During last weeks site rollover we lost this blog.
I had 100 plus emails asking me to repost this.
Have a great Sunday!!!
I have wanted to write this blog for so long, I really have. And I know that each of you is going to either completely agree with me on this or totally disagree. And those of you that disagree with me are going to be so pissed – I can feel it already! As you’re reading this you’re wondering why you are going to be pissed at me, and I’ll tell you why in a second.
I’m about to tell you something that is just going to blow you away:
Soulmates are bullshit.
Here’s the thing – before you get your panties in a knot – let’s say you live in Seattle, and your soulmate lives in Rome. And you have a fear of flying. You’ll spend the rest of your life never finding your soulmate.
Let’s say you live in New York, and your “soulmate” lives in Florida. The problem is that your Jewish grandparents tortured you as a child by taking you to Florida way too many times and you never want to set foot in that state again. So you only vacation now in the Caribbean.
If you believe that there is one soulmate for you out there in the world, then you’d better start traveling to find that person!
But if you’re like me – and you believe that you can have soul connections with people, then you are far more evolved than the person who believes there is one perfect partner for everyone.
I don’t believe that there is one person for everybody, and I never have. (That’s not entirely true, I’ll take that back – my mother tortured me with the whole soulmate idea for a long time and throughout my life I thought I had found mine – I thought Ellen was my soulmate, I thought Karen was my soulmate, then Jessica, then Sonya…)
I never thought of Alison (my recent girlfriend) as my soulmate, I thought of her as an equal. That is probably the reason why that relationship was the best I’ve ever had.
I’ve had women tell me – some even recently – that they thought we were soulmates. I looked at them and said, “we might have a soul connection, but we’re not soulmates.”
I believe that your soul is meant to mate with many different people. You can have soul connections – I think Daphne and I have a soul connection. Wherever I go, that dog follows. The minute I met Daphne – she looked at me and she stuck by my side like glue. That’s a soul connection.
If you want to go even deeper into lala-ville (because I do live in Los Angeles) I do believe in past lives and everything else, and I do believe that souls can come back and find each other. I believe that friends will come back and find each other as different things. I could have been a little girl in another life.
If you’ve ever seen the movie Defending Your Life with Albert Brooks – which is one of the funniest movies ever – there is this scene where this big chunky guy is doing past life regression and sees himself licking a lollipop and jumping around like a little girl. It was the funniest scene in the entire world – he absolutely freaked out.
But I do believe that souls come back. There are certain people that you meet – male or female – that you know you are going to be friends with them instantly. It’s your souls connecting with each other.
There are women that I’ve dated that I’ve had instant soul connections with. Some of those connections were more lustful than others, and some were just on a friendship level.
So I do believe that you can have soul connections. If there was one person in the world for you, and you screw up that relationship by the time you are 30, does that mean you have to spend the rest of your life alone? Absolutely not.
I could move to Russia tomorrow – not speaking any of the language – and find soul connections with some of the most amazing women. I bet I could make some great friends. But I’ll never drink the vodka because I’m just not a drinker!
But your soulmate is a farce. It’s bullshit. You can have lots of soulmates and many soul connections, but there is not just one person for you. If there were, there would be a ton of people running around the world accumulating many more frequent flier miles trying to find their soulmate.
Here’s another interesting tidbit for all of you: in different parts of your life, you’ll have different soul connections. You are ready for different types of relationships at different periods of your life.
So you might have had an intense soul connection – or you might have thought someone was your soulmate – but maybe you weren’t ready for that relationship.
Right now, I’m ready to meet my bootymates!
That’s a new term that nobody uses – do you know what a bootymate is? It’s an incredible sexual connection with somebody who doesn’t aggravate you at all. All you do is have amazing sex and you feel like your bodies were made for each other. You feel like your bodies know each other. But you don’t have the aggravation of maintaining a relationship.
You don’t have to say “I love you” – hell, you don’t even have to say, “I like you!” All you have to do is respect each other’s bodies and respect each other’s space. Respect everything. And know that when you get together, your souls are going to connect because you and she are bootymates!
Craig: The concept of soulmate came from Greek mythology. Back then, people believed that once upon a time everyone had two heads, four arms, and four legs – but just one soul.
