Basically what you do is you go out with a group of guys, and you become what we call “creepers”.  You are in a pack of eight, and one or all of you will creep your way over to the women slowly but surely.  Every five minutes you creep another inch, maybe another six inches. And then, by the time the woman is finally leaving, you quickly bolt over—the whole group, like you guys are all attached by a string.

Then all of you go, “Why are you leaving right now?  Where are you going?  Where are you from?”

Wow, what an amazing opener: “Where are you from?  Why are you leaving right now?  Drink!  Come on, we’ll buy you a drink!  We’ll buy you a drink!  Come on!”  And then the woman always says, “No, that’s okay.”  And you’re like “No, come on, you have to drink, you have to drink.  What, are you crazy?  Have a drink!  Come on, have a drink.”

It’s really strange.  Men truly believe that they can buy the vagina.  They at least like to think that they can buy it.  I’m going to get the vagina drunk.  The vagina’s going to like me, and the vagina’s going to want to come home with me.

But here’s the issue: the vagina doesn’t like you spending 45 minutes creeping your way over there inch-by-inch.  It made her scared.  That’s why the vagina—which is powered by two legs—decided to run outside the bar and leave.  She was running away from you.  Turned off.  She ran away dude.

So here’s the deal: you want to meet her?  Walk over right away.  You offer her a drink and she says no?  Don’t become so self-conscious. Don’t be that guy that busts on her for not drinking. Not everyone drinks.

It’s so weird, people who are drinking get so uncomfortable with people who are not drinking.  You ever been to a party where everybody’s smoking pot and taking hits out of the bong? If the bong is passed to you, and you decline, pot smokers will never look at you and go, “Oh, dude.  Take three hits, man.  Take a hit, take a hit.”  They could care less!  They’re high and they’re having a good time.  They’re mellow; they know you’re going to be mellow.

But alcohol brings out aggression.  So much so that you become aggressive with the way you drink and other people in the room, drinking or not. “Please, drink with me.  Please, I don’t feel comfortable…”

Just. Stop.

So guys, please, keep this always in mind: creepers are creepy and vaginas really can’t be bought.

I’m in Boston this weekend—not really enjoying the cold weather but I always have a blast when I’m up here.  It’s such a college town here, and the streets in Cambridge are always packed with young people at night, so going out at night you never run out of new people to meet.

Last night I was out with a group of friends and we met some very cool women in our hotel who hung out with us for the evening.  One woman I met, who was in town on business, was an incredibly fun person to talk to, just very lively and full of energy.

She was also a very sexual person.  We were talking for a while, and we eventually got to the topic of the things we were passionate about in life.  I asked her what she loved to do, and she replied, “Oh, I’m  very passionate about getting off!”

I had to laugh when I heard that, and I thought it was great that she was being so open with me about herself and her personal life.  So we talked about her getting herself off, ringing the doorbell, auditioning the finger puppets, whatever you want to call it.  Then she lowered her voice a little bit and told me that she had masturbated twice in her hotel room that day—once in the morning, and again before going out.

By the end of the night, we had spent so much time talking about and describing all sorts of sexual things—all those things that she was passionate about—that she was basically ready to jump any guy’s bones around her.  I said to her, “This is going to be a great blog to write about!”  She asked me what would be so good about it, what is it that men could learn from something like that.

A lot of guys don’t really realize just how sexual women really and how high women’s sex drives are. Women are very, very sexual, and they LOVE talking about sex.  If you ever listen to two women who are close friends talk, so much of it will be about sex.  Much more than men.

Women can talk about sex all day long.  Men will play the “Who Would You Rather Bang?” game or sit around and check women out and point out hot women to their friends—but women can really sit there and talk about sex, describe what they like, and recall past sexual encounters in vivid detail in their own imaginations until the cows come home.

Men like to think sex, but a lot of guys have a hard time expressing it—especially around other men or a new woman they’ve just met.  A woman will have a hard time getting sexually aroused in conversation around a guy like that, and it’s not because he doesn’t know what to do or what to say or how to touch or whatever.  It’s because he has a hard time getting in touch with his own sexual thoughts and desires in himself.

Men spend so much time thinking about having sex and trying to get sex, and virtually no time thinking about what it is that they truly love about sex.  What it is that actually turns them on.  So in the end they have no way of expressing their own sexual desires because they don’t know what to say.  They’ve never practiced being open, letting it out, and just talking about it.

