Ok…not the end of the world. Nor the end of the day.

But the end of the year.

So I took a long walk along the beach and thought about this:

How many of you had the year that you expected?

How many of you were able to create that incredible dating life this year that you know deep down inside that you could have?

And now how many of you are already thinking about next year and how next year will be different than this year?

All of you need to sit yourselves down in a room and listen to today’s podcast. I am about to share with you some hard facts and wake you up to what reality is really all about.

I like to be more mysterious, because I know that’s what will drive the women to really want me.

You guys remember Intern Dan’s blog about nice guys. You can be nice, no problem at all, but you’ve got to be great. You’ve got to be a guy who doesn’t act like Mr. Accommodating all the time. Those are the things you don’t want to do.

Don’t go out on certain dates if you don’t want to do, just because you think your date wants to. Don’t go hiking if you hate hiking. That’s simply a misconception that so many of us have throughout our entire lives. You become Mr. Accommodating, or even for women, Mrs. Accommodating.

Somebody tells you something that they’d like to do—something that you actually don’t want to do at all—but you do it anyway. And it’s a behavior pattern that you probably have done your entire life. Your friends want to go out on a Friday night, you’re not in the mood to go to a night club at all, but you go anyway. And then, because you acted so agreeable, you stand there in the corner all upset and wondering when you’re going to go home, and you just stand there wishing you drove your own car so you could leave. Or your friends start drinking in the afternoon, you’re not in the mood to drink, but you do it anyway because you don’t want to be left out.

Here’s the deal: If someone says something to you that you do not want to do, then you need to stand up for yourself. Say you’re on a date and your date says to you, “God, I’m a staunch Republican and I hate Obama.” If you love Obama, you need to stand up for it. Don’t give somebody an image of you that’s entirely wrong. Don’t be people’s doormat.

The reason you’re not driving women to really want you more is because you’re acting like her doormat. Women are not interested in having sex with doormats. But they are interested in being challenged, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

Start with standing up to your friends first. The next time your friends want you to go out with them somewhere you don’t want to go, tell them, “Hey, I want to pass on this one, let’s come up with a better idea.” Or better yet, let them do what they want while you stay home.

It’s time you started being less accommodating to others and more of an individual.

“My ex just texted me…look at this text.”

“Oh, that totally reminds me of this time I was with my ex…”

Is the topic of talking about exes a big no-no for you? Does it make you feel uncomfortable?

Have you ever had a bad date where your date would not stop talking about their ex? Do you feel like you wasted the evening over a bad conversation? Even worse, is this a recurring problem in your dating life that’s preventing you from getting anywhere past the first date?

Here’s an email I got from a reader that I’d like to share with you today:

Dear David,

First of all I’d like to say how much I enjoy your products, and advice, that being said….here comes the question:

What do you do when you’re on a first date, and the woman will not stop talking about her Ex?, be it ex husband, or boyfriend, it doesn’t matter…. I mean I make great money, and don’t mind paying for drinks, and such, but my question is how do I stop this? I’ve tried changing the subject, acting uninterested, playing with my BlackBerry, and even asking them to stop, usually at that point, the date is over very soon. I’ll ask for the check, and drive them home, never to call them again. No, this doesn’t happen all the time, but I’d say 50% of the time. If she mentions the ex, or even discusses them a little, that’s ok, but the entire date?? One woman actually showed me a picture of her ex boyfriend!!!! The date was over.

What would David Wygant do?

Thank you,

Larry

I Love My Ex

So why is this happening to you? And what can you do about it?

Click below and listen to today’s podcast as Shogo and I dig in and tell you exactly what’s going on and what you can do to take control and start enjoying your date conversations!

Click Here To Download Today’s Podcast!

I know that our usual weekend topic is nightlife and bars, but let’s switch it up a little for today. Today let’s talk a little bit about when you’ve got a date.

When you’re out and you’re dating, you know from the blog that if you’re the man on the date you always want to have a plan on the first date or so. When you ask a woman out, you want to be the leader, you want to have a place to go, but also be open to suggestions from your date. You want to have an idea of where you want to go and what you want to do that night based on the situation, the interaction, or the conversation you had with your date.

“What do you want to do tonight?” are words that should never come out of your mouth when inviting a woman out on a first date. Be thoughtful, be inspired, and show that you actually put some consideration and effort into the evening.

