I Want a Hummer By David Wygant
We had a server issue the last 2 days and I apologize for any problems you may have had getting on the blog.
My tech guy worked through the night fixing it….ok maybe not through the night but you get my attempted humor!!
Today we needed a break from yesterdays highly emotional topic. Today we get to think about something more fun, plus i have an amazing workout podcast at the end of todays blog for all!
Have a great day!!! I in am back NYC for the next few days……Have any of you ever hung out in Mystic CT?
Wow what a pretty part of the country! My mother just moved there and I spent the last few days poking around the coastal towns.
I have to confess, that i was this close to walking into one of the real estate brokers office and looking at homes.
It was so peaceful and mellow up there!!!
When I was in high school growing up, all I ever wanted was a hummer. I used to walk the halls all the time, looking at the hotties from Laura Stewart to Christa Santangelo to Inky Olson to Amy Huddish to Lisa Rutman to Allison Williams… all I ever thought about was getting one of these girls to give me a hummer!
What would it take? Did I need to beg? Did I need to plead? Did I need to ask for the hummer? What was I doing wrong?
Apparently, nothing – now, I can go get a hummer whenever I want – I can walk into a Chevy dealership, put down $650 a month, and I get a hummer!
A man that drives a hummer is really a man that has blowjob envy. Who wants to drive a blowjob? I’d rather receive a blowjob, and enjoy a blowjob, then pay $4.77 per gallon to drive around in my blowjob!
I really do not want to spend $4.77 per gallon to drive around a bright yellow blowjob, or as most guys refer to it, a Hummer.
So all of you out there who drive these things, you really do have blowjob envy!
And let’s talk about some of these other macho cars there are out there these days – what does it say about a guy that drives an Avalanche? Is he someone that likes danger? What is he looking for with an Avalanche? Is he looking for a woman with G-spot squirting orgasms? What exactly is an Avalanche?
Or a Tahoe. What, are you driving a lake? I’d rather go to Lake Tahoe, hang out, and have some fun, than drive one of those big Tahoes around.
It’s funny that a lot of cars resemble what a lot of men wish that they were.
I have a friend who has a beautiful home with a beautiful view, and every time he throws a party he makes sure that his Ferrari is parked in the driveway. Whenever women come over there, they always whisper to me, “David, why does your friend have to park his penis in the driveway?”
It’s really funny – men and their cars. Men talk about horsepower, men talk about revving high – but the only engine that I ever want to rev high is the engine of a beautiful woman.
I drive a Saab – what does that make me? Someone who complains, someone who whines? David drives a Saab, and he sobs all the time. Really, what does that make me? I’m a Saab driver. I’ve had a lot of Saabs. I’ve had BMWs, and I’ve had Audis – I’ve driven just about every car under the rainbow.
But I’ve never driven a blowjob – I’ve only received one. And I’ve never wanted to be in an avalanche – not in Colorado or in one of those big little pickup trucks.
And what’s up with the Navigator? I’d rather BE the navigator. I’d rather be the guy that takes the woman on an adventure instead of having to go drive around in a Navigator. “I drive a Navigator” – I can’t even say it!
But then again, there is the man that drives a little Chevy Cavalier. What does make him? Cute and perky? “Look! Cavalier guy!”
Car names are really funny. What does your car say about you?
And for women, what do you look for in a guy that drives a car – what do you look for in the car?
What about the car with the little horse as the symbol – the Mustang. Are you a guy that has stud envy? Do you drive a Mustang because you have trouble getting it up? You wish you were a mustang – “I’m a mustang.”
And what about a Ferrari? Do you want to be some good-looking, well-dressed Italian guy but you’re really the guy whose belly touches the steering wheel in his Ferrari and he barely fits into it?
Or what about a Touareg? What exactly is a Touareg?
What exactly is a Cayenne? As far as I know, a cayenne is actually a type of pepper that you put on your food that makes you cry when you speak. But what happens if you drive a Cayenne? Are your eyes supposed to water when you touch the steering wheel because of all of the pepper that is in the car?
