The Top 10 Most Frustrating Things About Dating
July 31, 2007 
18 Comments
A post on Dating Ups And Downs by David Wygant
Dating is a process a lot of us really can live without. It’s an emotional roller coaster that can drive you to drink four year-old bottles of Mike’s Hard Lemonade from the back of your refrigerator. There are so many ups and downs of dating.
Here is my top 10 list of the most frustrating dating ups and downs and how to feel better about them:
1. We made out in the parking lot and they never called again. Making out is fun! You needed it. They needed it. Don’t beat yourself up that you did it, just realize you did it. You needed some tonsil hockey and to cop a feel. Be OK with it. It was a great date. You were in the moment, and you experienced something that you wanted to do.
2. I texted them the next morning to say “I had a great time last night,” and they never texted back. So what? You had a great time last night. So did they. They just woke up, and their post-date recap was different from yours. Yes, they probably had a good time but when they thought about it, the chemistry and the “it” factor wasn’t there. It’s not about you. At least you were honest. You lobbed in an honest text. So you did all you can do.
3. Stop the mental post-date recap abuse. You went out with somebody with whom you thought you had a connection, and it turns out you didn’t. So now you’re going to mentally torture yourself for the next four days trying to figure out what you said wrong. You’ll even torture all your friends asking them what you could have done differently to have a different outcome. There is nothing you can do differently after a date is over. It wasn’t the conversation about your drunken uncle that you now think made him think you’re a budding alcoholic. The post-date recap is a form of mental torture. You will never know what that other person is thinking unless they call you. If they don’t call, it really does mean that he or she is just not that into you (which is about the only good advice from that ridiculously stupid book).
4. Should I have said something different in my voicemail message? You left a voicemail message, and now you’re replaying it in your head a thousand times. “Was the way I said ‘Last night was fun’ not with enough enthusiasm? Is that what is making the person not call me back?” When it comes down to voicemail messages, the shorter the message the better it is. From an old sales technique, I always prefer to say “Last night was fun. I have something really funny to share with you the next time we speak.” That’s it . . . it creates a little bit of intrigue, a little bit of mystery and no mental torture.
5. Who cares what they think? You left the above voicemail message without knowing if you’ll ever see them again, and they don’t call you back. You start to think “Now they know that I like them … and they don’t like me.” So what? Is it better just not to do anything? Is it better to just sit there and hope and pray that they call? I always believe in being honest. If you’re the one who left the voicemail message and the other person doesn’t call back, again so what?? You’ve got to do what feels right for you.
6. Stop giving your power away to one person. If a two hour date can cause you to give away all your power and confidence, then you need to learn to embrace yourself and love yourself even more. This is just one person you went out with that you knew for two hours. They don’t know what an amazing person you are. The only thing they know is the person they sat across from at the table. Whether they choose to hang with you again isn’t the issue. The issue is that one person does not determine your worthiness. This is just a person that you went out with, and they’re not calling you back. You’ve got toughen your skin. Rejection is what dating is all about. You just can’t take it personally. If I go out with someone and I had a great time, but they never want to see me again, I’m still a great person the next day.
7. In order to feel better about dating, you need to think abundance. Just because you think you like somebody and they don’t call you back, this is not the last person in the world you’re going to meet. In order to be a successful dater, you need to practice abundance. The power of abundance is training your mind that if it doesn’t work out with one person (or ten people), that there are plenty of other people out there that want to meet you and hang out with a fantastic person like yourself.
So, forget about #8, #9 and #10. I think seven is a lucky number in Las Vegas and if you’re vacationing this summer in Las Vegas you want lucky sevens to come up. So these “lucky seven” are enough here too.
The next thing you need to do is repeat seven times “There really are plenty of fish in the sea.” You just need to be willing to put your pole out there every single day until you hook the one you’re supposed to be with.
What I’m Listening To Right Now:
Well lucky me to be up still working:0 NOT! BUT– I do get to be the second to lay eyes on this so–there is my positive for the late working;))
Its great! This made me laugh, because I see every one of these come to fruition in peoples lives I know who date. The funny thing is, when I was reading this, I got to number 7 and thought in my head, “Ah theres my favorite–#7 so far.” Then I scroll down to see, “forget about 8,9, and 10.”
The numbers 3 and 7 have always been my favorite numbers—why? Who knows!
