Do You Give Him Sex Too Quick?

November 27, 2011 54 Comments Women Sex, Turn-Ons & Turn-Offs, Uncategorized

How many women out there these days give up sex way too quickly?

Here’s the deal when it comes down to men and sex, and you need to think of it the way that you think of sex as a woman:

Do you like it when a guy is quick? When he slips right out of his pants, rips your pants off of your ankles, pries your legs open, and basically tries to shove himself inside of you as quickly as possible? You don’t like sex that way, you like sex to be slow. Sure, quickies can be fun, but you need to set a foundation first.

Foreplay, lots of kissing, sensual touching, each piece of clothing hitting the ground slowly. Lots of great oral so you can get off and get warmed up first. That’s how you enjoy sex. A night out with great conversation, intimate hand-holding, followed by great seduction and some incredible, sensual sex.

That’s how you enjoy sex, so why are you giving it up so quickly? So many women give up sex way too fast for the process to be enjoyable at all. They think to themselves, If I sleep with this guy, he’ll come back for more. He’ll want it again. I’ll be able to keep him.

But in reality, the more you tease him, the more you keep him on edge. The more you keep him on edge thinking about you, the greater chance he can develop real feelings for you. Sex really clouds the issue for a lot of men, it really does. It makes a man think only of sex, how he can keep seducing you, or how he can keep trying to turn you on with the sexual talk.

When you’re getting to know a man, you want to stay away from the sexual talk, and you want to stay into the emotional talk. There is no hard rule for when it’s right to sleep together. But my suggestion is to take three weeks. Date somebody for three weeks. Tease him for three weeks. See how quickly he will call back during that time. See if he’s still excited about seeing you. See if he can still turn you on.

Then–and only then–sleep with the guy. Make him wait, hold off on the sex, have that control over yourself and over the direction you’re headed in. It’s fun, it’s empowering, and it will also keep the guy on his toes. As men, we love to be kept on our toes. We love that intrigue. We love the chase. And of course we love the reward.

And if you allow us to chase you a little bit, just a little by not giving it up so quickly, you know what’s going to happen? You actually might land the men that you really want.

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a woman says

2013-08-24 02:11:45

Finally someone with some sense! I completely agree. Women have been held accountable for men's actions for far too long. Something that should be spontaneous, pleasurable and free such as sex has become controlled and used as bribery for love. It's as if women are supposed to be sexual only under certain circumstances. So when do women get to have fun and explore their sexuality if they are being shamed and judged for their actions all the time? Never. And yet, women continue to blindly swallow these oppressive social norms of how they can express themselves sexually. It doesn't make sense to me.
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Sarah says

2013-08-16 08:13:29

All men don't leave before the 3 months is up because of not getting sex from a woman. Some men are determined to have you and every other woman at the same time, because they like to keep a roster of women to spend time with. While you think you're building a relationship with a man after months of abstinent dating, he is sleeping with other women and hoping to make you just one of his long term options. Men closer to 40 tend to enjoy the entire experience of being with a woman and can use her for her company, friendship, conversation as well as sex. Some men may honestly enjoy time with a woman, but simply not want a relationship with one woman. All men aren't honest about this though. This type of guy can date a woman for several months and enjoy her company without sex, but still not necessarily see her as a long term prospect.....Only an option, even after sex. It happens every day! A man is not going to love your more for making him wait several months for sex. Dating a new man is always a risk and waiting 3 months is not enough time to know for certain if he will treat you any better. The woman might realize that after 3 months, she is not into the guy either. Nothing is certain. Also, Men have learned to hide entire mistresses and families from their wives for decades, do you really think a man can't hide his player ways from you for 3 to 6 months? Some men are just crazy and like to play games no matter what....I would rather find out early on that invest 6 months or longer in a man who's just try to make me "one of " his many women.
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Kateland says

2013-08-16 07:59:44

Some men think that waiting 3 weeks for sex from a woman is also too quick. Every man is different and a man will love you when he gets good and ready to love you. Simple.
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Kateland says

2013-08-16 07:56:32

You are not going to make a man love you or respect you more by making him wait 3 months for sex. Making him wait for sex only works, if you are willing to make him wait for sex until marriage, but realize he is having sex with other women on the side. Men are going to get theirs no matter what........women need to develop a thick skin and go out to get theirs!!! Women need to find a man who doesn't hold her responsible for his actions. He's not gong to automatically see you as a wife because you make him wait a certain amount of time. A man loves a woman when he get's good and ready to love her and there is no amount of strategy that can change this!
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Jasmine says

2013-08-16 07:49:12

Yes Mam! I don't blame you!!! Go for yours, life is short!!!
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Jasmine says

