What is it about airplanes? Why are they so annoying now?
You are on a ten hour flight coming back from wherever you’ve been — from a secret location vacation. That’s what I like to call my vacations: secret location vacations. (We had a great time on ours by the way).
So we are nearly at the end of our ten hour flight back to Los Angeles, when the flight attendant becomes just really annoying. Here we are, watching our fourth movie and enjoying it. It was a really great movie called “My Sister’s Keeper,” and we’re getting close to the gut-wrenching end when the poor girl is dying of cancer.
Then, all of a sudden, the movie freezes on the screen as the flight attendant gets on the P.A. system to talk to us about . . . money. Yes, she wanted to announce that they were sending around a bag to collect money for UNICEF.
Now maybe if they had brought around a giant plastic pumpkin — or even one of those orange boxes like we used to use when I was a kid — then I might have given them my leftover change. To pass around a garbage bag, though, is just showing there there is no innovation.
It was also really annoying to have her go into this long speech about UNICEF when I just wanted to see the end of the movie. When the movie final did resume, the pilot gets on the speakers.
Who cares that we are almost there. Just land the plane. Then he gives us a guided tour of what is below us. As I am in a middle row, I can’t possibly see that we’re flying over Vegas.
Then the movie comes back on, except it is interrupted again by one of my favorite things in the world:the welcome to America video. It’s such a wonderful video. It teaches you how to make it through customs as if you are retarded.
Look, I’ve flown into England, Germany and lots of other countries, and nobody else plays a video about what to do when you get there. That’s part of the fun of going — not knowing what to do, what to claim and what to fill out.
The United States, however, has an entire patriotic video. Any of you who work for the government are probably cringing right now because I probably sound very anti-American.
The truth is that I am not anti-American at all. I just do not want to watch these videos . . . especially during a crucial part of the movie I’m trying to finish on the plane.
When they finally put the movie back on again, then the flight attendant comes over and says she wants to put my headphones away before we land in another 20 minutes. I looked at her and said, “No, you’ve already interrupted the move fourteen times.”
So if any of you work for the airlines, please help out and see what you can do about getting rid of those videos. Also, although I don’t mind giving money to causes, do we have to be asked while we’re on a plane?
We already give money everywhere we go. You are at the airport and a Hari Krishna hits you up before you hit the plane. You get off the plane, and some guy in a priest outfit is hitting you up for some type of Catholic school thing.
I mean everywhere you go, people are asking for money. Really, I’d like to see some ingenuity at least from the people asking me for the money. I’d like to see the first bum on the street with a credit card processing machining. That would really impress me. Instead of asking for change, they could tell you that they take PayPal, American Express, Visa and Master Card.
My feelings about airplanes would be different if the airlines offered better things on a plane. It would be different if when you boarded a plane, they asked if you were single and seated you with the other single people. I mean, how many times have you walked down the aisle of the plane toward your seat and thought, “Why aren’t I sitting next to THAT person?!”
You could change seats throughout the flights and get to socialize with lots of different people. They could designate a whole singles section in the back of the plane. It could be like a mini speed dating event in the back five rows.
They could have a section for each group. Singles could hang in the back few rows. Divorced people would sit in rows 3 through 7. Couples would hang out in a section together. There would be a section just for swingers. All all the screaming kids would be put in their own section.
Better yet, why not have an entirely separate plane just for kids. No adults, just the kids. Instead of flight attendants, there would be adult babysitters on the plane. They would walk around the plane serving three kinds of milk: breast, whole and skim. Can you imagine what those flight attendants would look like by the end of each trip? Green pea spit up on their shirts and all sorts of other craziness.
I actually think that singles should have their own plane . . . and even their own airline. On that airline, the cart would go around serving shots, cosmopolitans, martinis and Jaegermeister. Instead of peanuts, they would hand out condoms to each person.
There would be a special place for people to go to hook up and join the mile high club. If you think about it, this is a great idea and actually superior to other ways people meet and hook up.
Think if you were on a ten hour flight and ended up getting laid. Is that so crazy? People hook up all the time after two or three hours of talking to someone in a bar. Ten hours sitting and talking with someone on a plane is a long time to get to know someone. It’s like three dates worth of conversation smushed together into one trip.
