One of the most important things that all of you can remember when you’re going out and meeting people is that friends are noise. They’re that random email that comes in all day long.
If you’re somebody who sits by your computer answering every email as soon as it comes in and you think you’re being proficient by doing so, you’re wrong. You’re actually not being proficient, because what is really happening is that you are allowing yourself to be at the beck and call of all the noise coming into your inbox.
Every single time you hear a beep signaling a new message has arrived in your inbox, do you know what that is? It’s an intrusion.
It’s basically somebody saying, “Answer me right now!” It’s almost like a two year-old throwing a temper tantrum in a supermarket. If you give into that temper tantrum, you made the biggest mistake in the entire world.
You don’t give the little tyrant a Popsicle, when it’s not time for a Popsicle. You reward the Popsicle when it is time for the Popsicle. Answering that email is basically rewarding somebody for intruding on your life.
If you’re in the middle of doing something and you get an email, it’s called noise. So when you’re going out and meeting people, your friends being with you out there are also noise.
All of a sudden you go and see a woman you’re attracted to and you want to talk to her. If you engage in conversation with your friend about it, your friend is going to be noise. “Ah, man, you can’t approach her right now. It doesn’t look like she wants to talk.” Noise. Negativity and noise.
You’re most efficient when you are by yourself. So when you decide to go out and practice meeting people to work on your social life, it should be like going on a date with yourself.
The most important thing to do is to be by yourself, go out there, and not have anybody judge you. Friends are noise, just like that annoying text or email that comes in.
Why do we have to answer our texts and our emails right away? We don’t.
We also don’t need to drag somebody along when we’re going out trying to meet somebody. So when you guys go out and meet people, do it alone.
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This week has been a crazy week at home, lots of couch time as my balky back has decided to torture me for the last few days.
When you have to rest you might as well channel surf and see what is on in the world of reality TV. Have any of you been watching the Biggest Loser on TV?
This story is amazing and it really shows that if you put your mind to something then you can achieve amazing results.
Starting the season at a whopping 526 pounds, Michael Ventrella was the heaviest contestant in “The Biggest Loser” history. By the finale, he had lost 50.19 percent of his body weight, a total of 264 pounds, shattering Danny Cahill’s record of 239 pounds from last year. Weighing in at just 262 pounds on Tuesday night, Ventrella easily beat fellow finalists Ashely Johnston and Daris George for the $250,000 grand prize.
Now before you check out this amazing man and how he did it in the video below. I want you for a minute to write down what is stopping you from your dreams and why you are not going after all that you deserve.
Whether its meeting the opposite sex or going after a career that you desire, what is really stopping you?
What excuses are in your head right now and why are you letting the excuses get the best of you?
This is an amazing story of will and desire!
I challenge all of you to look deep inside and find the strength to be everything you want and deserve to be!
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Mine was great until I endured 2 hours plus of Lost.
For those of you who know me well I dont indulge in TV much at all and Lost was my last annoying guilty pleasure.
Now the question is to all of you Lost people.
How did you like lasts night final?
Did you feel that it answered questions or did you feel that feeling you get after a first date. You know that feeling of what just happened and did they feel the same way.
Anyway would love to hear your thoughts on last nights final.
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You can’t handle the truth . . . Then again, maybe you can. For some reason, though, we have turned into a society filled with liars.
It all started when we were first dating and made the “just the tip” promise. It continued into our 20s when we said we were only coming up for coffee.
We lie all the time . . . or do we?
To find out more, you will need to listen to today’s podcast.
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me blog.
There is another guy I know who doesn’t hold ANYTHING back when it comes to telling the truth about sex and really big orgasms. Hear what he has to say about all this (and a few more of my thoughts on these topics as well!) by CLICKING HERE.
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Is it just me, or do you think the Saints and the Colts have suffered from a severe case of approach anxiety? I mean, can you imagine waiting two weeks for the big game?
A lot of you guys see a woman, you can’t approach her and five minutes later she is gone. All the while that five minutes feels like two weeks to you.
Can you imagine the amount of anxiety that builds up over an actual two week period? Can you imagine during a period of two weeks how many scenarios you go through in your mind, how much game films you watch and how much over-analyzing you do?
A friend of mine played in the Super Bowl one year, and he said he didn’t even realize that he was actually there until the second quarter. The surreal feeling of being there was that overwhelming.