2013-08-16 07:45:01

Yep....Thank You For Asking This Question!! 35 years old can turn in to 50 years old really quickly while a woman is waiting to for "Mr Right" to come along before having sex again. Once you are in your 50's, should you really have to keep playing these games in order to make a man respect you or love you? How long should a woman have to wait to have sex again in order to considered good enough to love by a man? Even women in their mid-thirties or older should not be expected to wait years and years for sex!!! I'm in my mid 30's and I don't believe in having sex on the first date, but I have learned that If a man is really interested in a woman, having sex with her after 5 dates, instead waiting 150 dates will not make him have less respect for the woman, unless he is just an asshole! My ex husband and I had sex on the 4th date and we were married a year later! The only reason why it didn't work out is because of his career, but not because he was insincere about loving me when we first got together. We are still friends to this day. This crap about women being the keeper of sexual purity has just become a Scapegoat reason for men to treat good women with further disrespect!!! Having sex with him the first night you meet him......ok, I get it....not a good idea, but after a few dates or more, why should the woman have to punish herself by not having sex for several months or years? He's not worth it if she's got to play those kinds of games with him! Better to move on and find a man who is on the same page she is on. Women just need to learn to develop a thick skin and if things don't work out dating, then eventually having sex......She Need Not Blame Herself!! She should respect her decision to have sex with a man she dated. If he can't respect her, he doesn't deserve her!!
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Jasmine says

2013-08-16 07:31:42

No one seems to realize that while the woman is supposed to be doing all this "waiting" around to have sex with "Mr. Right" , she is Not getting her sexual needs met at all. Women have desires for sex just like men do but are constantly judged for either making a man wait too long for sex or not making him wait long enough. It's funny, men claim to want a "pure" woman who will make them wait for sex, but if a woman tells a man she won't have sex with him until marriage, he throws a tantrum, cheats on her, then eventually abandons her completely!! Make him wait 90 days for sex? Plllllleeeaaase!! Try making him wait until Marriage and see if he'll stick around!! That's making him wait ladies and gentlemen!! Women should Not have to spend Years being Abstinent while waiting to find a good man. This does Not mean a woman should be promiscuous or sleep with a man on the first date, but women need to realize that making each man she dates wait 3 months or longer for sex, may mean she will Not be having sex for several years. What woman wants to wait several years to have sex again!!? Since when does 90 days automatically constitute really knowing anyone? Especially if in 90 days a couple has only dated a handful of times! Yes making him wait 90 days is more reasonable than having sex on the first date, but it is certainly not enough time to really know if a man is really a good person. I know a woman who made a man wait over 5 months for sex and later found out he had a pregnant girlfriend, an ex wife and women on the side he was sleeping around with. He took the time to buy a separate cell phone and made sure none of them ever met each other. He met her family and she met his family, but he kept his player ways a secret from everyone! Most men are master manipulators, no matter what. Men usually have no conscious about doing what it takes to get what they want from a woman (be it love, money or sex). While men are supposedly "waiting" to have a sex with a woman they claim to care about, you can best believe they are ALWAYS sleeping around with several other women on the side. Most of them don't stop sleeping around with other women, even once they are married. If a man is truly interested in a woman, he will not think less of her for having sex with him after a few dates. Any man who is addicted to the "thrill of the chase" usually has other women he is chasing while waiting for another woman to give in. This type of man is a sick person who gets off on manipulating women, having sex with them and then dumping them. It makes him feel empowered some how. While having sex with a man on the first date is truly a bad idea, having sex on the 4, 5th or 6th date doesn't always mean a man will loose interest in the woman. There are some men who will wait a year if it takes that long and still loose interest in a woman if all he was interested in was the thrill of the chase for sex in the first place. Someone should write books on men acting like gentlemen instead of sex crazed animals, who can't control themselves. Maybe men should learn some self control and accountability for how they treat women who they know don't want to be used for sex. Men aren't stupid, they can tell the difference between a gold digging prostitute and a woman who is a pretty decent person. The trouble is that our society has given men permission to treat all women like whores. Perhaps men wouldn't have to worry so much about paying child support for children they are not ready to take care of, if they would learn to wait a while for sex also. Bottom line.......Women need to learn to be completely happy alone and not worry about what a man is thinking. chances are, he's not thinking of anything but sex anyway.
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markus says

2013-06-26 09:06:17

sex is wonderful. life is short... why wait?
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tracy says

2012-12-12 23:17:18

You are totally correct and I am a female.It also depends on the guy. The hot player guys dont wait for sex. I know for a fact , my brother said if the wait is longer than two weeks , he is on to the next one.
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Kate australia says

2012-12-09 00:46:56

I have once done something similar with a bf but although he was very loving, he was not seeing me more than twice a week and I didn't feel real commitment on his part, although he had sincere feelings for me and treated me well in other ways. Eventually he just disappeared, emailing me two years later to say he had problems with intimacy. Perhaps my having intimate relations would have helped him, but perhaps it would have just made it worse for him and definititely for me(btw I moved on quickly and didn't sed a tear- if I had slept with him it might have been different. Maybe she is holding out for marriage and why not? I hope this helps you, even if it doesn't apply to you and the quality of your relationship. It may mean that she is not sufficiently attracted to you, you are probably fearing this even though it is often not true, but it could just as easily be the opposite and she doesn't want to get hurt because of her already strong feelings for you, or she fears having a mediocre love instead of a grand love.
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Kate australia says

2012-12-09 00:39:15

I take your point. My parents had sex after 3 weeks and that was quite early on back in the fifties but my dad was already madly in love with my mum and proposed not long after. However my last bf who I had sex with early on, also became madly in love but then was jealous; whilst that was his issue, I wonder if he didn't trust me in part because I had sex with on the spur of the moment and he thought that could happen again easily. It is said men value loyalty hugely, even if they're being complete hypocrites.
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Kate australia says