On the singles airline, if you get laid on the flight you would earn triple miles. just think, three trips to Europe getting laid on each one and you’re executive platinum status. If you think executive platinum has benefits on American, on our airline you get your own waterbed in the back complete with a Hugh Hefner silk robe. Talk about priority seating. . .
This singles airline concept would definitely save the airline industry a lot better than collecting for UNICEF.
Since I am so powerful in football predictions, I figured some of you will be waiting to hear my World Series predictions. Some of you are probably thinking, “Why can’t you predict when I’m going to get laid or when my next date will be?” Well that I can’t do (and that’s what my products are for).
I don’t care who makes it from the National League, because the Yankees are winning it all this year. You can take that prediction to the bank . . . and maybe even to the bedroom.
Life is not fair. The other night I was having a conversation with someone about sex. I’m not going to tell you all the specifics, other than to tell you that after that discussion, I was absolutely orgasm envious! So let’s talk about orgasms, and I will tell you the reason why I’m orgasm envious.
By the way, if I could have one wish it would be that I could have a vagina for a day. I just think it would be so much fun. I already know exactly what kind of orgasms I’d want to have. I’d love to know how to have multiple orgasms through all different ways.
I’d want to have a g-spot orgasm. Of course there is the clitoris, so I’d want at least one clitoral orgasm (since the only reason it exists is for pleasure). Then there is this other place way back in the bowels of the vagina that supposedly can create a whole other type of orgasm.
I mean, give me a break. Right there, that’s three different kinds of orgasms! We men only get one kind.
I really don’t, however, want to talk today about the unfairness of orgasm counts between the sexes. What I really want to talk about today is sexual prime.
By the time men hit the age of 25, they are basically out of their sexual prime. Age 25? Half of the guys out there don’t even get laid enough to enjoy their sexual prime while they’re in it. Then by the time they are getting enough sex, they are already out of their sexual prime.
Women, on the other hand, don’t hit their sexual prime until they are around 37 years old. Think about the way that balances out.
By the time a guy is 37 years old, he isn’t exactly producing the same amount of “little swimmers” as he used to produce. Not only that, he doesn’t really want to have sex five times a day anymore (while women at that same age are machines!).
It’s no wonder that 37 year old women are the number one consumers of vibrators. They can basically vibrate their day away.
It’s really not fair the way things line up here. It really seems like things are very askew. It’s no wonder that there are so many cougars running around out there.
If I were a 37 year old woman who was hanging out with a Viagra-infused 55 year old guy with no stamina, I would certainly go find myself a young buck. I mean look at Demi Moore.
Don’t ever give her a hard time. She has a guy who is (whoops, I mean was) in his sexual prime. Wait, she may need to go find someone even younger. Justin Timberlake and Zach Efron, Demi Moore may be calling you really soon.
All joking aside, it just doesn’t seem right how the sexual prime thing is set up. Is this God’s way of punishing us? Someone was being mean when they designed the penis and the vagina. Why aren’t those two things created to be in alignment with one another?
Can all the guys remember when you were 18 and you basically would hump the air every five seconds (almost like a dog that humps the air all the time)? The reason why you were humping air was because you constantly wanted your dick to be touched.
I remember when I was 18 years old. I was so penis conscious, it was ridiculous. I felt my penis nonstop. No, I don’t mean that I touched my penis nonstop. I was just aware of it nonstop.
My penis led my life. It made me sleep with some really iffy women. It wasn’t my idea to sleep with them. It was my penis’ idea.
Not only that, but some guys can’t snuggle with a woman until they hit 28 years old. When you are a male who is 22 or 23 years old and your girlfriend asks you to snuggle, you have to go to the bathroom and snap a load off before you can do it.
This sexual prime gap between men and women just does not seem fair. Something is kharmically wrong here! It’s a mean joke. It’s like our sexual primes should have been matched.
Then again, some of this seeming mismatch may actually have been designed better than we thought. So although a guy past his sexual prime may no longer be able to pump and grind five times in one night, he can really satisfy a woman during the one time they do it and will be more likely to want to engage in a lot more of the foreplay that women crave so much.
It’s Monday. All right, so I missed with my Titans prediction. I did, however, hit with everyone else — which puts me at 11-1 now for the season going into tonight’s game. For that game, I predict the Vikings will beat the Packers.
