Do you know what “the magic of a story” is? The magic of the story is remembering that while you might be telling a story for the hundredth time, the woman you’re talking to is hearing it for the very first time . . . and being able to tell it like you’re telling it for the first time.
Recently while I was with some clients, I told a woman a story I’ve told probably at least a thousand times (that’s why the story is so good!). The clients who were with me were shocked when they found this out, and said it seemed like I was telling the story for the first time.
I have such enthusiasm for my stories because I like them. I also know how people will react to them because I’ve told them before.
So how do you tell a great story; how do you tell a story like you’re telling it for the first time? Well, you have to start somewhere in order to learn how to do it.
Pick five or six things that come up over and over again in conversations, and then think of stories that relate to those things. It doesn’t matter what they are about, so long as you enjoy telling them and can do so with passion.
Practice your stories, so they are natural and easy for you to tell. I would suggest that you record all your stories, and then listen to yourself tell them.
As you listen, ask yourself whether you are interesting enough as you tell each story. If you are not, then go back and record them again. Keep listening to those stories over and over again, because those are the stories that are going to come out when you meet people.
Those amazing stories will be what attract women when you talk to them. They love to hear them.
A man who can tell a great story is very intriguing to women. It will show you as a man who is passionate about who he is. A woman will think that if you’re that passionate about yourself and your life, then you will be equally as passionate about her if you start hanging out together.
If you’re passionate about everything that you do – even down to little things like sniffing fruit passionately at the farmer’s market — then women are going to realize how passionate you are about all sorts of things. It’s about living with passion, and it all starts with your stories!
So many guys get stuck in friend zone with women, and they never get out of it. I’m sure that resonates with many of the guys reading this blog.
I really don’t have women anymore with whom I am just “buddy-buddy.” Now I am not talking about having women friends. I am talking about being just friends with certain women whom I liked as more than friends, but with whom I was just friends because that is all I could be with them.
I used to have women friends like this during my twenties. I was always the dishrag.
They would get into a fight with Joe The Boyfriend, and then they would call me crying and say, “Oh my God, I don’t know what happened…” I’d sit there and listen to them because I would think that something would happen if I just listened and waited it out.
What did happen with those women? Nothing.
They would come over and say, “Can I snuggle with you?” Then we would snuggle as I had a full-on erection, hoping that they either wouldn’t notice or would notice and give me some misery sex or something.
I would also keep hoping that when they would break up with Joe The Boyfriend, that they would then decide to date me. Did that ever happen? Nope. They would break up with Joe The Boyfriend and start dating someone new . . . and I was never that guy.
Eventually I realized that there was a way to escape being stuck in the friend zone. I started to realize that every time I befriended women in another way, things turned out very differently (and with a much more desirable result!).
I began to be the “cool guy” with women I would befriend. I would hang out with them and have fun — maybe take the dog for a walk on the beach or get some coffee — but there was no romantic pressure or talking about the boyfriend. Once I started doing this, I never went back.
I never again sat with one of these women and said, “So what’s your relationship with your boyfriend really about?” I didn’t ask women in text messages, “How’s your boyfriend?”
I knew what the relationship was about, and we didn’t have to talk about it all the time. We might talk about it for five or ten minutes, but then I’d drop the subject.
By being this type of friend — a buddy, but really not a buddy — if she texts you out of the blue six months down the road, then she is still thinking about you.
I remember back when I was single something like this happening to me one time. I received a friend request on Facebook from a real estate agent whom I had asked out on a date months before.
When I first met her, I wrote her an email that said “You know what? I’m very indecisive right now about the house that I want, but one thing I’m very sure about is that I want to get to know you better. Dinner.” She emailed me back saying, “God, I’m so flattered and tempted, but I’m seeing somebody and just can’t right now.”
So months later she added me as a Friend on Facebook (with no message). This meant that somewhere in the back of her mind, subconsciously, she was thinking about me.
So what I did next was to write her a little note on Facebook saying, “How the hell are you? What’s going on? Is that boyfriend protecting you from burglars?” (We had talked when I met her about her house almost being broken into, and I was joking that she needed somebody to protect her).
She responded, “Well, the dog protected me.” That led into a conversation and some consistent contact (and ultimately a date with her as her relationship was on the verge of ending).
So think about the women in your life with whom you might be able to reconnect. How do you be sure to stay out of the friend zone? Be sure that you’re not being used as a dishrag. Be that “cool” guy, and you will never get stuck in that dreaded friend zone.
Let’s talk today about “sexting.” This is something we’ve discussed before here in the blog, but I want to talk about it a little differently today.