So while you guys are going out this weekend, or just relaxing at home, I want you guys to take a minute and be open and honest with yourself about sex.  Tonight, don’t whack off to online porn, but take some time to think and describe all those things that you like.

Do you like the soft feel of a woman’s skin sliding across your palms?  Do you like to admire the curve in her lower back?  Do you like to lay your face in her long hair and take a deep inhale?  Maybe you like kissing, maybe you like cuddling, maybe you like staring deeply into a woman’s eyes while you’re making love, maybe you like banging really hard, maybe you’re into some really weird gross shit I’d rather not hear about—but whatever it is, describe it to yourself in your own head.

What do you love about being intimate with a woman and why?  Maybe you’re inexperienced and that’s fine too, just use your imagination—what would it be like?

Describe the sensations.  Write it down if you want to.  You’ll be surprised to see what you come up with.

Remember when we were little kids, we used to always say “I’ll be your best friend if…”? I was thinking about that the other day and how funny that is. I used to say that all the time to people.

“Hey look, man, if you come over to John’s house today—because I don’t want to play with him alone—I’ll be your best friend.”

Or “Hey, if you pick me up from school later on, I’ll be your best friend.” I was thinking about all those deals I made, and, I’ve got a lot of best friends!

So here’s the deal I’m going to make with all of you: I’ve got a brand new book coming out called Naked. It’s incredible. It teaches you how to be nude—alright, maybe not nude, but it teaches you how to get past all of your fears, get rid of all your negative thinking, and really, really reformulate your belief systems.

In all my years of coaching people, what I’ve realized the most is that if you don’t believe you can do it, then you’ll never do it. It doesn’t matter what you study. It doesn’t matter what you learn. It doesn’t matter what approaches you make. If you really don’t believe in yourself, if you really don’t believe that you have the gift, that you’re an amazing person and somebody that’s worth dating, then you’re dating all wrong.

So I’ll be your best friend if you go and purchase my book. Because here’s the deal: I don’t ask any of you for much. As you know, I post on this blog every single day, FREE, whether you buy products or not. I post videos up on Youtube for FREE, whether you buy products or not. I enjoy that. I enjoy giving away videos and giving away things and podcasts, so all of you have a much better dating life.

But this time I’m going to ask something of you. I want my book to become the number one best seller on Amazon. The only way to do that is if you get everybody, including yourself, to buy it. It’s $10 on Amazon. That’s all. And if you do buy the book, Naked, you know what that means? It means that I’m going to be your best friend. That’s what it means.

The book is phenomenal. It really is 15 years of my coaching put into one book. It really is everything that I had gone through in my own personal life and how I got emotionally naked and was able to acquire the friends and the relationships that I desire.

So, purchase the book. And, in order for us to be BFLs—that’s best friends for life—I want you to leave a review on Amazon when you’re done reading it. Then, when anybody asks you, “Hey, who’s your best friend?,” you can respond with, “David Wygant: he’s my best friend because I bought his book, Naked.”

To grab your copy of Naked Click Here

This Friday’s blog was going to be another tip from me on navigating the bar scene. I was going to talk about cockblocking, but I’ve been reading some of the recent comments on the blog, and instead I want to write today’s blog in response to some of the comments. We’ll talk about cockblocks next week.

So you’re on the blog reading all this great advice about how to meet women, how to date, and how to get yourself into a relationship. Problem is, when you go out there in real life, you can’t put any of the information we give you to use because you’re not actually meeting anyone. There’s no women around when you go out. Or you can’t approach. Or you do approach but you keep getting No-Thank-Yous.

Why is this happening to you? Maybe you think you’re ugly. Maybe you’re short. Maybe you drive a shitty, beat-up car. So you tell yourself that women are turned off by all of this. They’re so turned off by you. What women are really attracted to is a guy with a full head of hair, 6’2”, and a vacation house in Miami.

Do you have what it takes to get the woman you desire?

And you just can’t compete with a guy like that. You’ve been dealt a shitty hand in life, and all the dating advice in the world isn’t going to change the fact that you’re just not attractive to women.

So you come on the blog and you say, “Screw you David, screw you Shogo, screw Intern Dan, whoever, you give us all this esoteric mindset advice on how to be confident, but all the confidence in the world is not going to make up for the fact that I’m short, fat, bald, and broke, and the cold hard truth is that women are turned off by that.”

