Do You Overmanscape?
July 10, 2009 
6 Comments
This blog opening is brought to by the good folks at AIG. Okay, it’s actually not, but I was thinking how cool it would be to have a sponsor.
In everything you wrote from them on, however, you would have to sneak in a sponsor’s name. So when I am talking about dating and I say how important it is to sneak in a sly smile, I would then say that you can get that sly smile anytime using Cialis. Anyone who works for an advertising agency and knows a unique way of reaching people, be sure to let me know.
So last night we decided to create our own summer memory. You remember the blog I recently wrote about summer memories? If not, then click here.
We were going to go to Europe for three weeks in August, but decided to hold off on that trip until October. Anyway, in the spirit of summer memories I am going back home to New York in August, renting a house in the Hamptons for a week and doing all the things I loved to do as a kid in the summer.
I actually can’t wait. Going to old miniature golf places and the old beaches I love is going to be a blast!
I decided to take my own advice and create some summer memories. So, for any of you who think I can’t take my own advice, you’re wrong! It’s really going to be fun.
By the way, this part of the advice in this blog is being sponsored by the self-help section at Barnes & Noble. Well, that sounds good anyway. See, all you advertising people, how easy this is?
Also, if you have nothing to do this weekend, you’ve got to rent one of the best all-time summer movies of all time: “Summer Rental.” Speaking of summer rentals, if any of you know of a great one in the Hamptons please let me know . . . that is, of course, as long as it doesn’t look like this:
Speaking of Sponsors, today’s blog could be sponsored by John Deere . . .
Do women come over to your house and are jealous of all the products in your bathroom?
Is your collection of denim more extensive than any woman’s?
Do you have denim that makes your ass look different depending on what time of the month it is?
Do you wonder if certain clothes make your ass look fat?
Do you have bad hair days?
Do you spend more time looking in the bathroom mirror than you do in the rear-view mirror?
Do you change outfits several times before going out on a date?
Do you actually shop and get a new outfit before going on a date?
Do you call friends and go over what everyone is wearing to be sure that two of you aren’t wearing the same thing?
Are you so obsessive , that you will actually not wear one shade darker brown in your belt than the shade of your shoes because it won’t match?
If you think I’ve been talking about you, MISS thang, I’m actually not. I’m talking about you, Mr. Manscaper. I’m talking about the overprimping, ridiculously obsessed metrosexual man.
Laugh all you want, but if this was a Cosmo quiz with a point system and you scored 100%, then you better learn how to dial back to the manliness of our species. Granted, we all do some form or another of manscaping but it’s actually only a problem when straight men embrace ALL of these diseases.
In reality, even when women say they want to date someone like them, they actually don’t want to have to compete for space on the medicine cabinet shelves. You shouldn’t own more tweezers than your woman does, and you should not be tweezing your eyebrows together.
Her denim should outnumber yours, and you should definitely have more ballcaps than she does.
Let’s not even talk about murses and manbags . . . Granted, one is fine but you should not have one to go with every outfit.
Men have become overprimped over the last ten years. I think it’s time to bring back the manliness of men because, as ugly as it might be, men are meant to pass gas, belch, scratch their balls and have women reprimand them for having poor manners. I just can’t picture one of these overprimpers passing gas . . .
Great post David. The Summer Rental clip was funny! hahaha keep it up!
I have to agree with you. Maybe just keep a few metrosexual stuff with you, but c’mon, we’re men, we’re dudes! Getting dirty is our thing!
Mmm, I think outward appearance is important no matter the gender, but definitely, men must not have more accessories and clothing stuff a girl has. A nice suit, flannels, buttoned shirts and jeans are good enough.
But since we live in such a competitive world of looks, some men and women feel the need to “peacock” to the max.
I was hoping this would be a treatise on the “shave yourself baby smooth” trip that is going around (courtesy of Gillette – in their quest to sell more atrociously priced razor blades they’re trying to convince the young men of America that they need to look like an International Male catalog model with hairless man-bits).
There are certainly men who primp like ladies, but they seem fewer and farther between (except for the shaving part – seriously, look up “Gillette shave” on YouTube). Billabong isn’t going to go out of business anytime soon.
And it’s not a manbag, it’s a satchel.
With that title, David, you completely missed the obvious sponsorship: Gillette, whose push to have young men shave their entire bodies baby-smooth is a step on the road to the idolization of International Male catalog models, all to cynically fuel sales of a multinational corporation’s criminally expensive razor blades.
See for yourself: search “Gillette shave” on YouTube and prepare to be dumbfounded.
The complete metrosexual, however, seems to have tapered off a bit from its Queer Eye peak. There will always be the guys who are a bit too narcissistic for their own good, but they aren’t going to listen to you, me, or anyone. The rest of us need to find that happy medium.
Sorry for the dupe, David – didn’t get the moderation message (even after clearing cache and refreshing) the first time.
Have fun in New York you and your gal. I remember a country song: Thank God I am still a Guy. I like to hear that song for it reminds me of the straight guys that I have met along the way.