It’s kind of like getting all jazzed for that big New Year’s Eve party, only to get there and not be able to participate in the way you wanted. You knew I would turn this blog into one about mindset somehow, right?
So which team is going to win today? The team that will win today is the one that does not get into their head.
It’s the team that stays focused after a turnover. It’s the team that doesn’t second guess a play. It’s the team that doesn’t come in with a conservative game plan just because it’s the Super Bowl. Everything is magnified today — every missed field goal, every sack, and every interception.
It’s like someone telling you that you have four hours to get laid, but you’ve never even had a one-night stand before. As the clock ticks and you’re in the second half of your four hour deadline not even having approached a woman yet, each minute becomes more critical and each conversation becomes more pressure-filled.
The winner of the game will feel no pressure. Wait, I take that back. That team will feel the pressure, but they won’t let it bother them.
Football is all mental. Someone is going to get into the head of another player. Someone is going to blitz Brees and put some doubt into his mind. I’ve seen people try to do it to Peyton Manning, but it never works.
Someone is going to fumble as their team is driving towards a score. Someone is going to drop an easy pass over the middle that would have given them a badly-needed first down. The team that wins, though, is the one who forgets the interception, the missed tackle and the punt.
Do you see a theme here?
How many of you forget about a missed opportunity? How many of you get blown off by a woman you approach and are able to get over it immediately?
The team that wins today will be the one that has a short memory. Notice, too, that I say team.
Manning may get two interceptions today. Wayne may get hit and knocked to the ground. What they both will do if those things happen is forget about them and make adjustments in the next play.
I want all of you to watch the game and realize that it is not really a game just of skill. It is, in large part, a game all about mindset.
So how is the game going to end today? What will be happening when the clock runs out at the end of the fourth quarter?
It is going to end with one quarterback going to Disney World, and the other quarterback going through hell. One quarterback is going to get an ugly, oversized Cadillac, while the other one will have to be interviewed by ESPN with his hair soaking wet and that dejected look on his face.
Which team is going to win? Is it going to be Manning or Brees? Here is who is not going to win: Brett Favre or Mark Sanchez.
The Saints can win if they play a perfect game. Sean Payton has to call the perfect game, something he hasn’t done on numerous occasions this year. He tends to get frozen and conservative at times.
As for Jim Caldwell, he’s just the guy who stands on the sidelines. The real coach of that team is Peyton Manning. That is no knock on Jim Caldwell at all. Peyton Manning is just a genius.
My heart wants the Saints to win, because my love is from New Orleans. My brain and all my years watching football, however, tell me that no one is beating Manning and the Colts today.
Sometimes, though, the heart can really out-do the brain. So I am going to go out on a limb and predict that the the Saints will score 30, while Manning and the Colts will score 27.
I will, however, say this (and I feel a little like Shannon Sharpe here): The game can easily end up with the Colts beating the Saints with a score of 41-21. Having said that, I am going to predict that after 40 years in the NFL, the New Orleans Saints are due.
I may be right or I may be wrong, but in life it really doesn’t matter. It’s all about going with your heart. That is today’s lesson.
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In the NFC, I am going to stick with my preseason prediction that the Saints will make it to the Super Bowl. The score? Saints 34, Vikings 24.
Sorry Favre, but the team you should have stuck with will actually be playing the Saints in the Super Bowl. How ironic is that?
So what I am about to say next probably isn’t too much of a mystery. The Jets will win in a last second field goal, and edge out the Colts 23-20.
How did they get into field goal range? Sanchez hits Edwards for 27 yards and Edwards actually holds on to the ball.
Now let’s move onto to some talk of interaction with some other famous people…
It’s funny. I was just in Whole Foods filming a little undercover video for my Community Site members. If you don’t know about my Community Site, you can find out more HERE.
In this undercover video, Will was basically going around the store talking to people and then I would critique it. It has actually been really fun to do these undercover videos with Will.
Me critiquing him has really helped him grow socially, and I enjoy doing it. Picture Peyton Manning breaking down the “x’s and o’s” of your game or Bill Belichick designing your defense (well maybe not this year).
Anyway, while we were on this undercover shoot, we ended up in line next to actress Michelle Rodriguez (from the tv show Lost and the movie Avatar). When I asked Will if he wanted to talk to her, he said “Why not? She is a person. I can open her and talk to her just like I would anyone else.”
So he did just that. She wasn’t really all that friendly, just like some “non-famous” people are just not that friendly. She did, however, acknowledge him and talk to him a little bit and even gave him a little half-ass smile.