Then the gods threw down lightning bolts and split everybody in half, so now each person had one head, two arms, and two legs – but only half of a soul. You were supposed to spend the rest of your life looking for the other half of your soul.
The problem with this is, just as David said, what if in this huge world, your soulmate lives far away? You might never find them. Or worse yet, what if your soulmate lives in your city and you were having a really shitty day on the day that you first met them? Now you’re still doomed to live the rest of your life alone.
I’m convinced that we meet a potential “soulmate” once or twice a month, but we’re not ready to meet them yet and they just pass us by. I’m convinced that serendipity plays a much bigger role in us finding somebody that is right for us. There are just groups of people out there that are right for each of us, and we end up finding one of those people only when we are ready for it.
David: That’s really interesting, I agree with you. It’s so true it’s unbelievable. I’m going to requote you on that: we probably do run into our soulmate at so many different times over the course of a month – except we’re not aware of it, or we’re not ready, or we’re not open for it.
They make a left, you make a right, but you were supposed to meet in the middle. Or you’re in the market and you get a Blackberry text message. As you look down, your soulmate walks right by you. It’s very interesting. I don’t think we spend enough time out there engaging everybody.
I think that if you really follow the stuff that I talk about in the Mastery Series, in the bootcamps, and everything else – you could probably find a soulmate once a week. You would be so much more in tune with your environment and with who you are as a person – you would know yourself inside and out. You’d be so open to things that you would connect with people just like yourself.
This weekend was really interesting. I was telling one of the guys (Allan actually) that he’s going to date exactly who he is right now – shy, quiet, very sweet, very nice, great personality. He’s going to meet a woman who has the same type of qualities yet wants to become a little bit more outgoing. Together they are going to really connect. He’ll make a great husband.
But he has to find enough courage to go out there, open his eyes, and start talking to them. That’s what it takes: courage. People don’t have the courage to talk to each other.
Do you realize that is the biggest fear that most people have: that they don’t have enough courage to go up and talk to people? Yet if they could just walk up to someone and say, “man, I really wanted to come over and talk to you, what’s your name?” the other person would be so receptive, because they feel the same exact way!
Usually people are attracted to people who share the same characteristics that they have. Guys will wish that they could date certain women – every guy wants to date the Maxim magazine model – but they won’t. And they know that.
So that’s an interesting topic, and an interesting thought – and it’s 100% true.
Todays video is a lesson on how to attract large groups by being entertaining. This is not what you think.
David,
I have been waiting so long for you to write a post on this subject, as you and I have been discussing it since the very first day I met you over 10 years ago! One of my favorite things to talk about in the whole world is the subject of “soul mates”! Do they exist…..or is it all “bull shit” as David claims. My philosophy is as follows. I am very proud to say that I finally agree with David 99% on his soul mate theory and I’ll explain my 1% difference right now. I believe that every person on this planet has MULTIPLE soul mates, not just one!! As David says so eloquently, if we all had only one soul mate, it would be impossible to find him/her. If anyone has ever wondered why you “connect” so instantly with some people (as if you’ve known them forever and have loved them forever), but simply can’t explain how or why since you’ve only known them for 5-min, that’s a soul connection! It all boils down to karma, chemistry, and astrology. Believe it or not, I am convinced beyond any doubt, that astrology and karma is 100% true and living. Every single second of every single day, a soul is born into our material universe on planet Earth. Based on Karma from past life regression, the soul is either born into the mineral, plant, animal, or human kingdom. Likewise, the soul is born into one of the astrological sun signs which as you all know are Earth, Fire, Water, and Air (the elements that make up our planet). Most of the worlds brilliant esoteric psychologists believe that the basis of human personality traits come from astrology, therefore (as you’re aware) certain signs are going to glue together like magnets, and other signs are going to repel like poison. Going back to my “soul mate” theory. I agree with David 100% that we all have many soul connections (based on the astrology compatibility, karma, past life regression, chemistry), that we meet all the time every day, sometimes without even realizing it. The question beckons however, and here is the kicker!! If all we had in this world was amazing soul connections, but not one very very very SPECIAL soul connection that extended beyond all others, then no-one would ever spend their lives together living happily ever after. My philosophy is that one of the “many” soul connections you have in this lifetime extends beyond all the others. It’s the one soul connection (person) you meet who you are so attracted and connected to on so many different levels, that our higher power harmoniously blesses the union from the heavens and you NEED to be with them. I would call this “extra special” soul connection if you will, as the person you are in love with mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually!! It’s the person who compliments you perfectly and whenever you’re together, you feel powerful, a euphoria that could never be put into words because the connection and understanding between the two of you is so incredibly strong, and you were in essence made for each other. So to wrap things up, I agree with David that we all have many “soul connections” in this existence, but the one soul connection that extends beyond all others, the very special one who you love mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, is in my opinion your “soul mate”!
