Are you the lurker? Are you that guy who goes out to a bar on Friday and Saturday nights, takes a position somewhere in the bar (maybe standing at the bar or standing at the corner of the bar), and you basically lurk all evening long?

You stand there and spend your entire night just lurking. You don’t really talk to anybody. You never look like you are having much fun.

Maybe a woman will come into the area where you’re standing every so often. You will start a conversation with her that lasts for about fifteen seconds. You smile while you’re having that conversation, but yet she leaves. Every time this happens you wonder, “Why is she leaving?”

She leaves because you are the lurker! You are the guy who is lurking around, not looking confident, and not looking like you are having fun.

Does that describe you? Are you that person? Are you that lurker?

If you are, then you need to really start working on yourself. Here’s why . . . and here’s exactly how you come off to women when you are a lurker.

When you go out to a bar and lurk, the longer you do it the more it repels people. Women notice guys who are standing there doing absolutely nothing but looking around and lurking.

The lurker is usually the guy who is always looking around. He never really looks at his friends. He may technically be talking to his friends, but his eyes are always wandering and looking elsewhere. His head looks a little like Linda Blair in The Exorcist — it’s always spinning around wondering where the women are.

It’s almost as if he is thinking, “Where is the girl? Where is the girl? Where am I going to find her?” The problem is that when you are the lurker, there is no way in the world you are going to have the guts to go and talk to her — even if you do find her.

You have to start figuring out who you are when you go out at night. One of the best exercises you can do is to go out to the bar and identify yourself through observing other people.

Are you the lurker? Are you ‘entrance man?’ Whom in the bar are you like?

When you find that person you are like, take some time and watch ‘yourself.’ See how you act. See how you come off to people. See how people respond to you.

If you are not successful in a bar, then you probably are a lurker. So go ahead and watch ‘yourself’ as the lurker — watch a fellow lurker so you understand why you are not having much success.

Connecting with women is very simple. Make an observation, react, talk about the observation further. Speak with clarity, conviction and confidence. It is no different in a bar than anywhere else.

I don’t write about bars that often, but in reality they are a blast. They are a blast when you understand the dynamics of human communication. If you are a lurker, though, you don’t get it yet.

So look in the mirror. If you are a lurker, admit it and go seek medical help. Okay, you probably don’t need medical help — but you do need to seek my help!