11-1 . . . I am pretty impressed! What really does not impress me, though, are men who hang out with strippers and who pay strippers to hang out with them.
We had friends in town this past weekend who stayed at the 4 Seasons Hotel. We went there last night to hang out in the hotel’s hot tub.
There was a middle-aged man alone in the hot tub when we arrived. He seemed like a nice man. About three minutes later, though, three bimbos with long nails came bearing drinks and speaking in Paris Hilton-like sentences.
The man started talking about his hotel room and other such things. The women immediately started “wow-ing” about his big balcony. Then they got on the phone with their friends and started going on and on about how they got their nails done at the 4 Seasons and about the guy’s huge balcony.
You know, anyone can open their wallet and invite three bimbo strippers to their room. Unless you’re going to have the sex of your life, though, being forced to sit and listen to these women is just painful. I swear, Daphne had more to say than these women did.
Why is this such a thrill for guys? Here is this guy hanging out with a group of women who can only manage to speak in Paris Hilton type half-sentences. I never understand this.
Of course I get a guy liking younger women, but there’s certainly younger intelligent women he could find who would like him. The conversations they were having were so boring. No one was listening to each other. All I can think is, “Why?”
I know men, and I have coached men, who have done this. The sex is never any good, because the women aren’t into it. They just want the cash or the fringe benefits (like getting their nails done at the 4 Seasons).
What really happens is that the women just try to get the guy to come as quickly as possible. So who is winning here? It’s just so gross.
I’ve had casual sex, but I’ve never paid for sex. Maybe I’m just more evolved and maybe there are just less evolved people in this world . . . and that’s fine.
It’s fine if you’re the type of guy who looks at women like a piece of meat, is only interested in getting his dick stroked, and couldn’t care less about an emotional connection. That’s not the life I want. That’s not the life I teach.
When we were sitting in the hot tub, the man kept looking at me and smiling. It was like validation for him, as if he was saying with his smile “Look, I have three hot bimbos with me in the hot tub!” I ignored his smiles.
If you want to impress me, impress me with who you are as a person. I’m not impressed that you can get three strippers into a hot tub. That doesn’t impress me in the least.
While he was sharing a second grade-level conversation with those women, we were having a deep conversation about life. So why does he think I’d be impressed that he has three bimbos with him? Sometimes I’m embarrassed by my own gender.
So this kind of guy doesn’t impress me, nor does the guy who whips out the black American Express card at dinner. Why should I pay a couple thousand dollars a year to have a credit card that does the exact same thing as my free one?
I’m also not impressed by the guy who pulls in front of the coffee house in his Lamborghini but doesn’t bother to put money in the meter because he doesn’t care about getting a ticket. He figures, what’s a measly $60 to him.
If you want to impress me, get deep and tell me who you really are. I couldn’t care less about all this surface stuff.
Oh, and by the way Mr. Hot Tub from last night, I know you’re reading this today because I dropped my business card on your towel (and human intuition definitely wins out every time). This blog is dedicated to you.
I guarantee you got nothing out of last night, except a thinner wallet and maybe an orgasm. In reality, though, you are just as lonely today as you were yesterday.
So how do all of you feel about men who use their wallets on prostitutes and fancy cars just to prove how successful they are?
If you want to know know how to meet women who want to hang out with you, check out this video:
You need to get your lover to succumb to you. Do you have any idea how to do that?
You have this amazing chemistry with this person. You’ve let that amazing chemistry go and take off on its own, but do you really communicate with your lover all your desires? Do you share your innermost desires with your lover?
What turns most of us on the most, is when our lover tells us what they need, how they feel and what kind of lover they desire us to be. Those things make you feel good.
If you think about it, we go into any sexual relationship with a certain skill set. Each person with whom you have sex, though, is a different person. You want each person who becomes your lover to be your unique lover.
If you are progressing and growing in life, then your current lover should be the most incredible lover you’ve ever had. If you’ve learned from each of your relationships and embraced the lessons from each of those relationships, then each lover should be the most amazing lover you’ve ever had.
As you’re embracing the lessons, you need to express yourself more with each person. It’s so important to express yourself with your lover, because in order to have things get better and better with your lover, you need to tell each other things.
Maybe you are not the kind of person who talks about how you feel about your lover all the time, but maybe hearing how much you desire them is exactly what your lover wants to hear. This is the kind of thing you need to know.
