Could I Get Tipped Please?
September 19, 2009 
29 Comments
We went out to dinner last night, and the service was just typical L.A., i.e., you felt like the server was stoned. We actually sat in the bar area and the bartender was our server.
We saw our food sitting in the window for almost fifteen minutes. The bartender forgot to pick it up. We saw the plates sitting there under the hot lights. I almost went to get them myself.
The bartender knew she had screwed up, but when she brought the food over all she said to us was “hot plates!” Of course they were hot. They had been sitting under a hot light for fifteen minutes.
Then she couldn’t figure out how to get our bill to print from the computer. By the time she did figure it out, we were late for the horrible movie we ended up seeing.
By the way, don’t go see “The Informant!” It was really bad (and really dumb).
So when I finally get the bill for dinner, I’m looking at it and thinking about how I have to leave a tip for this woman. I’m thinking, “Doesn’t a tip mean that you enjoyed the service?”
I bartended for seven years, and if I ever didn’t get a tip I always assumed it was because I gave poor service or because someone was cheap. Nowadays, tips are viewed as handouts. Everyone wants a tip. In fact, let’s talk about that . . .
Could I get tipped please? Excuse me, I have some advice for you. Can you leave me a tip?
When did we become a tip society? Have you noticed that everywhere you go — whether it’s Starbucks or a local takeout restaurant — that there’s a little line on the credit card slip for you to insert a tip or a jar on the counter asking you to leave a tip?
We’re expected to tip people even when we’re getting takeout. I remember sending someone I used to date with my credit card to pick up some food for us. When she gave me the receipt, I noticed she left a $7.00 tip . . . for takeout! I almost went through the roof.
Why am I tipping the person for takeout? What is up with everyone expecting to be tipped?
On an average Sunday, you’re forced to top people all day long. If you go to brunch (which is a ‘self-serve’ meal), you have got to tip the waiter.
Wait a minute. I’m paying for food that costs me four times what I would have paid to buy it myself. Don’t restaurants pay people?
I have to pay my employees. Why can’t I pay my employees cheap wages and have them just make up the difference in tips?
You’re expected to tip everybody nowadays. You get a massage, you’ve got to leave a tip. You get a haircut, you have to tip. At a hotel you have to tip the concierge, the bellboy, the busboy, the waiter and the maid.
You have to tip everyone. Tipping the hotel maid? I know they don’t make good wages, but isn’t that the choice they made?
Why are we tipping everyone in the world? Why is everyone in the world entitled to a tip?
Why do we have to tip 20% in a restaurant. Â Why do we give a 20% tip everywhere we go. Â If we spent $100.00 on a Saturday, you’re really spending $120.00 because of all the people you’ve tipped throughout the day.
There are tip cups everywhere you go. You go to a local bagel shop, and the person there who decided to work for minimum wage cutting a bagel expects a tip. You get a cup of coffee and there is a tip cup. You get a scoop of ice cream, and there is a tip cup at the register.
People also try to give you guilt if you don’t contribute to their tip cups. The other day I picked up some takeout food, and as I signed the credit card slip without leaving a tip the woman gave me a dirty look as she put the food in the bag. She expected me to give her a tip (instead of hoping that I would leave her one).
I worked many jobs like this when I was younger, and I never expected to get a tip from every customer (or, really, from any customers). If I got a tip, I was happy. Of course, I expected to get tipped when I was bartending, but not when I was working behind a counter.
So, here’s a tip. If you don’t like what you’re getting paid at your job, go get a new one. Why is everyone at every job entitled to a tip?
I used to work at Dunking Donuts when I was younger and I never expected a tip. I was happy when I received a tip, but i did not expect it. It really is so ridiculous how everyone EXPECTS a tip these day. People even expect a tip if they provide bad service. People need to learn to accept the fact that tips are not required.
I’m with ya on that David.
I’ve tipped bartenders a couple times, when I thought they were on the ball & doing a good job. If he/she is working his butt off & treats me with respect, yeah, I’ll tip him/her a little.