You don’t need to plan out every little detail of what you’re going to do—granted, some men and women do like their evening to run that way, and that’s fine if it suits your personality.

First Date Ideas

But there is a fine line between planning out a fun time on your date and rigidly sticking to your plans without room for creativity if things go wrong. You always want to be flexible in your planning. If things don’t go exactly according to plan, roll with it.

If your date is a vegetarian and you accidentally took her to a steak house, you can always leave and go somewhere else. Find a cool, hip vegetarian place maybe neither of you have ever been to before. You just might have a great new discovery in the area that you had no idea existed. And if the food wasn’t that good, oh well, at least the two of you had the experience and went on a little adventure together.

If you planned out a nice afternoon picnic or walk in the park and suddenly it starts raining, what do you do? Maybe change the plan and take her to a matinee. Sneak your picnic food in her purse have your own little picnic in the back of the theater.

It’s all about being open-minded. It’s all about being open to the fun possibilities out there. Because in reality, nothing goes exactly according to plan. You can never plan anything out 100% and know what the future holds in store, so be open to whatever comes your way, embrace it and make the most of it. The more your rigidly stick to what you planned out and try your hardest to make things to go exactly as planned, the more you are closing yourself off to great opportunities that come your way, opportunities that you couldn’t predict, even opportunities that you never thought could be possible.

So on all of your upcoming dates, I want you guys to have an action plan and a direction going into the date. But I also want to you be open and receptive to change. Be open and receptive to new possibilities on your dates, or in your encounters, or even when you are first meeting and talking to someone of the opposite sex, and see what great moments and great memories that you could never have predicted lie ahead for you.

By creating an amazing lifestyle and being passionate about the things you do, you will start attracting the opposite sex instead of spending your life chasing them and hoping you’ll connect with them. People are attracted to positive, fun, interesting and well-rounded individuals. If you’re miserable or doing things that you don’t enjoy, you are not going to to meet anyone, no matter what approach or methodology you use to do it. No one wants to meet someone who is miserable or spending their life doing things they don’t like.

So before you go out and try to meet somebody, you need to first figure out how to create a passionate lifestyle for yourself. Think for a second about the kind of people to whom you are attracted. Most people are attracted to people who are positive, energetic and interesting. Now think about what type of person you are right now. Are you that positive, energetic and interesting person I just described, or are you someone who is miserable and angry because you can’t meet someone?

It all starts with creating an amazing lifestyle for yourself, so that you feel great and will attract amazing people into your life. So to give you a little incentive to get started creating your own amazing lifestyle, here are 5 ways to create your lifestyle so you are instantly more attractive to the opposite sex:

1. Reevaluate Your Work Environment: One of the first (and most important) things you need to do to create an amazing lifestyle is to take a very critical eye to your current work environment. Because work is something most of us HAVE to do, we sometimes don’t expect that it is also something we can want to do (or at least not hate doing). Think about your current work environment. Do you have a boss who is consistently demeaning? Do you dislike most of your co-workers? Do you dread going into work every day? If your work environment is toxic and causing you to be miserable, then it’s time to evaluate whether it’s time for a change. If you are working in a toxic environment, consider whether you are staying there because you are comfortable and don’t want to have to push your own boundaries. If you stay in a work environment that makes you miserable and angry, then understand that miserable and angry is what you are going to project to everyone around you (whether you intend to or not), including to the people you have been trying to attract.

2. Do The Things You Love: So many people go to places they believe they “should” go or “have to” go in order to meet somebody, but which are places they don’t enjoy being at all. Is it really any wonder they have trouble meeting people in these places? Instead of going to places where you’re not happy to try and meet somebody, pick five things YOU really love to do. Think about what your five favorite things are to do. Then ask yourself whether there are members of the opposite sex present at each of those five things. If not, then go deeper and find five things you’re either already interested in or about which you would like to learn. Then go to any of these places to meet people. When you go to places that interest you, you’ll already have things to talk about and will naturally bond with people. The reason you have trouble making conversation with people in a bar (or other places you may not enjoy being), is when you’re someplace you really don’t like you have to manufacture conversations instead of just talking about what’s already interesting to you.

3. Be Open: Positive people are open to new experiences. So instead of expecting to meet someone when you go out and getting totally disappointed if you don’t, be open to what the day or night might present to you. Being open means talking to everyone with which you come into contact, and not only being friendly to someone you find attractive. Just because you are not attracted to the person you’re talking to doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be open and friendly. You never know if that person may have a friend they’re meeting later with whom you might end up totally connecting. So be open to anything and everything, because people who are open to whatever presents itself to them always meet people. Remember that every connection you make with someone leads to another, and you never know what (or who) that next connection might bring into your life.

