So this morning I didn’t know what I was going to write in today’s blog, until I was driving down Pacific and saw something I could not believe. I look up and there was an ambulance driving near me with it’s lights on and the siren blaring. The thing was, it was only driving about 15 mph and both guys were sitting in the front seat drinking Starbucks.
Now really, there can’t possibly be someone in the back of that ambulance when it’s only traveling 15 mph and when the two guys in the ambulance are sitting up front enjoying their morning latte. I just sometimes think ambulance drivers are like little children, and think it’s fun to play and put the sirens on as they’re driving around town.
I know if I was driving a police car, I’d put the sirens on half the day just to screw with people. I’d enjoy making people sweat. I’d turn the siren on if I saw someone jaywalking. I’d turn the siren on if I didn’t feel like using a public restroom and wanted to get home faster. I’d especially turn the siren on if traffic was too busy and I wanted people to get out of the way.
So on to today’s topic which is all about some of the parallels I realized exist between the way people drive and the way they date. Here’s how this concept came into my head.
The other day I was driving. This is the second time I’m talking about driving recently in a blog. Gee, I wonder if I live in Los Angeles or not. . .
So the other day as I was driving, I kept wondering what is wrong with people. Really, how hard is it to make a left-hand turn? The problem in Los Angeles is that so many people need a full six car lengths between them and the car in front of them that they end up always blocking the left turn lane.
I think this is because LA people have a fear of each other in the first place, which extends to trying to stay away from each other in their cars too. What this always causes, however, is traffic jams.
Then when you honk at them, they look at you like you’re crazy. I wonder sometimes if after you’ve honked at someone, they go home and say “Honey, I got honked at six times today. There are so many assholes on the road!”
No, it’s really more that you are the asshole on the road if you’re getting honked at six times in a day. It’s not about them . . . it’s about YOU. Really, driving and dating have a lot of similarities.
In fact, I’ve found that a lot of people date the way they drive. I can even tell by the way someone drives exactly what kind of person they’ll be in a dating/relationship situation.
All of these “afraid of getting closer than six car lengths to the person in front of me people,” they are afraid of intimacy. They’re also not going to be great in bed. Let’s put it out there.
Are you one of those people who is just terrified of intimacy, so that when someone tries to get close to you never let them near because you’re always worried that you’ll be cheated on or betrayed? If so, then you probably drive like one of these people who separate themselves from everyone and the left turn lane.
What about the people who don’t ever use their blinker? In Los Angeles, I think using the blinker is optional because no one ever seems to use their turn signal.
Los Angeles is supposedly the flakiest town in the world, so really people who don’t use their blinker probably don’t like to commit to a decision.
If you’re out on a first date with someone and you notice them not using their blinker, then beware because they are going to be flaky and never know which way they want to go (left, right or straight). They won’t know if they want to go out with you again.
You go out on a date with a person who uses their blinker, though, and when that person asks you out again they are determined to go out with you. Blinker users are people of action and always know which way they want to go (left, right or straight).
What about people who are always laying on their horn and being impatient? I’m talking about those people who constantly lay on the horn, screaming and yelling at people. Now, granted, I will use my horn as it was intended: as the “wake the f^&% up device” for slow driver, but people who use their horn constantly are a different breed.
Think about what they are like in bed. No, I don’t mean that they’re extra horny. I mean they will be very impatient. They’re the person who would come right away during sex, then turn to you and ask if you came. If you say no, they will get angry and respond with something like “Why the f%&^ not?!”
If you’re dating someone who falls asleep all the time at a red light, then you also know a lot about the kind of person they’re going to be in a dating relationship. They are the person who constantly has to be prompted to go.
You’re going to have to remind them to do everything. You’re going to have to constantly ask them questions like “Did you remember to pick up your clothes at the dry cleaners?”
How about the annoying people who have to slow down to a ridiculous speed whenever they see a police car or an accident? You’re in a relationship with that person and as along as everything’s going great, then they will be great.
