So you’re in a relationship and your woman starts nagging. She tells you that you just don’t understand her, and that she really wishes that you would just do more “little things.”
It’s not the big things that make women happy, it’s paying attention to the little details and showing you care that is really meaningful to them. Women are really simple. They don’t need lavish gifts – they need to know you’re thinking about them.
Here are some ideas to get you started doing these “little things” your woman really wants:
1. Rub her feet instead of asking her if she wants you to rub her feet. Make it look like you want to do it.
2. Make her dinner one night instead of having her make you dinner. Don’t ask her if she wants you to make dinner. Make her dinner before she gets home.
3. Open the bottle of wine instead of sitting there on the couch waiting for her to open it. Get up and open it yourself.
4. Light the candle so that she arrives home to a nice environment instead of coming home to the glaring lights of the television and other things.
5. Send her a text in the middle of the day telling her “I miss your smile from this morning” or “Last night was amazing!” or “The conversation we had last night was great.”
6. Send a free ecard in the middle of the day . . . something cute to remind her how much you really care about her.
7. If she’s going on a business trip, offer to drive her to the airport or pick her up to make her life that much easier.
8. Let her have control of the remote control. Don’t monopolize it for a change. Just give it to her and let her actually sit there and enjoying watching one of her shows. Then you can share one of her interests by watching it with her.
9. Offer to iron one of her shirts or take her clothes to the dry cleaner instead of her being your live-in maid.
10. Clean up the bathroom without being asked. Don’t just sit there and ignore the mess around the toilet – Clean it up! Clean up. If you know it drives her crazy to see water splashed all around the sink, dry that area after you use it.
11. If you work out together, offer to train her instead of rushing through your own workout and then not letting her workout at the same time.
12. Take a shower together, then wash her hair, scrub her back and give her a spa treatment. Do this and enjoy it!
13. The next time she gives you a massage, give her a massage the next day. Offer it! Don’t just say you’ll give her a massage . . . do it!
14. Surprise her by making plans. Tell her “We’re going out tonight honey.” You can even just go out for a drink or dinner somewhere. It’s taking the initiative that’s important.
15. Decide on and set aside one night a week as date night. Have a date like when you first started dating.
16. Call her in the middle of the day and just say hello. Don’t wait for her to call you.
It’s very simple to keep women satisfied. It’s not about what you give them financially or what gifts you give them. That’s a cop out. It’s the little things. The guys who make the biggest mistake are the ones who ignore their woman then all of a sudden give them an expensive gift to make up for it. That doesn’t make up for it at all.
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Why don’t they act the way they did the first six months? What happened?
Why don’t they do the things they used to do during the first six months, like write me love letters? Why don’t they light candles like they used to do? Why aren’t they attacking me sexually in the same way?
Are they just bored with me? Do they no longer want these things?
Why is it that we are so amazing in those first six months of a relationship? Are we trying to impress somebody? Are we trying to win somebody over? Are we being somebody we’re not? Are the first six months just that “amazing” time before all the arguments start and before we get defensive?
In the first six months, we allow ourselves to be emotionally open. We give so much emotionally to our partner.
When you start fighting with each other, however, we take something back. With each fight or misunderstanding after that, we take another piece back. The vulnerability, openness and beauty of those first six months at that point are gone.
During the first six months you would invite your partner to your house, they’d say “Oh Babe, I love coming to your house,” and you would light candles. You do this over and over again during the first six months.
After the first six months, the candle-lighting goes away. Your partner comes over and says, “You don’t light candles anymore.”
Instead of just acknowledging that what they’re saying is true, you get defensive. You could have said, “You’re right, I don’t. I need to start doing that again. I know how much you loved it.” But you don’t. You defend yourself.
Those first six months of a relationship should always be the way I’m describing. It should always be amazing. What happens in those first six months are the reasons why you fell in love with that other person in the first place — the things you used to do for them, the way you came onto them sexually, the way you listened and the way you were patient with them.
It’s amazing, though, how we take things away once the fights and disappointments begin. We don’t even necessarily do it consciously. We do it very passively.
Say that you and your partner touch each other nonstop during the first six months, then your partner stops touching you as much. What do you do?
You start taking some of your touching away. You get angry. You hope that they will notice and think, “Oh my God, he’s not touching me as much. I must need to touch him more.”