2012-12-09 00:35:04

I agree, I've never regretted making men wait - six months or even a year, or even never! But I have regretted having sex with a great guy too soon - for one thing I sometimes get too emotional - I'm a woman that's probably how it's supposed to be- but that behaviour or feeling on my part is enough to kill it, forget whether or not he loses a bit of his enthusiasm. My father- lapsed catholic- warned me about how men as a teenager and I think my following his advice to some extent has helped me see how much effort men will make if you hold off. However, being reserved doesn't work quite so well when you're older, and that's why I value David's advice so much about being approachable. My current motto is flirt, put it out there in the beginning, and after a certain early point let the men take over ( instead of the other way round - my tendancy has been to test men and make it very difficult for them in the beginning but then eventually make excuses or compensate for them when things were too slow). thnx for your post!
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bhavna says

2012-11-28 20:35:18

Hey its bhvna here guys m hvng a boyfriend he much oldr thn me we hv been daiting frm 2 year I lv him so mch bt m nt sure he loves me or nt these day he startedgettng busy fr no bsns at the strtng of r relashnshp he just tryd to kissng me n he also took me at his place bt wsnt feel lyk loosng ma virginty at that tym tthn aftr all ths he started ignoring me so It hurts me bdly n I dcdd to brkup wth him bt aftr no cmncsn of three mnths again he started cllnag me lyk crazy n he apolziz fr all hppnd. So I 4gv ahim ia 've gvn him anothr chance he made me feel lyak he started feel fr me n thn one day he took me to his place forced me for drink we I drunk alot he just started kissng n all whn I lose ma cntrl he took ma virgnty n aftr all ths whn I cme in ma sence he jst huggd me n asured like he loves me really hn we just started hvng sex 1nce in week smtym nt wllngly coz he wntd it wbt as the tym passn r7tg thrue he nt cllng me prprly also we started meet ofenly bt as I askd him fr breakaup his nt ready fr it even nt showing his intrust in me n whn I kd him fr y his doing to me he iz gvany apropriate rsn fr tht he sayng its all ma illiusion only bt I don blv him plzz help wme wht to do witshud I brkup or ntttt I really love hin alot bt cudnt fndout tht he does or nt plz help whtt to do
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Andrea says

2012-11-23 05:21:21

@DesireeGiberto I really like your statement. I have also bought the book by Steve Harvey, and he is really right about the Ford rule (LOL - the three months). I have always applied the Ford Rule except once, and that one time was a mistake. After I had made that mistake, I asked myself "how could I have gone to bed with this idiot". But I got over it. My last bf even had to spend 4-5 nights beside me in a double bed before he got what he wanted. This way I saw he respected my boundaries. Mind you, it was hard for both of us to fall asleep during those nights. Sometimes it can be more challenging to NOT do what you want as opposed to doing what you want.
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ali says

2012-10-12 03:45:14

to davidisadick: i have been thinking about this. you are right on! in rethinking about what i did, i know we had great intimacy, and caring and not just sex. He even said " it was so comfortable with you"--- because even guys have anxiety about sex with a new person for various reasons. At this advanced age, i am not going to WAIT! wait for what? no time. get it while the getting is good. My hair is all grey under this dark brown dye! i am not 25 years old. and with the guys who think I am such a sexy woman, and who are 15 years younger than me (or more) i will share my feelings with them and share sexual experiences, which is my birthright, my heritage, if i really like them and feel they like me. It does not have to be love or forever. When you share like that with someone you see things in them you would never otherwise know. You more quickly become intimate with them on a deeper level. Society has really messed with the minds of men and women. so - will I do it again? Yes. And i do believe if we are supposed to see each other again, and date on and on, it will happen, just like my two friends who are married 30 years after meeting and having sex on the same day.
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ali says

2012-10-11 14:59:58

i forgot to add, she is unusual in that she does not feel the desire to reach out for you and express her love, wanting to show affection, wanting to touch you, craving you. will your life with her be lacking in affection? i predict sex will stop one day if you marry her.
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ali says

2012-10-11 14:58:06

summertime,n has that woman ever had sex? what type of experience has she had? positive? negative? is she afraid of it? something is bothering her. in addition, if she is a stickler for setting dates and sticking to them, it is indicative of handling life situations in future that might not be what you want. it can be a good thing to decide something and adhere to it, but one must have some flexibility on life situations. i would look at her very closely . this might not be the woman for you for many reasons.
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ali says

2012-10-11 14:57:23

summertime,n has that woman ever had sex? what type of experience has she had? positive? negative? is she afraid of it? something is bothering her. in addition, if she is a stickler for setting dates and sticking to them, it is indicative of handling life situations in future that night not be what you want. it can be a good thing to decide something and adhere to it, but one must have some flexibility on life situations. i would look at her very closely . this might not be the woman for you for many reasons.
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Rosie says

