Do You Hold Back In Bed?
September 24, 2009 
20 Comments
Yesterday’s topic was definitely controversial. About yesterday’s topic, I think that when you’re in a relationship there will be less chance of you seeking out opposite sex friends if you can let go sexually.
Now when I say “let go,” I am talking about you being able to be open about your needs, asking for what you want, and being that crazy person in bed you’ve always wanted to be. This goes right into today’s blog topic.
So let’s get right into this topic and see if we can get the controversy going again…
I was thinking today about sex. It’s not like I don’t ever think about sex. I actually enjoy thinking about sex. There was one thing I was thinking about that was really interesting.
I want you to ask yourself this question: In your sex life, how easy is it for you to let go?
When your lover goes down on you, how is easy is it for you to let go? How easy is it for you to totally give into them, and to let them do whatever they want?
Can you just “go with it” and really just enjoy it? Can you accept that they get pleasure and enjoyment from bringing intense pleasure to your body? Are you able to do these things?
You know what’s funny, is that so many of us (men included) have trouble having an orgasm from oral sex. It’s true. There are men out there that just will not cum from a blow job.
I think it’s all about self-control. Think about it.
If you know how to please your lover, you should really be pleasing your lover on a regular basis. I mean, who doesn’t want to be pleased? Who doesn’t want to experience the beauty of an orgasm (and the beauty of an orgasm from your lover’s mouth)?
So if you’re having trouble climaxing with your partner, you need to think about the reason why that is so. What do you think about when your partner goes down on you?
Are you releasing everything? Are you holding anything back? Are you in control of yourself? Are you over-thinking it or do you just go with it?
In order to really be able to orgasm with your partner — especially during oral sex — you really need to be able to totally let go. If it takes an extra ten minutes one night, who cares? If it take an hour to cum and you’re enjoying it, who cares?
It’s all about having that intimacy, and the greatest thing about intimacy is letting go. Each day you can get more intimate with your partner. You can get more intimate in every way.
So why hold back? There is no reason to ever hold back sexually from your partner. It’s a lesson that I think all of us need to learn.
I love intense feeling of an orgasm so sometimes I hold back so I can have that feeling over and over. I practice techniques which help that but when I finally let go……the greatest feeling in the world.
Well David,
That’s really good advice, as usual. Although I’m not sure how it ties in with the previous post.
I don’t think how good you are in bed relates to whether or not you wish to meet new people or make new friends.
Since you’ve continued into a thesis about meeting new people of the opposite sex being bad for a relationship, I must wander over here from the previous discussion to counter with my own point of view which is completely contrary.
A hard fact in life is that we do grow tired of one another. Part of the chemistry of attraction includes a desire spun by the intrigue of someone else’s life.
It’s when you look at that gorgeous woman and you think and feel: “Wow, I’d love the thrill of experiencing a piece of this person’s life”. To me, this even inflates sexual attraction.
I feel like what happens when couples over-saturate with each other is that the thrill and individuality begins to erode. And by over-saturate, I would mean:
-Living together
-Doing EVERY thing together
-Sharing a limited social life together
-Spending between 5 and 7 days a week together
-Making all future plans together
et ceterra.
Are relationships like this destined for ruin?
No.
But are they at risk?
Easily.
It feels great in the first span of a relationship to be this close. But how about after 1, 2, 3, 4 years?
And what’s the latest figure about men cheating? I think it’s something way too high to believe.
If you really want to keep a relationship fresh, I can see no alternative than to reignite individuality. This includes separate social lives with BOTH sexes and time OFF so the couple is not smothering each other.
What if this behavior leads to jealousy? Then my answer is that if it causes jealousy and paranoia, then the love was perhaps not as unconditional as you believed.
As i’ve mentioned previously, of course, it’s important to have undivided attention when you’re raising a family (when there’s kids + work going on, couples see each other so infrequently anyway that they’re definitely not over-saturated!)
In summary, we need to keep our own lives, to some extent, at all times. I’m not sure why, but it’s part of our culture that couples who are really ‘in love’ should be forged to each other’s bodies. But, why do men – and women – so often go crazy after a while and do desperate things like sleep with their secretaries, disappear on secret vacations to get away from their spouses, and other dishonest things?
