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Archive for the ‘Rejection’ Category |
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Sunday, August 29th, 2010
Do you know a surefire sign that your relationship is on the edge, and is going downhill? It’s when you start masturbating again, and actually start enjoying it.
Think about your past relationships at the point they were ending, or at the point when you and your partner were “on the outs.” All of a sudden you get to a point in the relationship where you’re having sex, you’re fighting, and you’re not really connecting.
Then one day you’re angry because you haven’t had enough sex, so you beat off. You think to yourself, “This isn’t bad. I can do this again.” The next time you fight with your partner and have sex, you realize it’s not really working at all. You jerk off again.
Pretty soon you are jerking off a couple of times a week. You start to not care anymore about having sex with your partner. You are able to fight with your partner without any emotion.
You become a lot more mellow because you’re not dying for them. You’re not relying on them sexually. You’re not needing them sexually anymore. You’re just basically alright with wherever you are.
It’s the weirdest thing, but if you think about it there is almost a cycle to masturbation.
When you first meet a woman (or a man), you’re really hot for them — and even have sexual fantasies when you think about them — so you masturbate.
Then you start having sex with that person all the time, and you don’t need to masturbate anymore.
You will masturbate for fun, like if you masturbate together. You show each other how you touch yourself. You turn each other on that way.
Maybe you will masturbate alone if you’re not with your partner for a week. You’ll always tell your partner about it, though, and turn each other on by doing that.
At some point in the relationship, you start masturbating two or three times a week, and are hardly having sex anymore with your partner. You start to think, “What went wrong here?”
What went wrong is that you’re not connecting anymore. What went wrong is that you’re not sexually turned on by that person anymore.
At that point, you realize that it’s not worth it – what you’re going through in that relationship — because you’re not connecting and you’re fighting all the time. Looking at when, how and why you’re masturbating in a relationship is usually an indication of what’s going on in that relationship.
Popularity: 4%
Tags: advice, Breakups, david wygant, Marriage, masturbation, Relationships, Sex, tips
Posted in Breakups, Marriage, Masturbation, Rejection, Relationships | 3 Comments »
Friday, July 2nd, 2010
How do these things make you feel? How do you feel if someone cheats on you? How do you feel if someone steals your cell phone out of your car? How do you feel if someone slept with somebody else?
We’re getting to the real root of cheaters right now. You’ve been cheated on in the past.
If someone asks you what happened in your past relationship, is your answer something like this: “She was a great girl, but all of a sudden something happened and she started cheating on me. It was ridiculous. I don’t understand why she cheated on me. I did everything for her.”
Immediately, the person you’re saying this to is going to look at you and wonder what made that person cheat on you. When you’re cheated on, it means that there is something that’s not working between the two of you of which you are not aware.
To tell you the truth, I’ve never been cheated on, but I have cheated one time. I know exactly why I cheated on them. It was because the communication in our relationship was dead, over, done. I wasn’t happy anymore.
So if you tell someone on a first, second or third date that you’ve been cheated on, they’re going to really wonder about you. They are going to wonder why you didn’t realize why you were cheated on, and why you aren’t taking responsibility for your part in it.
A lot of people don’t understand that cheating is a two-way street. In order to push someone out the door to cheat, you must be pushing them one way or another.
There’s something that you’ve been doing in that situation. Maybe you were not aware of the person’s needs, wants, and desires. Maybe you wanted more out of the relationship than they did. It could be a number of different things.
So if you’ve been cheated on and someone asks you why that relationship ended, just say “It ended mutually” and leave it at that. As you get to know someone better, you can uncover the depth of your last relationships.
In the first couple of weeks, though, people are judging and looking and evaluating you. It’s not that you want to hide things, but you just want to get to know each other on a fresh face.
You don’t need to tell every negative detail of your past. You don’t need to dump everything about each other in the first few weeks. You want those first few weeks to really bond with each other, to build up the trust, so then you can talk about all that stuff later when you’re in a safe space with each other.
People are still judging in those first few weeks. So the next time someone asks you if you’ve ever been cheated on, just say “You know what? I have been, but it’s no big deal. I learned a lot from that. I really learned that my communication in that relationship wasn’t good and I take full responsibility for it.”
Take the high road in everything. Anytime you take the road of a victim, it means that you don’t know how to communicate properly with anybody else.
Popularity: 8%
Tags: advice, cheated on, cheaters, cheating, Date, dating, david wygant, past relationships, talking about past relationships, tips
Posted in Breakups, Divorce, How To Be A Better Communicator, How To Start A Relationship, Marriage, Rejection, Relationships | 11 Comments »
Saturday, June 26th, 2010
One thing you notice when you get to the breakup point is that you actually fight less with your partner. You fight less because in your mind and in your heart you start detaching yourself from the other person, and you don’t care as much anymore.
