Don’t Be Joe Jerk
March 26, 2010 
18 Comments
A client of mine was just asking me about how to handle something that happens all too often in a bar. Now my client knows I am not a big fan of the bars, but lots of people do go to them.
It’s always good times when you go to the bar to have fun with your friends, and you run into who I call Mr. Testosterone . . . or, really, Joe Jerk. I call these guys Joe Jerk because they are guys who have been jerking off way too long and have way too much pent up energy.
Joe Jerk is the guy who will walk over to you, and try to get the girl you’re talking with to walk away with him. Here you are enjoying yourself at the bar talking to a girl. Joe Jerk will walk directly over to you using all his testosterone and say something like, “Dude, why are you still on it? She’s obviously not into you. Take a hike, man, so I can talk to her.” They go right for you.
I have something I want to tell all of you guys who do this kind of thing: It’s really ridiculous. It’s bravado. It’s that ‘macho man’ stuff that women really don’t like.
Even if you wanted to take a stab at doing something like this, this is totally the wrong way to do it. You would walk up to that woman and whisper in her ear, “Obviously you’re not into this guy. C’mon, let’s go. Just pretend you know me. We’ll walk away and you can buy me a drink for rescuing you from him.”
That’s what you do if you really wanted to go this route. You don’t try to get into a fistfight with some strange guy, just because you are frustrated that he approached the girl you wanted to talk to first. That doesn’t show any confidence.
If you see a girl talking to some guy, and you truly believe that she isn’t interested in that guy in the least, then try what I said above and give her the opportunity to walk away. If you do this, one of two things will happen.
If you’re right, you will have given her the opportunity to get away from a guy in whom she is not interested. Most likely, though, she’ll look at you and say “No thanks. I’m with him.”
The truth is that guys who pull this kind of crap are the same guys who get into their car and peel out like they’re sixteen years old. Even if a woman is not into that guy, you don’t look much better.
So if a guy does this to you in a bar when you’re talking to girl, you can look directly at him and say “You know what, let’s let the lady decide, because I personally think it is her choice. If she chooses you and your overwhelming personality, then that’s fine with me. I’ll go and talk to someone else.” Then you look directly at the girl, smile and say, “Your choice.”
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Interesting…
Thank you for posting this…guess where I’m off to in a couple of hours lol. Off to see a friend from work play with his band.
Hopefully my countless hours of reading these blogs will help me at least feel more comfortable going there, seeing observations I could comment on, be confident flirting….maybe I’ll come across Joe Jerk himself tonight!
As a woman, I can tell you that David is 100% right about how this kind of guy comes off. Even if I didn’t really want to be talking to the guy I’m talking to at a bar – I would not be any more (and would be in fact less) interested in moving on to a guy like this. “Jerk” is a perfect word for this guy —
He doesn’t come across as confident at all — he comes across as smug . . . and very immature. Nothing sexy about any of that….
The joe jerk guy is an insecure asshole.
are there guys out there that actually think this “joe jerk” approach would really work – on any woman?!
certainly not the out loud version – that would never work ever … unless you’re using it on a woman you probably don’t want to be hooking up with anyway. maybe if she is a golddigger and thinks you have money
guys don’t do this – ever!
Coaches, I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on the whispering approach David mentions in this blog.
It would seem like only a VERY confident — or VERY good-looking guy could pull this off.
Great blog really a great way to be bold. And thanks for the offer below got my copy and can’t wait to devour it!
The guy in the picture doesn’t seem like he gets it, she is definitely not interested.
This is powerful you show us to stand up for ourself and not care what other thinks of us.
Tony
Its really about believing in yourself. When you really believe in your abilities no jerk will have any power over you. Were ever in a situation like this?
Jacob: totally agree about believing in ourself, because in the end its all about what you think about you not what some other guy who you don’t know well thinks.
I’ve come across this “Joe Jerk” type of guy many a time. Honestly, there a couple of different ways to handle this (and I have done them).
1. If I was talking to a guy and Joe Jerk came over to act the way described above, I would look over and say “Do I know you??” or “Are you still talking?” Trust me when I say, they walk away with their tail between their legs.
2. If I was unfortunate enough to be stuck talking with Joe Jerk, I would a) Walk away on my own
b) Start looking around and make eye contact with some guy hoping he’ll come over to rescue me. Once, he’s looking, I do the head nod of come here. Mr Nice guy comes over and I all of a sudden exclaim “Billy, I didn’t see you walk in”…introduce him as my boyfriend. “Goodbye Joe Jerk”
c) Look around see a guy or group of guys and say to Joe Jerk “Gotta go, my boyfriend is right over there waiting for me” then walk up to the guy/guys and say “sorry to bother you, just pretend you’re with me so I can get rid of that guy over there”
So my advice to any man out there, is do not just walk up to some woman who you “might” think needs your help. You will definitely know the signs of a girl in trouble. Even with a guy in front of her acting like a moron, she will make eye contact with you and probably do a head nod of come here or like the above picture she will be basically bent over backwards trying to keep herself away as far away from him without being too rude.
Ben,
Why do you feel that the whisper approach can only work with really confident or really good-looking guys?
The whisper approach shows tact and social savviness. If you see a girl is not into a guy, you CAN be her savior…. but you have to do it in a charming way… which doesn’t compromise her “reputation” with the current guy she’s talking to.
More importantly, it’s about your delivery. Can you talk to the girl in a casual and fun and playful way? If you do it right, a girl will give you a chance.
quick question why u call it joe the jerk?
Ben–I agree with Khiem. It’s all in your delivery and confidence. It has nothing to do with your looks. In fact, if a good looking guy said whispered the same thing in an insecure way that would be a turn off! It’s all about confidence and sex appeal.
Dare ya to try it and get back to us!
David couldn’t you use the power of the walk away, find her later, and say “wow! that guy was an asshole, am I right?”
thats so true guys at bars always do that