There was a podcast that went with this, which talked about one extra idea:
Let’s assume for a minute that my soulmate lives near me. One day, fate drives us together and we cross paths.
But I was in a bad mood that day, and instead of being my usual self, I was a jerk. That was my one soulmate, and I just blew it! Now I’m doomed to live the rest of my life alone. Does anyone really want to believe that?
I firmly believe there is a group of people out there for each of us. We all drawn toward toward a specific type of person, and we run into them all the time. I’m convinced we meet a potential soulmate at least once a month.
If we’re not in a blissfully happy relationship with one of these people, it’s because we’re not READY to be there yet. We’ve still got things in our lives that we need to do and deal with.
When we’re ready, the perfect relationshop finds us as if it were there all along, because in fact it is there all along — it’s just waiting for us to be ready.
– Patrick
Oh, my God! I remember this man in a video!
He was sitting on a box at the Union Square in New York City selling these carrot scrapers!
He was there every weekend!
I remember I bought one scraper, then I went back and bought a second one!
I don’t know what I liked more – the scrapers or his story. He was very entertaining!
I still have these scrapers at home, they are very good!
What a small world, a small world indeed!
Ryan
What about free will? If you believe in Karma what do you think about voluntarily choosing a destiny and having some control over your choices and life’s outcomes? Karma seems to be a pre destined outcome of past baggage whether good or bad. Any thoughts?
Melinda
ps. I am glad that there could be any number of soul mates out there cause I am attracted to way too many people some great some not and I like knowing there are a lot of choices out there.
Great blog David. Yes, I totally agree with you!! Blame all those cheesy Hollywood films! I think that people (including myself in the past) want a relationship so badly and want to get off the dating merry go round because they are sick of it that they try and convince themselves that someone that is not right for them is their soulmate so they don’t have to worry about that part of their life anymore. I think maybe some people I know who are in relationships use the soulmate line because they can’t be bothered, don’t want to work on their relationship or can’t honestly admit that their partner is not right for them.
I think sometimes singles have conjured up this fantasy or image of their perfect soulmate in their head, that when it comes to meeting people in real life, no one lives up to their expectations.
I totally agree with you about how you can make soul connections with many, many people in your life. I guess that’s why I’m not so keen on getting married. I think the notion that you can be happily married to someone for 50 years is bull! In this day and age, our lives are so busy and we meet so many people through lots of different outlets. It’s riduculous to think that you’re not going to meet people of the opposite sex that you are really attracted to within that 50 years.
Nicky,
You are so right! I agree with you one hundred percent!
Hey all, I Kinda stand by David on the soulmate issue. I feel bad that I keep asking for advice or feedback but here I go again…
I was at a club and I saw a beautiful girl which I have met before through friends. She was uber flirtatious, tipsy and she was talking to another dude. I greeted her with the “hello! Remember me?” and she did, (but she was tipsy the first time she met me too, lol) anyways I talked and walked away from her a few times I walked past her and she grabbed my tie and kissed me in front of the other dude that was buying her drinks the whole night. I walked away again and right before I left I tried to give her my number and she ended up just giving hers. Either out of frustration of previous number closes with no callback or the fact that I have only encountered her tipsy, I ditched the number of the most beautiful girl that ever kissed me, and I have no regrets… What is your input? Did I make the right move? What would you have done?
~J~
Jesse,
Why did you throw her number away? Did you like her at all… besides the fact that she was beautiful?
———
As far as soulmate goes, I believe that we are most attracted to people who are our emotional equal. When you meet someone like that, things just click because they can see you as you are so they get to appreciate you more just as you are.