Sexting is really all about escalating. I am not trying to sound like a pickup artist (as most of you well know!), but when you’re dirty texting back and forth you really want to take the woman on a journey.
Think of sexting like a road heading into the mountains. The road starts out nice and flat, but you want to test things out ahead of time. You want to make sure your tires are sound and that the brakes will work.
So to do that, you will send something very simple like, “I had a thought . . . ” If she takes the bait, she’ll text you back asking you what that thought was.
Then you can write, “Well, last night I had this dream about you . . .” When you do that, you’re testing a little bit to see if she goes for it. This is good, because if you really had a dream about someone, you would probably share it with that person in bursts (and not all at once).
You want to be able to take it slowly. Really, this is mental masturbation! If you can get her to mentally masturbate about the thought of you having sex with her, she’s going to want to sleep with you when you meet up. So you’re really just testing the road.
It’s also about being 100% in control. For instance, you can say something like, “Yeah, last night I learned about this new position, and it was really hot. So, how’s your trip to D.C.?”
It’s a giveaway-takeaway. You want to constantly give and take away from her.
The more you do that, the hotter she will become. You’re teasing her.
It’s really the same thing with sex. The guy who goes straight for the vagina and pounds away is not going to please the woman. The guy who massages, loves and cherishes the woman is the one who is going to get that woman totally hot.
It’s the same thing for sexting and for sex. Everything is about foreplay. Life is about foreplay.
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I saw a movie the other night that really irritated me. Actually, the movie didn’t irritate me as much as the lead character did.
That character is the kind of guy who will offer to bring over frozen yogurt to a female friend when she’s had a fight with her boyfriend. He is the guy who is always doing nice things for women, but never seems to be able to get the women.
Let me say first that I am a proponent of doing nice things for women. I make my girlfriend breakfast every single day, and make her dinner most nights. I also run errands for her when necessary. I do that when I’m in a relationship.
When I first meet somebody, I’m not going to go run their errands for them. I’m not going to go bring over ice cream because their cat’s nail fell out.
You’ve got to establish that you’re a man, and not just one of the girls. A problem that so many guys have is ending up in the friend zone. That happens for this very reason.
A woman has something wrong in her life, and all of a sudden you are running over there to bring her chocolate to make her feel better? You don’t want to ever do things like this unless you’re in a relationship with a woman.
As I said, I’m a proponent of doing nice things and I think doing nice things is fantastic. I have found, however, that men who are the “go to” guy for women who are having boyfriend trouble or who breakup with their boyfriend will never be more than a friend . . . ever.
The character in this movie was exactly like that. Every time the boyfriend didn’t show up or the married man the woman was dating did something mean to her, this character would go be with this woman. He’d talk to her. He’d hold her hand. He’d be her friend.
Then he fell in love with her, and told her how much he loved her. Of course, she didn’t love him back. She didn’t see him that way. She saw him as a good friend.
All good relationships of course involve the two people being friends as well as lovers. In the beginning, though, you need to establish the boundary that you are the man. In the beginning of the relationship, you’re not there to satisfy a woman’s every little whim.
If you’ve been just friends with a woman, the reason why you’re just friends with her is because she looks at you like you’re a friend. She only looks at you just like you’re a friend.
I would like to introduce all of you to a friend of mine. She wishes to remain anonymous, but I can tell you that she is a sex and dating coach to men and women all over the globe. We’ll call her “The Fiery Redhead.”
Now you all know how I feel about nicknames, so I’ll encourage her to reveal at least her first name soon. I will tell you that she is a woman in her 30’s who lives in Los Angeles, and who thinks that ‘Sex And The City’ doesn’t pertain to Los Angeles (because, really, it’s more like ’sex in the hills’ or ’sex on the beach).
The Fiery Redhead really wants to help men and women meet people, so I’ve offered her the opportunity to be a guest poster on the blog. Plus, I’m sure you guys have to get sick of hearing from just me.
So you will be getting a different perspective from her about every couple weeks. I also thought it would be a cool to have a woman giving her perspective and helping the women and the men.
So let’s welcome our new guest blogger and enjoy her first blog today. It’s a great topic. So, without further ado, here she is…
Hey Guys and Girls,
You know, David asked me to start writing a little guest column because he figured why not have a female opinion every so often. And why not have one who really tells it like it is. That definitely describes me (as you’ll quickly discover).
I’ve got to tell you something. The other day some girl friends and I were sitting around with some guys who were talking all about how to “close” a woman. You will never hear a woman say something like that.
You’ll never hear a woman say, “You know, we went on a boat trip the other day and met some really cute guys. My friend was flirting with one guy, but at the end of the day she ended up going home without closing him.”
