I was you a while back, just scared to say anything and let me tell you, I’ve lost so many opportunities because I didn’t think they could possibly be interested in me. I’m tall, dark and handsome and I didn’t believe it. Now you may not have the look, but that certainly does not mean you can’t get a girl. I see ugly people in relationships all the time! So looks is the least of your worries.

The girl that you like at the coffee shop, don’t go in with the thought of asking her out on a date. You haven’t even talked to her. First you must get to know her and see if she’s even the kind of girl you’d wanna date. What if you say hello and then she smiles and she’s got missing teeth and a the teeth that she does have look like popcorn seeds?

So first you wanna get to know her and the way you do that is as soon as you see her you walk right up like a man and say “Hello, Ive seen you here a couple times and I thought I might as well come and say hello. I’m John.” Extend your hand and she will hopefully smile and say hello back and shake your hand and tell you her name. Then you ask her, “What are you drinking, reading, working on, etc? Based on her response, you make sure you listen to every word that comes out of that mouth and you make sure you don’t say “COOL!” because like David Wygant says, that just means you didn’t listen to a damn word she said and you’re back to square one.

If you feel like you’re running out of things to say, tell her, I’m gonna go grab something and I just wanted to come and say hello before i did. I’ll see you. OR If she seems interested say “I’m gonna go get something to drink, would you like me to get you something? C’mon, it’s on me, don’t be shy” and say it with a smile so she doesn’t think you’re a creep. and go on from there. You can think of stuff.

And then another situation that’s potentially even trickier is the office romance. Sometimes it works well and I’ve heard of people meeting their future wife there and everyone is still happy. But then at other times when an office romance turns sour, it makes for a volatile situation at work. And I’m not just talking about the boss dating ths secretary, but 2 people of equal status hook up, but then something happens and when it goes bad, it creates a very disruptive environment. This may sound Off Topic, and it is, but it would make for a good next blog topic. If this has already been covered before, I apologize. I’m new & don’t have access to the forum or old blogs dating back very far.

What I’ve noticed is that when you don’t care about the outcome (getting her #) it becomes so much easier to be funny, creative and stimulating in a conversation. And conversations like this is what leads to attraction, and once you see she’s interested, then you can start to think about going for the number.

This gets rid of alot of pressure because if the convo doesn’t go well, it won’t matter, because you weren’t set on getting her number anyway.

Listening is so powerful, David, I have been using that tip about observing a girl and what she’s wearing/doing in order to get inside her head and out of yours. Not only does it build rapport quickly, but it shows her that you actually care about what’s going on with her. Whether Im on a date with a girl or selling, I always listen to what they are saying, and repeat it back to show Im listening.

Btw, MAC, I like your tips on talking to the intern. It’s so true too that when a girl is not wearing something, like that UCLA outfit, its harder to think of a way to open her up. Because then you got to think about the environment your in, which isn’t as personal.

P.S.-I also notice matching a persons personality (ie up beat or calm), vocal tone and body language builds rapport with selling and dating.

I try to think on the spot all the time. But just about the only time I can actually think of something to say is 2 weeks later. And obviously, that’s 2 weeks too late. Only way too late do I realize something I should have said on that day. Whether it’s 2 days or 2 weeks. I’m rather slow-witted & dim I’m afraid. Just can’t think on my feet.

You are focused on the wrong things… that’s why you freeze up. Have you done the observation exercise that David suggests in his Men Mastery Series? You need to train your brain to think on the spot and think of things that actually have an answer.

WHen you think, what do I say, what do I say, what do I say? Your brain will always shut down. It’s the wrong question to ask yourself in that moment.

You should ask yourself: what do I notice? What do I want to talk about right now? What am I curious about?

These types of questions actually have answers… and once you have that in your head, you can just say it outloud.

If I counted my losses as you say, I’d be extremely depressed. I’d better not.

Kheim,

I know you’re right, at least for most anyone else with a normally functioning & capable brain. It’s just that my mind doesn’t seem to function in situations like that. It just shuts down. I get a BSOD most of the time when I want to talk to a hot woman. My mind becomes like a blank page, or that infamous blue screen. I think my brain must run on an early version of Windows. Because it just crashes every time.

Or another way of putting it is like a car’s tires stuck in mud or ice. I’m trying desperately to think of what to say after “Hello” or “Hi” but the harder I try the more my brain freezes or locks up. The more those tires spin and spin and spin, but can’t get any traction to get out of the ice. And THEN I have to walk away depressed and THAT is when the monkey chatter begins that I’ll never succeed at this and that there’s no hope for me. I’ve always envied people who can stand around or sit around or lean around and talk about nothing of any importance for countless hours at a time when i cannot get past 20 seconds. Okay, 2 minutes on a really good day.