Change Your Patterns
October 21, 2008 
13 Comments
Here’s the problem with having a minimalist approach in life.
If you have the minimalist approach to your business, what happens? You don’t make any money, right? You have to have that same feeling of abundance in every facet of life.
So many guys will meet a girl and then say to themselves, I don’t want to blow this! You’re acting like this is the last pretty girl you will ever see. Instead of challenging yourself and having a good conversation with her, you’re monitoring yourself and trying not to blow it. You walk over there and you play it safe, because you don’t want to blow it.
You think, if I say what I really want to say, then she’s not going to like me. You present yourself in front of her and guess what? She doesn’t like you, because you played it safe. Women don’t like when you play it safe. They’re not attracted to it.
So by having this minimalist attitude and playing it safe – not living with an abundance mentality and realizing that there are so many women out there – you will do this same thing every day. You will always be playing it safe.
You need to think to yourself, hey, this behavior pattern isn’t working!
And then the next time you see a good looking woman, you can say to yourself, I don’t give a fuck what I’m going to say. I’m going to say exactly what is on my mind, I’m going to try something totally different, and I’ll just have some fun with it. If she doesn’t respond, it doesn’t matter.
And when you start changing things like this, you’ll realize that women are starting to respond better to you.
It takes time. Women, keep this in mind: men think that they should win at everything that they do.
Women are about connecting. But coaching men is different. Men are like, I’ve got to go out and meet every single woman and they all have to like me!
No they don’t! Who cares? They don’t all have to like you; you just have to weed through them quickly. It is totally ridiculous to expect that every single woman you meet will like you. But as men, we just think it’s our rite of passage. Just because we stood there and talked to her she should give us her phone number and spread her legs for us.
That’s how men think. That’s the male mentality. On the other hand, women think, I just want to connect and enjoy somebody’s company. I want to learn about them and give it more of a chance. It’s more natural and authentic.
So men, remember this: just because you deposit yourself in front of her doesn’t mean that she’s going to like you.
So I just don’t care. I go over there, I talk and I flirt; I say whatever is on my mind. And if they respond? Great. If not? Who cares!
The next woman that you see – go up to her and say exactly what is on your mind. I don’t care what it is. Don’t get confrontational, but be real about it. Pay attention to her and the emotions on her face. Pay attention to what she is doing.
Just say it as you say it right now.
Very on point advice David! I find that in my time learning about people, dating, and human interaction the worst thing I could’ve done was to have a minimalist attitude. Progress takes long enough as it is. No need to stress over every individual interaction.
If there’s one point you take away from this website… make it this one.
The abundance mentality is the most effective tool in breaking out of paralysing fear and monkey chatter.
Those things are like a huge Boa-Constrictor around you, they strangle and immobilise you.
I love the abundance mentality because it gives me freedom to be who i want to be no matter what, which in turn makes me more attractive!
To quote a very wise man: “guys like me… I’m a guy like me!” … Homer Simpson
I don’t care if all women like me, shoot I hope certain women don’t like me. I think the point of not playing it safe is key. When I catch myself taking the easy way out (of any decision) I step back and question it as the easy way is rarely the best way. Bold behavior is rewarded, safe/boring behavior isn’t. I suppose that leads right back into the recurring theme here that has to do with living your life with passion. Passion = boldness, no passion = boring/safe.
Nice Homer quote Sam, here’s another pearl of Homer wisdom: “You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try”.
ya i agree, if i let a single interaction determine who i am as a person, than i will be having a different identity every hour of every day!
There you go David! This blog post could be a part 2 of the one entitled “Stop Sexual Escalation”.
This one technically explains what’s more there is to understand about from Stop Sexual Escalation. So yeah guys, glue this in mind:
“Stop sexual escalation, stop having the minimalist attitude, just go approach her right now, flirt and pay attention to everything she says and does.”
If you do this, you will get her full attention and she will surely respond to you in whatsoever way. I’m pretty sure that if you do it right and just being relaxed and being yourself, you will surely get a response but don’t expect her to be interested right away. Some will flirt back, some will tell you they’re not into dating at the moment, some will tell you they’re seeing someone else, or some just don’t pay attention at all no matter how you flirt. But don’t think it never crossed our minds that you’re one interesting guy, because it did. You just gotta face it that not all women get interested, that’s just how it is.