You have already made a determination that they don’t understand you, that they will never understand you and that the relationship just won’t work out with them. So, all of a sudden, the incredible anger that were starting fights decrease.
 You start walking away from them. You used to feel like she was busting your balls or like he was riding you and not understanding you. Now the minute you get into a fight, you just walk away from it.
The fact that you are on opposite sides of the bed, which used to bother you and keep you up at night, turns into the natural way things are and you are able to sleep with no problem. You go to your side of the bed, they go to theirs, and you both just go to sleep.
You are not up for four hours every night thinking, wondering, feeling and missing them. You just want to go to sleep.
When it hits this point, i.e., when it hits the breakup point, then you need to face the business of breaking up. You know breaking up sucks, but there is only one good way to do it.
When you think you might have hit that breakup point, you must tell the person that you’re disconnecting from them. You need to be honest and raw.
If you don’t think the relationship is going to work or you know you’ve already disconnected based on how things have been going, then you might want to consider walking away for a week. Spend a week without that person.
Go visit some friends or family. Really think about what life would be like without that person. How would you feel without them being there?
When you’re in the thick of things, they never seem to be able to work out. So take a break. Take a walk. Take a week long walk.
Take that week to ask yourself some questions. What does your life look like without them? Do you like and enjoy the way it feels?
Then, after you’ve taken this time, go back and either take a stand for the relationship or break up. Whichever decision you make, you need to be honest with yourself.
Life is too short! There are a lot of wonderful, amazing people out there whom you can meet.
When you take this time to think, be sure to think about what it was like when you first met this person. How did you feel about them before things got so frustrating? Did you feel like they were your soulmate and the two of you were meant to be? You’ve got to dial back into that.
A friend of mine said to me one time, “Pretend you just got amnesia and all of a sudden someone told you the person with whom you are living (or in a relationship) is the person you are going to marry. You would have none of the bad feelings and none of the fights. What would you do in that situation?” What you would do in that situation is try to get to know that person again without all the anger, fights, frustration and history getting in the way.
So maybe take a week to yourself and then a week with that person. Get to know them again and remember the reasons why you fell in love. If you guys can do that, then you might be able to save your relationship.
Popularity: 6%
Tags: advice, breaking up, breakup, Breakups, Dating Advice, david wygant, divorce, fiance, fighting with partner, marriage advice, partner, relationship advice, roommate, separation, should you breakup, signs of a breakup, spouse, tips, when to breakup
Posted in Breakups, Divorce, Love, Marriage, Rejection, Relationships | 8 Comments »
Saturday, May 29th, 2010
Do you know what’s funny about relationships? Let’s talk about something no one seems to want to talk about when it comes to relationships.
When you have a new relationship, you’re just in la-la land. I mean, it is the greatest feeling in the entire world.
You want to tell the entire world how much in love you are. You want to tell everybody you can find that you’re in love. You even tell your friends that this is the greatest person you’ve ever met, and that you’ve never before met anybody like this person.
Everything is perfect in the beginning. You can’t believe that you’ve finally met someone that perfect.
Then, all of a sudden, you have a little problem in the relationship and a crack develops. People ask you how things are with your relationship, and start saying that it’s “okay” or “fine.”
A couple of months later, you have a few more cracks in the relationship. At this point, when friends ask you how your relationship is going, you say “Man, let me tell you how my relationship is. This person became human, and I’m not happy about it.”
At this point, all the petals are off the rose. The other person has actually become who they really are, and you’re finally seeing it for the very first time.
I’m not writing this because I’m anti-love, and you all know I’m full of love. I’m telling you this because this is what happens in a relationship.
Over time you start to see the real person, and you start to think to yourself “Can I be involved with the real person? Is the real person the same person with whom I fell in love or are they entirely different?”
It does happen. People do change over a period of time. Sometimes people don’t grow with you and don’t understand you.
I can tell you when a relationship really hits the skids. You know your relationship has really hit the skids when someone asks you how your relationship is going, and not only do you offer up everything but you also start making fun of the other person.
When you start complaining to anyone and everyone about your relationship, it means that you no longer trust the relationship. Your sacred space is broken and that relationship is on the down swing.
You decide that this is the time you are done with the other person. This other person is no longer that beautiful person you fell in love with at the beginning.
This is now the person who is driving you “up the wall” crazy, and making you feel sick to your stomach every single day. Maybe I’m getting a little ahead of myself. Maybe we’re not all feeling sick to our stomachs, but you get the gist.
Relationships have a cycle, so don’t air your dirty laundry all over the place. Realize that relationships ebb and flow.
A really bad warning sign, though, is when you start talking to strangers and telling them that you’re not happy. I see this all the time, because people send me emails like this about their relationships.
When I see emails like this, I say to myself that these people don’t need my help. They need to figure out whether they want to be in their relationship anymore.
