Create Great First Date Video
May 22, 2008 
11 Comments
Create Energy Everywhere By David Wygant
This blog is part of a live coaching from London with a client. Hopefully these exchanges with my client will give you an idea of my coaching style. Consider it a sneak peek into what I do when I am coaching clients and leading bootcamps!
Robert: How do you energize yourself?
David: You can do it. Take breaks. How do you have charisma? You have charisma because you don’t need it for long stretches of time. Think about this: the biggest excuse that people always tell me is, “but David, I don’t have your charisma!” Yes you do! I don’t have my charisma!
If you see me when I’m walking around, sometimes walking in the street, I’m just zoning out! I’m not thinking about meeting women on the street – that’s a low-probability meeting. What are you going to do, say hello? – which I do, that takes no energy. If they have a nice dog, I’ll pet the dog – it doesn’t take much energy to do that. I’m saving my energy for when I’m on stage.
So when I go into Whole Foods, or I go into a restaurant, or a retail store, I’ve been saving my energy for that moment. When I walk in, I turn on my charisma. I walk in and I realize, I’m going to be in this store for five minutes or less, and I have one chance to make a first impression.
So I’m going to walk into that store and I’m going to own it. I’m not going to do anything but own it. I’m going to find something on the wall – for instance in that clothing store today, they had an amazing piece of art on the wall – and what did I do? I went with the first thing that came to my mind, and I didn’t hesitate in the way that I talked. So I said, “oh my god, that artwork is so cool. What do you see in that picture?” and the conversation rolled from there.
The reason why not only women but men also respond to me is the way I do it. When we went into Paul Smith, there were no women in there, but somehow or another, that woman salesgirl found her way into that room. It was pretty funny – we walked in, we said hello to her when we walked in, and we owned that store. We were friendly and full of energy.
We migrated upstairs, and we talked to the other dude who was shopping (which most guys won’t do), we talked to the salesperson, we tried on a couple of hats, and had some fun with the guy. He had a really cool tattoo, and I asked him about it. I was interested; I was like a little kid. I was very curious about that tattoo, so I asked him about it.
And what happened then? People were laughing in that room, and all of a sudden the female salesgirl came rolling out of nowhere and asked, “oh, do you want me to help you?” The energy attracts.
And then when we left Paul Smith after like eight minutes – we tried on some hats. I tried on some hats that didn’t look good on me – you have to be goofy. You have to have that self-deprecating humor. You have to be able to be goofy and have some fun. So we tried on those hats, and then when we left, we got quiet. We got some water, and recharged our batteries, and talked a little bit. We walked around, and we really didn’t do much, just relaxed and chatted a bit like friends, and then we got here, and the minute we walked into Whole Foods, I got back in and put my game face back on.
So you’re only doing it in short bursts. You have to look at life as a giant stage. Everywhere you go, you have to romance everyone you meet. By romancing them, people just seem to flock over to you like magic, they all want it because nobody else does it! It’s something called the slight edge: being just slightly more engaging than everybody else.
You don’t need to be over the top, you just need to be slightly more engaging. Nobody is looking for the comedian – they’re looking for the next interesting person. That’s what being different is all about, and that’s what having that natural charisma is all about. That natural charisma is pretty amazing.
Robert: It is. It certainly is.
Todays video is all about how to create a great first date.
Thanks for this post David, and all your others. You are the only person in this field who I follow, and I follow a number, who is so real, that I feel compelled to use my real name. Hope you understand what I mean.
I understand and you know how I feel about men who use pickup names.
David,
great post.
You always talk about being like a Bill Clinton.
Check out this video about him:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rj-AdvsiczU
funny like hell!!
Great video!!!!
I dont think you can maintain such high energy for the most of the time. I have tried few times and did have problems in the afternoon…
I definitely agree to be kind of a pump here. 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there then take it easy..
But then there is a question.
If you meet this girl wherever it might be with so much energy isn’t she going to expect the same amount of energy at the first date, second date, sex.. ??
What I want to say, if you play “theater” she can easily see through you..
Timely post. I was just walking through town for lunch earlier today. The girls were especially cute, and I was thinking “I just came back from hanging out with David, I should be talking to them”.
But I wasn’t in the mood. My brain was busy and I was stressed out from work, so I just shuffled along and said nothing.
