Do You Use Dating Speculators?
December 3, 2009 
9 Comments
As I was walking Daphne on the beach the other day, I overheard a conversation that two guys who were walking near me were having. In that conversation, they were playing what I like to call “the speculation game.”
As humans, we always speculate. We always feel the need to know the outcome of things. We always want to think about “what if…”
We speculate on the stock market. We speculate all the time when it comes down to picking a stock.
We speculate on football games. How many times do you watch a football game and say to yourself, “Man, if he only man if he only threw that pass. How could he have NOT thrown that pass?!”
We also do a lot of speculating when it comes to human emotions. The conversation that the two guys I heard talking on the beach were having is a perfect example.
One guy was saying to the other, “I got her off several times. I don’t understand why she didn’t call me back. I don’t get it.” Then he went into speculation mode, in which he speculated about all the possible reasons why she didn’t call him back.
He said, for example, that she probably felt too free sexually with him and that made her uncomfortable because she wasn’t used to feeling that way. He wanted his friend to speculate about this woman’s emotions and agree with him.
Keep in mind that the friend with whom he was doing this speculating had never met this woman. Usually the person who is being asked to speculate on what someone is feeling has never met the person about whom they are being asked to speculate.
The speculators nevertheless will speculate just to make their friend feel good. This is the speculation game. It’s really ridiculous, but yet we do it all the time.
We go to our friends for advice. We break down a situation that’s going on in our dating life, and then our friends speculate on what they think the other person — whom they have never met — is thinking.
Obviously the speculating friend is trying to make their friend feel better by doing this. Sometimes in life, though, you’ve got to just let some things go.
The fact of the matter is that unless you are prepared to go directly to the source, you will never know what someone is really thinking. Never. You will never know what they were really thinking, so why play the speculation game?
If someone doesn’t call you back, and you don’t know the reason why from the source (i.e., the person who didn’t call you), then it’s okay because you already have your answer. The answer is that you don’t know. When that happens, you have to learn to let things go.
You’ll never learn the answer to everything in life, so why play the speculation game? The speculation game can really drive you crazy.
Also, think a little bit about the people you are asking to be the speculators. They were not present for any of the events you are telling them about and they almost always have never met the person about whose feelings and thoughts you are asking them to speculate. So why are you letting these people make you feel better?
In life, you need to learn to just let things go. Successful quarterbacks have to master this in order to be successful.
Here’s a great example of that. A few weeks ago, Kurt Warner threw five interceptions in one game. During the next couple week’s games, he came back and threw six touchdown passes. When asked about this, he basically said ‘I have a short memory.’
It’s time that all of you adopt the same mentality in your dating life. You need to develop a short memory that allows you to no longer play the speculation game.
Doing this can get you “out there” and dating a lot more quickly. You’ll also be a lot happier. So let’s eliminate the speculation game, and start enjoying ourselves more.
If we do that, then maybe the speculators will have to find work doing other things. Who knows, instead of speculating on human emotions they maybe decide to go into the stock trading business and start speculating there. It could be a good move for them, since it’s basically the same guessing game.
This is what I call being completely oblivious to all signals. I wonder how this guy is with women. Watch this video I’m going to call “Training Beyond Belief” and judge for yourself:
Speculation really sucks. I mean on the stock market, it’s fun. But with women? I think human beings are the most random creatures existing. It’s impossible to insinuate what another person thinks and to try to predict things. The beauty of being with people is that they are NOT predictable and this makes life so much more interesting. So why speculate? Talk to people and find out
I laughed a lot reading this! So damn true!
I don’t know what men do, but as a woman I could tell you about all the times I’ve speculated with my friends about the guys we date and it feels part of the ‘dating-falling-or-not-in-love’ ritual. I guess we even bond more while talking and speculating about guys
If you have options, I think the speculation game is a lot less appealing because you can move on to the next person you’re interested in.
It sucks to think you have a good thing going, but the reality is much different for the other person. For me I naturally gotta know why why WHY? and “what if”… thats a great game too
But once someone else comes into my radar, its easy not to give a shit about the girl who didn’t call back.
That douchebag lineman even got in the way of his own scrambling quarterback. That qb easily had a lane to the left if the giant tub of lard wasn’t in the way. Dude is more worthless than Matt Leinhart in the NFL. I’m sure he had fun in film room the next day.
CMON MAN!!!
That off. lineman must’ve suffered a concussion during the game like Westbrook, Portis, Roethlisberger, and Warner…there’s no other way to explain it!
Very true David, very true. I’ve had played speculating for a long time, and it took me a while to let some things go. I have a few friends who are also speculators. A friend of mine who likes this girl in school, tells me every time he says hi to her, she greets him with a neutral feel. He always speculates that the girl is not open, or she’s shy. She used to greet with a joyful feel, now it’s neutral.
Now I get it. It’s all speculating… It never occurred to me. Thanks for the post David!
Hi David,
Greetings from Ireland! Great blog again.. Think this can be related to Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, 4 Agreements, one of them is never make assumptions (or speculations I guess!). We normally defeat ourselves or speculate so far from the truth! Sounds like the lads were bragging a bit to each other (I know because I’ve done stuff like this in the past aswell!)- saying she was too open sexually and scared of this, and that he made her come lots… It’s a bit much to be saying to your mates no?
Seems aswell like they’re looking for approval – that these lads had to brag to each other looking for approval from each other and also looking for approval of this girl who didn’t text back either?
Maybe you should coach them David and teach them some of your philosophies!
Another thing is never have regrets or ask what if?, you’ve done your best, if she doesn’t text back – it’s not you, it’s her! Maybe she’s just not right for you! Move on, another 3 billion women out there to find a connection with!
Just a thought… What a pity we don’t have NFL in Ireland – awesome game!
Have a great day,
Philip
Ahhh good old speculation….
David… you and I should bet on our speculations about women with clients. If we are right about what the woman does next with the client, we win something!!!
So you’re saying that we don’t have to worry if someone doesn’t like us,doesn’t want to spend time with you or just, be with you. But David, how do you know if she really isn’t interested or just playing hard to get?
Yeah, I saw this vid a couple days ago on Yahoo. lol
And, sad to say once again, that’s how I’ve too often been with women. Maybe that lineman was also hearing a lot of monkey chatter in his head which interfered with his ability to hear & see what was going on all around him. Or maybe he was waiting for IOIs from the other team.