You want to attract a lot of women? You want to be a lady’s man? If that’s what you want, here’s the news:

Looks matter. Height matters. Money in the bank matters.

That’s right, all these things–and much much more–do in fact make a difference when it comes down to attracting women. But there’s only so much you can do about any of that. You can’t change it, so why on earth spend another minute dwelling on it?

(And more importantly, all the looks and money in the world will only get you so far in your success with women, but that’s another blog for another day.)

What you need to do is take action and do something about the things that you can actually improve on. And more importantly, you need to let go of the things you can never change about yourself.

You really need to let it go.

You hate your height and you’re bitching about?

Fine. You’re short. I get it.

What do you want from people? Unless you’re willing to go to China to have metal rods implanted into your shins, there is nothing anybody in the world can do about that. There is absolutely no use in you dwelling on the things you don’t like about yourself and beating yourself up over the fact that some woman out there who you don’t even know isn’t going to date you for it.

Is it true that if you’re 5’6”, you will never have a girlfriend who only dates men over 5’10″?

Yes, if that is an absolute requirement for her, that is true. You will never date a woman like that.

Is it true that I, Shogo, will never date a woman who will not go out with an Asian man?

Yes, that is also true. I am Asian. I will never be able to date a woman like that, not for the rest of my life.

The difference with me is that you will never see me sitting around, bitching and moaning about it. I don’t dwell on that for a single moment. I don’t want to be with a woman who doesn’t want me. It doesn’t upset me in the least.

And simply having that mindset automatically makes me more attractive to more women.

Here’s an exercise I want everybody to do:

Get out three sheets of paper. On one sheet, write down all the things about yourself that you don’t like. Take your time with it. And be specific. Don’t just write, “I’m ugly.” Write, “I don’t like the acne scars on my cheekbones.” Write things like, “I don’t like the extra flab on my belly.” “I am 4 inches shorter than I’d like to be.” “My penis is 2 inches shorter than I’d like it to be.” “I don’t like the fact that I have few friends.” “I don’t like my disheveled haircut and dandruff.” “I don’t like my glasses and my dorky wardrobe.”

Write all of that stuff out. Make the list as long as you want and take your time doing it.

Now review that list. Read through each item. On the second sheet, I want you to rewrite each thing that, with some work, you could actually take steps to change about yourself. On the third sheet, rewrite each thing that is a permanent part of you and that YOU CANNOT EVER CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF.

Review that third sheet. Look at it and internalize it. This is who you are. This is who you are for the rest of your life and THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO CHANGE THAT.

You need to embrace it. You need to love every single thing you wrote about yourself on that third sheet. This is who you are.  These are the things that will never change about you, so fuck anyone who is unwilling to accept you for that. But the first step starts with you accepting yourself and accepting all of your little ugly bits.

You are who you are, guys. We all have things we don’t like about ourselves. Change the things about yourself that you can change, and embrace the things about yourself that you cannot change.

A client of mine recently reunited with a woman he used to have a crush on in high school, after they found each other on Facebook ten years later. They didn’t know each other very well in school, but they hung recently and hit it off.

They had dinner together, then she invited him over to her place for some drinks. He followed.

The woman had a young daughter, and once the daughter went to bed, my client moved in to try to kiss her. She turned her head away, but they continued chatting. My client immediately thought that she rejected him and that he was put in the friend zone, and didn’t make another move.

A little later, she suggested that he sleep on the couch because they had both been drinking. In the middle of the night, the woman came into the living room and got under his covers and laid down with him. Assuming she wanted to hook up, he then started feeling her up.

She pushed his hand away and said she just wanted to cuddle. Then she slept in his arms for the rest of the night.

Foreplay

The next day my client received a Facebook message from her saying that she was sorry about the situation last night, but it’s not something she does with guys right at the beginning.

Ok, let’s break this down:

My client thought he was in the friend zone because this girl did not want to hook up with him and in his mind, she was sending him mixed signals.

Was he in the friend zone? NO. Was she sending him mixed signals? Maybe, but we’ll talk about why that doesn’t matter.

First, you are NEVER in the friend zone on the first date with a woman. You are not friends with a woman on a first date, so you cannot be in the friend zone. Unless you’ve been hanging out with her for a while with no spark, or she says right in the beginning, “I like you better as a friend,” or “Let’s just be friends,” or something like that, you are not in the friend zone.

