Destroy Your Fear
August 10, 2010 
13 Comments
What are your fears? I have a couple of fears. One of them is a huge fear that I’m not going to tell you about now, but will share with you later.
I have something I’m working on right now that is one of my biggest fears, and which is challenging me more that I have ever before been challenged. It is something I work on every single day, and something I kick myself in the ass about every single day.
So let’s talk about fears today. Let’s find out how to overcome any fear — whether it’s approach anxiety, fear of commitment, fear of having children or whatever it might be.
Everyone is in a different place in their life. Everyone has different fears.
I remember when I used to have a fear of flying. I was terrified to fly. It was one of my worst nightmares.
I always thought the plane was going to crash. I thought that turbulence meant that the plane was about to fall apart. During much of my 20′s I didn’t even travel, because I thought I was going to die in a plane crash.
Now I am addicted to traveling. How did that shift take place?
I started traveling. I started getting on airplanes. I started relaxing. I started listening to good music. I started thinking positive thoughts.
When I got on an airplane, I would meditate. It became my quiet time.
Now I actually find being on an airplane to be one of the most meditative things I can do. Granted, the seats hurt my ass really badly. My brain, however, really just loves to zone out on a plane and relax. It’s one of my top ten favorite things to do.
So how do you get over a fear that you have? You think positive things. You envision the outcome.
If you have a fear of approaching women, then envision what it feels like to be able to approach any woman you want. If you have a fear of having kids, then visualize how amazing it’s going to be to hold your son or daughter for the first time. If you have a fear of commitment, visualize how incredible it will be to get really deep with somebody.
It’s all about visualizing my friends. Visualize all the beauty of what it’s going to feel like to get there (wherever the “there” is relative to your fear). Then when you’re on the journey to get there, you will hold on to the beauty of that vision the entire trip.
I talk more deeply and in detail about how I overcame all my own fears. Click to find out how to get rid of approach anxiety and any other fears today.
Visualization is KEY.
I have something to share.
There is this girl that I had a crush on. I feared all the worst things that could happen. All fake fears by the way.
I started visualizing the positive outcomes. I even rehearsed at home situations I might find myself in. If she said “this” I would respond with “that”.
Upon entering the bookstore where she works, I told myself:”Anything that comes my way, I can handle it”. My mind started messing with me soon after about the practiced conversation I had made up. I told myself: “Time to free flow”.
I went in, bought Men’s Health magazine and I bumped into her.
I greeted her, but I got a very very cold “Hello” back.(She was clearly interested in me at first,even though she had a boyfriend, she still does, but now showed a clear sign of disinterest.) My rehearsed conversation did not even take place in the slightest bit.
But I did notice something. I no longer got fazed.
Whenever a girl would act cold towards me in the past, I made it something about me. This time I did not even care one bit.
There are other women, more attractive and higher self esteem. I say: “Next”.
Farley. I suppose when you “visualize” what you wish for, there is always a chance that a negative outcome will occur when you implement the visualization. It is good to have a good attitude, if this happens, but is somewhat dissapointing, and makes the next one even more difficult to act on, I would think.
Very well said Mr. Wygant!
I’m done reading all the blogs. I think so far I have read over 100 blogs. Its quite a bit I guess and its very addicting. I guess the message really hits home for me. I’m curious what is the next step for me? Please get back to me David, Jacob and anyone else?
how long should one visualize for?
Jimmy-long time no talk, how you been man?
Hi B Ruth-
I have been doing pretty good you know. As always learning some new stuff in this side of the space. Oh yea you gotta check out the text product its the new thing I’ve been practicing with the girls. How is life with you?
Nice! Yea I read about that product it looks really good. I am now saving up for it. I was away to Mexico for few weeks and just got back. I miss Mexico man. I had a really good time and now back to the routine life:)
Farley- A question for you. Do you find that visualization only works for certain personality?
Babe Ruth,
Visualization works for all personallities. You just got to think positive. Otherwise there is no point in visualization, in my opinion.
You have to act upon your visualization. Someone told me visualization without movement is useless.
On the other hand though, we as humans do not control the outcome of all situations.
You can visualize buying that car you always dreamed of, only to arrive at the car dealer to find out that the car has been sold out.
Or the promotion you have been wanting for some months now. At home, you visualize how you are going to assert your boss about your promotion. Only to find out he does not want to give it to you yet.
It helps to visualize for sure. Make sure its something you want. Don’t focus on the things you don’t want
Bob,
I agree.
That is what makes life interesting though. Outcomes belong to the future, that which we do not control. If you keep running into negative outcomes, try to shrug it off and just keep persisting.
Farley and B.Ruth,
Remember to emotionalize your visualizations. You want to use your creative imagination to “predict” how you’d react… but more importantly, you want to feel how it feels. When you allow yourself to emotionalize those visualizations, they become much more powerful… and you can learn a lot faster.
Tommy,
What kind of blogs have you been reading? What are you really afraid of?
If you’ve been reading that many blogs on dating… I believe you have enough “knowledge” to go out and practice. You now have to TRUST yourself… that you already know what to do.
Stop looking for someone to tell you what to do. If you’ve read that much, you ALREADY KNOW what to do… and it’s time for you to just do it.