Maybe you’re someone who is not very adventurous in bed. If your lover is very adventurous in bed, then you’ve got to become more adventurous so you can play with each other.
You’ve got to learn each other’s needs — physical, mental and emotional — and be fully aware of them. That is how you will get to new levels of intimacy with your lover.
In life, we crave incredible levels of intimacy. We crave levels of intimacy we’ve never before experienced.
Are you someone who controls yourself if your lover goes down on you? Are you always in control of yourself in bed? Do you think too much?
Express all of that to your lover. Talk about all of that with them so the two of you can get you past that, and so you can bring each other even more pleasure.
We all do this in one way or another. So we all have to learn how to really get closer with each other and how to touch each other’s heart even more.
If you’re not doing these things with your lover, you may start to get frustrated and then your confidence in the bedroom is going to start to dissipate. If you don’t know how to make your lover come or if you don’t know what your lover likes the most, you need to learn.
It might be as simple as changing the way you move your hips or a small change in the way you touch them. Whatever it is, learn it! So if you really want sex with your lover to be amazing, it’s time you really succumbed to each other.
A very special study is underway to establish a modern day definition for relationship success, called The Modern Love Study. If you would like to participate, please click here to be part of this breakthrough research. Thank you for your participation.
Yesterday’s topic was definitely controversial. About yesterday’s topic, I think that when you’re in a relationship there will be less chance of you seeking out opposite sex friends if you can let go sexually.
Now when I say “let go,” I am talking about you being able to be open about your needs, asking for what you want, and being that crazy person in bed you’ve always wanted to be. This goes right into today’s blog topic.
So let’s get right into this topic and see if we can get the controversy going again…
I was thinking today about sex. It’s not like I don’t ever think about sex. I actually enjoy thinking about sex. There was one thing I was thinking about that was really interesting.
I want you to ask yourself this question: In your sex life, how easy is it for you to let go?
When your lover goes down on you, how is easy is it for you to let go? How easy is it for you to totally give into them, and to let them do whatever they want?
Can you just “go with it” and really just enjoy it? Can you accept that they get pleasure and enjoyment from bringing intense pleasure to your body? Are you able to do these things?
You know what’s funny, is that so many of us (men included) have trouble having an orgasm from oral sex. It’s true. There are men out there that just will not cum from a blow job.
I think it’s all about self-control. Think about it.
If you know how to please your lover, you should really be pleasing your lover on a regular basis. I mean, who doesn’t want to be pleased? Who doesn’t want to experience the beauty of an orgasm (and the beauty of an orgasm from your lover’s mouth)?
So if you’re having trouble climaxing with your partner, you need to think about the reason why that is so. What do you think about when your partner goes down on you?
Are you releasing everything? Are you holding anything back? Are you in control of yourself? Are you over-thinking it or do you just go with it?
In order to really be able to orgasm with your partner — especially during oral sex — you really need to be able to totally let go. If it takes an extra ten minutes one night, who cares? If it take an hour to cum and you’re enjoying it, who cares?
It’s all about having that intimacy, and the greatest thing about intimacy is letting go. Each day you can get more intimate with your partner. You can get more intimate in every way.
So why hold back? There is no reason to ever hold back sexually from your partner. It’s a lesson that I think all of us need to learn.
Wednesday. Podcast day. Today’s podcast is going to shock you.
Are you a guy who walks around with your penis in your hand? When you go on a date, are you totally ruled by the power you’ve given your penis all these years? Are you so obsessed with sex, that all you think about on a date is getting the woman in the sack (instead of getting to know her)?
Are you a guy who knows how to transition to sex? Do you read books about how to transition to sex?
Are you always consumed at the end of a date trying to get an extra squeeze or play some serious tonsil hockey? Do you sit around with your friends and wonder how to make “the move” on a woman you’ve been out with two or three times?
Are you so in your head on a date, that every time you touch her it’s so not natural that she gets turned off (although what you’re doing is technically correct)? Do you actually think about when to hold her hand, or when to touch her back or anywhere else to create sexual tension?
Did you answer yes to any of these questions? If so, then welcome to the world of being run by your penis and not being run by what’s going on in the moment.
Today’s podcast is an interview I did with my friend Vince Kelvin. I’ll be speaking soon at this year’s PUA Summit. I’ll be talking all about transitioning to sex.