Everyone is looking for that one answer to fix a troubled relationship, but th real answer lies within.
Popularity: 7%
Tags: advice, Date, dating, Dating Advice, david wygant, Marriage, marriage advice, relationship advice, Relationships, tips
Posted in Breakups, Divorce, Marriage, Rejection, Relationships | 8 Comments »
Sunday, May 23rd, 2010
We never really talked about breaking up in the blog. Today is going to be the first of a few blogs in which I will talk more about this. In this blog, I want to discuss something called “the breaking point.”
A lot of you have been in multiple relationships. I would say all of you have probably been in at least one relationship. No matter in how many relationships you’ve been, however, all relationships have what I call a breaking point.
You may have been in a four year relationship, but you might have hit that breakup point at year two. It’s like the television shows that “jump the shark” according to that website, meaning a good show stops being good but remains on the air for one or more seasons after that.
Every relationship has a breakup point. The breakup point is the point in the relationship where the fighting escalates to a place where you no longer feel like you’re understood by your partner. All of a sudden the sex stops, the communication stops, and you are living like roommates.
You get into that dynamic when you’re at the point in a relationship where you are trying to understand each other, but then you get so frustrated because you feel like you just don’t understand each other anymore. When that happens, you end up just kind of coexisting in that new dynamic.
It is this dynamic which leads to a lot of the parts of your relationship deteriorating. The sex decreases. The communication decreases. Maybe you stop kissing each other goodbye or stop texting each other during the day.
However it manifests itself, when you get to this place you are at the breakup point. It is the breakup point because the longer you stay in that dynamic after the sex, communication and tender moments stop, the harder it is to regain the original dynamic in that relationship and, eventually, it can’t be regained. That’s why I call this the breakup point.
I know I’ve been there in relationships. I know couples who haven’t had sex in years, and they can’t even imagine getting back to having sex with each other because they’ve hit the breakup point.
In the beginning of a relationship (which I call “the honeymoon stage”), you are learning about each other and making efforts to create romantic moods and nice evenings. When you’re in that stage, you are really working at building your relationship.
Then, at some point, you start to bump heads with each other and the dynamics change. You take away all of the nice things that you were doing the first year and a half or two years (or for however long it was), and then you move into a new dynamic moving forward. That is the breakup point.
The longer you stay in that dynamic and the further away you get from the dynamic you had during the honeymoon stage, the more likely it is that you’ll ever get it back (and, after a point, you won’t). You’ll never go back to the original dynamic, resentment builds and you get in your head too much.
You are no longer about feelings, and you start really punishing each other. “Well he hasn’t done this for me, so I’m not going to do this for him” are the kind of thoughts that take root.
When your relationship gets that way, you hit the critical point or you hit the breakup point. The critical is point is where one of two things will happen.
You are going to get back to the way things were by immediately forgiving, forgetting, loving and becoming aware of it, or you are going to continue the relationship with the bad dynamic in place and wait for the time years down the road when you realize you were at the breakup point years before that.
So if you are going through this right now, you need to look at your partner and think to yourself “Do I want to get back to the way we were, or do I want to realize two years down the road that we were at the breakup point now and did nothing about it?”
When you are in this place do you stay in ego, finger-point and defense mode? Look back at your last two relationships, and think about how they ended. What all of you are going to discover when you do that, is that you hit the breakup point in each of those relationships long before they actually ended.
Now, let me be clear about one thing. I am not telling you to quit a relationship simply because things get frustrating.
There comes a point, however, where the endless battle can’t be won. That is the point where neither one of you are willing to understand, fully compromise and do the things necessary to move forward.
That is when you stop caring. That is when you sleep on separate sides of the bed. That is when you reach the breakup point.
We don’t cover breakups enough here in the blog. In another blog, I am going to talk about the art of breaking up with someone.
Popularity: 7%
Tags: advice, argument, arguments with partner, breaking up, breakup, Breakups, Date, dating, Dating Advice, david wygant, honeymoon, jumping the shark, Marriage, marriage advice, no more sex, partner, relationship advice, Relationships, Sex, tips, when to break up
Posted in Breakups, Dave's Faves, Marriage, Rejection, Relationships | 5 Comments »
Wednesday, May 12th, 2010
Today we’re going to talk about cheaters. You’re going to learn about how I feel about cheaters.
If you get cheated on, are you actually just as responsible as the person who did the cheating?
How does that question make you feel?
Does it make you want to listen?
Do you want to argue?
Do you want to post a comment right now on the blog?
Ahhhh, but you can’t post until you listen to this podcast and find out exactly what I’m saying here.
Click here to listen now:
Click Here To Download The Podcast Now!
Popularity: 11%
Tags: advice, cheaters, cheating, david wygant, podcast, tips, why people cheat
Posted in Breakups, Marriage, Rejection, Relationships | 19 Comments »
Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010
Do you ever suffer from breathing issues, where you feel like each breath is laboring through your body? Every breath you take hurts. Every step you take hurts.