So, was she giving him mixed signals here?

Let’s dig into how female psychology works. My client assumed that because she invited him over for drinks that she wanted to hook up. Then he assumed that because she offered for him to sleep on the couch that she wanted to hook up. Then he assumed that because she got under the covers that she wanted to hook up.

He was wrong each time.

So if she liked him, why didn’t she want to get physical with him? After all, if you’re attracted to somebody, you will want to have sex, right?

Kind of. The problem with my client is that he was thinking too much like a man. If you’re a typical guy, the only thing on your mind is the shortest point from the tip of your penis to the entrance of her vagina. You’re attracted to a woman, you want to have sex. Period.

Not so fast with women. Sure, just like men, some women will be horny right then and there and are just craving some action. Even for women who are looking for a relationship, she may be really attracted to the guy and act on impulse and sleep with him, and still want a relationship with him later on.

There is no hard rule. Every woman is different, just like every man is different, and it all depends on where they’re at in life.

A young girl in her 20′s may be really concerned about finding the right guy and want to move slowly because she wants to be romanced and to feel special. Another girl in her 20′s may be sexually open or going through a phase where she wants to sleep with a guy right away. Some women are looking for relationships and will hold off on sex until they’re in one. Some women have been burned in the past and don’t want to get hurt again. Some have children and are looking for a guy who is stable and dependable, who will be there when she needs to call on someone for support. Some women have freed themselves up sexually and all they want right now is sex (the infamous “cougar”).

But most of the time, and this is the biggest lesson a lot of guys need to learn if you really want to turn her on, is that YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT SLOW. Emotions and fantasy have to take time to cultivate and they come into play slowly, not overnight. You have to keep your pants on. You have to lead my taking small steps, being the one to end things first and knowing when to leave, letting the sexual tension build, and giving her space.

You have to be patient with the woman you’re with. Just because you’re turned on does not mean that the pants need to come flying off. For a guy, sex is the goal. No sex? Fail. For a woman, intercourse is not the goal. Cuddling counts. Making out counts. Oral sex counts. Feeling turned on and emotionally connected, these things all count as part of the bigger picture. So don’t get discouraged if she tells you to put the breaks on because you’re moving too fast. A lot of times if you get shot down, you need to listen to what she’s telling you. She’s saying she wants to take it slow and get to know you better, not that she doesn’t like you.

You need to let the sexual tension build up, you have to let her feel comfortable and safe around you, you have to let her know that you are actually interested in her as a person, interested in spending time with her, and not only that you want to have sex with her. You make sure that she knows you’re still going to be around for round two, round three, and round four.

So forget about mixed signals coming from a woman. You have to assume that she’s interested in you sexually if she’s inviting you over to spend time with you.

If you make a move and instead she wants to cuddle in bed with you the first time, that’s ok. Let her feel safe around you and build up your trust level.

If it’s the third or fourth time and she’s still pushing you away, you need to man up and ask her what’s up. She may not actually like you. She may have some hang-ups that you deserve to know about. Be up front and open. Tell her you’re into her, that you want to be intimate with her, and find out if she just wants to take things slow or if she’s not actually attracted to you.

But if you’re getting shot down the first couple dates and she still wants to see you again, that’s actually a good thing, not a failure. You’re making progress, you’re being clear with what you want, and it’s time to slow it down and take control by taking smaller steps instead of trying to go from 0 to 100 in one night.

There are a lot of men out there who have a little bit of money to throw around.

What a lot of guys will tend to do is take that money and spend lavishly to try and attract women.  They get a fancy sports car.  They buy a great house with all the bells and whistles.  They throw parties at their house, big parties with music, booze, food, where everybody can look at them and they can be the center of attention at their own party.

I call these guys the look-at-me’s: Look at me… Look at me… Look at all the things that I have! Look at all the great things that I do, look at my job, look at my great car, look at me!

And they like to throw it around. And a lot of women will go and date these guys, because women buy into it too.  Women will believe that this guy is a rich, strong, powerful, sexy James Bond-type guy.

Are You A Wannabe James Bond?

So they go out on a date, maybe they have a fling and sleep together.  Then they realize that this guy really isn’t James Bond at all.  He’s like some mutant threeway love-child between Wayne’s World, Beavis and Butthead, and Homer Simpson.

