Do You Have Scarcity Mentality?
June 13, 2008 
14 Comments
Scarcity Mentality By David Wygant
I recently sat down with one of my clients. Here is the actual transcript. Enjoy and have a great Friday!!
Markus: One thing we were talking about yesterday is the scarcity mentality: thinking all the time that you’re missing something. You walk in the city and see a square full of people, and many times you think, oh, I have to be there too. Because everyone is doing it, and if I’m not there, I will definitely miss something.
But on the other hand, maybe it’s just better to go home then, because you had a good evening anyway. You can go to bed early, and get up on Sunday and have another great day.
But this scarcity thing plays into many different parts of life. For example, you have a girlfriend, and you constantly try to call her and please her, and you run after her, because you think that if you don’t do it, she will be offended. You will miss something, she will miss something, and you will not have the opportunity to be with her again.
Or the opportunity to find another person – it’s always this thinking that I will miss something. If I don’t do that now, I will never have the opportunity to do that again. So the question is, how do we overcome that?
David: It’s funny, we were walking through that square, and we had a great day in Amsterdam, where we walked around and we talked to a lot of different people. We made some better connections than others, and some were quick little conversations. Some where longer conversations, like the two women on the bikes, who even invited us for a drink.
That scarcity mentality is very funny because then we were walking through that square at 11:30 at night, and we were tired after a long day, and it does kind of suck you in. You think, this could be the one night that the magic could happen. Standing in this square until 4:00 in the morning – this could be the night of all nights, where a different result will occur that has never happened before.
This could be the party of the year that I missed – there is that whole mentality that people have when they get invited to a big summer party, and they gear up for it all summer long. All week before they think about it, and you know what? There are three other parties that day!
Then they have this painful process of trying to figure out which party is the best one to go to, and then all of a sudden, they go to the WRONG one. Their friend calls them the next day and says, “oh man, you should have gone to Joe’s summer barbeque – it was amazing! All the hottest women were there…”
And you think to yourself, oh man; I can’t believe that I missed it. How could I have missed that party? I can’t believe I made the wrong decision, I can’t believe I did this!
But this is what you need to believe: deal with it! One night is not going to change your life. If you miss a party, so what? That is scarcity mentality.
There’s not going to be another party? And who says that you’re going to get the same results that your friend had at that party? And who says that you were going to meet the woman of your dreams at that party? Most of the time you don’t! It’s the hype – it sucks you in.
You have to do things that you enjoy every single day, so that way, at the end of the day you go to bed, and you don’t feel like you’ve missed anything. You feel like you’ve accomplished everything that you had wanted to accomplish. That gets rid of the scarcity mentality.
Secondly, just deal with it! You can’t be everywhere at every moment, you can’t chase the night, and you can’t chase your life. So you make a decision, and you deal with it. And you know what? If you miss something like a party, so what? There are more!
If it comes down to women, and you feel like you’re chasing your woman at all times – having to answer her every single phone call, every email – you feel like you’ve just been whipped. You feel like you can’t have any personal time? That’s another example of the scarcity mentality. It’s because you don’t believe that you deserve the woman in the first place.
So what you need to do is believe in yourself and believe in the relationship. Believe in the women that you’re cultivating. But it all comes down to believing in yourself.
Life is abundant – it’s only your mind that makes it scarce.
Right now I am going to give you a sneak peak into what I just emailed all my customers. I created a program just for them about how to meet women this summer.
It goes over mindset places and ways to make this summer the best summer of your life. It is a 90 minute audio that will change the way you meet women this summer.
Today we dig even deeper on how to communicate better with women without all the scientific pickup jargon.
I just found myself in this article.
I want to be everywhere all the time and experience everything, know everything, everybody, be friends with everybody, listen to everything, read everything etc etc etc.
At the end I just end up disappointed that I was not everywhere all the time, that I did not experience everything etc etc etc
I know that it is all in my head and just need to get rid of it somehow.
Thank you for the tips David. S
About a year ago just before I was introduced to the seduction community I was absolutely convinced that I was not capable of attracting most girls. I had only had 1 girlfriend, and I drove her away by being overly loving and affectionate (and needy) until she finally broke up with me. I was living and breathing a scarcity mentality because it was all I ever knew.
When I look back at that time in my life now, I realize how incredibly limiting and unnecessary that mentality is. There are SO MANY amazing people in this world, and finally having the confidence of knowing that I am worthy of those people has opened up more doors in my life than I ever thought possible.