I’m happy to tip at a restaurant if the service is anywhere from average to outstanding & I’ll tip accordingly. The best service gets the best tip obviously. I’ll tip my server at a buffet restaurant for bringing whatever beverage(s) I ordered & the refills or whatever else I may need, but that usually covers it. They won’t get as much.
But for takeout? Forget it! All she/he did was take my $$ and that’s it. I don’t owe him anything for that!
I’ve also noticed that the house band musicians or performers have a tip jar. I’ll tip em IF they’re good. If I’m not impressed, forget it! Ditto for DJs. Actually, I feel no obligation whatsoever to tip DJs. Well, I guess I would a little if he played my song request. Only IF he did.
I’ll also tip the crew at those car wash places for drying off my car afterwards. Usually a buck. $2 at the very most.
Once again I will play devil’s advocate with one of your negative posts. Maybe you are just cheap. When I go to a spot whether its takeout or even subway I always just leave them my change(coins). If it is something a bit more pricey I dont have a prob throwin in a extra buck or two plus coins. I figure its the joy I have of knowing I love my job and I make plenty of money and dont have to work at a take out joint or a coffee shop. On that note a coffee shop is for silly fools anyway, paying $4-7 for a cup of water? Who is the dummy here? They figure if you are willing to do that you are probably willing to throw down a tip for someone to put that expensive water in a cup for you too.
In this day and age giving a little extra is a good way to pad your karma. It feels nice to know that if I throw in an extra buck or two Im helping out the folks who are less fortunate. In the case of the terrible service you received I often pull the waitress aside when Im done and kindly explain some of the issues and give them the tip in person so they might get a hint to try a bit harder. In the end it will all come back 10 fold.
Once all of you who complain about tipping start giving 10% of your income to charity, then you can walk away from any situation and not feel guilty about not leaving a tip. Tipping is your reflection of your dining experience and yes David, I agree, as a culture it is out of control. But the act of giving unselfishly is long gone from most people, so I believe tipping as an act of kindness, is a cheap, modern replacement.
As for your movie choice. I have a big theory brewing that I’ve talked about for years that you carry in to the theatre how you were feeling and often that can change your perception of the movie. David was annoyed by the waitress (don’t get me wrong, I would have been mad too, it is a gratuity, not a requirement) and you might have carried that in to the theatre. I once saw Lord Of The Rings (okay, forgive me for the nerdy example) and I hated it. I sat in the very front row, and for a guy who is 6’3″ that is very annoying. I was late to the theatre because of the people I was with. And there was a cabal of teenage girls talking right behind my seat. To top it off, the girl who was sitting right behind me kept “accidentally” kicking my seat, which added to the overall hatred of the experience. I wound up getting up middle of the movie, in a sold out showing, turning around and very loudly declaring “Since you ruined the movie for me, I’m letting you know that. You kicked my chair. You wouldn’t stop talking and now you are forcing me to leave.” I think I threw in some ugly bitch commments too. Oops. I also waited for a dramatic quiet scene so I could really steal a moment from the show.
But really all I looked like was a raving idiot that couldn’t control his temper over a movie.
My point is that we carry our expecations where ever we go and if we lose track of the moment, because we are obsessing about a unwarranted tip we gave out, then we might carry that in to our next experience, the movie. And if the movie is bad on top of that, oh crap, what a waste of an evening.
Just giving my opinion. And I say stiff the rude waiters and discuss with them why they don’t get a tip. But I used to like to be confrontational. Now I just leave a small tip and walk away.
Mike
Why should I tip??? Nobody tips me when I’m at work! Seriously, David is right. Tipping has become a redundant role in the business world. Everywhere you go, people want tips! WTF?
“So, here’s a tip. If you don’t like what you’re getting paid at your job, go get a new one.”
Truth, I couldn’t agree more.
When I tip for takeout I always make sure to ask if it is going straight to the cooks. If they say yes, and then turn around and pocket it when I am gone, how am I supposed to know.
