Don’t Be Rebound Man
May 11, 2010 
19 Comments
Somebody wrote me an email the other day, and asked me this question: “David, there’s this woman I’ve been pining for over the years, and she just broke up with a long-term boyfriend. Is now the time to make my move?”
I told him that unless he wants to start playing basketball with her, that this is not the time to make his move. Unless he wants to be “rebound man,” this is not the time to make his move. If he wants to be the guy she with whom she cries, talks and falls in love with for about an hour, then this is time to make his move.
You never want to be “rebound man,” because he never stands a chance of actually getting her. When any relationship ends, you need time to process your feeling, your emotions and the relationship as a whole.
I remember in my 20′s being “rebound man” a few times. I thought it was so cool. I thought, “Timing is everything, and I’m going to make my move right away.”
It was great. We’d get close, then she would freak out and say it was too soon. Then we’d get close again, and she would call and say she was thinking about getting back together with her ex.
You never want to be “rebound man.” You don’t stand a chance. What happens is that as she’s healing and using you as the rebound person, she’s going to meet someone else. She will see you as the person who made her feel better, but will see this new guy as the person who makes her feel great.
So, realize, that unless you want to play basketball that you don’t ever want to be “rebound man.”
I’ve heard exactly the opposite from another dating expert. You were a guest on his show at one point.
He says not to worry about that. If you’re a well-rounded man, you know how lead properly and hold your ground – it doesn’t matter if it’s a rebound or not.
Old relationships take time to process – true. But i’ve seen many cases, when a strong dominant guy would come into a woman’s life right after an old dissatisfying relationship ended, or was going to end – and stayed there for good.
What’s your take on this?
thanks for this blog, david! i actually needed this piece of advice. i guess i’ll make my move later…
david can i ask you a question is it possible to steal a girl in a realationship?is it worth putting effort
Don’t completely knock the rebound man David. That’s how I lost my virginity!
Collin
Is this true or are you kidding?
Collin- its funny you mention it b/c thats exactly how i lost my virginity, i wanted more but too bad she had to go back to her ex again:)
how long you dated her Collin?
chevon gr- i think you really can its not that hard but why do you want to steal someones girl?
I would like to hear what the coaches take on this????
chevon gr
It’s not worth putting at all. If you are able to steal her from another guy, how can you be sure that some other guy will not steal her from you?
A lot of it I think has to do with timing. You can have the perfect girl but if the timing is wrong I don’t know how it can then work out.
I will not ever want to be the rebound man I had enough of that shit in the past.
I kind of like those rebound girls for the sex only and they are like goddess in bed for a short while:)
Jacob,
I met her through a friend. We really hit it off, but then I found out she had a boyfriend. I wasn’t gonna put any effort into stealing her (side note: don’t waste your time trying to steal a girl chevon), but several months later they broke up. She poked me on Facebook, and I knew what that meant, so I let her seduce me after we met for dinner one night. She had already made up her mind to fuck me basically, which made it easy to not mess things up. She wanted to date, but little parts of her personality were deal breakers.
I sometimes wish I’d tried just to see where it went, but I’m pretty sure it would have been a bad idea.
I like the blog entry David and agree. The majority of comments are coming from a different angle – so it all comes down to your expectations.
If you really like the girl and want a long-lasting relationship – wait until she is over the other guy. You could try being friends and just being there for her and see how that goes…
If however you are only interested in seeing if she’ll sleep with you – then don’t expect that she’ll be friends with you after – most likely that will add to her confusion, probably make her feel guilt and regret, thus really turn her off you.
Chevron,
Why do you want to steal her? Is she THAT great of a girl that you feel the need to get her for yourself? Are you really thinking that she’s better than any other potential girl you may meet? Is that why you want her?
Part of me wants to tell you that you have to believe in the power of abundance in knowing that you don’t have to rush… and try to steal someone else’s g/f.
However… another parts of me also wants to tell you, find things out for yourself. Sometimes, you really like a girl and you shouldn’t cut yourself short by ejecting too early! What I mean to say is this: I don’t recommend you trying to steal someone else’s girl….
But I do recommend you make your intentions with her clear. If you like the girl, act in ways that show her that you like her, that you want to flirt with her… and give her the opportunity to really choose for herself who’s better: you or her current b/f.
Khiem,
You’re totally right. There’s a 1000 different problems with seducing and stealing a guy’s woman.
a) The level of trust that is super important in any relationship will be missing. How will a guy be able to tell if she’ll just up and do the same with him.
b) There are MANY single women out there desperate for a REAL man, why steal one from someone else.
c) Not everyone believes in Karma, but put yourself in the other guys shoes.
When the time is right, things will happen. Depending what you’re looking for, you can go for a rebound or wait a bit.
Personally, I’m in a situation like this myself. A woman I’m interested in is currently in a 2 year relationship with a guy. The woman is interested in me and her relationship seems to be coming to an end.
I’m still not interested in taking her away for the guy or rushing into anything.
One of my dating rules for myself is only dating single women. The quality of the relationship is better and if it’s just some tail I’m looking for, there is more than enough beautiful single women who are looking for the same.
Even if a girl seems perfect, I won’t break any of my rules for her.
But that’s just me.
Live and learn!
M
Everyone needs time to get over a love.
What if the girl I want to be with is still “recovering” from her ex who cheated?should I just go for it or tell her that unless she figures things out I won’t do anything?