Deal With Your Issues!
June 5, 2009 
26 Comments
Last night my girlfriend and I were out to dinner enjoying a great meal of sushi and Sake. As we’re sitting there having a conversation, the topic of single mothers and deadbeat dads comes up (because I was sharing a story about some people I know).
That reminded me of a woman I dated about fourteen years ago named Denise. I told my girlfriend the story about the time that Denise dropped her kid off at my office, and the kid proceeded to wreak complete havoc.
I said it was at that moment I realized that I could not be in a relationship with her, because I was not ready to take on someone’s kid and to be a dad. No matter how wonderful Denise was, I simply was not in that place in my life.
All of a sudden, and just as I finished that sentence, out of the corner of my eye I notice this woman with crazy eyes at another table peering toward our table. We had not been speaking unusually loudly. We were just speaking in a normal conversational voice to each other.
The woman with the crazy eyes at the other table then said, “Excuse me. Do you mind? This really hits home for me.” I look over there and all I see is a kid sitting at the table with her eating a sundae.
I’m thinking, “This woman is a crazy mother and a nut!” I look at my girlfriend, but I can’t say a word because I unbelievably have this person leaning in, eavesdropping and telling us what we are allowed to talk about with each other across the dinner table.
Now I’m ready to just battle down with this woman, but my girlfriend gives me a cautioning look and says “The kid’s here.” So, we just got up and we left. This woman was out of her mind!
Do you look at another couple like that when you’re out in a restaurant? Let’s say a couple has a date and they’re talking dirty to each other, whispering sweet nothings and having a good time telling each other all the things they want to do to each other later.
Are you going to be the buzz kill in that situation? Are you going to look at them and say “Excuse me. I haven’t been laid in over three years and this is really hitting close to home for me. I’m really tired of masturbating nonstop. So, would you mind not talking to each other like that?”
What about if you’re sitting next to a couple in a restaurant and a man is sharing with his wife what a great day he had at the office. Would you ever look at them and say, “I have a really shitty job. Do you mind not talking about that right now?”
Anyone who is familiar with my work knows that I am all about eavesdropping. I encourage people to join conversations. If you hear a group of people talking about something that interests you, join the conversation and add to it.
You, however, should never join a conversation to kill it. Never put your crazy psycho energy on someone else. Never tell anyone what they should (or should not) talk about in a private conversation.
So what I was talking about privately to my girlfriend hit home for this woman? I am sorry you may have made some bad choices. I am sorry that the man you chose is a deadbeat dad to your daughter. My heart bleeds for you.
You know what, though? You should never ever listen to someone else’s conversation and tell them what they should or shouldn’t say.
This would only happen in California. This woman was crazy.
We actually had a wonderful laugh about it as we left. In fact, the whole way home we kept laughing and wondering what was wrong with that woman.
Why do people feel the need to do things like this? It reminds me of a blog I wrote a long time ago about people like this. Really, what is wrong with some people? Crazy energy. Crazy eyes. Crazy people.
I have a question what did the conversation had to do with her anyway. She should have not put her two cents worth in it.
Me: If I see two people talking I will walk passed them and say hi or excuse me if I walk between them. But I will go my way I feel like I was not invited into the conversation so why should I put my two cents worth in.
You know something I used to this for my daughter is married and her and her husband plays and talks a lot to one another and I just call an inside marital joke that is between them. Or if I am doing it and someone asks I will say it is an inside marital joke and smile.
David
You should have given her your business card she really needs some help on eavesdropping great laugh today!
Sandra- how are you doing?
“Excuse me. I haven’t been laid in over three years and this is really hitting close to home for me. I’m really tired of masturbating nonstop. So, would you mind not talking to each other like that?” that was good!!!
She seems to be frustrated and I agree with Leo she is the worst eavesdropper on the planet:)
Kubs-
what’s going on how was California man?
Leo-
Great to hear from you!
California was amazing dude finished up some work and later went to Vegas with coach ken and few other buddies. I just got back home so back to work again. How are you doing ever been in Cali?
You and coach ken sounds like no sleep and lot of party in Vegas huh:)
Where you stay Vegas? I want to go to Cali I have never been there, maybe i can meet up with you guys when i am there and get some tea or something.
Hey CJ- how are ladies in Vegas:) you must enjoy yourself.
howe-
I had a feeling that you would ask that first:)
and the ladies are great you have to check it out sometimes.
and since you like sugar mama go play in the upscale hotel:)
Leo-
I stayed in Luxor very cool hotel loved the pyramid architecture.
and yes you got right no sleep and lot of play time:)
This really comes back to always add to any interaction with others. Be a giver not a taker.
Having said that being a single mom, if anyone is with me they have already “taken” my kids too. It’s a package deal . Being a single mom now, I can only begin to imagine how hard it will be to date again. I know you talk about the law of abundance and I kind of agree, but with kids and 40 not quite the same as when you were in your 20 and 30′s. Most great men are married at this age or those that are not are suffering of the 20′ish crowd attraction, which leaves me with very few, as I am incredible picky.
Nice to see the siamese twins Leo and Howe back.
Great to hear Ken and Barbie had a good time in Vegas, so what names did you guys use there ?….Sorry J this name change has gotten me all confused.
Canadian Vince and J dude could you guys give us some update of what fun has been going on in your lives.
I have taken David’s advice of eavesdropping… and it works better than I had imagined! I expected to get the “why are you butting in on our conversation” but it got me right in there the first time I tried it.
Leonard
Me I am doing okay that is if my two daughters don’t drive me crazy first.
Sandra
how do you deal with them when the drive you crazy i remember in my younger years when my two little sister would drive my mom nuts god bless that woman she is the most patient woman i ever met!
David
sorry to hear that dear, maybe she was jealous that you too were having way too much fun.
can you imagine how she would react if you would dirty talk with each other:)
What funny story David unbelievable the world is full of unbelievable people you know! It certainly shows her frustration with life.
Marina-
last thing in the world i would be is howe’s twin
the real twin it’s more like jimmi and howe
very funny Marina- ken and barbie
ya vince and Jdude-
lets hear from you guys long time no chat, totally agree with Marina!
Leo
It is not easy at times but we had an issue in Ashland City and when I said what I said they both got into the car and no more talking about computers. Ah the silence.
Yakub, I hope your nickname does not become Barbie – everytime I hear that name I get that abismal song stuck in my head (Aqua – Barbie Girl).
ah the silence must feel so good, my sisters now that they grew up they are so mellow it feels like time past by so fast the other they were driving my mother crazy you know.
Hey what do you do when an older women is interested in you at first but after you tell them ur age 2 days after she calls and says it’s an age issue and don’t wanna see you again. I just let it go b/c it wasn’t meant to be what do y’all think?
Pete,
Sometimes I think you need to challenge her and call her out a bit on what doesn’t make sense! You just have to make it comfortable… more graspable for her to date someone your age.
ok khiem how do I do that