The guy may be good-looking, he may not be good-looking.  But the bottom line is that a lot of women buy into this fantasy of who he is pretending to be, and they don’t even pay attention to who he actually is. They don’t realize until further down the road that he’s just Garth from Wayne’s World with a bunch of cool toys.

Money may buy you fame, but money doesn’t buy you game.  Money doesn’t buy you becoming cool.  All money does is give you more freedom to do the things that you want to do.  If you’re going to use your dollar bills as your number one attraction weapon, and if you’re going to use it to bring in the women you desire, you’d better get ready to be exposed right away.

That woman will either: (a) look at you and expect you to be as debonair as James Bond, only to roll her eyes and be disappointed when she realizes that you’re actually an annoying Beavis-type; OR (b) she’s going to manipulate you, dig deep into your pocket, and make sure that every dime you spend together is on her.

Be careful when you go out and advertise yourself as somebody who you are not.

In dating, you need to be who you are. You need to advertise yourself exactly the way you are from the inside out, because you WILL be exposed.  There are a lot of players out there, there are a lot men and women who can play the game much better than you, and they will take advantage of it every step of the way.

She read all the comments and wanted to clarify that money is not what keeps her turned on, its all about a man that knows how to take charge. Here is her email to all of you.

Enjoy todays guest blogger.

Dear David, 

I have to share with you, about the what happened  to my relationship with the Very handsome, Rich guy from Boca, that got all the responses to last weeks pod cast.  It’s all about building Sexual Tension before the date, and keeping it going during the date. You have to take control. Send sexy text messages before the date. Dress the part of the woman you are looking to attract . This is so important, i can not tell you. Fyi…  You do not need a lot of money to look sharp !!  .   Women have no idea, where you shopped for your jeans or shirts. It is looking presentable, dressing in style,  and smelling great.  :)  Being well groomed . All over if you know what i mean  .  You do not need a lot of money to take a woman out on a fun date. !!  In my mind, if he took me to the beach, and bought a bottle of wine, and cheese, ect.. on a blanket, that  would have  been  so much more of an aphrodisiac then being in this Trendy Boca Restaurant with the A/C not working , noisy , and exchanging resume’s. Him telling me, he was an investment banker for Lehman Bros. Is not getting me ” wet ” between my legs. It was intriguing for a few minutes .  Him creating a very magical moment, that not many men do. Like kissing me on the beach, or sharing fun stories,  asking me questions about myself, or listening to his I pod. He happens to have great taste in Music. It is called building moments…  together.  Which he could have saved, not that he needed to watch his wallet, a good $ 150.00 that night. He would have ended up with the same results, or maybe even better.!!!.  It would have turned me on  sexually , so much more. 

What Women Want From A Man

I write this to help out men, who truly misinterpreted my blog, into thinking if you are not Very Handsome, Very Rich, and Have a Huge C-ock , You are not able to get a beautiful woman.  A man with these qualities i have to say , he does have an advantage point in ” Getting ” a beautiful woman.  But, it was the way he presented himself before the date, and how he took complete ” Control ” of the date . That was the Biggest turn on to me !!  I was impressed with the way he was the MAN..  and with him taking that role. It made me feel like a Woman. When i start to feel like the woman, and i am exuding  feminine energy. It makes me feel very sensual, and sexual. I think about wanting to have sex with him .  What it would be like to kiss him, and how would it feel when he touches my body.  How would he feel laying on top of me.  I start to get excited about, how can i turn him on sexually.  What can i do different, to please him. 

What this man does not have is the qualities to ” Keep ”  a quality, beautiful woman. !!   I will share with you, the ending to my magical weekend, in Palm Beach,FL . ,  with the last night of sensual, hot sex.  He did send the next day, when i returned to NYC, a dozen Red Roses, with a card, ” thinking of you ” ..  

He did send me e mails, and he did make 1 phone call. Expressing what a great time he had with me. i will quote what he wrote 

” So Glad you love the roses, not nearly as beautiful as you !!! had an amazing time with you Sunday evening: cant wait to see you next time. I’ll call you to say hello later today or tomorrow. ( Friday the latest ) . Miss you sexy !!! . 