No, she didn’t “close” him. She didn’t hook up with him. What is it with you guys having to “close” us? Why do you need to “close” us?
We’re not a door — you don’t need to close us. Really, if you close us it’s actually because we’ve determined that you were cool to hang out with so we want to go and bang you. I mean, that’s really what it comes down to. We make that decision, not you.
I don’t understand it. Why don’t you just learn the way women are? If we like you and enjoy your company, and we give outward signs of that, then you don’t need to close us. You just need to go with the flow.
Why can’t guys just be a little more relaxed and a little cooler about things? You’d get laid so much more if you would just listen to the verbal clues. That’s all for my ranting and raving for this time. I’ll talk to you guys soon!
Okay, thanks again to the Fiery Redhead for this first post! To all of you, enjoy the last weekend of summer, because fall is here as of next week. Also, if any of you would like to know any of my football predictions, be sure to tune into the blog on Sunday. Why? Because I want to and it will be fun.
Now, since it’s the weekend and some of you go out to the bars, I thought this great video will help you out. It’s all about how to walk the walk and talk the talk to be able to successfully approach women in bars.
Wednesday. Podcast day. Today’s podcast is going to shock you.
Are you a guy who walks around with your penis in your hand? When you go on a date, are you totally ruled by the power you’ve given your penis all these years? Are you so obsessed with sex, that all you think about on a date is getting the woman in the sack (instead of getting to know her)?
Are you a guy who knows how to transition to sex? Do you read books about how to transition to sex?
Are you always consumed at the end of a date trying to get an extra squeeze or play some serious tonsil hockey? Do you sit around with your friends and wonder how to make “the move” on a woman you’ve been out with two or three times?
Are you so in your head on a date, that every time you touch her it’s so not natural that she gets turned off (although what you’re doing is technically correct)? Do you actually think about when to hold her hand, or when to touch her back or anywhere else to create sexual tension?
Did you answer yes to any of these questions? If so, then welcome to the world of being run by your penis and not being run by what’s going on in the moment.
Today’s podcast is an interview I did with my friend Vince Kelvin. I’ll be speaking soon at this year’s PUA Summit. I’ll be talking all about transitioning to sex.
Let me tell you something. Today’s podcast will take your penis out of your hand and out of your head, and you’re finally going to learn how to connect with women organically so that sex is her idea (or, better yet, is mutual).
No more wondering when to have sex or how to transition into sex. It’s going to be as seamless and beautiful as watching Drew Brees throw six touchdown passes against the lowly Lions.
Every time Brees fades back to pass, he has the chance to make a touchdown. By learning how to connect with women, you can seamlessly transition into sex with women.
It will be natural. It’s also exactly what women have been wanting from mankind since Oogabooga the caveman went into his cave and dragged Oogaboogette out by the hair, letting his penis do the talking instead of giving her what she really wanted . . . a nice dinner with some chilled dinosaur caviar and a nice warm pterodactyl stir fry.
This is going to be the podcast that will change your sex life forever. Enjoy!
What a great “guy’s weekend” — nonstop football Saturday and Sunday, and there’s still two Monday Night Football games tonight. By midnight tonight, though, the greatest guy’s weekend will end and it will be back to reality.
Let’s talk about reality and about a subject that I believe will really get people thinking…
I just had kind of a funny conversation with Tyler (who works with me) about relationships. I’ve had this conversation with four different guys. It is something I’ve always wondered.
You know, we were just joking around as two guys will do. Then I asked him, “Do you think if men and women couldn’t have sex — if sex was out of the equation, there was no such thing as sex drive and sex didn’t even exist — do you think that men and women would still hang out? Do you think they would really hang out together?”
Do men and women have enough things in common outside of sex so that they would hang out together if sex wasn’t a factor? Granted, men love looking at women and women love looking at men, but sex is a big part of relationships.
If you took sex out of the equation, what would you have? You’d have a typical married life. Okay, I’m joking a little bit about the marriage thing . . . although that is the case in many a marriage.
If there was no such thing as sex or a sex drive, do you believe that men and women would really hang out? Do you believe that people would just hang out with people they like regardless of gender, or do you believe that guys would just hang out with guys because they have more in common with each other? Guys do have a lot of things in common (many times it’s sports).
Now, of course, this whole hypothetical couldn’t possibly happen. If sex was taken away then, then this blog would not exist and neither would I (in terms of my job description)…and you wouldn’t be here writing comments. If there were no sex then the world would still be full of dinausars, but let’s allow ourselves to go into fantasyland for a minute.
If sex were not part of the equation, would men just sit around with each other all day long scratching their groins, burping, farting and watching sports? What would women talk about when they got together for lunch if they weren’t talking about men? Would it be all hair and makeup talk?