2012-10-11 10:37:22

summertime, I think it's just like any other relationship issue. She's entitled to do what works for her, and so are you. If you don't co-incide in your authenticity, then maybe you don't have a basis for a satisfactory relationship anyway. If you feel manipulated, and she feels pressured or used, then you're just not on the same page.
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summertime says

2012-10-10 05:53:19

I've beeen with a woman for 11 months and she is still with holding sex.i really do like this girl but somehow she just isn't budging. Easy come easy go.But really and truely I am getting impatient. How much of a foundation does she want me to build. i think that is just mental abuse.Her answer is when we make a year we will start having sex,however i do not see this happening.i am thinking of moving on.
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ali says

2012-10-09 06:37:40

i was feeling just awful, but your post made me feel better.i had many long and deep conversations with a man, and we really clicked. we realized we had a lot in common. we tried to set up a date, but had to be cancelled. we even had phone sex . the first time i could not do anything, the second time i participated a bit. then one day we spontaneously met after a phone conversation, at midnight in his apt, and within no time we were in bed. two days later another night together. then he stood me up the next day to meet sunday afternoon. then he would not reply to calls. then 2 weeks later he called at midnight saturday and says i miss you. he had no reason to give about that sunday. i did not want to, but i got sucked into some fabulous phone sex. the next morning he called to say he owed me an apology, that he had misled me, wanted to be honest, was not using me, no he did not think of me as his sexual fuck, he said i was a good person and he did not want to just ignore me and not reply to phone calls, but....here it is....had seen a woman 5 weeks before me, they broke up, he was not sure he would ever see her again, only then did he start with me, wanted me to know he was not seeing her when he saw me, but she came back, and his history was longer with her, so he was going to commit to her and try to have an honest relationship and make it work. (he had been divorced). he insisted he was not just using me for sex. but now i feel will never never do that again. i had felt by the time i saw him in person, that it was not the first date, that we knew each other so well. he even said he felt he knew me for 10 yrs. he said he felt so comfortable with me the first time.even guys sometimes are not comfortable having sex the first time. well, for me, coming from a monogamous marriage of many years,it was the first time for me. i rationalized it. i wonder now if ihad not done it,what would have happened. did he think differently of me compared to her? but i will never do it again. however,, two best friends 30 yrs ago married the men they had just met who they slept with and who they had just met that day.
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ali says

2012-10-09 06:30:54

i was feeling just awful, but your post made me feel better.i had many long and deep conversations with a man, and we really clicked. we realized we had a lot in common. we tried to set up a date, but had to be cancelled. we even had phone sex . the first time i could not do anything, the second time i participated a bit. then one day we spontaneously met after a phone conversation, at midnight in his apt, and within no time we were in bed. two days later another night together. then he stood me up the next day to meet sunday afternoon. then he would not replant calls. then 2 weeks later he called at midnight saturday and says i miss you. he had no reason tom give about that sunday. i did not want to, but i got sucked into some fabulous phone sex. the next morning he called to say he owed me an apology, that he had misled me, wanted to be honest, was not using me, no he did not think of me as his sexual fuck, he said i was a good person and he did not want to just ignore me and not reply to phone calls, but....here it is....had seen a woman 5 weeks before me, they broke up, he was not sure he would ever see her again, only then did he start with me, wanted me to know he was not seeing her when he saw me, but she came back, and his history was longer wither, some was going to commit tom her and try to have an honest relationship and make it work. (he had been divorced). he insisted he was not just using me for sex. but now i feel will never never do that again. i had felt by the time i saw him in person, that it was not the first date, that we knew each other so well. he even said he felt he knew me for 10 yrs. he said he felt so comfortable with me the first time.even guys sometimes are not comfortable having sex the first time. well, for me, coming from a monogamous marriage of many years,it was the first time for me. i rationalized it. i wonder now if ihad not done it,what would have happened. did he think differently of me compared to her? but i will never do it again. however,, two best friends 30 yrs ago married the men they had just met who they slept with and who they had just met that day.
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patricia says

2012-09-27 14:32:45

I completely agree with this post! I refuse to play games over the right time to have sex. This is 2012, dating is much different than years ago. We are all supposed to be mature adults. If you treat it as a 'reward', stay home.
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Lily says

2012-09-21 22:49:34

What a fantastic post!!!! I totally agree!!!! ╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱ ╱╱┏╮╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱ ╱╱┃┃╱╱╱┳╱┓┳╭┫┳┓╱ ▉━╯┗━╮╱┃╱┃┣┻╮┣╱╱ ▉┈┈┈┈┃╱┻┛┛┻╱┻┻┛╱ ▉╮┈┈┈┃╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱ ╱╰━━━╯╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱╱
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sgayandandlovu@gmail.com says

2012-09-17 14:53:35

I don't think it matters to give it sooner or later. I gave my hubby on our first date couldn't resist him 13yrs after we r still married with three kids. Before him l believed in keeping the chase for 3months but everytime they get it they never called the next day. He can chase until he gets tired. It all depends on how he sees yu. Some fall in love on the first sight l guess. Yu keep him chasing he gets sex after six months yu gonna wish yu had a one nyt stand with him on yo first date. It really doesn't matter, what feels right for you at that moment is fine we are udults as long its consensual who cares..
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Davidisadick says

