself, and start attracting new women, you need to validate yourself, you need to be fine with alone with yourself, you need to be self fulfilled and self content.
I get rejected ALL THE TIME, just the other day, David and Khiem saw me got rejected by two women, but it doesn’t matter. because life still moves on, and there are plenty of fish out there. And to be honest, i really don’t care, i didn’t lose anything, instead i actually learned 5 minutes of experience thats is going to be carry with me for the rest of my life.
life is like sport and everything else you do, some days it will be phenomenal, and you’ll go “oh man, i just dominated this whole thing”, and some days it is going to be plain horrible, but either way you learn just as much from both type of days that you experience in the sport you do.
One thing is certain though, the more you practice, the more frequent the good days is going to come to you, and the more consistent it is going to be.
And when you do get what you want you will know why it work out, and you won’t question yourself how did it happen, because you know you have put in the effort for it, and why it worked out for you. And you will know that you deserve every single bit of what you have at that moment.
So start bettering yourself today Tariq, start taking control of your own life, and stop blaming others for your situation, and also drop that neediness today and realize girls are everywhere, and they are abundant. We look forward to hear more about your progress buddy.
OK, Tariq, sorry … but I am going to go off of your conversation topic, and talk about the blog because it REALLY resonated with me!!!
I am the poster child for not only wanting people to like me, but also in going to extreme lengths (and through tremendous aggravation) to get people to like me who don’t …. which is so ironic since it seems like the ones I put the most time and effort into are ones I don’t even really like all that well (if at all) …. David, you’ve hit it square on the head that it is 100% a matter of ego that causes this.
The other part of my ego that comes into these situations is the agonizing “Monkey Chatter” (to use your term David) that harps at me “Why? Why? Why doesn’t this person like me? And HOW and WHAT do I have to do to MAKE them like me???” What a waste of time and energy!!!
David, thanks for putting all this in great perspective. As you said, let’s see if I learn my lesson from this, or if my ego will win out yet again. Great blog today
Rey
Great Post you have really come a long way!!!!!
Tariq you should listen to what Rey posted.
Morgan
So true Monkey Chatter will get us everytime
I like that sentence. Stop giving your power away to one person. I know you hated it so much when any guy gets rejected by a girl. Because it happens to you too and you don’t want it to let this happens to any guy and thats why you created a bootcamp. One thing I like about you david is that you speak from inside. You already went through this stuff. You treat every other guy like your brother. I will try my best to stay away from her because she is very angry at me and doesn’t wanna talk to me anymore. But as soon as I am done with school, I am coming for a bootcamp.
Thanks for you DAVID and everyone who adviced me in this matter. I will keep you posted if I need any advice from you.
Hey David, this is such an awesome blog, man! I spent years trying everything I could think of to get an old boss of mine (a true asshole in every sense of the word!!!) to like me … and I probably single-handedly supported the manufacturer of Zantac internalizing every time I got a negative reaction to my efforts to please this person ….
The truth of the matter was that there was NOTHING I could ever have done to please this person … and I wish I would have read this blog about 7 years earlier
This is a great lesson for EVERYONE to read and absorb …. Thanks David!!
Tariq
Anytime and when you see her just be nice and show her that you are bigger than that.
Stan
Lay off the Zantac or buy some stock:)
This was a very helpful blog, sometimes we get so wrapped up in our ego and trying to get everyone to like us that we totally lose sight of the importance of the true friends in our life, the ones that will have your back no matter what.
Why do people waste time on assholes, when they have everything in the friends they currently have? its a funny fact of life.
Once again a great blog and video. Thank You.
We are human. My guess is …. you’re ego will still get in the way no matter how much your body screams at you. LOL Show off … (just kidding!)
Wow!! I’m sooo glad I found out about this website three days ago! All along it’s been my ego and I never knew! My father was one of those types, extremely domineering, hypocritical, and impossible to please. Thing is, I spent my whole life walking on egg shells trying to get his approval and it was never good enough. I realize now how this attitude or mentality of ‘gaining approval to feel safe’ drifted into all my other relationships. It’s been hard to shed this unconscious behavior pattern but atleast now I’m aware. I’ve worn alot of shame my whole life for feeling inadequate. You guys are awesome! Thanks for the insight!
Thanks David … and perhaps that’s a good investment option for me
But here’s one thing I’m wondering based on this blog –
What if, like in my situation, you cannot really walk away from an asshole because you have to see them daily (like if it’s someone who is your boss). How would you deal with an asshole in that situation?
Hey Jay! Great comment … and welcome to the site
If you are liking the blogs this much, you should spend a little time and forage through some of the blog archives … there are some really AWESOME ones 
Why don’t you guys just use a level 4 AMOG destroyer?
Hah! Just kidding. Great posts everyone!
I wonder ,is my ego getting the better of me? Whenever I encounter an asshole(and it seems to be with more and more regularity) i feel it is my duty to somehow let that person know that they are behaving like an ass. I figure assholes may not realize how they are perceived by others , and by letting them know hopefully it might help them to change.
it’s a matter of public service
Jeff
I tend to want to teach people a lesson as well.
The problem is they have no idea that they needed the lesson in the first place
Its better to just walk away and realize they will never learn.
I’m not sure how many people here are spiritually minded, but regarding the conversation on egos, some of you may find it beneficial to read Eckhart Tolle’s “A New Earth”.
Some of these “assholes” have simply been trained in to this way of being by various aspects of their lives and don’t realize it. It’s very self-fullfilling. Their egos feed off their anger. The more they feed it, the more it wants. It can be hard to break that cycle.
But that’s really their problem. You only have control over yourself and how you react to it. By reacting with anger, you not only feed their ego, but you feed your own. Every emotion or reaction to an emotion is a choice. When you have realized this and beginning learning to control it, then you can choose your emotions. You can learn that this person’s anger isn’t about you. It’s about their lack of control of themselves and that it’s not your responsibility to change them or save them. Only to keep control of your own emotions and not get dragged down by them.
This is particularly of use for this group of people since if we can mastery ourselves in this way, it makes social interactions that much easier.
*steps down from the podium*