Im on this website searching for answers just like you. I am engaged to be married and 3 months before the wedding I found out my fiance was a compulsive gambler. I was devasted and wanted nothing to do with him. The lying the deceit is horrible.

I have always been against cheating because I was hurt 10+ years ago and was traumatized by the event. I had and still have much pride and couldn’t believe that such betrayal could happen to me. I took it very personal as thought i wasn’t good enough, or pretty or sexy enough. After this tragedy in my life I was out to get revenge and that revenge as in saying to myself, “If he could do it, I could do it.” It has left me with feelings of guilt and emptiness.

Throughout my other relationships I became jealous, insecure, demanding and controlling and in the end they didn’t work out. With my current fiance I was the same way until I attended couseling and the gam-anon meetings.

These gam-anon meeting have made me look deep down at me and why I need to change. These realizations have been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and have been so scary.

I recently cheated on my fiance (kissed a guy) when I haven’t cheated on him for 3 yrs. It doesn’t make sense to me. We have been making progress in our relationship. Our communication is so much better I feel a more deeper emotional connection with him and in the end I cheated.

What the hell is my problem? Am I just so insecure with myself that I need to feel justified by someone elses nice comments, or assumtions. I have the praise and the nice compliments and comments from my fiance. Nothing is missing. He’s wonderful! Why do I do this to myself? I know I’m worthy of a wonderful loving loyal relationship and why cant I give the same?

I’m stuck with your same dilema. All I know is that I need to seek professional help to help me work through these internal struggles. It’s all on me. It’s hard, its frustrating the worst part is that your hurting someone else.

As much as it hurts to say, I also understand if he wants nothing to do with me ever again.

My fiance now is wonderful. Even though he had this gambling addiction and following his GA program I too have been going to Gam a non which is like alanon. I’ve learned

That is how cheating starts….always innocent at first.

I would like to open my life to criticism and hopefully some guidence:

My wife and I have had problems, the normal ones, for about 3 years or so. We have been married for 5.5 years but have been together for 11.5. I am a talker and love to talk about the day on my way home from work and also bring up topics or concerns that I feel are troublesome in our relationship. I do this because I know it is the only way things will get fixed.

My affair started with a co-worker when I started talking to her on the phone about just life and problems in general. Maybe my wife wasn’t listening or maybe I didn’t even try hard to get my points across, but either way I started this whole thing by talking. After some time went by with her there were doors being opened (thoughts) and rocks being over turned, none of which the love of my life was hearing.

A little over a year ago I took a new job, one that was a better job but I we were perfectly fine where we were. We had very close friends, a great network and everything else that goes with it. One of the main reasons for me taking this new job was to get away from the affair, break away from it so I could start living my life how I was supposed to. I did not see her very much over the past year but still talked to her on the phone quite a bit.

Well… two days ago my wife received an anonymous letter telling details of an affair that I have had for the last 2 years. I was getting out of the affair, but doing it slowly. She packed our daughter up and headed for her sisters house. The only person that I ever wanted to be with was my wife as well as my daughter who is 2.5 years old.

I am not sure who wrote the letter, nor do I really care because they were all things that I did and no one else. I am sure just like everyone else that I had no intention of wanting this outcome. I have never posted anything like this before but I am reaching out. I have talked to my family and friends who all knew nothing of the affair but am looking for some help.

We have/had had a great relationship but lacked energy in the bedroom. I am not blaming my wife one bit for any of this because she is the best thing that could have ever happened to me but I have told her for the last 3+ years how I felt. What I felt was missing from our relationship, how I felt we needed to talk more and be more intimate. I am not even talking mostly about sex but more so just cuddling on the couch, kissing each other rather than just a peck, and really feeling like there was spark like we had for so many years.

My wife is a beautiful, smart and an unbelievable woman who I want to spend the rest of my life with. She is a great mother and a good wife and I want to get her back. I would love to hear from any body who would like to either blast me with some not so kind words or if someone would like to help me. I am asking because I know I am better person than this. I am asking because I don’t care what people think of me but more so about making this relationship work.

I will do what ever it takes to make this right. Move where ever she would like and or take any yelling that I deserve. I will do anything!

As much as it hurts me to say, I do understand that if she does not come back that I have no one to blame but myself.

Thank you in advance.

Jamie

Cheating ALWAYS has a first step.

If I looked forward to lunches or long talks with another man, I believe I would be cheating on my partner. Sex or no sex…..it doesn’t matter…..it’s still taking away from a relationship.

Besides after a couple long lunches, and a couple of great talks, the next step is “get a room” for the afternoon.
Whaddya’ think?

I am married to a women who loves me completely. I would not hurt her for any reason in the world. But I have that opinion because of who I am not who she is. I love her because of who she is. I won’t cheat because of who I am.

So my point is that cheating is a matter of character. It is not about conquests forbidden fruits or not getting what you need at home. It is about who you are at a deep level.

My first wife cheated. I loved her. She broke my heart. I would never do that to anyone.

Thanks

John

I am located in Texas. Where are you moving from? Irvine CA! How luck of you to be in CA.

I am from San Clemente Ca and am moving back to that general area in April of next year. I recently went to visit my mom and just fell in love with my homeland all over again. It is really hard to be here now after such beauty and SO MUCH LIFE!!! You do not see people out and about like that here. I need to be closer to my mother. She is elderly and I want to be able to be with her for her time remaining. She is not sickly, just the opposite, but you know. I want to get into school there for a year of training. Anyway, I look forward to my move. I am working like hell to get a beach worthy body;) Not that I will have time to go much, but hey—the body never hurts:))

Well, that is neat:) If I remember right you and i are supposed to go to a Salsa club? lol MHMMM I didn’t forget. I never forget when it comes to dancing some good stuff! I am really getting into this latin dancing these days. I should right now be getting ready to go, but i am really unsure of two nights in a row. I am not a “party girl,” so one night of hardcore dancing wears me. The one girl is so persistent for my presence, because she says I make the night for her making her laugh. ?? OK Very sweet compliment. I love to laugh and YOU make me laugh for sure;)