Well, He never called, and the following week, he came to NYC for Fashion Week. Did not even let me know he was in town. We were texting each other, and he said, he was walking out of his last Fashion Show !!!!   WTF ?  I was hurt, and will never feel the same about him. All his Great Looks, His Huge Cock , and and Bank Roll.   All vanished, as fast as it rolled in.  We texted back and forth, and he said he was sorry a few times. He said, quote ” He did not have the time for a date with me ” …  It is all about being Real, and Genuine, and what ever you write and feel, it’s about  being in your reality. This man was so detached from reality. Follow through is ” KEY ” . 

  I deserve and want  to have a man who is kind and sincere. Honest and someone who loves themselves.  When you love yourself. You feel great about yourself everyday. You come clean with yourself, and you do not treat others or act this way.  Self love on my part is , I WANT MORE. !!!  

Hope this is helpful, and It is Not all about being Rich, Handsome, and Hung. It might open a door, and he did get to play with me for a night. 

 However, he will never have staying power. I never responded to his last text.  I,  no longer  have any desire for him anymore.  

Denise. 

A lot of you are probably in front of your computer or on your phone right now, texting, e-mailing, you’re at different stages of planning out what you’re going to be doing tonight. You’ve waited all week for Friday night. This is going to be the night that you’re going to go out and meet a cool new woman. If all goes right, everything is going to change by the weekend, you’ll have one or two or even three prospective new dates, and your lifestyle is going to be different. You’re finally going to approach the woman you’re most attracted to.

Then what happens? As the night progresses, all those fears and excuses start creeping in. You get paralyzed. You stand around the bar. You do nothing.

Some of you may not even be reading this blog until late night Friday night, and you’ll say to yourself, “David, you just described my night. I was all jazzed. I was all excited. You’re right, slowly but surely, all my fears and excuses crept in and the next thing I knew, I was home again. I was staring at the ceiling, reviewing the night, and I finally came up with something really great to say to the woman I was attracted to, but it’s too late now.”

Here’s what I want all of you who read this blog early today to do. For those of you who are reading it late, do this exercise tomorrow night.

I want you to go out. I don’t want you to talk to a single person tonight. Not one person. I want you to observe, and I want you to watch, and I want you to understand the dynamic of what makes one guy fearless and successful with women, and another guy who goes home and masturbates, dreaming of the woman he wishes he could be with. I want you to watch the guys that are successful with women.

It doesn’t matter what they say, because I’m about to launch a brand new program that’s going to give you everything you need to say in these situations. I want you to take a look at their body language. I want you to take a look at what real attraction is. I want you to look at these guys and I want you to basically see how much fun they’re having. How engaging they are, how they use their hand motions, how they smile, how they walk with confidence. I want you to notice everything about them.

Now what I want you to do is I want you to look at yourself. No, don’t look directly at yourself in the mirror, but look at a guy just like you. I want you to find the guy who’s in the corner with his hands in his pockets, a clueless or frustrated look on his face, the kind of guy you can feel is really thinking with all the monkey chatter going on in his head.

I want you to look at that guy, and I want you to ask yourself this question: if you were a woman, who would you rather talk to? The guy who’s going around talking to everybody and generally just having a great time, or the guy who’s paralyzed in the corner waiting for the woman to go to the bathroom so he can chase her down and find the right moment to talk to her? The guy with that nervous energy who kinda scares people a little?

How do you feel? What type of emotion do you feel when you look at the guys who are having fun versus the guys who are not having fun? This is a great exercise that I have every single client do, any guy who’s ever been successful with women going out and meeting them on a Friday or Saturday night. Every guy goes through this exercise, because you have got to learn how to enjoy yourself before you can start meeting people. If you approach with nervous energy, nothing will happen, but if you approach with a smile while having a good time, the words don’t make a difference.

Note To All Men: If you are already subscribed to my email list you are well aware that next week I’m releasing a new product that is going to empower you to get over the BIGGEST issue you guys have when it comes to meeting women… approach anxiety. I hear it time and time again, and it was confirmed by thousands of survey responses taken by my email subscribers that have been pouring in the past couple of weeks.

I put together a video to help you learn how to kill approach anxiety to become natural with women, simply by using the power of observation!“

Dear David,

As an introvert, I have difficulty engaging and intriguing people in a way that builds lasting relationships. Being an introvert I don’t have a lot of friends and that specifically gives me a low opinion of myself, and it’s oten difficult for me to express myself even in a one-on-one setting. I would like to learn how to change this, how to build more social connections, and form real relationships with the men and women in my life.