Car names are very funny. They are made to be macho. But when push comes to shove, I’ll gladly receive a hummer instead of driving one.
Today we go over the best summer workout. Do you want to get into great shape this summer? Do yu desire that beach body by the 4th of July?
This podcast is a must for any man or woman who wants to get into killer shape this summer!!!
Oh David … Can’t we have our hummer and drive one too?!
I would rather have the vehicle type Hummer with a pussy magnet installed (as per Borat).
I always thought that the “Expedition” was aptly titled … Even among the SUVs that’s a big car – plus that thing is big enough to fit all the members of an expedition along with their equipment, pets, families … and a kitchen sink to boot
What I think about the car a guy drives depends on the geography and circumstances the guy is driving that car in … For instance, I live up here in the upper midwest where we have really cold, icy and snowy winters (that last up to 5 months in a year). So, having a truck or an SUV that can navigate icy/snowy roads for almost half the year can mean the difference between getting to work in 45 minutes versus getting to work in an hour and 45 minutes (or getting to work at all).
So, although I can understand some people’s distate for SUVs (I’m not mentioning any names, David
) and although I myself do not drive one, I must admit that every winter when I see a parade of pickups and SUVs effortlessly whooshing by me on the snow-covered roads I swear that my next car WILL be one!! 
Also, I live in an area where there are a lot of tradepeople (carpenters, electricians, heating/cooling guys, etc) so having a pickup or SUV is necessary for their job …
Therefore when I see any guy driving a rear-wheel drive vehicle in the snow and ice weather … I know there is a reason people call them a weenie
Does everyone remember the Probe?! Enough said …
David –
AWESOME podcast!!
Now THAT’s my kind of workout … I think I could be inspired to get into the best shape of my life ever! Who said it’s no fun doing cardio …
You’re the best David! I’ve been trying forever to get my boyfriend to start working out with me … and I think your podcast will promptly and permanently convince him that we should – uh … workout together EVERY single day (or maybe two or three or four times a day)!!!
For all of you that were thinking you might skip this podcast cause you aren’t that into exercise …. TRUST ME — listen to it … and enjoy!
Thanks David — I LOVED this podcast
lol Probe! What about Volvos…
My dream car is an Audi R8. What do you think that says about me
David ?? haha
I can’t recall the name of an old movie with Dudley Moore , i think it was “truth in advertising” or something like that. Anyhow Dudley has a great line in that movie … he’s a burnt out ad exec who’s losing it ,and he presents his slogan to Porsche… “Porsche, for men who want hadjobs from women they don’t know” LOL That just about says it all.
I’m with you Gracie, after the winter we just had outside of Toronto , I can’t imagine driving a “weenie”
Thanks for lightening things up David .
Have a great weekend everyone !
Funny blog…. You forgot to mention your WAGON! xoxo
Hey everyone, David is on the news- check this out!!!!
http://www.news3online.com/index.php?code=729X39wB57n766cNcJpT
That’s crazy Yakub … Cause I was on that same show this morning
I KNEW I had read one time a GREAT and funny article detailing the best and worst car names in history … and after a bit of “googling,” I found it!! Forbes did an article on this — check out the link below, but I pasted a couple of my favorite paragraphs here:
“Those car names that just don’t make any sense to us include, among others, the Buick Reatta; Checker Superba; Oldsmobile Achieva, Bravada, Firenza and Futuramic; Pontiac Astre and Fiero and the Saturn Vue.
Among the ones that put a smile on our face are the Daihatsu Naked; Honda Life Dunk; Honda That’s; Isuzu GIGA 20 Light Dump and Mysterious Utility; Mazda Bongo; Mitsubishi Delica Space Gear and Pistachio; Nissan Fairlady Z and Prairie Joy; Rickman Space Ranger; Rinspeed X-Dream; Suzuki Cappucino; Toyota Deliboy and Toyopet; Volkswagen Thing and Volugrafo Bimbo. We think it’s a shame that the Honda Life Dunk doesn’t sell over here. Its goofy yet inspiring name would probably attract a fair number of buyers.”