It’s funny. So many people are infatuated and/or intimidated by people they want to meet — whether those people are celebrities or business people. It reminds me of something that happened back in 1997 when I was living in San Diego.
I saw Tony Robbins sitting in a cafe. Everyone in the cafe was staring at him.
I called up a guy I knew, told him about Tony Robbins was there and asked him what I should do. He immediately said, “Go talk to him. When else are you going to have an opportunity to talk to Tony Robbins? Remember, everyone likes talking about themselves. Just sit down and just tell him that you are in the same business and are really curious about how he got started.”
So, I did exactly that. I talked to Tony Robbins for 45 minutes. I had a great conversation with him, and learned a lot about how he got started in his business. By the end of the conversation, I realized that Tony Robbins and I were no different.
Celebrities are only celebrities because we put them in that “celebrity box” in our own minds. They are just regular folks who happen to be acting, running a corporation or playing a professional sport.
The bottom line is that everyone likes talking about themselves. So say you see a celebrity and say “Hi, how is your day going?” They are going to answer you.
At that moment you may feel like saying, “God, I saw you in that movie and it was phenomenal! Was that your favorite role you’ve ever played?” You should say it!
When you do, that person is immediately going to start talking. I’ve done it before.
You have to realize that the universe put you there — in that place and time — for a reason. As I talk about all the time in the blog, you can learn so much from strangers. So why not approach people and talk to them?
You never know. Some of you might actually end up dating a celebrity. We might end up reading about you in US Magazine.
Others of you might run into Donald Trump and start working for him. Who knows?
It’s all networking and growing your network. Just because someone is a celebrity, doesn’t mean they can’t be in your network and doesn’t mean you can’t join theirs.
So now, check out this video to see if Will is going to end up dating celebrity Michelle Rodriguez:
Also, if you want to check out more of my “undercover in-field videos,” click HERE.
Have a fantastic Saturday!
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I recently saw a really funny movie called “It’s Complicated.” In a nutshell, it’s not that complicated. It’s about as complicated as people want to make their own lives.
In the movie, Alec Baldwin plays a 58 year old man who has an affair with his 58 year old ex-wife at the same time he is married to a 30 year old woman. She wants to get pregnant.
So the Alec Baldwin character spends his days at fertility clinics masturbating into cups, instead of enjoying the stage of life he is in with his grown children and still sexy 58 year old ex wife. He could be enjoying the experience of appreciating his age and growing old with his wife.
So many of us are constantly looking to maybe upgrade. The 55 or 60 year old fat, chubby man all of a sudden decides that he wants a younger, beautiful wife. The younger, beautiful wife really just wants him for money, sperm and/or more money.
It’s really about learning to be present where you are.
I seem to get a lot of guys who email me and say, “I’m 50 years old and I’m only attracted to 20 year old women.” Well, I was attracted to 20 year old women in my life too . . . when I as 20 or 23 or maybe 25. Then I realized, “God, 20 year old girls are so annoying!”
As I kept getting older, I kept dating in my age range. The fact is that I couldn’t image at 47 years old dating a 20 year woman.
Just the thought of it makes me sick. Having to watch how they interact with their friends and listen to how they speak (with all the “likes” and the “oh my gawddds”) would really be too much for me to handle.
I’m not knocking anybody who’s 20. I think 20 fits great with 20. I think you should talk like 20 year olds talk. I know I probably said some pretty stupid things too when I was that age.
It’s just learning to embrace that where you are in your life is where you should be. So if you continue to want to date younger and younger people, it’s time to ask yourself why.
When I was in my twenties, I dated plenty of women in their twenties. When I was in my thirties, I dated plenty of women in their thirties.
I was never looking younger. I was just looking for somebody great. I never put an age on it.
I know a lot of guys whose taste in women age-wise changes in direct proportion to their own age — for every year older they get, the desired age of the women they date goes down by a year. I have a friend who is like that. He is always chasing the youth.
My friend is 48 years old now, and he’s been chasing the youth for five years. He still isn’t in a relationship. He decides he wants to date younger and younger women each year, thinking that is the answer.
That is not the answer. The answer is to date within your age range. Appreciate where you’re at right now in your life.
For those of you who are in your twenties right now, go crazy with each other. Say all the “likes” and “oh my gawwdddds” you want. Get drunk, throw up and have one night stands. Do all the fun stuff you’re supposed to do in your twenties.