The first six months of a relationship are beautiful. For those of you in that post-six months frustration period, however, what you need to do is to go back and think about all the things you did for your lover in the first six months. Then start doing them again, without your partner having to ask you to do them.
I guarantee that if you do this, you’ll not have the whole “taking things away” situation happening anymore. There will be no reason to fight about who is (or is not) doing things for the other.
I challenge all of you who are in a relationship right now, over the next thirty days to do all the things you did for your partner in the first six months you were together. All of them. Every single one. And do them every day.
I guarantee that if you do this for the next thirty days — acting sexually, emotionally, in your communication and in your intimacy the way you did the first six months — and you don’t expect anything in return, you will see your relationship come alive again.
Then watch what your partner will start doing for you. Like magic, they will start doing things you have been wanting them to do for months.
It’s amazing how easy it is to rekindle a relationship, but we all stand on principle so much that we don’t allow ourselves to do the things to make it happen. We’re so about “tit for tat” that we never grow.
So think about what you did for your lover during the first six months, and do them all over the next thirty days. Then watch how the dynamics of your relationship will totally change. It’s a beautiful thing.
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The other day Sonja and I were walking around, and I saw this really cute cat. I was at the foot of the driveway, and the cat was at the back of the driveway.
Sonja looked at me and said, “Oh my God, a Siamese cat. I love them!” I said, “Me too.”
So we both got down on the ground and looked into each other’s eyes. We had that really great gaze that only lovers can have.
All of a sudden, we got involved in this heavy petting session — right there at the end of the driveway. It was really heavy petting.
That cat kept pushing up against us really hard as we were petting it. It kept raising its ass up in the air because it was loving the heavy petting so much. It kept banging its head against us, to encourage us to continue the heavy petting.
When we left, we were hoping the cat wouldn’t follow us since we had to cross the street. I know after an intense heavy petting session, cats tend to follow you because they are so satisfied.
So why this whole cat story? Well it was inspired by an email I just received.
The email said, “I met up and took a trip with a guy. At the end of the trip, we kissed and had some heavy petting, but no sex. Then he went back to his country. . .”
Heavy petting? Really?
Are we rubbing each other’s heads like cats? Are we touching each other on that certain spot above the ass, resulting in us sticking our butts up in the air? Are we getting down on all fours and saying stupid things to one another so that the other person will touch us with heavier hands?
Heavy petting just sounds so hot. “God, Sonja and I made out the other night. It was so hot. Then, all of the sudden, we were heavy petting . . . ” Come on now.
Heavy petting is the weirdest term in the world. Who came up with that term?
What ever happened to the term “fooling around?” How about saying that you were caressing each other’s bodies? How about saying that you were sexually touching each other? How about just saying kissing and some great foreplay?
When did we become animals? When did “heavy petting” become a term in our common vocabulary? Let’s talk about that today.
In the meantime, I have to go because my girl is looking at me right now wagging her tail and I need to take her for a walk. Wait, actually I am going to do some heavy petting on Daphne my dog, so that she will be extra satisfied when she pees.
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It seems like it’s all I hear: friend zone, friend zone, friend zone. I’ve done blogs on the friend zone. I’ve done podcasts on the friend zone. Nevertheless, I still get emails practically every day about the friend zone.
How many times do I need to tell you guys that the reason you end up in the friend zone, is because the woman never looked at you as a sexual being. She’s never felt that you turned her on sexually and emotionally.
It’s all about how you got involved with her in the beginning. Instead of asking her out, you said, “Let’s hang with a group of people” or you would just kind of run into her over and over again. You acted like a friend.
If you want to get out of the friend zone, the next time you first meet a woman you need to ask her out. You step up to the plate. You get some balls and you ask her out.
If you’re friends with a woman and you have a crush on her, stop. Ask her out. You can always go back to being a friend again.
If you’re a woman who’s stuck in the friend zone with a guy, look at him and say “Look, I have feelings for you. I’d like to explore this more. Are you up for it?” If the guy is not up for it, he’ll tell you. He’ll say he enjoys the friendship.
Do these things so you no longer have to email me and tell me you’re stuck in the friend zone. Do this so you can move forward. So many people waste time pining away for people they’re never going to have.