2012-09-09 06:21:01

Is that guy still with you, i hope you didnt ruin your relationship with a guy who seemed to be really interested in you and who you thought was really nice. Guys need to feel like your attracted to them as well. If your both really interested in each other, it naturally follows that you should be at least talking about having sex. Its not that the guy is making an issue out of it, YOU ARE, you are the one that is making this big deal out of sex. Try putting the shoe on the other foot. Say you made him wait a month or two and then you felt you were ready. What if he never even mentioned sex to you. What if he said he wanted to wait another year and every time you tried to talk about it he told you he didnt want to talk about it. Would you start feeling bad about yourself. I think you have got issues with self esteem and that you actually like the idea that men are trying to have sex with you while you get to pretend that your not at all interested in sex at all. Maybe it makes you feel superior, but in reality it DOMINATES your love life. Rather then just being something that happens it self naturally you have created all these rules around it and make things uncomfortable.
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Davidisadick says

2012-09-09 06:11:58

What a load of shit. This is just the stuff people convince themselves because they arent comfortable with being open about themselves and want to protect their ego. The truth is, if you slept with a guy quickly and he left after never calling you back. It has nothing to do with whether you slept with him to quick or not. The truth is he was never really that interested in you, he was probably just horny and thought you looked nice enough but werrn't what he was looking for in a serious relationship. A guy will NEVER lose interest because you have had sex. Yes maybe there are a couple of wierd or biggoted religious guys who have odd views on this but for the vast majority of guys, they have already decided whether or not the girl has potential to be serious with them, and if anything, sleeping with them will only make you both feel more intimate. You shouldnt be thinking of sex as something you have to give up to a man. If your thinking about this stuff then really the only person who has a problem with sex is you. If you like the guy and think hes attractive then sleep with him if you feel like it, enjoy it for what it is and if he likes he will want more then just sex. If he doesnt then what have you lost... Nothing, you have atleast had a fun time even if it was only for a short time. Making the man wait is not going to make him fall in love with you. men will hang around an oppurtunity for sex until someone they are really interested in comes along. If the guy actually likes you, then hes not gonna leave right after sex, he will want to meet you again and see if there is potential for a relationship. It really pisses me off when i see people saying stuff like this. Sex is not a gift for a woman to give a man in exchange for a relationship. Sex is how you trade pleasure with each other and compasion is what you trade in a relationship. They are not the same and your wasting your time trying to link them together. This is the 21st century and people should stop being so sexist. If a girl wants to go around and sleep with guys why do you look down on her. Shes done nothing wrong, its not hurting anyone, its not immoral. Its two people gaining something fun. No one bats an eyelid when a guy does it. I think the writer of this post is just a sexist pig and I think his views on woman and how he THINKS they are MEANT TO ACT as a woman is backwards. Its men like him who like to pretend that they are above other men, and have a respect for woman that other men lack. But in reality you have no respect for them. If you did you would think of them as people, not as a gender who has to play the role you think they should. Some people arent comfortable with sex, men and woman, if its a scary issue for you and you arent comfortable doing it until you have more experience or get to know your partner better then wait. Dont do it for some stupid reason like thinking you are obligated to or feel that you are doing something wrong because you arent. This guy is a dick and if i was a girl and he told me that i should wait 3 Weeks because girls are meant to tease and guys are meant to chase. I would probably tell him to FUCK RIGHT OFF
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carmella says

2012-09-07 22:15:25

LOL...LOL... funny, but true.... Men will settle for quick sex, at any given time.. Women know that it's HIS LOST, if he leaves before YOUR READY TO GIVE IT...... SMILE! I haven't had sex with this guy, and it's been 6 months, not saying that is alright with everybody.. however, until he can be consistent with his behavior, I CAN WAIT...now, that doesn't mean, I don't see or talk to others, my options stay open.... Ladies, it all starts within...
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Rosie says

2012-08-07 11:25:53

Hi Jessica, No I don't believe you were wrong to break it off. If there is something between you that he hasn't noticed yet, he's much more likely to notice it now that you have broken it off. Human nature is to want what you can't have, and to take for granted what you can have (and have already had). If there's nothing that you would consider special between you, he will let you go. Either way, you will find out where you stand. Look around, go online, meet some new guys, move on yourself; don't wait around hoping, you've already spent a year or maybe longer of your precious life doing that.
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Jessica says

2012-08-07 01:57:47

Was I wrong to break it off? Could something good have possibly happend between us? Or was another year going to fly pass with the same results? I could use positive advice from others.
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Jessica says

2012-08-07 01:55:04

I have a question. I have known this guy for 2 years weve had sexual inter course a few times.We have never spoken to eachother on the phone only text messages. We have cool convos in person. He asked me to the movies one day. I said sure. The next day He said that I could come over and wait until his paycheck was deposited into his bank account If I wanted too. we never went because his pay check didnt get deposited into his bank account. I told him the first year that I was interested in him. Time flies and he never asked me out. Ocassionally we would mess around. I just told him today that I cannot do it anymore. I felt a litto bad about it but it had to be done. (Hes 28 and I am 21.)
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Jessica says