4. Find Your Inner Child: A big part of being attractive to the opposite sex is being approachable. That means when you go anywhere, don’t just “show up.” You need to embrace the moment and approach everything with a child-like enthusiasm. Smile, talk to people, ask questions and enjoy yourself. During a recent coaching weekend with several male clients, instead of just “taking them out to meet women” I took them to the beach and had them build sand castles. The reason I did this was to teach them how to have fun again and not to be so serious. If you’re serious when you try to meet someone, then you’re not having fun and that is not attractive. Life is about having fun just like you did when you were a kid. So what happened with the guys on the beach? They ALL ended up meeting great women who joined in to help them build the sand castles.

5. Use The Law Of Attraction: This is part of why how you behave in public will affect how successful you will be at attracting member of the opposite sex. It’s called attraction for a reason. When you walk into a place and you start talking to a bunch of different people, other people will line up and want to talk to you (including those members of the opposite sex you’ve been trying so hard to meet). If you’re angry, you are going to attract angry people and you will spend your day in constant confrontations. If you walk around in life having fun, having casual conversations and enjoying every step of the journey – even if you’re just running an errand to the market – you are going to attract great people into your life. People are attracted to people having a good time and who are enjoying their life. No one wants to hang out with a person who is pouting, folding their arms, and looking miserable. That’s why it’s so important that you create a lifestyle you enjoy, which will in turn attract the opposite sex.

Creating a lifestyle is all about learning to genuinely enjoy your life every day. Do things that you love and enjoy them. Embrace every single moment. By doing these things, you will naturally start attracting people. By being more open, not only will you start talking to more people, but more people will notice your openness and start talking to you. Being more open also makes you more memorable.

So why continue to chase after people you want to meet when you can start attracting them? Create an amazing lifestyle and be passionate about the things you do, and you WILL start attracting the opposite sex.

I’ll tell you where you don’t go. You don’t go to a movie, you don’t sit there in silence, wondering what she’s thinking, who she is, and feeling all uncomfortable wondering what to say after the movie.

You don’t go and spend money on dinner. That’s right, you don’t sit there and chew food, exchange resumes, and basically talk at each other for two and a half hours.

You don’t spend money on a first date. The reason being is most first dates never pan out to second dates. So why should you invest your hard earned money in a woman that you may never ever see again? Guys, dating is like an investment. You want to pick and choose who you date, who you spend money on, and where you go.

My best first dates have always been activity dates. Miniature golf is great, bowling is a lot of fun, walking in the park is great, playing Frisbee is a lot of fun, rowing a boat across a lake or across a pond is a blast, going to a street fair, and sitting and just having a cup of coffee or having hot coco in the winter time. Simple things, so you can go, talk, and hang out and have no pressure.

Here’s the deal, if you like her you can plan the next date at the end of the first date. But the bottom line is stop spending your hard earned money, stop wasting your money on women you never ever see again. You don’t need to impress her with where you take her, you need to impress her with who you are.

One of my greatest dates I ever had was this woman was telling me how much she loved the sunset. So I took her to this great beach in Malibu. Malibu is about 15 minutes from my house, so maybe I was out $2.25 in gas to get her to and from there. Bought a bottle of wine because she liked wine, I spent $10 on the bottle of wine. We sat, we talked, we watched the waves break, we walked some more, we watched the sunset, and we had a fantastic time. It was a great date. It created a moment.

That’s what women are looking for, to create that moment. They’re looking to have something that they can go back to their friends and say this was a really different date. I’ve gone on hiking dates where it was a lot of fun, where we just talked and we hiked and we saw things, and it takes the pressure off sitting across the table. When you’re doing an activity date it takes all the pressure off of you having to sit there and analyze one another. Not only that, for women, dating is about an adventure. You want to create an adventure the first date. You might go hiking, you might take a walk on the beach, you might take a walk with your dogs. Second date you might grab some dinner at this cool little stand because now they’ve got great food trucks all over the place where you can sit, stand outside and eat. You’re creating a movie for them. You’re creating the moment.

So stop trying to impress on a date, and start having fun on a date.

