Don’t Be A “Yes Man”
August 26, 2010 
6 Comments
Yes sir! Yes Ma’am!
One time, I went to a seminar where all the guy leading the seminar wanted the audience to do was to say “Yes!” over and over again. No matter what the seminar leader said, he expected the audience to respond to with just one word: Yes!
You don’t ever want to be a “yes man” (or a “yes woman”). Why are you saying yes? Why are people “yes men” or “yes women?”
The reason is that they are insecure. They actually feel like nobody wants them, so when they find someone with whom to have a relationship, they agree with everything.
They’re so afraid to rock the boat. They’re so afraid that if they don’t say yes to everything that they’re going to lose this person and never have a chance at another relationship again.
Unfortunately they are unaware of one thing. The truth is that nobody wants to be with a “yes man” (or a “yes woman”).
It drives me crazy to be around these kind of people. I have friends who are “yes men,” and have been stuck in conversations like this:
DW: “Do you want Thai food?”
YesMan: “Yes.”
DW: “How about Mexican food?”
YesMan: “Sure.”
DW: What do you want to eat?
YesMan: “I want whatever you want.”
I really can’t stand it.
Stand up for yourself, have an opinion on things and don’t be afraid to communicate. People will respect you more.
I never respect “yes people.” If someone yes’s me to death, I don’t respect them because they don’t feel like my equal.
Everyone is each other’s equal. So if you feel like you’ve been a “yes man” or a “yes woman” in relationships, then it’s time for you to start saying the magic word: No!
These are two letters you need to learn — “n” and “o.” Use them. Be one with “no.”
Hahaha, genius one.
Ask the a yes man/woman if they are gay…..I would bet that 9 out of 10 times they will say No.
I used to be “yes man” around women whom I find attractive. I did not want them to dislike me. By doing this I was putting value on them instead of putting value on myself.
Nowadays, I sometimes still drift off into this bad habit, but I snap myself out of it as soon as I sense this.
Speaking your mind gains respect from people, even if they don’t agree with you. Being a “yes man” does not.
I personally tend to stay away from “yes people” and those who play “hard to get” to the point of no return.
Again, great blog
It’s so much more rewarding to earn the agreement of somebody than to just have them say yes all the time, and when they say it, you know they mean it.
Perhaps the “yes” at the seminar was to motivate the procrastinators into action….. hmmm
Regardless, being a ‘yes’ man or woman AKA ‘People Pleaser’ does not get you far in life. In this scenario you are giving away your power and letting others control you and your happiness.
Why not develop yourself – work out what your values are and what you stand for? Then if need be fight for that, then let everything else wash over.
Choose your battles. Enjoy life!
Thats a great concept, David, and I would even take this one step further. Don’t be a yes man, and even be a person that gets “yes” from other people. If you get a woman to say yes to your suggestions, she wil feel you are a leader. And this gives you enormous attraction value. So don’t say yes to her proposals all the time, but make the proposals or decisions yourself and make her say yes to them and thus lead her.
Markus, I like your comment and agree.
In today’s world the younger generation (late teens and 20 somethings) have this concept of everything being equal including in a marriage and even parenting.
Working with this age group just last week (which included people from Europe and Asia) it was not until we did a big role/responsibility table on the whiteboard that they could actually see that men and women are different. Women naturally nurture whereas men naturally command more authority. Women will cover their men (and their weaknesses) while men protect their women.
In trying to get this group to see that two heads can often lead to heading in two different directions, I compared it to the man as the head and the woman as the neck (remember the scene from ‘Big Fat Greek Wedding’). A woman can use her influence with her man, but I do strongly agree that it is up to men to lead.
Great post today David!
Brilliant picture too. I knew you’d have that in your blog!
I gotta agree with you there. There has to be a balance of saying yes and saying no. Just like what Terrence said at the end of the movie that :No, that’s not the point. Well, maybe at first it is, but that’s just to open you up to it — to get you started. Then you’re saying yes not because you have to, to because a covenant tells you to, but because you know in your heart that you want to”
So yeah, saying no is good too because it enforces in giving us identity! I mean, how can I grow as a person if I keep agreeing to everything? In life, not everyone will like you for who you are. So stick with those who do tolerate your bullshit and love yourself!
Great post again David.