2012-08-07 01:46:54

m
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Connie says

2012-05-02 16:04:34

I actually used to wait too, and it ended in breakups! That goes to show that there truly is no rule at all. You must do what comes natural and you can't plan it out; that is just ridiculous. With my husband, I felt the sparks instantly when we met and I still do! And that is a once in a lifetime for me because I am so picky! I never had one night stands because I never felt that chemistry with other men, ONLY my husband. My advice is to follow your feelings and let things happen on their own. Good luck!
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Tracy says

2012-05-01 17:04:36

I agree Connie. I'm nit telling people to be promiscuous, as I am normally very conservative. I used to do the three month rule and it ended in divorce or a breakup. There is no sexual time or rule. If you really are into each other and have met your ultimate match, it's pretty darn hard to wait 3 months.
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a my says

2012-04-19 05:25:50

Your last paragraph or statement rather is the damn truth..... & funny as hell! We can call it "Returning to the Womb" ahhaha
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Connie says

2012-03-30 05:07:34

Well, I can honestly say that I met the love of my life while we were both in relationships with others. We both felt chemistry instantly and clicked upon meeting. We had sex before our first date. I know it sounds bad, but it happened without us wanting to stop it. After our first sex act, we both decided to end our relationships quickly and finally go on our first date. We began falling in love and our sex life was passionate and intense. We both respect and love each other even though we had sex before actually dating. We joke around about it sometimes. We are married now, been together for 10 years and have two adorable little boys. We are so deeply in love and very happy. Now, I'm not saying that this will work for everyone, but it did for us. I strongly believe in love at first sight and sometimes when you feel that strongly for someone, you just can't wait, especially for 3 months!
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Drea says

2012-03-26 08:25:53

Hi Ladies, I have enjoyed reading your posts. I am on the edge of a recent heartache, all stemming from sex too early and the need to somehow sell myself and my worth when I noticed he was not interested in much more. It hurts to think that in and around the sex, a decent man does not see the many more things you have to offer...but I think this is the case when sex happens too fast. I am going to try my hardest to take a 2 month break from dating and sex...get comfortable with my own company for a while, grow past the lonliness...and remind myself why I am worthy of love...outside of sex...wish me luck this is not going to be easy.
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katie says

2012-03-16 02:57:25

Linda, I just have to tell you how much I admire you! Your thought of Perkins or nothing was excellent because if a guy is interested in you then he would jump at that chance and say you bet. Of course only wanting to follow you home showed his intentions but you didn't cave in and get him what he wanted!!! He was the fool lol to drive all the way to your place and get nothing, as he deserved to get :) Remember be safe and never let a guy follow you home that you just met, it could be dangerous. Again I admire you for standing your ground.
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deb says

2012-03-05 13:09:52

I agree. Why turn away sex when your turned on. Im 56,I dont have time for games. Ive met this guy and were having great sex, live for the moment, thats what I think!
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Rosie says

2012-02-26 20:18:23

Thanks for sharing Linda. Especially for the younger women here, it helps to share all our experiences. One thing we women really benefit from is something the men's coaches go on and on about : women ARE hard wired to follow a man's lead. If we know this, we realise we MUST be very clear and firm in our boundaries. It's so easy to give ourselves away, to abandon our own best interests in hope. Men do NOT do this! Research has shown that women frequently make "exceptions" to our dealbreaker list. Men rarely do. Keep learning ladies, knowledge is power for both men and women. Getting clear on our own boundaries, and learning to love and value ourselves and our feminine gifts are crucial steps for all of us. There are great men out there. Tough lesson Linda, but yes, keep to your original plan, what feels right for you. Your home is your sanctuary, don't share it lightly.
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Linda says

2012-02-26 00:52:43

Yes...waiting is WAY better for everyone involved. I don't think men respect us when we "put out" too quickly. I had an experience a couple of weeks ago. I met a man at a bar, he seemed very into me. It was at the end of the night and he kept asking if he could follow me home. I told him we could go to a Perkins or something but he insisted that he followed me home. I was foolish and allowed him to follow me home....well all he wanted was a sexual experience. I was very strong and said flat out no...that is not how I roll. he said "I thought that is what you wanted." Well he left and did not even ask for my phone number!!! I was so mortified that I allowed him to follow me home, it could have turned out a lot worse i guess but for at least a week I was way depressed!!! if only I had kept to my original thought....Perkins or nothing! Well live and learn I guess.
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Denise says