I have to take issue with a few of these comments — or, maybe more accurately, make a distinction.
I don’t think David is cheap or saying he is unwilling to tip for services that ordinarily get tipped.
I myself waitressed and bartended for years, so I am always a generous tippers to waitresses and bartenders.
BUT… and this is a big BUT … I think maybe what David is saying is that (1) people expect tips for doing ANY job at all and (2) that people expect to be tipped regardless of the quality of the service they provide.
I worked in a yogurt store in high school for minimum wage, and I would never have EXPECTED a tip…. Sure, I got tips from time to time — and that was always a great bonus — but I never expected them. You are getting paid hourly for your work and to expect extra for doing what you are already getting paid to do is a very entitlist mindset. Very poor mindset in fact.
Also, if service is poor, then the tip should reflect that. I’ve gotten that same “dirty look” from someone at a takeout place when I didn’t leave a tip — and it makes you feel very uncomfortable. In fact, the owners of the store should instruct employees not to solicit tips in those kind of places.
This is a two sided fence. I agree with David that a tip should not be taken for granted.
Then again, capitalism dictates who has choices. If you have some money to fall back on, sure you can find a better job you like. The last time I checked, most people aren’t there.
Conclusion: If you don’t like the service, don’t give them your business. Simple.
I’m curious if anyone has read Michael Levine’s book ‘Charming you way to the top’ ?
We live in a generation of instant gratification. While this doesn’t justify poor manners, it gives you a little perspective into why we receive the service we do.
David,
I think that LA is bumming you out.
I haven’t been out there in a few years.
Is it still the same jungle?
Well, I hope you had a good day today then.
Tipping takeout is crazy. Correct mé if I am wrong but I was always told that tipping was a part of a waitress
wages as their base salary is next to nothing. Not just thats they could just get another waitress job that payed more as this tip being part of the salary is a part of the norm in the restaurant industry. What about tipping hairdressers, cab drivers etc. Regardless wether tip is part of your salary or not if I dont get service I just leave less tip. I dó agree I don’t like the entitelment attitude regarding tip
a lot of people have.
Having worked as a motel maid during college, I always tip the maid. Not many people do it, and its always nice to find it! Almost as nice as it is when people are actually clean. I can’t even begin to tell the things I’ve found in rooms. I must admit, I don’t tip for take out, but I do consider tipping good karma. As far as tithing for my religion, well, I don’t particularly agree with the church’s overall politics. In fact, organized religion, to me, at any rate, is the root of evil. I still attend for my mother. It makes her happy!
I am doing my best to remain calm as I write this because I understand you have worked in a job in which part of your income was derived from tips, but as a bartender, you never had to pay out the busboys or the bartender when tables of eight tipped ZERO. I wonder if you had to tip out the wait staff and busboys when half the bar stiffed you, would you still have this arrogant attitude?
Employers DO indeed pay less than minimum wage because they say “Tips will make up for the difference” but people with attitudes like yours make many servers pay for their clients because they tip either nothing or less than the additional 10% the IRS will automatically calculate for many jobs as “earned” income on service jobs.
Things have changed since you were younger, the minimum wage has been frozen at a MUCH lower rate than the cost of living has risen. Minimum wage when you were a kid and did not have to pay rent or insurance because you were living on your parent’s income is fine, but for many people in today’s economy they have these low paying jobs because they need to feed their families and do not have the luxury of parents to foot their bills. A dollar in your youth could buy more than it can today, and it was money I bet you spent for pleasure not housing.
You wanted a tip, so here it is; if you get bad service, tell the management either in person or in a written note-that would be an appropriate way to express your displeasure.
Elaine
I am so glad that you remained calm.
But not calm enough to take what i said of of context.
Arrogant no just telling the truth and only arrogant to you because my thoughts do not agree with yor overall perception of what you think i said.
For one when i go out to dinner i always leave a very large tip whether the service is good or not.
MAde my living for 7 years so i know how hard the work is.
Got a massage last night left a 20 on a 50 dollar massage.
