Archive for the ‘Online Dating’ Category

I know I left you guys with a cliffhanger ending. If you want to know how to go from an arousing IM to steamy phone sex, check back in on Monday when our Video Coaching Series continues.

If you’d like to watch some sweet videos over the weekend (in between reading my posts), check out my friends at 10ThingsTV.

Have a great weekend!

David

Online Misrepresentation by David Wygant

Yesterday I received
about 200 emails from people who saw an article I wrote for Yahoo! Personals, and they asked me “Why does everyone on the Internet seem to be 29 or 39 or ‘fit and trim,’ yet when I walk around I can’t find all these young, fit and trim people.”


There was a survey done a couple of years ago that said that the majority of people dating online are 39. The number one problem on the Internet is that people who are 45 say they’re 39. People who are 41 say they’re 39. Because when people search on the Internet, they tend to search in such tight age parameters that they decide to deduct a few years.

Then there’s another group of people who deduct a few pounds. They’re like a boxer in a heavyweight division, but they really want to fight a welterweight like Sugar Ray Leonard . . . so they drop a few classes. The problem is, when Sugar Ray Leonard shows up for the date, he says “I’m not fighting this person . . . You’re a heavyweight and you’re going to kick my ass!”

Not only that, every single person I talk to says they don’t look their age. What age do you look? I was on the phone the other day with a 55 year old woman who said she doesn’t look her age, but when I see her . . . I see age 55. If 50 is the new 40 and 40 is the new 30, then what is 10 . . . the new 1? And is 0 the new -10?!

In today’s society, there seem to be a run of people classifying themselves as something they’re not. People classifying themselves as “athletic and toned” don’t work out and haven’t since high school. This doesn’t qualify as “athletic and toned.”

The only people who tend to tell the truth online are the ones who describe themselves as “curvy” and “voluptuous,” because they know who they are and they don’t want to misrepresent themselves. On the other hand, it seems like the women who are 10-15 pounds over their ideal weight describe themselves as “hard bodies.”

I have no issues with people who want to better themselves and emphasize their strengths. But if you lie about your age, weight and serial number, you will get exposed when the person you meet is expecting someone different from you to show up to your first date.

Don’t forget you want to be the prize inside the box of Captain Crunch . . . and not be Captain Crunch. You also don’t want to show up on the date with someone who says they’re “athletic and toned,” when their body in truth is more like Frankenberry.

You can’t convince someone to like you based upon what you want to look like or the age you want to be. Bottom line: If you desire deeper connections with people, you need to immediately do these five things to your online profile:

1) List your real age.
2) Post current pictures that show what you really look like (whether you’re bald, chunky, overweight, underweight, or whatever else . . . it’s who you are!)
3) Check off the right body type. They will find out . . . so why lie?
4) Increase the age range of the people you’re searching for by two years. You may meet a few people out of your age range, but . . . you never know what will happen!
5) Write a good profile so people get a sense of who you are of the entire package (not just the physical side of you).

As my lawyer says, misrepresentation without representation will lead to trouble. And if you’re looking for a good lawyer, I know of a few. If you’re looking for a good online profile, I know the man who can write you one.

One last thing .. . embrace who you are. Everybody has plenty of people who are attracted to the exact person they are. You don’t have to be a certain type. There are plenty of people looking for your type.

You know, recently I was working with a client who is really an interesting man. He’s somebody who has a lot of life and a lot of passion when you meet him in person . . . but has been miserably unsuccessful online.

So I took a look at his pictures online, and I realized that in all his pictures it looked like the photographer was torturing him and making him be there. It was almost like the photographer was making him take pictures because his parents wanted the school boy picture. And when I read through his profile, I realized that his profile didn’t really make me feel anything.

In order to really succeed in online dating, you need to write a very passionate profile about who you are, because women are really intrigued by finding out what you’re all about. They don’t want to hear you boast about your great job, they want to hear a story about why that job is so fantastic. They don’t want to hear that you went to Italy and China, they want to know something that happened to you when you went to Italy and China that changed you. They want to read those words and they want to get excited about you.

But how do you get them to even look at you if your picture is not right? You need to put pictures up of yourself that show you being passionate about who you are and what you do. Every picture you put online should be a picture of you doing something that you’re absolutely thrilled about doing.

Don’t just stand there and have a snapshot taken of you. Have someone take a picture of you after you’ve hiked to the top of a mountain. Have someone take a picture of you when you’re at your friend’s pool party hanging out with seven of your best friends. Have someone take a picture of you when you’re out doing something you love. Let’s say you’re an avid reader, so maybe you have a picture at a Barnes and Noble. Maybe you love to cook. Have someone take a picture of you at a dinner party cooking. These pictures are glimpses into your life.