If there’s the slightest rock in the boat or if you try to move things along, then they’ll be the one to say things like “This is all going a little to fast for me.” I call this dating Gridlock Joe or Gridlock Annie.
What about people who are always stuck in the middle of a box of traffic and cars, and never seem to be able to take the initiative when they’re driving? That person is a ‘momma’s boy’ or a ‘daddy’s girl.’ Every time anything happens, they need to get everyone else’s opinion before taking action. They can’t ever listen to themselves.
Let’s talk about last-minute mergers. You know who they are . . . on the road and out on a date. You go out on a date with them and it’s a great date. Then you don’t hear from them for five days, and when you finally do hear from them they want you to meet them in five minutes (because they waited all week to decide whether to call you).
Then there’s the people who won’t make a right turn on red. These ones personally drive me crazy. They will be the ones when you’re out to dinner together will say they don’t care what the two of you order to split, but who will then make faces and eat it begrudgingly when the meal arrives.
How about the people who are on a road that is unlined, but clearly big enough for two lanes, and insist on driving smack dab down the middle of the road. They have no regard for anyone else.
These people are the cover-stealers and the middle of the night toilet flushers. I mean, really, let it simmer. The only reason to flush the toilet in the middle of the night is if you’ve done a deuce.
Those people in the middle of a two-lane road are the ultimate inconsiderate people. They won’t move over for anything, and they give you a dirty look if you try to urge them to move. They WILL be the cover-stealers in a relationship.
So be watchful whenever you’re driving with someone you’re newly dating, because the way that person drives will be inevitably no different than the way they date.
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Well my ex-boyfriend always was wishing he was driving whatever car was driving next to us . . . so the fact that he was a cheater should not have come to any shock I guess
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I like these analagies. So if the person just plain can’t drive and are always getting into accidents…. can’t make the right decissions in a relationship ?
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I don’t drive and could care less about driving. What does that say about me?
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Right turn on red, took me a while to get a hang of coming from Europe.
Never pays attention to where I go, when I am a passenger, doses off to lala land. I guess I have to be in charge or be a part of the decisions process to fully pay attention.
A a note comment I hate automatic prefer shift. NO it’s does not have a double meaning.
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So does that mean it’s also a bad idea to talk on my cell phone (or worse yet, text) while I’m having sex? Ohhh… that explains why it always ended badly.
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I love to hug the road…feel the curves….gun it super fast, and then pressure the breaks… There are times when I drive like a bat out of hell, and there are other times when I take my time. All I know is that I like to see what my car can handle… and I go those places with it. If it needs a tune-up, I bring ‘er in…they have a look under the hood, apply some lube and screw things back on tight… eventually, she’ll need a wash, so I scrub her and hose her down and wax her until she sparkles…this is so that she can turn heads as she zips past…
Man, I could just keep going with this…
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Noah,
That description might have been too much for some of our inhouse sex addicts…lol
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well, I live in NYC and drive only about every 4 years…so, no, I don’t have sex like I drive.
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Signals or “Blinkers” or also devices for communication. Signals are very underrated today. If people use their signals it could be interpreted that they are effective at communicating very well. That is very selfless and a great commodity to have in a relationship. Just a thought….
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Hmmm, interesting concept. What does that say about my visit to a third world country years ago? My host pointed out that you can always tell if the driver in front of you has never driven outside of their country before because they don’t use their blinkers at all – they just stick their hand out of whichever side of the car that they intend to turn…and yes, if it is right and there are other people in the car, they have the passenger stick his hand out of the window on the right side of the car! Talk about strange. If there is no one else in the car, you could see them pointing to the right INSIDE the car!
In that country, you could also run a red light IF there was no one else at the intersection and IF it was after midnight! I think that their basic cultural philosophy was that they tried.
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Marina – it is also legal here to turn left onto a one-way street from a one-way or two-way street at a red light, after you have come to a full and complete stop. You must, of course, still yield to any on-coming traffic. This probably explains the local philosophy of “live and let live – however there ARE rules,” meaning a method to the madness – see RCW 46.61.235(1).
