Drop the Damn Ego
October 23, 2008 
19 Comments
In life, we tend to try to protect ourselves all of the time with our egos. We spend so much time worrying about everything – someone didn’t text me back quickly enough, someone didn’t email me back yet, someone hasn’t called me back!
And then you meet someone who turns you on more than anyone you’ve met in a long time and they don’t respond to an email right away.
First of all, you have to start thinking to yourself, how many times have I gotten a lot of emails? And then you don’t check for a few hours and they just get buried. Or you read an email, you smile, but you’re in the middle of doing something else at work and can’t respond?
Shit happens. Stop standing on principle – you might miss a connection. Your ego gets in the way of so many great things.
If you meet someone and you have great chemistry, it’s worth it to lob in another text or email. You have to be willing to go the extra distance. If you don’t, you might miss out on something spectacular.
The reason why meeting people and dating is so difficult is because we make it that hard. Our egos get in the way all the time. We just don’t go the extra distance.
We say to ourselves, fuck her, man, she didn’t text me back, I’ll go find someone else!
Okay, great, go find someone else. But you thought she was spectacular before. Now you rationalize to yourself that she’s not that spectacular anymore – oh, I didn’t really like her that much anyway.
Yeah, you did! But you spend all of this time convincing yourself that you didn’t, just because she wounded you and you want to save face.
What are you saving face for? Lob in another email or text, or even call her up. She might say, “oh my god, I forgot to respond, I am so sorry, I got so busy at work.”
That ego kills you every time.
Simple truth! Its good to drop the ego! Give people alittle grace and it will come back double.
Hahaha this is just what I needed to hear today. Thanks David!
Me too ^^
Damn, David you are preaching to the choir brotha! Haha.
There really are layers and layers of this in your mind. scary.
hello everyone,
Over all great blog david. A person just need to have some patience.
Secondly, I have a question from you david,
First of all, I wanna thank you and everyone out there who really helped me build my skills with women. I just finish Mastery series volume#4 and absolutely learning alot of things.
Currently I am making alot of friends because I just don’t talk to girls whom I attracted to but to everyone. I am just enjoying my life now, building my own personality and creating a new lifestyle. Right now I am currently focusing on my studies because I am graduating in December.
Question: If a friend touches you twice while talking to you what is that mean? Should I just accept that as a friendly push or this means something different?
Tariq
Sorry one more thing. The reason I asked because I will not be able to listen to any mastery series until december.
Ugh! I hate my ego cause I am too vain sometimes! lol – it totally gets in my way all the freakin’ time! I VOW to NOT let ego in my way again!!! I AM going to go the extra mile cause it is fun and I want to have fun and I want to connect. There ego – TAKE THAT! lol – hey makin’ it “live” helps it really happen sometimes by just putting it out there, ya know?
“That ego kills you every time. ”
i 110% agreed….. don;t let ego ruin us
Fantastic blogs david
thank you:)
Ur damn right DW!
It’s a dance. Sometimes it’s easier for me if I admire the other person’s artistry.
hello,i saw this site on yahoo front page…so thought i’d check it out…..i’m 60 years old….widow and have met this man on line….he lives about a 100 miles away and he is widowed to and age 65……at first we emailed,then chat….he tried for 2 months to meet me,but i kept saying no…..then on a Sunday called him,ask if he wanted to meet…..he was here with in an hour and 1/2………we have had 7 dates within 3 months…..once a week we see each other…..talk on phone 2-3 times a day…..calls me at 8am…8pm…maybe at lunch…….this is my first time to date,since my husband died………alot more to tell..
need help and advice……….probably already know it.
thanks
This is essential for any person that wants to be good at dating.
Put in a little extra effort…and it’s not even effort. You’re sending a text message or email. What’s so hard about that. I respond to well over 200 messages a day!
Just suck it up and decide that you want to control what happens here. In other words, check you ego and be a man.
The same goes for women here too…except for the “be a man” part. Nothing wrong with ladies making the effort as well.
Could you imagine the possibilities if both want to “make the effort?”
An emotional explosion is imminent.
Good article. Everybody hates a bruised ego. Unfortunately, some peoples ego’s are more easily bruised than others.
YUp Totally agree bro…but when do u stop?
How many unanswered text or emails is enough to convince one knowing that she is not interested?
Too true! And while we are enjoying the company of our own ego, maybe someone will peel us a grape while we’re waiting for the next great possibility to appear. DUH!!
If the world is black and white and wherever we meet is the gray area – wouldn’t it be a lot nicer to try to expand the shared gray area? Invite someone else in to make a little more gray? Otherwise we are walking up to the edge of our color boundary and drawing a line in the sand and say meet me halfway. That’s like kissing through a window. Few people share the same definition of what 50-50 is. Step over your line so that the other person knows that they are also free to step over their line. Standing on principle is fine for the law when the issue really is about defined principles. But it has no place in the real world of real people with real feelings who do not share the same background, upbringing, and experiences that you do. That’s why we get to know each other – to enlarge the shared, gray area.
How much is enough unanswered text or e-mail? Your choice. You can cut them some slack and pick up a phone or go see them in person (yeah, I know, God forbid). Or you can sit at home and worry yourself sick and make your friends crazy with your whining. Or you can just blow it off and move on. Or any combination of the above and then a few other choices – like give them a holiday away from you (and your ego). Some might say, ‘get a life’ or ‘enjoy your life and invite them along (but don’t smother them).’ Standing on principle is for inflexible people who think that the world revolves around them…which is fine if you enjoy the solitude of your own company. Want other people in your world? Loosen up and let it go.
Ya know… ego gets in the way of everything. It doesn’t just happen in love relationships. Ego, and the fear it brings with it, seems to destroy everything which enriches. One of the best pieces of advice I have ever seen on this site was the piece of advice that “… you don’t chase, you become attractive…” It works everywhere. If you want love, you drop the unattractive, unloving things you do. If you want money, you drop all the wrong ideas you have about money (i.e. “money is hard to make,” or “I have to pursue money in order to be successful, even if it means the loss of who I feel I am.”) If you want success, you drop all those negative thoughts of being unsuccessful. You become attractive by not forcing the world into your own narrow views of how things should be.
I have been learning these lessons over the last two years, since I was widowed. So many unbelievable things have happened to me in that time. I never knew the worst thing that could have ever happened to me would be the one thing which would shake many of those false ideas loose. Thanks, David, for being part of my own process of shaking free of these wrong ideas.
Matt
Great post, spot on!
Met this really great guy online. He lives in California which is 3000 miles from me. I am not going to
let this deter me. 5 hours away by jet. He is also 18 years older than me, maybe he can help me grow up. Can’t wait to see him, we’re meeting in NYC in ten days. I have set higher standards for myself, not the man I date. Ego aside this time, I feel this may really be something special.