LOL C’mon now…….you make me laugh. I am sorry but I know you are not “clueless” to think “instant chemistry” is defined in your 2nd brain.

Well, maybe it is for a man…I don’t own an erection, so hmmmm David, I can’t wait to hear your input on this one. I might learn something I well… hmmmmmm lol

……….”instant chemistry”, in male vocabulary,.. is that defined as an “erection”? signed clueless…

How you handled it wth the guy is irrelevant. If an emotional outburst resulted, that’s fine. As long as it does not linger. It is how you handle yourself in these situations that matters.

However, I am reassured that by the last sentence, that you are ready to move on. Which is all you can do at this point, and by far the best tonic.

And about confidence? So true. The wait for her to ‘come back’ for another chat is a good test of inner confidence. But then again, it shouldn’t be a ‘wait’ either. If you were really enjoying yourself, why would you be waiting just to talk to someone! Super chemistry may be hard to find, but then again, if it really is super chemistry, you don’t have to worry about waiting anyway. Loving the blogs David.

Nope. Mother-daughter is a whole different ballgame than mother-son. A boy needs a man to teach him how to become a man. A woman cannot play that role simply because she does not know how to be a man.

Mel:

I know you’re feeling pretty crummy right now but Joa and Shannon are absolutey right. Becoming afflicted with one-itis for this guy will only make it worse. Cut the cord and forget about this guy. Your only dilemma vis-

I have to say that this blog has been such a great eye opener for us women.

Finally a man has given us an honest answer as to why they don’t come back to us after having a great conversation. I figured a walk away was another way of saying that he’s not interested.

I never realized that my being social and talkative to everyone at the party may hinder my chance of talking to this guy again. I never figured that the guy was just waiting until I was free again to talk to again. Whoa, does that make sense now!

Thank you for explaining some of the habits of the male species. lol

I will never go to a social event without having your scenario on my mind.

I’m going to have to ask my male buddies about this one and then ask them for more advice on what keeps a guy away and what will make him come back.

S

Breaking up is hard to do, especially when one partner walks away without an explanation. Unfortunately, you became so upset over this guy’s lack of communication that you became “stalker girl” like David had written about in one of his blogs.

You became obsessed with trying to get an answer from this guy who clearly has no idea how to communicate his feelings. You wrote horrible emails and left rude voice mails to this guy in hopes of getting a response from him as to why he walked away without an explanation. Think about this for a minute. Would you want to talk to a guy who reacted this way after you left him out of the blue? I think not.

Well, I wish you wrote to David and the DW gang for advice before you even wrote your first email to this guy. All of us would have told you that one email and one voice mail was all you needed to do. You did your part in trying to get an answer. Since no reply was given his answer was simply that he didn’t have the courage to tell you what happened to make him leave. It’s hard to do, but you will have to accept that you will never know what went wrong and move on.

Unfortunately, you didn’t do that and now you have become that person that you didn’t want to become: obsessed, mean, vindictive…..and this guy now has an excuse to call you “crazy” and he is glad he left you.

I don’t know how old you are, but your behavior sounds very immature. What you did was something that kids in High School do. Can you see that now that you are reading how you reacted to this guy?

Lou was right when he said that the ball is in his court. You expressed your feelings and now it’s time to put this relationship behind. Holding on to this guy and obsessing over his actions is doing nothing but keeping you upset and in a state of sadness. This guy isn’t even thinking about you anymore, so why should you. You are in charge of your emotions and it’s time to let the anger and sadness go. Until you do that you will not be able to be available to meeting the right man for you.

Clearly this guy wasn’t the man for you. As my brother always said to me when I would complain about a guy, “NEXT”. I’d try to explain what I think happened and all he would say is, “NEXT”. His one word has resonated throughout my mind every time a guy I met wasn’t the one. So, now I am passing his words of wisdom onto you, “NEXT”.

S

Mel –
Wow. I’ve been there and it is just awful. 4 years ago, I got in a relationship with a guy that sounds similiar to your guy. He wasn’t a drifter so much as he was more of a “loner”. We’d known each other for 2 years prior to dating and so I thought I knew him. Wrong. Its a long story, but suffice it to say we broke up b/c he determined that he didn’t know what he wanted from our relationship. Ultimately, that translated into me not being the one for him. Period.

At the time of our break up, I did some of the same kind of panicky responses to what was happening that you have done. But, eventually, I stopped trying to reach him. It hurt so much, I felt like all I did was cry. And I didn’t get the answers I wanted and I didn’t get resolutions that I wanted and I didn’t feel closure when I wanted either. But, eventually, I got all three and all three came at a time that was the best in terms of growth and understanding.

But, what you want to know is what to do now while you’re waiting for the ache in your stomach to subside, the flurry of thoughts in your mind to calm down, and the incredible sadness, anger, and confusion feelings to die down. Everybody is different. So, what I’m suggesting may not help you. But, it helped me.

First and foremost accept that your sad at the loss of something important to you. Right now you hurt, but the hurt you feel is only evidence that you loved someone and felt a connection. Also, recognize that you will go through a grieving process and not allowing yourself to go through it will only ensure the process takes longer. Give yourself that.

Second, I would make a list of all the red flags you saw, but ignored; all the things you now won’t have to tolerate; and all the ways you felt you had to bend your life around him for which you resented. This is not to bash him. This was something that I did to help ground me and gain perspective on things so that I stopped beating myself up with all the self-doubt.

Lastly, everytime you find yourself thinking of him or are reminded of him, – no matter where you’re at – immediately become aware of your thoughts and divert your attention to your immediate surroundings. For, example, if you hear a song on the radio while you’re diriving that reminds you of him, then start listing off in your mind what you see on the road, houses on the street, whatever. You do that for a few days and you’ll start to see that you’re not thinking of him as much. Keep doing it and you’ll find that you won’t have to consciously stop thinking of him….cuz you won’t be thinking of him.

I’m sorry to hear this is occurring – happy new year, huh? It sucks, but the most important thing that you can do from this is learn from it. Take something out of this that you can use in your life from here on out. Take the time to figure that out and you will treasure this time rather than hate it.

If it would not have been for this relationship of mine that ended 4 years ago, I never would have gone a personal journey that has yielded amazing results.

Good luck and keep your chin up. You have your health and the love of friends and family. Cherish those now even though they are not the ones you want love from right now.

Bria