But what i did say was why should we tip everyone and everyone.
It used to be waiters and barstaff now its the whole world looking for tips.
As for judging how I spent my money in my youth.
You have no clue how I lived and what i had to pay for.
And I love the saying in todays economy.
So the next time you read one of my blogs and decide to comment think before you preach.
Re read what I wrote and realize that I was writing a humorous piece with some hidden truths.
And by the way this is my way of saying…….
And I forgot to mention hairdressers/barbers who have gotten tips for a long time and I’m cool with that. Again, the better job they do, the more I’ll tip. I went to one a few months ago who had to do some repair work on a less than satisfactory haircut done by another.
“Ashley” as I’ll call her really busted her butt to do the best job she could with the damage done by her coworker sometime earlier. I could tell she takes her job seriously & pride in her work too. She’s since done a good job everytime. That first time, I tipped her very handsomely for the extra effort on the “repair” work. And I have since tipped her better than I normally would others because she consistently does a good job. Better service deserves better tips. But takeout still does not warrant tipping imho.
And btw David, thanks for the review of The Informant. Some friends and I are planning on seeing a movie Tuesday night & the 2 movies under consideration are District 9 and The Informant. I saw the trailer for The Informant a couple nights ago & was turned off by it. It looks not very funny & boring. I’ve heard District 9 is kinda boring too, but think I’d rather take my chances on that one. I’ve heard some like it & some don’t. We’ll see.
I agree. I am way beyond fed up giving tips. It’s crazy.
from a restaurant I remember being at:
‘tipping is not a city in China!’
Tipping is an interesting topic but let’s put a dating spin on this (since thats what we’re here for). How many people tip more when their on a date? In those borderline tipping areas (anywhere with a tip jar) you tend to feel the pressure more when you’re dating someone you dont know well. I wonder how many employees have benefited from nervous guys tipping generously to impress their girl? In a sense David you are indirectly boosting the economy. You help guys get more dates, who then have to go out and tip big to impress. We’ll call it the Wygantian Economic Stmiulus Plan.
I dislike tipping. This clip from Reservoir dogs sums it all up for me.
Maybe I should leave a tip jar at the front of my classroom, in case someone particularly enjoyed the lesson
I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels like tipping as a given is far out of control. If someone does a good job, goes out of their way, makes even a little extra effort then I’m quite happy to leave them a nice tip. But people like the ‘stoned LA servers’ David described and others who aren’t doing anything above the bare minimum of their job description (or far below!) giving you bad looks for no tip is quite annoying.
I’m not saying servers and all don’t work hard, but shouldnt the employers be responsible for their employees making a decent wage for their work, minus tips? What is minimum wage n the U.S. these days? In Canada, in the province I’m currently situated, it’s $9 minimum I think.
Tipping is not about what the other person recieves, but how it makes you feel when you perform the act. If you get frustrated by having to tip, then don’t tip. If you want to add a nice positive charge to your day, then throw in a tip. If you tip because you feel you are forced to, then yeah, you are going to hate it. If you tip because you think you might improve someone’s day, or hour, or minute, then you are rewarding yourself with a great feeling. Who recieves it shouldn’t matter as much as why you are allowing yourself the act of giving.
Like I said, how many people give away 10% of their income anymore? No one. So tip when you can and when you feel it will be appreciated and don’t feel guilty about it if you recind your generosity.
I tip my hairdresser $20 every single time I go for the simple fact that he helps me feel more attractive to myself and the karma he gives me by boosting my confidence is invaluable to me.
I guess the Reservoir Dogs clip didn’t go through.
Karma seems to be one of the reasons people tip. First of all, you can forget about karma because it only applies to reincarnation, and there isn’t any convincing evidence that supports reincarnation is true.
And amovie, tipping IS what the other person receives, because as David pointed out, they expect to receive tips by placing their jars out and giving you dirty looks when you don’t.