Get it over with and do all of those things. Date people who may not fit or who flake all the time. It’s all cool.
As you get older, though, appreciate who you are and where you’re at in your life. Not only that, but I know that if I was Alec Baldwin’s character in that movie — trying to chase a 30 year old around all day long — I would find it exhausting.
I would want to be on a cruise ship, hanging out with other 58 year old guys. Okay, well maybe not a cruise ship, but you get the idea. We’ll talk about that topic another time.
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Today’s blog will be about how we make fantasies in our heads about others, and how we judge people nonstop. On the eve of the NFL Playoffs, I want to share this story with all of you:
1968 AFL Title Game: New York Jets 27—Oakland 23
“Six weeks earlier, the Raiders triumphed in the classic “Heidi Bowl” game. Now the Jets and Raiders would play a rematch in the AFL championship game, the biggest game in the young career of football’s most famous and highly paid player: Joe Willie Namath. The crushing pressure on Namath had really gotten to him by the eve of the game. So how did he deal with it? How else? He went to his bar, “grabbed a girl and a bottle of Johnnie Walker Red and went to the Summit Hotel and stayed in the bed the whole night with the girl and the bottle.” The next morning, about five hours before game time, an off-duty police officer stood at a crosswalk and saw Broadway Joe with a girl on one arm and whiskey bottle in his free hand.
Namath looked tired, messy and drunk. The cop knew what he had to do–he “raced to the closest sportsbook he could find and bet everything on the Raiders.” And how’d that work out for him? Well, in a seesaw game Joe Willie played through his hangover and tossed three touchdowns, the final one coming when he hit Don Maynard for a 6-yard touchdown with 7:47. Jets up 27-23. Still, plenty of time remained for a Raiders comeback and Daryle Lamonica, who threw for 401 yards on the day, used that time to drive his team to the New York 12 with just over two minutes remaining. Now it was time for a special play, a play the Raiders had worked on all week for just this type of situation: a quick screen to Charlie Smith. Lamonica blew it though; he floated the ball over Smith’s head for an incompletion. Or rather, Lamonica threw what appeared to be an incompletion. In fact it was a lateral, not a pass, meaning the play was still alive. Unfortunately, the only people on the field who realized this wore Kelly green not silver and black. The Raiders stood there flatfooted while Jets linebacker Ralph Baker scooped up the ball and clinched the game for the Jets. The next week, the Jets, not the Raiders, made football history by shocking the Colts and winning the AFL’s first Super Bowl.*”
I remember that play. It was great!!! This story demonstrates something else that is so true.
Namath was drunk, hungover and got laid before the game . . . and he still made it into the Hall Of Fame. Now a guy does steroids or smokes some weed, and he can’t get elected into the Hall Of Fame.
Give me a break. It shows what geeks most sports writers are, and how much they really wish they could hook up with the girl.
It’s funny. It is their dream to be able to hook up with the “hottie,” drink all night and then lead their team into the Super Bowl. It’s the little boy fantasy in all of them.
Now with today’s bullshit double standards, a player could do what Namath did and it would be fine. If someone shoots steroids trying to maintain his body, however, he is banished.
Why? It’s not part of that little boy fantasy of banging the hot woman before the big game (and, in reality, we are all just little boys).
What if Bonds had a hot woman inject the steroids and then he banged her all night long? Do you think the geeky sportswriters would have voted him in after they heard how sexually satisfied she was and how many orgasms she had?
Think about that. We spend so much time emulating others and creating fantasies in our head that we think are so cool, that through that process we actually judge others. We judge them without even thinking about why they do things.
To top it off, an athlete can get drunk and bang hookers all night long (which is illegal), and he will be described in the press as a “cool partier” and ultimately make the Hall of Fame. Prostitution is illegal. Steroids were not.
It all, however, comes down to the little boy and his fantasy of being the sports star (or rock star). Namath was both.
So my blog today is about this, but also about a deeper question. I think we need to ask ourselves why we look up to some people and judge others.
(from the tv show Lost and the movie Avatar). When I asked Will if he wanted to talk to her, he said “Why not? She is a person. I can open her and talk to her just like I would anyone else.” 
So, I did exactly that. I talked to Tony Robbins for 45 minutes. I had a great conversation with him, and learned a lot about how he got started in his business. By the end of the conversation, I realized that Tony Robbins and I were no different. 