So today your challenge is to get out of the friend zone. Approach those two people in your life with whom you’re stuck in the friend zone, and either ask them out or state your intentions.
The real reason why you’re friends with them is because you’re hoping one day they will wake up and fall in love with you. So why don’t you take control of it? Get out there and do this today.
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So many guys worry about the kiss at the end of the first date, because they really think it seals the deal (or, in guy terminology, that it “closes” her). In reality, though, the kiss is actually the least important part of the date.
The kiss means absolutely nothing unless you’ve done all the rest of the stuff right. I feel that if you pay attention to what the woman has to say — if you listen, react to her, smile in her presence and enjoy the date — that the kiss is really easy.
Not ending the date with a kiss is so different from how most guys think. I truly believe that you shouldn’t play tonsil hockey at the end of the first date. There is no reason to do that.
That’s a sexual thing. That’s a male thing. That’s an ego thing. It’s a man who is acting like a little boy who feels like he has to prove to everyone that he can get a kiss from a girl.
A real man couldn’t care less about the kiss at the end of the first date. A real man builds attraction by listening to her, talking to her, enjoying her company and asking her out for the second date. Those are the things that a real man does on a first date.
The best “kiss close” you can do at the end of a first date is to look into the woman’s eyes, reach in, give her a kiss on the lips, pull back and smile at her. That alone is so much more powerful that figuring when to jam you tongue in her mouth.
That subtle little kiss, in conjunction with asking her out at the end of the first date, will keep her thinking about you way more than any makeout session. So come on guys, do you want to be a boy or would you rather be a man?
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So here you are dating who you think is your dream girl. She looks great. Her body rocks. Her hair is sexy. Her eyes are beautiful. Her lips are everything you always wanted lips to be.
She has “the hotness factor.” When you look at her, you get so turned on and so excited. You just want to show her off to everybody.
You are so off the wall in “look at me world” thinking, “I used to be someone who could not attract women, and now look how hot my girlfriend is. She is so hot. Look at me!”
So many guys do that. Women are like trophies to them. They really are.
If they have who they think is the hottest girlfriend they’ve ever had, they are quickly flying home to show all their old buddies that they can get the hot one. They’re going out at night and they’ve got their arm around her thinking “She’s hot. She’s mine. Man, she is the hottest girl ever.”
What these guys fail to do, however, is to ‘look under the hood.’ That hotness factor that was the only thing in their consciousness about her, often turns lukewarm when they finally do. Then lukewarm often continues to cool off until it becomes cold.
Here is the truth, guys. What is inside is just as important as what’s on the outside. That hotness factor is going to wear off, and then you’re going to start to see her for exactly who she is.
When that happens, you’re going to start to notice things about her. “What? She has lines under her eyes. I never saw those before. Oh my God. Wait a second. Her body is not as hot as it was.”
The reason why you start noticing those things is because you start really getting into the core of who she is as a person. You get your head out of la-la land. You stop ignoring all the little things that she does which may or may not be satisfying, and you start waking up to what I call “the un-hot reality.”
Every woman, no matter how hot she is, has a real person inside that shell. That woman may be someone who, once the hotness factor wears off, probably isn’t even a match for you.
So, how do you get past all of this? As a man, we get intoxicated by this beauty, so all men need to think about abundance. You need to truly believe that you can get any hot woman anytime.
When you have that attitude, then looks don’t really matter to you anymore because you know you can date women to whom you’re attracted. You know you date women who have that hotness factor.
So all you’re really looking for is someone who deep inside resonates with who you are deep inside. Otherwise, once that hotness factor wears off, all you’ll have left is a good-looking woman who drives you crazy and irritates you.
It’s time to start looking deep when it comes to women. Every step of the way, you need to look at the warning signs and think “Does this person really understand who I am? Is this person someone who is as hot inside as they are outside?”
The outside — the hotness factor — it does wear off. The problem is that the inside never wears off.
It’s the inside that keeps loving you, nurturing you, being with you, wanting you and desiring you. It’s everything on the inside that works.
Would you buy a car with 300,000 miles just because it looks great on the outside? Would you totally ignore the fact that is has 300,000 miles on it, just because the old owner told you that it’s barely broken in? Wouldn’t you rather buy a car that looks good and is sound inside and out? I hate to put women in a car analogy, but it’s the truth.
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