2012-02-16 19:11:38

Thank u so much Krista for ur reply and advice.It's good advice. Ur right. By sharing and asking advice I feel Im preparing myself, so I'll know ahead of time when things come up, what I want to do. I'm not looking for a hook up, I'm searching for a man who is ready for more than that. Why am I going up to meet him and not meeting half way? I need to explain a bit more. He works mainly as a pilot for his business of flying people in/out to a tropical island for an overnight stay and activities there. He has a camp set up there for them and often stays overnight to watch things (esp. with teenage boys and alcohol) He said hasn't had a holiday for 5 yrs. I have 6 days off, I love to travel and experience Aus. He said he will take me to the Island & give me a flying experience. He did offer to go me halves in a plane fare to see him, but it doesn't feel right, not yet anyway. By driving, I'm keeping my independence and if it doesn't feel good I can leave, not depending on him for transport etc. When I really think about it, I am feeling a little pressure when he tells me he desires me, I know it's just lust. But teasing is fun, it builds attraction, but I haven't met him in person yet. I feel it's up to me here to pull the reigns back a bit here. Like u said, I may find we don't feel chemistry and that would feel bad for both of us. I do want to go slow, to build the emotional connection definitely. The purpose of our meeting is really to just know how it feels being together and to have fun exploring that. I bond with sex like most women. I know myself and it becomes very hard to keep a level head when sex is involved. I need to feel that I'm with a man who I can trust and admire and that he respects and values me, that I feel safe. I do understand that sex for a man is very important, it's how they connect and show their love. Sex is important to me too, but at the right time. He more or less knows all this, we've talked about it. I'll observe whether his actions match up with his words. I'll see soon enough whether he can step up to the plate. It feels good to have some control and ur right, I deserve a good man because I'm worth it. Thanks Krista xox
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krista says

2012-02-16 13:59:02

@ Denise - I think your're putting the cart before the horse talking about sex so soon. You haven't even met him in person yet, you may not like him so why make promises and put his needs before yours....and that line "I'm a man, I can't wait forever" is complete Bull Shit. Any guy worthy of your love will respect you and give you the time you need to feel safe and secure with him, if a long-term relationship is what you want. Your post reads that you have all the pressure and doing all the work. Guys like to hunt and persue, not letting him come to you in your city or atleast meet half way in neutral territory kills that desire for a guy to hunt. Its not meant to be a game, its just part of their DNA and it seems like your making it to easy for him and there I'd be concerned of him not seeing your value. I think quality of time together is more important than focusing on a number ie 3 weeks or 3 months before you decide to have sex. If after your meeting him for the first time, you have amazing chemistry and like him as a person, and his core values, you could engage in kissing etc. If he brings the subject up, just tell him this is what your comfortable with and let's stay here for the next month, so the subject doesn't keep coming up and you can focus on getting to know one another. Then he'll either agree or not and you've got your answer. In that months time the emotional connection will build. And when the subject comes up again, he'll probably know better if he wants to be exclusive with you. You need to decide if that's a deal breaker for you. Good luck Denise. You deserve a drama free relationship :)
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Denise says

2012-02-16 10:00:26

Well, im in my 50s, all my experiences with men who I've had sex with early, have NOT led to a real relationship :-(. Now I am talking to a man who seems to tick a lot of my boxes but it's long distance. I'm going to drive to meet him in a week, I wanna check him out in his own environment. He's Very into me, says he's looking for a physical, emotional, spiritual and interlectual relationship. He asks questions, teases and I feel is trying to work me out, if we're compatable I guess. I resisted getting too amorous initially, but i've started teasing back and he loves it. I've let him know that I want to go slow because I want a man to know who he's with. Waiting 3 weeks? How does that apply when it's long distance? We talk on the phone, text, email. He seems open and honest. Sure, I can give him hot kisses and petting to let him know I'm interested, but I'm battling with how long we should wait before we are really intimate. When I brought it up (I believe in being open), he said going slow is good but that he's a male and can't wait too long. Has anyone got any little treasures of advice for me? I want to do this right this time and I'm strong enough now to do it :-)
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Rosie says

2012-01-22 01:41:07

This is such an interesting discussion. I'm in my 50s, also with a long period of celibacy behind me, a sexual awakening that happened through my own healing work, and some lovely casual experiences. I think if you are looking for a relationship, 3 weeks is WAY too short.Desiree I agree with everything you said. It's simple really: if you JUST want sex Judy, go ahead. If you want a relationship, much more delicious for BOTH of you to wait, give him little bits but control yourself. Just use your own experience of what happens when you give too soon, whether or not you are hot to trot. Judy men are wired the same way, no matter what their age. A friend of mine in her 60s recently had the same disappointment we have all had, had sex, never saw him again. So if sex once with this guy is all you want, enjoy. Otherwise use your head + your heart, as well as your hormones! Re Why Men Love Bitches, this book is amazing. I'm now three months into dating a man who clearly wanted to get to know me first, so far we have had hot kissing, but that's it. Haven't seen him for a while, no drama as we aren't lovers yet. I'm sure he's thinking about sex as much as I am, but when I see him in a few days I'm still holding off. Wait until your heart, mind and hormones are connected, and you know what you want and what he wants. Self respect is a heady thing, especially when his respect for you is also in the mix. It's sometimes not easy to follow the advice in the Bitch books but so worth it in so many ways. By the way, Bitch stands for Babe In Total Control of Herself. Useful for all aspects of life.
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ja1234 says

2012-01-21 02:10:03

I usually don't comment on these pages but Bantergrrl He said three weeks and nothing else My option is at least 3 months You have to communicate with men in order to find out if he is the one or not, plus it dependents on what type of relationship you are looking for if you want marriage then wait 3 months plus when you give up sex to a man to quickly he looks at you has a girlfriend material and not a wife material
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bantergrrl says

2011-12-31 06:24:10

i'm curious to know, when David says wait about three weeks, does that equate to X amount of dates in that time period? While I understand that's it's unique to each person's comfort level, I'm just curious what others think in terms of quantifying this time in terms of dating time together.
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lm says