I would much rather give 10% to the furtherance of Christianity, even though the bible says tithing is not required, rather cheerful giving is encouraged. If you can’t give cheerfully, then you are advised not to give at all. (2 Cor. 9:6-7)
And you can’t compare tipping to giving to a charity or non-profit organization, because charities and non profit’s are not out to make more money for themselves.
Click on my name for the link to the youtube clip of reservoir dogs tipping scene.
MAC,
I am not refering to Karma in the Buddhist sense. I know they get mad when we Westernize that particular word. I am refering to the belief that if you do good things in your life because YOU WANT TO and not because you are expected to be good, then it helps your own inner sense of being feel more accomplished and complete. It chases away the need for feeling guilty about not tipping.
I never said it was required to give 10%. Perhaps tithe was a poor choice of words because that implies intent. A good spiritual goal of giving away 10% of all you earn is something few try and achieve but it used to be much more common.
I own the film and I know the selfish personality of the filmmaker.
I am trying to say, TAKE THE OTHER PERSON out of the equation and tip for reasons that you create, not reasons that others expect. If that happens to be towards a bigger charity, then all the more power to you. But a lot of charities are run by commitee and comitees take away from the bottom dollar helping others to support the lifestyles of the people who run the charity. So if you want to compare apples to oranges, then you have just as good a chance of making your charitable act of giving going to waste in a charity as opposed to making a waitress feel confident about herself (even if she was stoned and lazy when she gave you that pork sandwich from the bar) because the alternative is to spike her day with negative feelings when she asks herself why the guy on bar stool #5 didn’t leave her twenty percent.
Think of the self, and the selfishness in your life will disppear. That’s the message I was sharing with the community on here. Give because YOU WANT TO not because you are expected to. If you don’t want to give, and you tell me I won’t think any differently of you. It is how you view your self that matters. And if that gets me up the ladder to Nirvanna faster, then bravo Buddha, you just made my day as well.
Mike
I’m happy because I earned my first bible quote comment reply. That made my day. Thanks MAC.
“If you can’t give cheerfully, then you are advised not to give at all.” <— this is exactly what I am trying to say. If YOU, THE GIVER, not YOU, THE RECIEVER, give cheerfully, then what does it matter how the other person reacts? Give for your own reasons, or not give for your own reasons.
The end of reincarnation is the need to not have to reincarnate anymore. That sentiment can very easily be applied to your own inner thoughts and how the more you think in a negative present moment direction, the farther down the “reincarnation of thoughts” you have fallen. If you apply Karmic beliefs, you save yourself from slipping down that internal ladder since in the modern world the metaphor of real reincarnation doesn’t sound so real anymore. The truth of the statement has to lay somewhere. Reincarnate your thoughts is possible because you can change how you think. You want to dive down in to thinking like an insect, go ahead. You will be the one who annoys everyone else with your bottom of the reincarnation pile thoughts.
I’m stalling from working today if anyone wonders why I am posting so much today. That, and this topic is fun for me to talk about.
Now replace the word reincarnation in the above post with change. Because it is the same meaning to me and I am sure Buddhists would get mad about that interpretation too.
David. Tipping is how the service industry work in the USA. If you get bad service, you don’t have to tip. Not everyone in the world expects it (Holland, for example). And you can’t expect people who need evening jobs, such as students, to not work in the service industry.
Now could you please discuss relationship issues?
Paul
David speaks about dating and relationships every day.
I sense an attitude from you here.
Why bust his balls if he wants to write about something else once ina while.
Do you read him everyday?
Have you bought any of his stuff?
Or do you just ask him to serve your needs for free?
I have been reading this blog since it started and bought all his products for women.
My dating life has improved and I owe it all to him.
I am appreciative of him busting his ass for all of us.
I just get annoyed at people who sound un appreciative
Here in South Dakota you can’t expect a tip — even if you are actually serving someone. Often you have to go above and beyond for a tip. Remeber the restaraunt scene in Resevior Dogs — Steve Buschemi’s position is in the minds of many a South Dakotan.
And Starbucks girls, Bagel boys and hotel maids should not get tips!