You know, it’s funny. So many of you guys ask me for tips and advice on women’s body language. You want to know what it means when a woman is standing in a certain way or has her arms folded in a certain way. Once again, you are concentrating on the other person in the wrong way. Let me explain and go more deeply into this.
When you concentrate on and really listen to what someone is saying, your body language is going to reflect that interest to them. The other person will know you are interested and intrigued by them.
When a woman sees you doing this, she will naturally start to loosen up her own body language. She will do this because she knows you’re listening to her and connecting with her. Women are all about connecting with a man. A woman will also start to relax because you are relaxed.
The problem is a lot of guys do the reverse of this. They start talking AT a woman (instead of WITH her), and then they start looking for body language clues from her. They think things like “What does her body language say? or “Her arms are folded. What does that mean?” The problem is that you’re viewing things in the wrong way and the wrong order.
You are the leader, and you need to lead by example. What I mean is that when you go and talk to a woman, her body language most often is going to follow yours.
So if your body language is strong and shows interest in her, then her body language is going to follow yours and reflect signs of interest in you. If your face is engaged – you’re smiling and your eyes are focused in on her eyes – and you are paying real attention to her, then her body language will follow yours.
So you need to stop worrying about her body language all the time, and start paying attention to all the details. I have stressed this throughout every part of every lesson that I’ve ever given: You truly need to become a leader in life. You need to become that kind of man who leads by example.
I never worry about other people’s body language because I always listen and pay attention to the details. I always communicate what I’m feeling and what I’m all about to others. If you do this, you are not only going to see your interaction with women change . . . but you are going to see your life change.
Well I can speak for myself that from a woman’s perspective this is 100% right on. I think a lot of women (whether they will admit it or not) WANT a man to lead – and it’s a grownup version of “I might like Johnny if I know he likes me first…”
What about a guy who wants a woman to lead? What is he supposed to do?
Mike
I know, Mike and I’m sure that is frustrating…
I think there are a percentage of women who ENJOY leading, so I think those guys need to somehow find those women. But I think percentage wise, that there are a much larger percentage of women who like men to lead in terms of what David is describing here….
Hey Mike from my experience what David and Rochelle are saying is very true. Your job as a MAN is to lead not just with women but everything in life. Women see men who want them to lead as WEAK and not REAL MAN and I know that is harsh but it’s true. A women will not respect a man who wants them to lead and it’s not in a women nature to lead a man.
If you look back in history since the begining of time man are always looked at as the hunters while the women stay behind and take care of the household. Now I’m not saying women should be bare foot and pregnant because I believe women should be independent because to me that is attractive but I also like women who are feminine.
When I was in relationships where I let/wanted the women to lead I always ended up getting disrespected and hurt. Now that I act like the MAN in the relationship women respect me and are more complient and this is what women REALLY WANT A REAL MAN NOT A CLINGY BOY WHO WANTS THEN TO LEAD! For you mike I would recommend reading a book called “THE WAY OF THE SUPERIOR MAN” by David Dedia, it will help a lot and the truth is if you don’t become a REAL MAN you will never have success in dating.
A woman who wants to lead kick the crap out of a 6′3″ male kickboxer !
David I never guessed that guys are worried about all these things about women. Really. And surprising.
You are right about the man being a leader. That’s the only kind of guys I date – because they are the only ones that interest me. And thus, I don’t date much. Finding a kind, caring gu like this is even harder.
I know my natural female tendency is to nurture & adore the man who leads. There is also a fine line between being a leader and a controlling bully, a narcissist, i.e. a jerk. I’m sure you can explain this better.
How about a man’s body language and what it is saying to a woman. When he has his hands in front of his private area that means he has been cut below the belt. The guys I have come in contact with will start the conversation and we will end up talking now I happen to be a nice person and will speak to people I like to make them smile. There are times I will cut up with a person just to see if they have some humor.
Thanks for the replies.
I didn’t really finish my statement. I guess you could say I am looking for someone who has leadership qualities because I have very strong qualities there too. But most of the women I have met in the past, who weren’t right for me, weren’t exciting enough.
Someone like Marina, however…
Mike
There are leaders and there are followers. Sometimes we have to decide which one we are. I like to be the leader. But there are times I want to the guy to be the leader.
I like the point about listening to a woman. I find most people in general don’t do this to the other person in conversation. This past week I’ve been trying to really pay attention to what someone is saying and take the conversation in a direction that interests them. Hopefully this will reduce the old “talking at them” syndrom.