But in relationships, the sex can get monotonous. Daily life gets in the way and everything else just kind of fades into the background. Do you ever get to a point in a relationship where you just feel like you’re stuck? You’re not hearing each other. You’re not connecting each other emotionally. You always know what you need when you hit that point in relationships.

What you need to do is get away from everything. Kids. Work. Bills. Day care. Diaper care. Whatever it is. Even if you have no family, you just need to get away from work, from your friends, texting, iPhones, all the distractions in life. You need to go on a fuckation.

That’s right: a fuckation. What’s a fuckation, you ask? It’s where you do nothing for 48 hours but fuck each other. You book a nice hotel online, and you get out of town for the weekend. Actually, you can do this anywhere. You don’t even need to get on an airplane or even leave town, really. You can just do this on the other side of town. You drive a half hour away. You pick a point. Say, “Honey, we’re going to drive for 30 minutes and once that 30 minutes is up we’re going to exit the first right and we’re going to find a hotel. We’re going to check in, and we’re going to do nothing but stay in bed, fuck, order room service, and have fun.

It’s called a fuckation because sometimes you just need to leave everything else behind and reconnect on the most basic level. Sometimes you need to stop all of life’s activities and really take the time to do nothing but enjoy one another without distractions.

So here’s what you need besides a hotel and a vehicle to get yourselves there: you need to bring some body lotions, some massage oils, some candles to set the mood. Lingerie too, even though it’s all about staying naked for 48 hours. No clothing allowed. The only thing you’re packing in your overnight bag is a toothbrush and clothing that you can return in. Actually, screw that. Don’t even pack that. Just return in the same clothes you wore on the way there.

The only things you pack in your overnight bag are fuckation toys. Adult toys. Bring a vibrator along, handcuffs, whatever floats your boat. Try out something new you’ve never tried before. Scented oils, bubble bath soaps, foot lotions for foot massages. Maybe a book you can read to each other while taking a bath. Maybe some Netflix DVDs to watch while you’re resting between marathon lovemaking sessions.

Hot Vacation Sex

Order as much room service as you want. Really spoil yourselves. But if you order food, make sure you include food that you can eat off each other. Order strawberries. Order chocolate syrup. Maybe bring a few bottles of wine or champagne. Maybe some liquor if you guys like doing shots—but if you do shots, make sure they are body shots off of each other. Try some tequila body shots, they’re great fun. You put a lime in your partner’s mouth and sprinkle a little bit of salt on your favorite part of their body. Lick the salt off their body, take the shot, and then suck the lime right out of their mouth.

Be creative on your fuckation. It’s all about letting loose and having sex. It’s all about reconnecting, having a blast with each other, and realizing that you don’t need anything else except for each other to keep you happy and satisfied. So let your imagination run wild. And no phones! Granted, for those of you who have kids you need to check up on, you can do that. But that’s it, and you can do so only after a nice, long love session.

If you’re stressed out, your relationship isn’t going that great and you’re losing touch with each other, you need to take a break and get away. So suggest to your partner that you need to take a fuckation. Tell them what the ground rules are. Make each lovemaking session last. Better yet, think of it as one long 48-hour love session. Take the time to massage one another from head to toe. Massage each other’s toes and fingers; take the time to get to know each other’s bodies all over again. When you slow things down and dedicate the time to one another, you’re going to discover each other in brand new ways. By the time you get home—in the same clothes you came in—sex is going to be far more interesting and a lot more fun, because you will have learned so many different things about each other sexually and some new exciting ways to turn each other on.

I smelled something that almost smelled like the duty free shop at JFK. It stunk!

I wasn’t sure what it was. Was it hand lotion? Perfume? Cologne?

Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw the source of this awful smell. Four guys attached at the hip were walking through the bar. As they got closer, and as the smell got closer, I knew I was dealing with “cologne man.”

That’s right, cologne man. Cologne man is the guy who jumps into the bottle of cologne before he goes out at night, thinking that is the way to turn people on.

I literally smelled those cologne men who were walking in the bar from forty feet away. So here’s a tip for those guys out there who like to bathe in cologne: Don’t do it!

Don’t bathe in your cologne. Dab it on.

Meet Women At Duty Free Shops

For those of you who think a fragrance smells really good, being subtle is always better than being overwhelming. How do you know your fragrance is overwhelming?

Smell you phone. If your phone stinks like cologne, then you’re putting too much on.

Go in your car and smell. If you car stinks, then you’re putting on too much cologne.