I feel like I definitely have a “work” mindset and a “social” mindset, and the two don’t play well together. When I’m at work, I think about technical details, I organize, I plan, and I talk only when I need to exchange info.
When I’m out doing stuff, it takes a force of effort to switch into a social mindset, where I’m interested in the people and things around me. I don’t know that I’m really “playing theater” when I do that.
It’s more like I’m turning my energy outward, rather than inward. I notice things about my surroundings, about people, about their body language, and they interest me enough to say something.
Yes, my work mode is part of my personality, but it’s not really the part of me I identify with, or the part I want a girl to see on a date. Eventually, if I date a girl regularly, she will see my work mode, but she’ll understand that’s me being busy and she’ll add it to her impression of me, rather than making it her first impression.
– P
Hey p
Think about it even more.
Look at the walk through town as a nice vacation away from the work stuff and think about how much fun it is to meet people on vacation!
Slava
You should always have good energy!
We are not talking about being a cheerleader!!
Just be passionate about who are and who you meet!
David;
You talk about charisma and “When I walk in, I turn on my charisma.”
Yes…you do.
I remember when I first ever read your kissing blog ages ago on Yahoo, wrote you, and you answered my letter. Your end response was something to the effect that you were writing a blog on the very thing I was inquiring about and said, “I think you are going to like what i have to say on this subject.”
Yes, I liked very much what you had to say…it was just what Dr. Wygant ordered that set my wheels in motion, and they haven’t stopped turning since…I mean that in the greatest of way.
I came to the web site and read everything and watched all the videos you had up.
Anyone who wants to see the charisma on…watch the video “Party At The Palms” between approximately 22 seconds to 26 second mark. That is a 5 second window of time, but when you watch? Well, see for yourself.
David, I hope I don’t embarass you here David or make you feel uncomfy…but that is what triggered in my mind when you said “when I walk in, I turn on my charisma.”
Don’t you find that after a while…it is just a natural happening you don’t really have to think about “doing?” It just is something that happens and it is a good feeling when the response is a good one.
I was compelled to go back to whole foods today for some Wu Yi tea…they sell it by the pound…that and a zillion others. I was walking down an isle with any and everything Lavender your mind could conceive. A nice looking man, around his mid 30s i would say, walked past me, we exchanged hellos and smiles. I was thinking in my mind, “Man, I love this place.”
I stopped to scope all the products and when I turned, I caught him coming back down the isle in my peripheral vision. I looked at him and smiled which triggered him to ask me what was in Lavender that attracts people they would have a whole isle dedicated to it? LOL MMhmmm My speciality 
Aroma therapy was great conversation and a whole food lot of fun 
Sooooo…maybe my “charisma” (and my cleavage) lol sparked him to come back down the isle.
I think again…it is a just be you uninhibited concept. You have a greatness so let it shine! People will see it even when you are unaware. My intention truely was the tea in the trip, but I ended up with “tea and talk” for 2.
GO FOR IT!!
David-
Your video, above, about how to create a first date is really good. I would like to address one thing you said in it, paraphrase” … that is how all women think”… and caution that is a very broad generalization. Many women think along the lines you are stating, but not all women. Even as a woman, I can say I feel that a great many do, but keeping it more on a line of women may tend to create the story- line with far greater frequency than men. I have seen some guys do it, as well.
All conversations are stories is definitely a point to examine. And that the way we can create and write our own lives is also a story. Prompting men to realize that point of the story-line is great advice, as in a very generalized sense, men and women tend to communicate differently. Not all, of course. As well as pointing out, in essence, to use a form of active communication, where both participants use a listening and reflecting technique can go a long way in not only interpersonal, but business communications, too.
The last point I would like to make here is that both sides of the communication exchange need to proceed with caution as to how they are creating the story-line. In that I mean, to not write in what they wish the story to be, or to create a characterization of the partner in the exchange. More simply put; those story-lines are not the fairy-tale mythology. So make that the real story-line of your life and don’t write in a fictional hero or heroine. By people doing that; in the end, I have never seen a relationship survive. And even worse, some of the people doing that, don’t even realize they do it, and thus continue to become disillusioned about the possibilty of establishing a viable relationship.
I hope this doesn’t come off as negative. It is far more about approaching life with a positive energy and directing that energy into the right places and with the intention of finding someone to connect with on a genuine level.
Great video, I also suppose it’s all about first impression. First date and first impression are like an equation to great first date!