Would Oprah have a career? What about all the self-help books? Half of them would be gone. All the “men like bitches” and “women playing hard to get” theories would be gone . . . or would they?
Would men and women still date if they had no sex drive? I’ll tell you one thing. If there were no sex drive, then “porn” would not be the number one search term on the Internet. It would be “NFL” instead.
There would be no such thing as blue balls or multiple orgasms, and one of the biggest money making businesses in the world – the manufacturers of birth control pills and Viagra — would be out of business. What would the pharmaceutical companies do?
So let’s talk about this “new reality.” If you couldn’t have sex and men and women just hung out as friends, would men and women still get married? Would men and women still live together, or would men just live in fraternity houses (and women in sorority houses) for the rest of their lives?
I’ll tell you one benefit to there being no sex. There would be far fewer cats up for adoption, because no woman would be scared to get a cat for fear of being labeled ‘the lonely cat lady.’
So now I want to hear from you. What are your thoughts on this? Let’s talk about this today, because it’s a great topic.
Do you believe that men and women would hang out if sex was out of the equation?
So you’ve finally got the date for which you’ve been waiting. This is it. This is the woman you’ve been waiting to date for six months. This is the woman you think is going to be with you on the road to boyfriendhood. This is the one you’ve had your eye on, and you don’t want to screw it up. You want to impress her so much that she want a second date, a third date — and much more — with you.
I’m about to give you six easy things you can (and should) do to impress a woman on a date. As you will see, none of these six things involve picking out the right food or the right restaurant.
1.What Do You Know About Her?: So what do you know about this woman you want to impress? What are her likes and dislikes? In order to plan a great date, it has to be something that really interests her. A lot of guys do the standard “take her out to dinner” thing and just hope for the best. In reality, though, that’s just not the right way to do it. You need to think outside the dinner box, and think about something that will show her you thought about her when you planned this date. Picking something that relates to something she likes or in which she’s interested goes a long way.
2.Have A Plan: There’s nothing that turns a woman off more than when you call her and ask her what she wants to do on a date. It’s called listening. It’s about knowing what she likes. If you like her, you will do things that resonate with her, and you will know what (at least some) of those things are because you’ve been listening to what she’s had to say when you’ve talked to her. Also, women like strong, confident men. Women like men who have a plan.
3.Activity Dates Are Great: When you plan your date, do something where you can challenge each other and have fun. Go bowling. Play miniature golf. Go to one of those pottery places where you can paint a mug. Take your dogs for a walk. Go get some ice cream. Instead of just having dinner, take a walk around a lake. Do something that’s casual, fun and no pressure. The problem with going to dinner on a date is that is can feel very high pressure. You are sitting across from each other with nothing to do but watch each other chew and resume swap. Do something more fun than that, and the more child-like the activity the better. Plus activity dates give you lots of easy conversation topics.
4.Have No Expectations: Even though you are so excited to be out with this woman, you really don’t know who she is yet so why have expectations? When you have expectations, you have pressure to make things work. By remaining present on the date and by not thinking ahead to other dates, you’ll actually have more fun (which will give the date a much better chance of being successful). The reason why so many dates go south is because you’re thinking ahead during the date. In reality, though, all a woman wants is the real you. She wants you being present and being engaged in the moment with her. She wants the real you, not the “playing it safe” version of you.
5.Don’t Worry About The Goodnight Kiss: If you both have a good time on a date, then don’t worry about the goodnight kiss. So many times, guys feel like they have to “seal it with a kiss.” So many times, guys will start thinking about the goodnight kiss the entire last part of the date. It’s like it’s the 4th quarter of a football game and they’re planning their comeback, when what they should be doing is just enjoying the play-by-play. When you walk her to her car, just give her a hug or a little kiss on the lips. Don’t worry about the full-blown makeout session. Women love foreplay, and they love to be left wondering about that passionate kiss they will have with you.
6.Follow Up With A Second Date: If you had a good time and she had a good time, then why leave her in suspended animation? Ask her out for a second at the end of the first date, and ask her to do something you both talked about enjoying on the first date. That way, when she goes home and does the play-by-play with her friends, she’s going to say that you’re one of the few guys who didn’t leave her wondering what she did right or wrong on that first date. You will stand out among all the “other guys” she’s met.
As a man, you want to be a leader. You need to remember that women love romantic comedies. They are always looking for that serendipitous moment where a man just knows things about her and takes her to her favorite coffee shop without even having to ask her which one that is. You want to be the leader, not the follower. You want to lead her on a romantic journey. So taking her to a restaurant and watching each other chew just isn’t going to cut it. It’s time to get creative.