One way of keeping your own life is by doing things like keeping opposite-sex friends around and continually meeting new people / updating your social life.
PS: While I’m here, I’d also like to send a thanks to David Wygant. Your material is how I deprogrammed myself from years of “pickup artist” training. I had become really inauthentic and full of lines and schemes after listening to the wrong coaches. But then I learned how to become natural and legit again. Thanks!
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Hey guys
I’ve had some problems with oral sex in the past. There were some girls who would never let me give them oral sex. There were some weird moments, because I would keep trying and trying but they would just cover it with their hands. I didn’t find the appropriate time and the courage to ask them why they wouldn’t let me. Does someone know why could this be?
Thanks a lot
If you are not able to let go and let your partner what will turn you on, then I often this could lead to detours. We all have a need to feel safe with our partner so we can tell them what turns us on, without being judged.
Hey guys
I’ve had some problems with oral sex in the past. There were some girls who would never let me give them oral sex. There were some weird moments, because I would keep trying and trying but they would just cover it with their hands. I didn’t find the appropriate time and the courage to ask them why they wouldn’t let me. Does someone know why could this be?
Thanks a lot
Ok talking about not holding back…I just got this friend request from someone on FB. He apparently had seen my toes on a fan of flip flop site..and must have liked them in a I wanna suck your toes kind of way…ok each to their own but this kind of honesty from a stranger is a tad odd.
I am 30-years old and two months ago was the first time I had a man go down on me. I mean really go down. Not just hang there for a moment and move on up.
And it was AMAZING. Honestly, it didn’t feel as amazing as I had hoped. But it was amazing giving Mr. Go Down the control of the situation and letting him explore and attack my body. I had to take a moment to collect my thoughts and concentrate on the sensations I was feeling, instead of my fears about whether he was enjoying himself.
I learned that during my last relationship. I have recently had the first truly satisfying sexual relationship in my entire life — and I’ve been having sex since I was 16.
In the past sex was so much about fear and compliance. But this time I decided to take and give control. To breathe and get out of my head and back into bed. And that was also AMAZING. I would get on top if missionary wasn’t doing it for me. I moved his hands to my hips and told him to pull…And when I started having an orgasm I just let myself go. I just took a little control here and gave a little there.
That’s how I was with the Mr. Go Down. I moved where I wanted and moved him sometimes. I let myself make noise and I slowed him down from time to time. And when he told me to stand up, turned me around slammed my body against my wall, put one arm around my neck and used the other hand to…
…well I told him I wanted him to speed up.
It can be really easy to open up. Just one word can let your lover know what you want or need…more, faster, harder, slower, deeper, softer…all those things. Move his or her hands where you want them…and fellas, please do not be afraid to moan and groan and maybe even scream.
Honestly, if a guy doesn’t make noise while I’m giving him a blow job I will probably never give him one again — not a whole one. I’ll just do the precursor as I’m putting the condom on or somethign. I need some indication that what I’m doing is working.
Also, almost everything sounds sexier if you whisper it breathily into someone’s ear.
After our experiences, Mr. Go Down actually told me I had an amazing sexuality and he was so excited by my direction and ability to let go. So, no…I guess I don’t hold back in bed…or in the kitchen…on or the bathroom trail…or that nice grassy spot next to the hiking trail that one time…or on the living-room couch…
Crystal
Thanks for sharing something so personal with all of us.
I want all the men to really read what she wrote!!!
It has some really important info and tips in there.
Great share Crystal
you know, now that you mentioned sex, lately, my neighbor on the second floor of my neighbor on my left has been working on with her partner. even last night. I was having a wonderful dream and stuff, and I woke up at the middle of the night, and they were still at it. “My God! of all the hours of the day, why now?” I said to myself. Lol but I was glad for him for giving it to his girl 4 or 5 times a night because people complains that passion is always lacked in their relationships.
so, now I’ve learned that my future goal will be 7 times a day because number 7 to God is PERFECTION! ;D and yes, the best way to let go is to challenge your partner for a race. “I’ll race ya to see who cums the fastest. I still hold the record: 7.27 seconds!” Lol ;D
thanks for the blog
Peter- I think maybe some women worry about how they smell, taste, or feel. Maybe a few reassuring words, like “You smell/taste great” or “It’s beautiful” would help her relax and enjoy it? There may just be some ladies who don’t like how it feels, but why is beyond me
So right Amy and it works the other way too if you are giving a bj. if you reinforce that you wants his cums and can’t get enough of him.