Here’s the link:
http://www.forbes.com/2004/07/12/cx_dl_0712feat.html
Okay, well my WIFE drives a bright yellow Hummer H3. Go and try to figure that out.
Maybe that makes me a lucky guy.
Here’s a picture Emily and her “Short Bus”:
http://edumckaytion.com/blog/ten-days-in-mexico-part-one/
Ok I realise that this blog is written somewhat tongue-in-cheek, but I resent the way people automatically assume that if you drive a nice car then you have a small penis or are simply looking to make up for some other sort of deficiency with women. I drive a sports car and I love it. I’ve always been interested in cars, its my hobby. There are thousands of car enthusiasts around the world who enjoy their cars, driving and motorsport, and it has nothing to do with impressing women. Yes there are others who only drive their Ferraris or Porsches or Hummers just to get looks from the ladies, but this does not mean that all car enthusiasts should be painted with the same moronic brush.
Don’t know about much about driving a Hummer, but I’m pretty happy with my crappy red corolla
I think you just combined my 2 favorite things in the world. Thank you David
i like a car as long as it gets me from point a to point b and saves gas at the same time.
As a kid that just came to the states a few years ago, i was always told by my friends that guys who drives hummer are make up for their insecurities of having a small penis.
Sam
I think david meant this as a real lite piece especially after yesterdays. I love men and their cars….as long as they don’t use them as a part of the way to get young dumb women. i Have seen these guys use cars for that and those guys are tacky losers as far as i am concenred
When I see a guy who has this fat belly hanging over the steering wheel with his Nicholas Cage hair flopping in the wind eyeing the young women i just wanna puke!!
One last thing and i am a bit drunk and a bit turned on. Has anyone listened to the podcast?
That was so fucking hot!!!!! David you are a dirty man and I love it. The way you talk about sex really gets me going. I am so wet right now and I need to find a man to do me like you talked about.
I am going to listen again and I am going to picture you doing that to me. Just letting you know that I will have fun tonight with my toy thinking of you doing me all sorts of ways!!
Hey Sam
It was comic relief and you know not every guy who drives a sports car is doing so to show off and use it to hopefully get laid.
But there are many men with no game that really believe that the car will get them women.
This was a blog directed to the man that needed a comical wake up call!
It is not about the car its about the power of what’s inside!
Granted there are women who will go out with a man who has nice toys and as far as I am concerned those people deserve each other!
For the rest of us…….we will enjoy the real connections and not the superficial ones.
By the way the only reason why I don’t drive a sports car is due to the fact that I am 6 2 and find them so uncomfortable!
Have a great Saturday!
David – HOT podcast!
I feel inspired to start building that sexpack immediately 
I can actually testify that your position #1 does result in some amazing orgasms!! Definitely one for all the ladies to put in their sexercize routines 
David
Yeah I knew it was comically based, I was just venting at some of the single minded attitudes I’ve experienced over the years. Hey I’ve seen my fair share of tossers on the road who think the car is an extension of themselves too. I just hate how SOME people think that if you drive a nice car then you’re automatically one of those tools.
David being 6′2 is no excuse! I’m about the same, thats what seat adjustments are for! Come on, I can see you in a nice Mustang or GTO. Just don’t let Daphne chew the interior to bits
Hey David, funny blog entry! And yes, I have been to Mystic CT many times – my father was born in the area and as a kid, I used to go there in the summers. I’m now in the process of buying the 230-year-old farmhouse where he was born, so I’ll be visiting there often from now on! I know a lot of the great places and things to do around there, so drop me an email if you want more info. For starters, don’t miss breakfast at Kitchen Little!!
http://www.roadfood.com/Reviews/Overview.aspx?RefID=618
BTW, thanks for your dating and relationship articles – they are really fun and educational.
Thanks heather!
I don’t think I will be back till the fall but I will be sure to contact you for some more mystic tips!
It was inevitable that fixed exchange rates, even with wider agreed zones of fluctuation, but lacking a world medium of exchange, were doomed to rapid defeat. ,