I’ve been working my way through the scarcity/abundance maze. Time and again life points out the abundance, yet I keep finding my self taking scarcity based actions… When I catch myself I’ll stop and adjust with varying degrees of success. So far that mental outlook leap has eluded me. I understand it, I see it, but I haven’t been able to live it with that felt knowing. (At the same time I would not be surprised if others feel my life demonstrates it.) How does one make the leap of faith from intellectually understanding something to embodying it???
Ken,
Scarcity mentality is fucking up our lives day by day. I am also one of those people who are too much “in their heads” and think things over. But the problem is exactly this thinking. Thinking puts us out of the moment. But living in the moment is exactly the opposite – it is when we don’t think but just enjoy the moment. It is difficult to “explain” but an easy thing to just try out. Make an experiment: The next time you’re hanging out and your head tells you “oh, it would be cool now to be in that other place” and you begin thinking, just kick back and relax and enjoy the place where you’re in that moment. Try to find the cool side of everything you see. Observe all the details that are around you and that you might have missed so far. You will note how your mind changes and you begin to relax yourself and enjoy, automatically! This works for me all the time – but still it is hard sometimes, I have to admit!
Markus
Markus
You know this blog was all about that last night in Amsterdam!
I used it for inspiration!!
Great post!!
Wow, this blog could not have come at a better time for me…
Last night there was this amazing DJ performing at my favorite club, but I decided at the last minute not to go. Then today, I’ve had like 4 friends call me to let me know that I apparently missed out on a party of a life time. Needless to say I was pretty bummed
I was kicking myself earlier, but at least now I’m seeing things from a more useful perspective. So yeah… I feel better. Thanks!
great blog! this is why learning from David is so special, its not just about picking up chicks (although that part is awesome), but it is really about how to lead a fulfilling life. at times i have scarcity mindset hovering over my mind whether its girls, money, or whatever. It is nice to be remind myself that life is full of experiences and gifts with what David is saying! thanks man.
Marcus,
It’s funny that one remedy for being stuck in the head is to pay attention and think about everything around you…
Another method someone taught me is to pay attention to your hands and feet and all their sensations.
I think it’s a matter of bringing a balance to the triad of heart, mind and body. They all need to talk to, and listen to, the other two. The mind isn’t in a conversation when it’s doing all the talking and not listening.
I don’t believe in meditating to silence the mind, it has limited application when interacting in “the real world”. If you’re going to meditate do it to hear the body. (And even the mind has things to say that you haven’t been listening to. Listen without an agenda.) – Shouting is a sign of not being heard.
The other week I was walking when my knees and legs started hurting, sudden and strong. I asked myself, what I was just thinking about; something I might not want to admit… As soon as I realized what it was, the pain went away.
Scarcity has it’s place too; you can’t spend $100 if you only have $20. Yet scarcity can get out of hand and limit the “ability to see alternatives”.
The best approach I’ve found is to have an intent, then be open to how it will be satisfied. Time and again I get what I was asking for, but in a way I never would have guessed. I’ve had many interactions with women where I’ve gotten what I needed, but not what I’ve wanted.
Don’t confuse “living in the moment” and “living with awareness”. You don’t want to fall into the trap of living in the moment without awareness…
Even when living in the present, you have a vision of the future, serving as a trajectory; otherwise you can’t make decisions…
I’ve got a message saying ‘The video is no longer available’
Gary,
Reload the page and try again…
I think scarcity mentality relates to fear of being old. The whole I-must-not-miss-any-bit-of-excitement-before-I-get-old-and-can’t-do-it-anymore is something I found I do too.
Worrying about what you might miss tomorrow when you’re already missing it today (because you’re worring about it) is pointless.
I must admit that I definately have scarcity mentality. I have this feeling of not being welcomed into what ever is going on so I have invite myself in so as to not miss anything. Thanks for the tips.
Also, you created an article regarding ‘man talk’ on the positive side. What about ‘man talk’ on the negative? What if he says he will try to come over but doesn’t, doesn’t call or anything and just acts as if nothing happended.
What if it’s been more than 6 months dating, but no invitation to leave any articles behind? Very concerned…..
my friend went back to romania i wanted to tell how i feel but it would not have mattered because she was her on a visa but she gave me her email and her yahoo istant messenger ID so i guess email is another way the communication going but i dont know when she will be back ether so what do you think david should i go find some one else