Don’t mean to throw the posting off topic but is it wrong to not go out with a girl because you don’t agree with their choice of rowdy friends which some say reflects the person?
By the way great post David. I think part of letting go with a person is to become more intimate with them thereby letting yourself more easily let go
Don’t mean to throw the posting off topic but is it wrong to not go out with a girl because you don’t agree with their choice of rowdy friends which some say reflects the person?
By the way great post David. I think part of letting go with a person is to become more intimate with them thereby letting yourself more easily let go
Damn Crystal!
That was one great story. Thank you for sharing and for not holding that story back. I find that inspirational because your story gave insight on how a women thinks when she is having great sex and what she wants. I never knew that women like for us to make noises when giving us oral sex, I really thought it was embarassing for us to do that. Thanks!
I’d really like to know what men get from sex. Hey, I’m serious here! I’m wondering if it’s different from what women get out of it.
The last man I was with would ONLY have an orgasm with oral sex or a combination of oral and my hand(s). Wow that was fun–I got to try all kinds of things I always wanted to play around with.
I was wondering, have any of you ever experienced this?
Cyrus,
I think there are several reasons why sex fades.
I agree with you that too much togetherness might result, as you put it, in “overexposure.” If each partner has his or her own interests separate from the other’s, then they are always bringing newness to the relationship. That being said, there ARE couples who seem to spend every waking minute with one another an it works out fine, too. Maybe these couples are better at retaining their individuality and bringing creativity to their relationships.
The polarity between masculine and feminine that makes sparks fly sexually often seems to get lost in a long term relationship. Partners sometimes lose their masculine or feminine edge and become more alike as they get closer and more intimate. This is never good for hot, wild sex.
Couples also put their priorities elsewhere–money, children, household stuff–or trade their sexuality for the mundane aspects or distractions of everyday life.
Many women work outside the home, and they must put themselves into masculine mode to accomplish and be productive in their jobs. When we come home, we need transition time to get into our feminine.
I think the diminishment of sex is a huge loss in a relationship. Sex is a form of communication that goes beyond talking and words; it’s play–and we all need to play, especially as we get older! Something like 95% of all communication is nonverbal. If sex is cut off, or becomes less important to one or both partners, it’s like cutting off the relationship’s legs, and it’s hard to go anywhere.
Big…one of the things that makes sex exciting and scary is the fact that there are a lot of elements of sex that are potentially embarassing. But that means it is also a chance to be brave and vunerable at the same time. It is a situation where our best and our worst can come out.THat’s why letting go is impportant. It is also an amazing opportunity to get to know yourself better.
Some women may not need noises, but rather prefer talking during oral sex. One of the men I performed this act on made noises that made me think I was hurting him. I might have preferred him saying, “oh that feels so good.” Or just a few “Oh, yes,” “keep going” and “that’s so hot” can be reassuring enough to keep me going (sucking and suck) for a half an hour.
I’m not comfortable enough with a man going down on me to tell him what to do (yet), but I do make enough noise to let him know how it feels. I don’t know what other women are like in bed, but my recent experiences have gotten me curious. I have always considered it just polite bedroom ettiquite to let each other know how it’s going.
And Pete, Amy was right on with all of her reasons. But, honestly, I think a lot of women (an people) have a hard time accepting oral sex. They feel selfish or they can’t get out of their head. In fact, my last boyfriend had a hard time accepting anything from me sexually. He constantly wanted to give but couldn’t receive.
And it manifested itself in the rest of his life. Life, or God or the Universe or whatever you want to call it had stopped giving him things because he would rarely accept them ad all and when he did he did so begrudgingly.
You can learn a lot of life lessons in the bedroom and while we dated I helped him learn that one — as much as I could in nine months. I hope he is continuing he lesson.