A woman walking down the street with her arms crossed high over her chest,,,, means,,, “these breasts, are not for you”.
Part of a womans highly refined defense mechanism is her sensitivity. Most women know when a man is lusting her. I am sure all men have made a woman turn around and look at who was staring at her bottom!…If she smiles, that may be an invitation, approach her and find out…
Totally agree a man does have to lead and be the noble leader. I remember this antonio banderas movie a few months back I saw on DVD. Forgot the name of the title, but it was the movie with Antonio Banderas being a ballroom dance instructor who was teaching inner city kids about ballroom dance. Loved this movie by the way since I love to dance
Back to the main story here, I remember a scene in that movie where after antonio banderas mentioned to the class that the ladies had to follow the man’s lead in ballroom dance, one of the female students cried fowl! She said that a woman following a man is sexist and puts women down in general. Antonio Banderas’s character quicky and intelligently responsed to this that yes it is a man’s job to initiate and lead, BUT the woman has the power to choose if she wan’ts to go where the man is leading her.
Putting this all into perspective, a man does need to engage, talk, listen, then respons to a woman. A woman will naturally let a man know through body language, speech, tone of voice, eye contact, etc if she’s going to reciprocate the interest.
good luck everyone, have a great weekend!
David have fun at the woman’s only bootcamp this weekend! Let me know if your back ever bothers you again, get you adjusted and your jaw too : D lol
we all can’t be leaders then there would be no followers to lead the leaders.
I think the thing to keep in mind here is that a lot of times you can misinterpret a woman’s body language, especially when you are too focused on it. A woman not smiling, looking down and with her arms crossed could mean so many things…shy, upset, cold, closed off, etc. So instead of interpreting what she is doing and why it would be too hard to approach her, focus on what you can do. It’s like David says, maybe coming in with a smile would break her out of a state and it would be a pleasant surprise!
I think men and women lead each other…it’s a dance that we all do in different ways!
David is a good looking man, he looks like a young “fonzie” at first glance. The plain, average looking man needs more time, has to work on her longer, be persistant
Just Adjust, there are plenty of women that like to “lead”. There is a different term for it,,,, I believe,,,,,,, they call it, “manipulation/control”.
Hunter I think manipulation and control is just manipulation and controlling. Not a another pseudo form of leading. Just what I think : )
Really?…You don’t see a manipulator/controller as a leader in disguise?…….hhhmmmh
Maybe the long necked, d-cupped, arms crossed, looking down, shy, upset, cold, constantly hit on, closed off etc. woman can be broken out of her state, but, why increase our chances of getting snapped at/rejection? We can leave that kind, to, DW and his coaches!…
….a woman like that can keep the slime/snakes she attracts.
Too clear up the leader/manipulator debate, just watch a show like Survivor. Everyone on there thinks they are a great leader when really they are trying to manipulate the other people around them.
Then watch a show like Amazing Race and then you see leadership qualities.
A lot of women who fall into manipulating don’t think they are manipulators. They just get confused about what it takes to be a good leader. Same goes for men.
Mike
I can usually tell if a person is interested or what they may be feeling based on their body language, but it is not the only indicator whether the person is interested or not. Sometimes a woman’s body language may appear to be closed from a man, but like Coach Kim had noted, there can be many reason for it and it may likely have nothing to do with the man, at least initially. It’s like what David was stating about paying attention to that person and their details and not solely looking for clues in her body language. You will notice the body language naturally, but give your attention to her.
I agree with Just Adjust It, manipulation and control is just manipulation and control. Let’s call it for what it is and not sugarcoat it with other words. To term the words “manipulation and control” for women who like to lead is a generalization/stereotype. That may have been the case for one person, but not all persons.
I have yet to meet a woman who does not expect (at least subconsciously) a man to lead, whether in the relationship, conversation or body language. Most of the women I met expect the man to be the leader, whether they actually said it or not.
Hunter: Regarding your statement:
“Woman can be broken out of her state, but, why increase our chances of getting snapped at/rejection?”
For those that know David’s philosophy (or what I like to call school of thought), it’s not about the end result, which is not becoming too outcome dependent. If I’m too concerned with the chances of myself being rejected, then I’m not really paying attention to her. I’m too focused on myself and not her. The key is to bless the other person in your conversation by giving them your full attention and taking genuine interest in that person. That person will appreciate it.