Let me tell you something. Today’s podcast will take your penis out of your hand and out of your head, and you’re finally going to learn how to connect with women organically so that sex is her idea (or, better yet, is mutual).
No more wondering when to have sex or how to transition into sex. It’s going to be as seamless and beautiful as watching Drew Brees throw six touchdown passes against the lowly Lions.
Every time Brees fades back to pass, he has the chance to make a touchdown. By learning how to connect with women, you can seamlessly transition into sex with women.
It will be natural. It’s also exactly what women have been wanting from mankind since Oogabooga the caveman went into his cave and dragged Oogaboogette out by the hair, letting his penis do the talking instead of giving her what she really wanted . . . a nice dinner with some chilled dinosaur caviar and a nice warm pterodactyl stir fry.
This is going to be the podcast that will change your sex life forever. Enjoy!
Today is Wednesday. It’s Hump Day. Hump Day, now there’s a myth.
How many people really hump on Hump Day? How many people are going to get humped on Hump Day?
Today I want to talk about sexual myths. You know all the classic ones. Men can always get off fast, or why do all women take so long to cum.
How about the myth that there’s one method to please every woman? I love when I read the articles with titles like, “The Surefire Way To Get Your Woman To Orgasm Tonight.”
I also love the articles in Cosmopolitan telling women about “The 3 Ways To Drive All Men Wild In Bed.” More often than not when I read those I think that at least one of those things is something I’d never want done to me (and might even drive me away).
It’s amazing how many myths there are out there about sex. Recently one of my competitors was charging $1,500.00 for a program which claimed to teach men how to get any woman to orgasm in thirty seconds or less.
I don’t need to spend $1,500.00 for someone to tell me to buy a vibrator. I mean, a Hitachi Magic Wand is many women’s best friend. I’ve seen some women pray to that thing.
There really are so many myths and misconceptions about sex . . . and about women’s sexuality in particular. Today’s podcast is going to tantalize and tickle you in different ways. You may learn new things or you may not.
You may learn a surefire method to have great sex on Hump Day, and you may laugh and realize that so much of what you hear is, well, the answer to that lies in today’s podcast. So click here and listen now!
Also, If you want to learn more about how to be an amazing lover who has women wanting more and more of you, and also want to get to eavesdrop on one of the world’s top sex experts as he is giving his lover orgasm after squirting orgasm, then be sure to check out my “Sex With The Masters” program.
Public displays of affection (”PDA”) are one of my favorite things in the world. If you have chemistry with a person, why should you keep your hands off them?
I’m not talking about you gyrating each other in public, making out, or making out in the middle of the supermarket. Have you ever been in a car with a friend and he has his hand down his girlfriend’s pants? Does he think no one notices? Some people think they’re so good at PDA, that they can keep their right hand on their girlfriend and shift with their left hand.
Why not, though, hold someone’s hand, put your arm around them, whisper something in their ear, or give them a kiss. I’m all for that.
In supermarkets, it’s great. Sometimes, I’ll walk through the market with my arm around my girlfriend. I’ll give her a nice little kiss on the lips and, you know what, I don’t care what other people think. People who make determinations like that are basically jealous.
They’re jealous because they don’t have that in their lives. Now, granted, I’m not going to grope her. I’m not going to touch her private parts in the market, nor am I going to try to hump her in the middle of the supermarket.
As for bars, I believe anything goes when there’s alcohol in there. People can go and they can gyrate, hump each other, and makeout like crazy. That’s a bar atmosphere.
Now there are times and places where PDA isn’t so appropriate. If you are with a friend and they feel like the third wheel, I think you need to limit your PDA to holding hands, putting your arm around them and giving them an occasional tongueless kiss.
Any more than that, and you will make your friend really feel uncomfortable. You will also make them your friend think how much they don’t what you have.
I find that people who are judgmental about PDA to be jealous. I find that the jealous people need more love and affection in their life. These are the type of people who actually need PDA the most.
I’m all for PDA. If you’re a couple who have great chemistry and can’t keep your hands off each other, who doesn’t want that? That’s the kind of relationship for which we’re all looking. That’s what love is really all about. That’s what life is all about.
In order to have a chance at some serious PDA, today we dive into something all men need to learn.