I think for now I am glad I am just out to have some fun. I really don’t want to deal with all the emotional bs. For all who are dating—you go! Have fun and don’t let a bad one get you down. Like David said, there are PLENTY of fish in that sea, so grab your pole and see what you catch, throw it back in if you don’t like it, and catch another:))
This one reasonates very well with me. Thanks for the great tip and I think it’s important to constantly remind ourselves that we are indeed great individuals and have a lot to offer
I think 6 is the one that resonates most with me…it’s amazing how much power you can give one person and especially to someone who has only scratched the surface of who you really are!!! What happens to us? It’s like we get sucked into some sort of dating vortex and we get all caught up in what’s wrong with us, instead of remembering that there are as David, said, other fish in the sea…so how do we get past it?
Lisette, in reading your post I am taken back to the many years of being caught up with the “whats wrong with me?” syndrome. It can be a crippleing “vortex” if you allow it, which I did for years.
Just remember who you are. You are a woman of worth in need of nobodies approval nor validation of that. I know it’s hard, but every day—every date– hold your head humbly high and be confident in you. You know what you have to bring to the table. If it doesn’t work out, there is better down the line–the “fish line” if you will. lol I wish to have known then what I know now, but better late than never:) Love yourself girl. That is where it’s going to start something beautiful and end the un-needed self condemnation. Good luck to you with your dating success;))
David – You have so accurately described my state of mind in this blog, that I almost feel like you wrote this blog especially for me
This is all great advice, and it is the advice I would not hesitate to give to a girlfriend of mine, but … unfortunately I tend to be a “do as I say, not as I do” kind of person in these situations. This advice is spot on, David, but you’re not always so objective when you’re the one in the situation. Great post as usual though David!!!!
David,
Thank you for writing this post. What you are describing here is … me.
I would sit and
Jessica, while I hate to read that people other than myself inflict this kind of torture on themselves, it is also somewhat comforting to know I’m not the only one who does this. I also think your idea about saving this post is an excellent one …
Thank you, Elizabeth!
These are all so right on when you are out there trying to make a connection. Going through that mental post dating mind game is so not worth it. I have done that a couple of times and never will let it happen again for my sanity sake. Ha The worst is not calling someone back. I have had more than one instance where I just didn’t vibe with the girl, didn’t call her back and the messages became overwhelming on my voicemail. I advise calling back…good or bad. I think it gives some closure. The age of these young girls added to the problem. It is a woman… the infamous cougar who will be the one sought out by me. The maturity of conversation as well as the sexual side is far more appealing as well as satisfying:) No offense to the pumas out there! Everyone has their preference and that happens to be mine. Well, duty calls. Have a great day all. I’m out
So spot on David…..we’ve all been in this situation
Yes AZNY you are spot on.
It is all about being yourself and anyone who has listened to my products will understand that power that it brings!!!
Thanks for the great feedback and check out what a few women have sent me. I posted an article online for yahoo called 10 dating mistakes men make when online and asked for feeedback.
Here are some of the best.
OMG, I’m so glad you gave us gals a chance to respond with our own turn-offs…. here are mine.
1. Don’t send me an email only saying, “wow, you’re so hot”. Didn’t you read my profile at all? About how I like to travel, or read or watch football? GEEZ!
2. If you mention sex, wanting to have sex, or “wanting to get some” in your profile or email you are automatically disqualified from ever talking to or going out with me.
3. Please have a current picture that isn’t far away or blurred. Be honest about how you look. Don’t put athletic if you’re average and don’t average if you’re more fluffy. I’m more apt to be angry for being lied to. I’m honest, you should be too.
4. Be honest about living with your parents, your age, or if you have children. I’m going to find out anyway, and then I’ll be you weren’t up front about it.
5. If you don’t like me after our first meeting, its cool, but you need to be an adult and say so even if its by text message or email. I’m going to give the same respect in return.
6. If the only pictures you have are of places you’ve been to, your car, and your house, I could care less. Delete!
7. Please say something about who you are. What activities you like to do, your favorite teams, or what your favorite movie is. Don’t say you don’t know what to write and to ask you later in an email because your life is an open book. Bo-ring!
8. Good grammar and spelling says a lot. Don’t use all caps or slang when writing. Use the spell check liberally! To me, it says you have no attention to detail and I think you’re immature.