If a woman sees you doing things about which you’re passionate, she’s going to envision herself with you doing those things. These pictures will elicit that kind of emotional response from her. Then by sharing stories about what you do in your profile, when she reads those stories she will picture herself next to you.

This is what makes a very passionate encounter with somebody online. I’m not talking about having sex or getting laid, I’m talking about creating an excitement so they desire and they anticipate you contacting them after they’ve contacted you.

It’s roll reversal, guys. Most men give their power away to women. When they ask a woman out, they don’t expect her to say yes. When you create a story that’s so powerful and so passionate, the woman is going to be so excited about going out with you that you’re standing on equal ground . . . and then you actually have the power.

So the next time you are looking to double your dating success on Match.com (Match.com -Find Someone Now - Free For 72 Hours) or Yahoo.com or J Date, think about using all the above techniques and you will find your inbox full of other things besides the usual junk mail and Viagra spam.

In all my years of coaching men how to succeed in online dating the one thing that always amazes me is the amount of men who still cut and paste a canned opener and send it to a woman.

Guys: woman know when you cut and paste and send something, it shows that you did not read their profile and the first thing they think about is that you’re lazy and not very clever.

The correct online opener is no different than the perfect bar, party or supermarket opener. Don’t just send off 100 emails to women and expect to get a response back. Most men who use the shotgun approach tend to never ever receive responses.

So what is a guy to do to succeed in the competitive world of online dating?

1. Keep in mind that the women have all the power. What works offline is going to work online. You need to be different and clever just like you do when you approach a woman in a bar or market. It really is all about having fun. To make your profile rock, instead of saying: “I love to travel”, share a story about one of the places that you have traveled to. For example: “I love the Italian coast and when I was in Positano I had the best Lemon cello in the world. When we speak, ask me about the view.”

Why is this better? Because it will make them picture what that was like and it will peek their interest and it will be something that they can ask you when they are responding to your profile. You need to create an emotional response so they feel compelled to write to you or write you back.

2. So now that you have spruced up your profile, how do you get their attention and distinguish yourself from all the other guys online? This is the easy part but it will take some work. Instead of burning through 100 profiles and sending out a shotgun mass email that does not work, you need to pick 10 to 15 women at the beginning of the week that you want to get to know. The reason is that each week their emotions and dating moods change. Plus, if you do it right, you will get a good response rate and have a few dates that week. Now comes the work. You need to read through their profiles and find the fun tidbits. For example, if the both of you have a dog, you can send this email:

Subject: If not for us…our dogs will never be able to meet ?

Body: My dog is really visual and when she saw a picture of yours her stubby tail could not stop thumping! We need to hook them up, plus I have to get her off Dogdate.com; she is becoming addicted!

David

There are few reasons why this will work besides the fact that it is original and funny. What you are doing is making fun of yourself here. Men are visual and you are telling her that your dog is visual which will get a laugh from her immediately. You want to make her laugh. She is getting all these horrible emails from all of cut and paste men and yours comes in with some originality and creativity. It shows that you tried to get to know who she is by reading her profile.

Now lets say that you or she does not have a dog. This is also easy you need to read her profile and pick out a fun tidbit. If she says that she is spontaneous and adventurous what I like to do is challenge them on that. Women like their minds to be challenged.

Subject: So you say…….

Body: …that you are adventurous and spontaneous. What was the last adventurous thing you did? And if you are really spontaneous why don’t you send me your number so we can talk. 5 minutes on the phone and we will know if we have chemistry.

Lets talk today.

I dare you.

Women like a man that is bold and one that challenges her mind. You are also getting to the point and creating intrigue. She will wonder what you are all about. Now why do I use the … on the subject line? I use it so they feel compelled and intrigued to open it. It is all about what may come after the … that makes them curious. You need to realize that most women get tons of emails from guys so you need to get that email opened.

3. Stay on a site. This is by far the best advice. Stop jumping from site to site every 2 weeks and think that you are going to get different results. You need to realize that women will check you out and read your profiles and it may take a few emails to get them to respond. They may be dating someone else the first time you contacted them and they may have been intrigued but they were too busy with other things or you got them on a bad day. I always tell my clients that it is ok to lob another email in a few weeks later. Now don’t send the same one find something new to connect with her about.

It is all about being persistent and I have found in all my years of advising people on the internet that the ones who stay on a site and are persistent will be the ones that get all the great dates. You need to be patient some weeks you will have a lot of responses other weeks we may not get much of anything but if you use some of the pointers above you will increase your odds every day.