Thanks Mike…
Sometimes a girl’s crossed arms and emotional distance may be something other than the obvious, it could be something that’s bothering her inside. But I think most of the time if she seems annoyed by your talking to her, maybe asking too many ?s so that it seems more like an interrogation than a well intended friendly conversation, than you should pay attention to her body language. I’m not saying David’s wrong, but most communication is body language as most experts say.
By all means you should truly listen to her and develop the skill of listening well(something I absolutely suck at to be honest), in order to connect with her. But I’ll tell you about something that happened to me to illustrate the flip side.
A few years ago, I was at a party, and stumbling, bumbling, f#ck#p idiot that I was(and maybe still am)was trying to talk to this one girl. I was asking her a few ?s about a few pics she had posted on her MySpace page. A page she switched to Private mode within a few hours, understandably. I was trying real hard not to see her obvious signs of annoyance. I had done nothing for months but prove that I was an Omega male instead of the Alpha I wanted to be. In every possible way. A comedy of errors that should be, or is stock material for every teen comedy where the awkward nerd or dork tries to win the approval and love of a high status beautiful girl. And that night, in addition to nervously approaching like a wounded animal, I had forgotten to clean my face and pop some very puss filled zits hours earlier as i should have. So I was about as unattractive as a textbook dork has ever been and tried to stutter & stammer my way through a convo she wanted nothing to do with.
So after about 2 sentences from me, she turned in her chair to the left, away from me and crossed her arms and looked away to the left, with an annoyed look on her face as well. So that is a textbook example of body language for when a person truly does NOT want to talk to you. Now wouldn’t you do the very same thing if you had been her? Of course! I would have too looking back on it. I don’t blame her one iota!
You really have to be fully aware in talking to people. Of both what is being said verbally as well as nonverbally. That’s never been easy for me. It’s ridiculously easy for people with social skills, but has not been for me. Normal people who can recognize the obvious can cruise through this stuff and talk for hours nonstop like David. I WISH I had “diarrhea of the mouth” as David puts it. I just wish I had it all together.
This reminds me of that first Zorro movie with Antonio Banderas, CZJ and Anthony Hopkins. When old Zorro(Hopkins) tries to teach Banderas both swordmanship and the social graces, he realizes just how difficult it’s going to be and says “This is going to take a lot of work.” And young Murietta echoes that in a later scene.
“This…is going to take a lot of work.”
Fact: ” More that 60% of communication is body language “
The latest study shows that 93% of communication is nonverbal
Is it that high? I need to pay more attention to females around me.
If what Coach Kimberly says is true, than we’d better start learning how to speak better with our bodies than we have in the past. I’m talking to myself here more than anything, but for any others who know they need to improve there, that’s true also. Time to learn those body language techniques like the George Clooney walk and the look, both of which David has talked about in his video clips. Time to go to the video store and rent Ocean’s Eleven again. lol
I talked to Mary again this weekend and although I don’t think I screwed up as bad as I did with that other girl from a few years ago(mentioned above), I know I need to work on talking slower. And also smiling a bit more. I think I smiled okay this time, but worry I might still have had a little nervous energy going on again. The one moment I think I began to lose her interest was when her eyes began to drift off while I was trying to think of the names of some South American countries some people I know visited a while back.
She traveled to Brazil last Summer, which started me rambling and trying to remember the names of a few of those countries they went to. We talked for I don’t know how long. But that was the only part of the convo where I thought she was losing interest. I then said, “Well, I’d better take off. See ya later. Hope you have a great Spring Break!” I’d run out of things to say after maybe 6-7 minutes(my best guesstimate)and remembered that to avoid that awkward conversation dead space, I’d better leave then. I also worked on walking slower this weekend.
I so agree with David. We need to learn to use our bodies as an extension of what we want to communicate verbally.
I remember our conference call for the membership site with Lawrence. He’s the one who said he wants to use touch to mean something.
And that’s what body language is about. We want to use it to mean something… to create an emotion… and it’s based on us projecting out what we want to communicate first, both verbally and physically.
By being aware of our own body language more than the woman’s, I think we become more true to ourselves… and in turn, women will just respond in kind.
Instead of reading too much in her body language, we just have to be aware of how she responds instead of trying to guess if she’s trying to say something with her body.
Excellent – you’re right that most people get the order wrong. Thanks for the post.