Smell the jacket you go out in at night. Does it smell like the duty-free shop at JFK? If so, then you’re putting on too much cologne.

Nobody wants to hang with somebody who has bathed in cologne. This goes not just for men, but for women too.

If you are a woman who bathes yourself in perfume, a man is not going to be intrigued by that. He is going to think he’s hanging out with his grandmother.

When it comes to fragrance, less is always more.

You can not believe that you have made it this far.

The date that you have planned for tonight? Well, it’s worked out. Oh yes, you know everything about it! It doesn’t matter that it’s presently 2011–it doesn’t matter at all. You can see the future. Years down the road, you’re able to look into the future and know exactly how that date’s going to go tonight.

Aren’t you relaxed now? Isn’t it amazing knowing that THIS is the person you’re going to marry in a couple of years? Can’t you now just relax on this date and not obsess so much about it? The date you’re on is in 2011. But in your head, it’s 2017. 2011 has merely called back to you six years later to tell you how well the date you’re going to have tonight worked out.

What am I talking about here? Future people! Future men and future women, that’s what I’m talking about it. You’re the person who’s such a nervous wreck about a future date that you spend your entire time leading up to that date obsessing about what to do! You even talk to friends: “What should I talk about? What do you think I should tell my date about me, hm? What do you think I should talk about on this date?” Once you’ve set the date, you think about how many times you need to text him or her until the first date to keep their interest level up. You strategize about the date ahead of time. You wonder when to kiss ahead of time. You think about the right moment to hold her hand ahead of time.

You think about when to flip your hair to show him you’re interested. You think about interesting topics to talk about ahead of time.

That’s not a date, that’s just worrying! You’re making it so hard on yourself. Here’s the deal: you set the date, you confirm the date the day before, and then you meet them at the place you confirmed. You don’t think about what signs to look for or what to say. You don’t plot out a whole conversation. You don’t think about when the perfect time to kiss is. You stay present in the moment. That’s what you do. You have a conversation as you would any conversation with any other person that you’ve met.

You need to stop worrying about what this person is going to be in the future, because when you worry about the future, there is not going to be any future. There will be no future at all. So many people, all the time, worry so much about what to say on a date. When you go out with your friends, do you plot out an entire outline of things to talk about, or do you just stay present and have a good time? The most powerful thing about a date is that the person you’re with can really get to know who you are. They can get to know your interests, what you’re about, have a conversation, see if you two really connect.

The absolute worst thing you can do on a date is water yourself down. Just be yourself, talk, and listen. And of course, on a date don’t talk about how wounded you have been from past relationships. Keep it positive, talk about the good times. Stop obsessing about whether or not she thinks (or he thinks) it’s a date or if you’re going out as friends.

It’s a date if you set it up that way. If your intentions are clear, if you’re not hiding a secret agenda, it’s a date whether you’re taking them out for dinner, for coffee, for a drink, for a walk in the park—as long as you set it up as a date. Stop obsessing about what to do.

Don’t try to get to know the “future him” or the “future her” or “future both-of-us-together”. Play it cool and really just get to know her. And to the women right now reading this, get to know him.

Dating is all about creating time in your life to connect with other people. If you’re out there on the market and your next available date time is two weeks away, take yourself off the market until you’re able to balance your time.

Here is the reason why: If you meet someone spectacular and you’re in the middle of your “busy being busy” phase, you won’t have time to nurture that connection. What happens then is that this great person will lose interest, and they will be out of your life before they even had the chance to be in your life.

Now I know some people are thinking: “What if I tell them I’m super busy for the next two weeks and can’t hang out?” That’s acceptable. But if you are super busy for the next two weeks, you need to make the effort to reconnect with that person when the two weeks is over. Be a person of your word.

No Time To Date My Dog Needs Me

If you’re a woman and you’re super, super, super busy, don’t tell a guy “Let’s get together in two weeks,” tell him that you’ll call him in two weeks to set something up. By making that call, you’ll be a person of your word…and actions do speak louder than words.

The rule here is: If you’re the one whose is busy, YOU have to make the reconnecting phone call when you’re less busy.

If you’re on an online dating site and you’re super busy for two weeks, hide your profile for two weeks.

If you don’t have time to date, don’t! I’m all about taking time outs when needed. But by being busy and still trying to meet people when you don’t actually have the time to meet them, you may just miss out on that amazing person!