At least make eye contact, smile, and say something – anything – even just “hi.” It’s easy to do. It’s not called an “ice-breaker” for nothing. Do anything more often and you’ll not only get better at it but you’ll get better results. And women like men who can enjoy a moment – and invite them in to enjoy it with them – even for that moment.
but why doesnt she spread her legs for me? aren’t i really sexy for walking over and saying hello?
David, Thanks for all man! Great stuff as usual and I hate sounding like a broken record, but Damn!
Dan
As what I’ve said Rich…not all women get interested and that’s just how it is. Just because you said hello does not mean she has decided right away to have sex with you within the same day. Now that is male mentality.
When men approach women, they (men) tend to think in advance….Oh yeah when I go talk to her, she’s gonna respond, she’s gonna like me and would think that I was too sexy to make a move, and then she’s gonna enjoy our conversation and in no time I’m gonna have her phone number saved in my phone, and then I’ll ask her if I could call her and she’s gonna say yes and then maybe I’ll ask her if I could bring her to my place and have privacy and she’s gonna be cool with it…
I know it guys, men tend to think in advance. When you have all these things in your mind, it’s possible that the opposite will happen instead. Stop imagining the future tense, you haven’t even talked with the woman yet. Relax. Forget about how she’s gonna react, how she’s gonna enjoy the way you flirt, and especially forget about the sex. When you expect too many things to happen, you will tend to think about all those again once she’s right infront of you and it’s possible she’s gonna notice it and she’s gonna think you’re one hell of a creepy guy and in no time, she’s gonna be gone. And once she walks away, if you ever follow and bug her she’s gonna think you’re a stalker….Omg what the hell is he doing now I am so getting freaked out..
So guys, relax. Just go talk to her and see what happens. Go with the flow, be yourself, just say what really is on your mind as David said. And if she happens not to be interested, oh well it happens.
Taras – you are right. There is no need to stress out over one interaction. That moment in your lifetime is just a blip on your timeline. Do you really think you are going to remember that this time next year? Highly doubtful.
Sam – the abundance method is the key to all kinds of success. That involves setting high goals for yourself and having the will to succeed. If you hesitate just once about not being able to achieve it, you’re already out of the game.
Adam – I agree with you. I find life to be ALL about passion!
Reynold – Can’t really say it much better than that.
K – living your life in the moment is a good way to have a more interesting life. And people around you will notice and want to be a part of that.
revababy – too many good points to say but the one that is most important for guys to follow is to just relax and take the interaction for what it is. An interaction. Learn from and enjoy every experience. Time is not stopping.
When men are relaxed and comfortable, and the words sound original and sincere, then I am intrigued. Then I am thinking, “hmmm… I want to hear more”. If more does happen, it’s even better since this new person is building on who he really is. I feel he has some credibility and is comfortable enough with himself to be who he is, so I feel comfortable being who I am. This reminds me of David’s blog about meeting the “nervous guy”. The words don’t flow like a script, he’s sincere but nervous. I’ve recently met a man like this, and after a couple of conversations he’s feeling more at ease. I’m glad I didn’t blow him off because he’s a very nice person. So far just a friend, but still a nice guy. A year ago I would have been so dissappointed that I wouldn’t have been in a relationship with someone like this already, but now that I am more relaxed with it all, I know that relationships can start all different ways. Just depends on the outcome you expect. Unreal expectations can lead to dissappointment. Going with the flow and a few sensible ground rules is so much easier. I’m much more relaxed and in return meeting more nice men.
I think this goes back to the “more of you” lesson where David was talking about bringing out more of you guys in a video a couple of posts back. If ya just play it safe, we won’t really know you, right? You’ll just be playin’ it safe and we won’t be able to connect with you. If you guys bring out more of you and really let it fly, we’ll know if we can connect with ya or not. If yes, then awesome – if not, yeah – just walk away and try again.
I agree that it takes real gutts to put yourself out here to meet new people. You have to be a risk taker to get anywhere in life! Being open and honest in meeting someone you are interested in is a must! You have to wear your heart on your sleeve if you really want to attract the kind of person you want to be with and share a friendship or maybe a relationship. Rich honey, you are going to be single all your life or only date “the kind of girl you don’t take home to mom and dad.” I hope you don’t come over and say “hello” to me!!! Maybe you’re only looking for one thing right now? Are you emotionlly challenged???? Women and men who are truely looking for a partner are honest, trustworthy, and at least trying to be a good communicator. So… go out today an take a risk:You never know where it may get you!!!!