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I dont drive yet….
What about people who drive fast like they’re racing and probably do underground racing? Some are careful some aren’t.
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This brings up some interesting implications.. As I’ve learned to drive better (I’m 31 and just got my license 2 years ago) I’m starting to find my ‘car personality’. Now.. does that help me define my ‘relationship personality’?
Actually I imagine it could.. driving does things to your mind. Or mine, at least. The ability to go places when I want has added some confidence, and now that I’m really beginning to know what I’m doing out there, there’s just a whole new dimension to it, making me feel in control and really enjoying – as Noah says – hugging the road now and then, pushing the engine as far as it goes on the highway ramp, etc. It’s personal development, I think
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In one respect, at least, this advice does not apply in China. Everyone honks their fucking horn about everything. It’s in the driver’s manual. Want someone in front of you to speed up? Honk your horn. Want to turn? Honk your horn. Bored? Honk the goddamn horn. It drove me nuts when I was there for a month.
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Ambulances also transport passengers who are patients being discharged from the hospital back to a nursing home, so not an emergency situation. There was that whole other blog where everyone commented on the leaf blower…I had to comment on the ambulance.
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a.movie- that means you are staying home way too much, and the women will not come to you:)
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D- That is very funny b/c when I was in China I went nuts man! People just honked every time non-stop, when I was in bed, that honk wouldn’t stop, I felt like I kept on hearing it in my dreams as well:)
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kismet- i think people who drive too fast have no self control, they come too fast in bed, and the one’s that are careful are beginning to become more aware that they come too fast and eventually they will stop driving because of a huge accident which means impregnating some woman.
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i used to drive fast but after my big accident, which left me in the hospital for few weeks, i started to practice safe driving, so for all men and women who drive fast, please be responsible!
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What a blog today, love your sense of humor David!
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some reason of these stuff feels like so true especially for me the last minute merger:)
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K
funny you should mention the hand, just saw one if florida today in a very old car doing the exactly same thing when he was turning..
But with the right car a ride of +125 mph feels like a smooth ride, you don’t even notice you have reached speeds that high…. naturally I have never driven that fast..
… No Never
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Nice parallels David, but as a flight nurse, I can tell you that its totally possible for both guys to be up front with a latte while the flight crew is in the back attending to the patient. So what parallel can be made there?
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(About people who are always laying on their horn) “Think about what they are like in bed. No, I don’t mean that they’re extra horny.” <-Loved this quote! I laughed when I read it.
I don’t have a car, so I don’t drive. What about people who ask for rides?
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There is a lot of stories that I can come up with on this one. But how about the one you see driving and primping themselves or trying to read a map by the map light. Or the need for speed person get the f@@@ out of my way. The one I love is I am sitting in the left turning lane and there are a least a dozen of cars coming the other way you know the suicide lane and this person blows there horn in hopes you will move. Well I will look in my rearview mirror and say if you are in a hurry go around me. One time I did this and I found out the next day it was a girl that I worked with she almost got hit by the cars that had the green light making a left around me. As far as blowing the horn horn blows does your momma. Now what gets me is granddad/grandmom behind the wheel scared to do the speed limit of 55. But think they are taking a cruise in Ashland City Tennessee which the speed limit is 30. There is another blink your lights when I just passed a cop on the side of the road well I don’t worry about the cop until he has me pulled over and writing me a ticket who knows it will be my luck that it would be my cousin.
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Its funny coz my driving teacher was always telling me abaout analogy with dating. If i push break to fast he was yelling at me “Be gentle with it, if you so suddenly kiss a girl like a jumping on her u gonna scare her and you get slap in your face!” He was comparing every move in the car to a date!
And you know what ?
He was my best driving teacher ! And he teached me drive good.
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howe:
couldn’t it be that they’re more wild in bed? though your response does make sense
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Kismet,
What is your definition of wild in bed?
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