As far as Karma goes, I don’t believe it conflicts with the idea of free will. Karma just tells you that you have a certain past baggage (think of energy or emotional issues, or simply past subconscious memories) that you have to deal with. Because we are human beings, that past subconscious memory can strongly influence how we behave and react. That’s the “pre-determinism” part of karma, but free will also has a place in the equation.
By learning to be more self-aware of your emotions, you can step out of those “pre-determined” patterns of behaviors and become a person of your own, truly choosing your destiny.
1) I got the vibe she would sober up and not call me back.
2) I have only met her twice and both times she was drunk, so I didnt know if I would like her sober.
3) I was living in the moment and I had no objective so when I got it, I didn’t know what to do with it.
4) I had a really close friend with me that likes me (but the feeling is not mutual) and I didnt want to upset her on her B-Day.
5) I felt bad for the guy buying her drinks all night.
So it was a combination of alot of things… I know, I feel stupid…
Jesse,
Let me offer a different perspective. When I read your posts, I got a slightly different impression of the reasons you didn’t keep the number. I think you didn’t give yourself a chance to follow up on the phone number because you didn’t think you had a chance.
Of course, in allowing yourself to act on those feelings, you proved yourself right. I’m not bringing this up to chastise you, but it’s important to identify your limiting beliefs for what they are: limiting.
The next time you catch yourself thinking this way, here’s what I suggest. First, accept the fact that your current belief is one of the possible outcomes. Then I want you to use your imagination. Just pretend for a moment, that you’re on a date with this girl, and you’re having a great time. Really imagine it. Got it?…. Ok.
Now work your way backwards:
How did you get on the date? Because she called you back and you made plans.
Why did she call you back? Because you called her.
What did you say when you called her? Something sexy and original….
What could you say that’s sexy and original enough to make her call you back? Maybe something about the kiss you had?
You see, sometimes when you work your way backward from the outcome you want, it’s easier to see what the first step is. It allows you to let go of the belief that there’s only one outcome to a situation.
Try it sometime and let us know how it goes.
– Patrick
Patrick,
Good advice and yeah, I think you are right. I felt I was in similar situations before and I thought I knew the outcome, so I wanted to save time. But personality wise, since I have never seen her completely sober, I have know attraction to her other than looks versus other people I have been shut down by I have been turned on by them as a whole. perhaps the fact that I am starting to be less needy and more selective is giving off a different vibe that could lead to more success??? I guess we will find out…
Indeed…I couldn’t agree more. I rolled my eyes when I saw one of my friend’s MySpace page with a picture of his girlfriend (of two months) and him going on in his description on “how he couldn’t believe that he found his soulmate” and other junk.
You know what happened? Those two eventually split up.
Completely aree.. no such thing as one soul mate… but i do believe that our soul´s naturally connect better with some then others…
i have had one or two girls where we seemed to be so spiritually connected it was insane.. we´d both have similiar dreams about each other the same night… these weren´t even girls i was dating. they were female friends who i just had such an irrational connection with them… we´d go months without talking and on the exact day i decide im going to give them a call… i check my email and they´ve written me. it was crazy to the point i started to believe in soul mates.
then i dated her… and she was no soul mate haahaha
Well there goes all my hopes! thanks for bursting my bubble. I just finished my poster with all the shit I want in my life and the main subject of course, is finding my soulmate. I listed and depicted all the qualities I want in him, wrap it up and put it away…so the universe (God) knows exactly what I want. I even gave thanks for what I believe is already mine.
You know when you have been married for over 20 years, just turn 40, and the love for your husband is dead; the only thing you have left is hope. I never felt I had made a conection with anyone including my husband…soulmate connection…I just settled for and expected for that connection to appear with time and everyday life.
I dont know your age range (everyone here), but sometimes all you have in this world is hope and dreams and the determination to find that someone if its the last thing you do before you roll over and die.
Soul connections sound more like an excuse to hook up! Not that there is anything wrong with sex encounters but call things by their names and stop the false pretenses.
Sincerely yours,
A foolish heart.
i think i have found my soulmate and i think he was was feeling something for me only he is fighting his feelings. My question is. What if he succeeded in fighting his feelings. what will happen? are we going to meet in another life time then?