I am not talking about a case of the swine flu. I am talking about heartache. We don’t ever really talk about heartache.
Do you ever get into a huge fight with your significant other, and you just feel like it’s the end of the world? How about if your significant other breaks up with you, or you break up with them?
You get that deep, heavy heartache feeling. You experience that wave of emotion where you feel like nothing in the world is going to snap you out of it.
That is really hard. Heartache is tough.
Heartache, however, also makes you grow. It makes you stronger as a person. Let me explain why.
You went through a tough time with a relationship. Your heart aches and your heart hurts.
That means that you are actually fighting for something you believe in. It means that you are fighting for the sake of the relationship, because love takes time and it hurts at times.
Heartache is tough. Nobody wants to feel it.
I remember when I was 17 years old and my high school girlfriend broke up with me. It felt like the end of the world. I felt like I was going to just keel over and die. I couldn’t eat or sleep for days, and every breath I took hurt.
So here is a word of advice I want to give everyone who has ever suffered from this type of heartache or who is suffering from it right now. It is actually some of the best advice (and maybe the only good advice) my Mom ever gave me.
She looked at me when I was 17 years old and my girlfriend had just broken up with me and said, “Remember how much you loved this person today. She is not the person for you. All the pain and suffering you are feeling right now is just temporary. It is growth. It is you learning and processing the relationship. It is okay to grieve a relationship. When you are finished grieving it, make sure you learn each lesson from that relationship so you learn more about yourself and don’t repeat things.”
We never talk about heartache here in the blog, but I know a lot of you have emailed me over and over again about relationships ending and about the pain that you feel associated with that. So to all of you, you need to know that the heartache you are feeling is just growth.
Keep you heart open. The longer you keep your heart open in life, the less your heart is going to ache.
You are going to grow, so push yourself through that heartache when you feel it. Realize that amazing thing will come through you if you remain strong.
One of the best ways to get through the pain of heartache is to take time to really reconnect with yourself and who you are as a person. I recorded my own personal journey through this process. CLICK HERE if you’re a man and CLICK HERE if you’re a woman to listen to this.
Popularity: 10%
Tags: advice, breaking up, Breakups, david wygant, divorce, heartache, how to deal with heartache, how to get over a breakup, how to move on, Marriage, marriage advice, pain, relationship advice, Relationships, tips
Posted in Breakups, College Dating, Divorce, High School Dating, Marriage, Rejection, Relationships | 13 Comments »
Friday, March 12th, 2010
So you walk up to a woman and you start talking to her. It could be about anything. It could be about something really simple.
Say you are looking at a sushi bar and you say to her, “Man, there’s a lot of different colors here” and she ignores you. What do you do next?
A lot of guys run. They play the “oops I spoke and you didn’t respond right away so I’m going to run and hide” game. The guys who run in this situation do so without realizing a lot of things.
They do so without realizing that the person they talked to might be shy. In fact, that person might even be shyer than you.
You might have taken her off guard, and she wasn’t ready for a conversation. She might have been thinking about something else. You have no idea because you are not inside her head.
So let’s go back to the sushi scenario. In that situation, here is how I would handle it.
If when I say the observation about the colors the woman looks taken aback, then I would say to her, “What are you getting? What’s good here?” I would give her the opportunity to respond.
Think about yourself and how many times you are out somewhere — at the market, a coffee house, a clothing store or wherever — and you are trapped in your own thoughts. You might be thinking about your day, about work, about what you have to do when you get home or even about your underwear. Who knows?
Just think about how many times you are stuck in your own thought process. So, with that in mind, give someone another shot to respond to you before you bail in these situations thinking someone blew you off.
You may not be getting blown off at all. You might have just caught her stuck in her own thoughts and shocked her for a moment.
That is all it takes. Give it another whirl. If she still ignores you, then maybe she isn’t interested.
If that is the case, then you move on and say “no chemistry” to yourself. Then you think, “They weren’t interested. Who cares? Next!”
Listen to LIVE interviews with some of the hottest women in L.A. as they confess to me what they secretly want and desire from men, and what really works (and turns them on). CLICK HERE to check it out.
Popularity: 19%
Tags: advice, approach women, approaching women, chemistry, Date, dating, Dating Advice, david wygant, Day Game, how to approach women, how to talk to a woman, how to talk to women, Mindset, Night Game, PickUp, pua, Rejection, sushi, sushi bar, talking to women, tips, understanding women, what to say next, what to say to woman
Posted in Attract and Approach Women, College Dating, Day Game, High School Dating, How To Be A Better Communicator, Night Game, Rejection, Understanding Female Psychology & Mindset, Understanding Male Psychology & Mindset | 16 Comments »
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