Thanks for taking the time to read my email,

Danny

Here is my response:

Hi Danny,

Interesting the way you say it, “As an introvert.” In a three-sentence e-mail to me, you’ve used the word “introvert” twice. Which leads me to believe that was you go about your entire day, you probably say to yourself, As an introvert, I do X. As an introvert, I do Y. Because I’m an introvert, I can’t talk to that person over there. Because I’m an introvert, I won’t be able to meet somebody.

Your mind set is everything in life, and your personal verbal programming dictates the way you lead your life. Whatever it is that you believe about yourself, that will come to the front. If you believe it, then you are going to be it.

So instead of going around all day saying to yourself that you’re an introvert, I want you to say the following (and listen to the difference):

I’m shy. I have trouble engaging and intriguing people, and it’s because I act shy. But, you know what, every single day I go out and I do things to help overcome my shyness. I may not have a lot of friends right now, but every day I’m just going out and meeting people, talking to people, becoming friendly, because that’s what helps. I realize that it takes time to change all of those learned behavior patterns that I’ve developed over my entire life. But I’m willing to tackle my issues, I’m able to do this, and I’m going to work on it every day. Every day I’m going to go out and do the things that make me feel the most uncomfortable, because I know that eventually I’m going to get comfortable doing these things.

You see the way I phrased it differently? Your words are very powerful. Your words are your actions. The words you choose to tell yourself affect the actions you are going to take in life.

Choose your words wisely.

This week has been really hectic, I’ve been on a lot of coaching calls with clients, and few calls with some of you blog readers from all over the world as well. Just a lot of guys I’ve talked to this week.

There’s one common thread that runs through almost everybody. And that fear is what’s commonly called APPROACH ANXIETY. The moment you see somebody who you’re attracted to, you make a determination that you’ll go talk to them. But then the fear kicks in. Well, now you’re stuck in a situation where you CAN go up and talk to them, you’ve got no excuse not to, but you’re afraid of what might happen. Actually, you have no idea what might happen, and that’s what makes it so scary.

It’s like you get this crazy sensation in your stomach, your mind starts racing thinking all sorts of ridiculous thoughts, thinking of any excuse in the book why you should not go up and start talking to this person or just say “Hi, how are you today?”

So how about this for an invention: Anti-Rejection Specs.

Just like those cardboard X-ray Specs you used to get in the old comic books, you could put on these magic Approach Sunglasses when you enter the bar, or browse the supermarket, or you’re at the gym, and just like an X-ray, the Anti-Rejection glasses would tell you exactly who is going to be interested in you and who isn’t. Wouldn’t that be great? You would know exactly who to approach. You would never ever get rejected again. Wouldn’t that solve all your problems putting yourself out there trying to make a connection and meeting women?

But the fact is glasses like that don’t exist. In fact, it’s actually quite a scary thought if they did. Men everywhere would be running rampant like the lock to the chimpanzee cage just got cracked.

So many guys have this fear of the unknown, fear of getting rejected, fear of putting themselves out there and getting shot down. So many guys think their entire manhood is on the line if they get blown out and the woman he wants to talk to decides she doesn’t want to talk to him. “What if I approach her and she doesn’t like me? What if I get rejected? She’s really cute and I don’t want to look like a fool.”

But guess what? You’ll never know unless you try. There’s no such thing as Anti-Rejection Sunglasses, and yes, every woman will not be interested in you all of the time. That’s life. But there are plenty of great single women out there who WILL be interested in you. It’s up to you to put yourself out there and find them.

You’ll never find out if she’s interested in you unless you drop the games, stop trying to act cool and standoffish, and just be open and receptive and introduce yourself without putting on a front.

I understand the games. The games are there for a reason. You tiptoe around, you pretend not to be interested in her, so that way if you find out that she’s not interested in you—well, you never had to put yourself out there now you don’t look foolish.

But that’s not going to get you the girl you want. To really grow, to radiate confidence, to be with the kind of woman you really desire, the fact is you have to make yourself vulnerable. You have to drop the games and the gimmicks. You have to go out and approach women even if you don’t know what the outcome is going to be. And yes, you have to experience rejection.

You’ll never know unless you try, and that’s the hardest part. But it’s also the best part. Because when you do approach, and you are successful, and you do get the digits, or the date, or the lay, or the girlfriend, or whatever, you’ll know that you had the guts to approach her just the way you are, without any silly games—and without any Anti-Rejection Specs telling you every time it was safe to approach.