2011-12-23 03:52:51

" So many women give up sex way too fast for the process to be enjoyable at all. " That might just be because we keep getting pressured by the men, and they won't leave us alone about it. Either they sulk, or they just push push push PUSH. I don't deal with any sulkers anymore, but I've met someone new (since listening to David's mp3s) who is smart, charming, and sexy like fire -- but he has made it quite clear he's attracted and he won't leave me alone about the sex. Not in a "When are we going to have it" way, because I tried to draw the clearest line in the sand I could without pissing him off ('cause the testosterone makes them angry), but in the "I can't stop thinking about it with you" way. I don't think we've had one conversation that didn't include some reference to it. (Well, maybe we've had two ... but out of twenty or thirty conversations??) I am always trying to have to steer the conversation to other places, other topics -- and I find him incredibly exciting in so many other ways, but it's getting ABSOLUTELY EHXAUSTING. And "there are more fish in the sea" I'm not really trying to hear -- a lot of men ignore me (I get the "too intimidating" BS a lot) and I've heard ten times worse with the nagging about the sex from other guys that have said they were interested. (I have one of those Jessica Rabbit figures, and while I'm not saying that's not a blessing in the abstract, if you read between the lines you will know it did get one woman fired at Citibank when all she did was wear her clothes just like the other women in the office; it's just that her body made them look different, so her bosses were "distracted". So she got fired. It's a mixed blessing, people. :=/ ) So I really don't blame the ladies who give in, and I don't like to hear them blamed like they're the only ones in the room contributing to the dynamic. I feel their pain.
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LoveForever says

2011-12-01 11:30:42

David, do guys think that all women are looking for sex? This is ridiculous! lol Even guys on religious dating sites are looking for sex lol and think that I am! lol Except that they go, "so, when are we having babies?" lol "We're not having babies!!" lol
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Judy says

2011-11-30 21:21:20

I am 54 and lived celibate for 10 years. I have experienced a sexual awakening, and I feel that all safe sex is a gift of the Goddess. Why turn away sex if you are honestly turned on? At my age, I or my partner could have major health issues that prevent sex. I think that after a certain age, sex at any time is a blessing. Are these waiting games still relevant over 50? Do men still expect you to guard your sexual gate for 3 weeks if you are over 50?
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LoveForever says

2011-11-29 07:15:35

Also, how could we not like guys who are easy? As long as they're guys, we like them :D
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DesireeGiberto says

2011-11-28 06:09:20

David, You hit the nail with this article, though I'd like to add/amend a couple of things. First off, I think that Steve Harvey is right on the money when he says that women should not sleep with a man until three MONTHS have passed. When you think about it, it makes sense. Think of a man as an employee of sorts, not just a potential boyfriend/husband. If he messes up in three months, pushes you too soon for sex or isn't taking things seriously, drop him! Don't fall in love with his potential, or let yourself get carried away on a Happy Cloud of Feelings. Let him go, and let a real man step in. Ladies, we hold all the cards! But DO NOT give up the Cookie too soon, or you lose the power. I've done that in the past, and it doesn't lead to anything but heartbreak and distrust of men. Secondly, the longer you can drag out the process of getting to know him, enticing him a little (but not too much), leaving him wanting a little bit more, the more interested he'll be, the more he'll respect you, and the more he'll want you. Unless of course, he's just another dog who only wants sex. In that case, he makes your job easier, because he'll leave before the three months is up. It will hurt, but not nearly as much as if you'd let him 'hit it and quit it'. Sherry Argov, author of "Why Men Love Bitches" and "Why Men Marry Bitches" hits the nail on a lot of subjects about men. This one is no exception. Thirdly, be aware that men will categorize you differently than you might see him. It's the way their brains are wired. For example, I've seen an ad on Craig's List where a man was simultaneously looking for "Ms.Right" and "Ms.Right Now". Seriously! He wanted a 'jump off' for easy sex, and a relationship (or so he said), depending on what the respondent to his post stated. Men can easily compartmentalize, and put each woman that he's dealing with into a box. Even if he's just seeing one at a time, he will often label you according to your behavior. In that lies his interpretation of what potentially lies ahead. I recently was visiting Philadelphia, and I went to an open mic event. About four or five of the performers said the same thing in their pieces, "Don't f**k him", or "Don't have sex with him too soon; he'll just use you and leave, and won't respect you." And it's sad but true 99% of the time. Thanks for reading this long winded post. I hope it helps someone. Remember ladies:Men spend nine months inside the womb, and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in! Lol
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LoveForever says

2011-11-27 21:19:02

OMG David! This is unreal! I met someone who is exactly the extremely rare type of person who I have been looking for! It's only friends since we're looking for different things but OMG!! I would have never met him if you didn't yell at us lol :D to go out and go up to guys! I HATE doing that! and I still feel wrong about meeting him because I was the one who went up to him :( But WOW! I feel so blessed that I found someone like this! :O
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Always Learning says

2011-11-27 19:36:51

Yeesh! That was definitely my mistake in the past and I felt totally used. Never again! I now realise that I am beautiful, sexy woman that only the right, deserving man, will get to enjoy... ;)
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