9. Don’t expect to pick me up at my house. I will meet you somewhere neutral. If you get mad at this you have something else up your sleeve and I’m going to know that.
10. Don’t look at my profile 50 times and not send an email. There must be a reason you keep looking!
Here is another list from a woman….all good tips.
1) Men, talking about yourself throughout the whole
email and not asking us questions gets annoying. It
makes us think that A) You’re not really interested in
getting to know us and B) You’re too in love with
yourself and there’s no room for us.
2) Try not to sweat profusely when on a date. I
realize that it might be nerves kicking in, but if we
have to lend you our dinner napkin so you could wipe
off your sweat, it’s just not that appealing.
3) When out on a date, don’t belittle people around
you (waiters, valet person etc). That just shows
insecurity and insecurity means lack of confidence and
lack of confidence is definitely not sexy.
4) Don’t play the ‘let’s wait three days to call her
rule”. If we gave you our number it means that we want
you to call. We won’t think you’re a loser if you
called the same day. But also remember, call, but
don’t call 5 times a day at wee hours of the morning.
5) Please be original and creative. Definitely no copy
and paste. We receive tons and tons of emails a day.
Make reading the emails seem less of a chore by
spicing them up with humor, originality and wit. I
promise you, you will stand out and you will get many
replies.
6) In your initial email, don’t tell us your whole
life story. We don’t care who you know or what you
drive. We don’t really care to read paragraphs and
paragraphs on why your neighbor’s kids are annoying or
why your ex wife stinks. If you have to, tell one of
your buddies. Keep your initial email original, short
and sweet.
7) Don’t ask us out on the very first email you send
us. Especially if this email was sent on a Friday
evening. Makes you seem desperate.
Just remember, spell check doesn’t catch the ‘you’re’
and ‘yours’ and the ‘it’s’ and ‘its’ etc.
9) If you’re really interested in us, don’t just wink
or send a flirt, or a teaser. Write us an email.
10) Profile don’ts for men: A) Wearing some sort of
cap,hat or a beanie on all your photos is don’t numero
uno. We want to see the whole you…even if you’re
balding. Same goes for wearing sunglasses in all your
photos. We don’t think it looks cool. Besides, we want
to see your eyes! B) Don’t post numerous photos of
sunsets and the beach and the Eiffel Tower. If we
wanted to see those, we’ll read the National
Geographic. C) Photos of you standing in front of your
fancy yellow car. Really cheesy and it just comes
across as trying too hard. D) Misrepresenting your age
and body type will get you nowhere. Eventually we will
find out and you’ve just started off on the wrong
foot.
Hi Friends! I’m new to dating at age 48, crazy but true. I find any and all information here helpful. I have gone on few dates that I was sure i was not completely attracted to. After a few hours I found myself attracted to these woman. Not to say that they were my final destination, but to it has open my thinking. Makes it fun and exciting to meet and date. So I think dating is a healthy process. We get to meet new people, hopefully experiance new things, and just maybe someone who you mutually want a second, third or more dates. I will listen to my heart and open to any comments. Where’s AMY?
Could someone correct all my errors please.
Hey Jim … thanks for the shout out
Definitely count me in for this party!!
Hi Amy……. Did you red my comments about missing your offer to try and work you up?
MMMM Jim and Amy! Looks like you have both been hot and bothered since yestersay;) I say work it—–work it real good! If there is opportunity, seize the moment!
As a single pops (never married but a very happy poppa), I make an effort to talk to every single woman I meet that I think is attractive. If they don’t like the fact I am a dad, their loss not mine.
Funny thing is I made an effort to reach out to someone I met a month/two months ago. I never heard from her. I figured she was either seeing someone or not interested. No big deal.
I finally got a call (well after I forgot about her). I’ll be calling her soon.
Remember, don’t give up. There is someone for everyone even if you out kick your coverage.
This was a great list and I loved the list from Yahoo users. Although I have been on dates, I feel that I am truly “dating” someone for the first time now and it really is frustrating! I mean, the uncertainty that is involved is what kills me. I know that there is nothing I can do to get inside of his head, but I wish that I could! *lol* I have to be ok with the fact that I’m having a great time when we’re together and that we’ve been on 5 great dates so far.
What I wouldn’t give to be able to read his mind though! *lol*