Yeah, I know what you’re thinking right now, “Another blog post from David that has nothing to do with dating.” How do you know? How do you know this has nothing to do with dating, because—let me tell you something––it can have a ton of things to do with dating.

First off, when you sell something on Craigslist, you never know who’s going to come over and buy it from you. It could be love at first sight. Secondly, when you buy something on Craigslist, you never know who you’re buying from. She could be super hot, maybe she likes clothing swap parties, and the next thing you know, you guys are swapping clothes in your bedroom after meeting on Craigslist.

Yes, I said it. You can meet people on Craigslist. And it doesn’t have to be one of those cheesy Casual Encounters ads either.

But, I digress.

So, I’m selling my iMac on Craigslist and a guy writes back and tells me that he’s paying in CASH. Uh, well, what do you think we’re accepting on Craigslist? Credit cards? PayPal? Money order? Traveler’s checks? Of course you’re going to pay me in cash, dude—it’s Craigslist!

People are very funny. What, am I supposed to be impressed because you’re paying in cash? It’s just a way of negotiating. When I negotiate, I always tell them that I will come over with (usually much less than) what they’re asking for right now—no hassle, nothing. “It’s $500? Okay, I’ll be over there in 20 minutes with $400. Cash.”

That’s how you negotiate. You tell them you’ll be there in 20 minutes because they’re already dreaming about the money. And, they already know where the money is going. Maybe they’re getting a new computer. Or maybe it’s the Craigslist in LA and they have to pay their ridiculous rent for the month. Either way, they’ve already got that money spent in their mind and it makes the deal go so much smoother for you, the buyer.

So that’s the key to negotiating on Craigslist. And as for dates, well, you never know who’s on the other end.

Share with us today if you have any Craigslist stories. Any people that you’ve met on Craigslist via putting up an ad or if you absolutely fell in love with the person who you bought your car from or your new Mac computer.

You never know.

They had good pedigree. They were successful and age appropriate. They were good-looking. They followed up with phone calls. Then all of a sudden—poof—they just vanished.

You’re in shock. You can’t believe that this one went away. You felt like it was the perfect kind of a relationship. You really felt like you were ready for it. You really needed this relationship because you were so tired of dating. You were tired of putting yourself online and having nothing happen. You were tired of going to the parties and heading out to the same bars and restaurants. You felt like this was the one.

Here’s the deal: everything that you’ve ever known about dating is wrong. During those three weeks you never kept a dating journal. See, Mr. and Mrs. Perfect do not exist. What we do when we date is we get caught up in what I call the oxytocin moment. We get caught up in this wave of emotion, like a drug is released in our bodies.

It feels so good to be rescued from being single. But in reality, the warning signs are there from the beginning. I tell everybody in my very new book, Naked, to keep a dating journal, and write down how you feel at the end of each date. How does this person make you feel? Do you feel desired? Do you feel excited? Take it even deeper. Do you keep a journal where you know exactly the way you need to feel in a relationship?

My new book Naked goes really deep into dating. It gets you to fall in love with the most important person in your life: you. Because when it comes down to dating, most of us date based on needs. I need to have a relationship. I need to no longer be single. I need to find somebody different because the last person didn’t treat me well.

What Naked does is it takes everything down to the root and allows you to forgive everything that’s gone on in your life and allows you to embrace all the lessons you’ve learned. But more importantly, it gets you to fall in love with who you are as a person. It allows you to realize that you’re an amazing catch.

Naked is almost 200 pages of daily exercises that help you no longer date out of need, out of frustration, or out of desperation. When it comes to love, in order to find someone to love you the way you need to be loved, you need to love yourself first. You need to take yourself out on dates. You need to do things for yourself. You need to feel amazing and wonderful and you need to strip yourself down of all your fears and become naked. You need to forget about past failures and learn from them.

But more importantly, you need to know exactly what you want going into that date, emotionally. Because when it comes down to dating, all it is is based on feelings. How did you feel at the end of a date? Most of us have never asked that question, because we always date based on wants, needs, and desires.

It’s time to change the way you date. It’s time to get naked.

I remember I went on an online date a couple years ago, this woman looked so great and amazing in her picture. Her profile described her as “fit and trim.”
Then when she showed up for the date, she was walking with a limp. This fit and trim athletic woman was walking towards me with a limp. And as she got closer, her shape got bigger and bigger. And pretty soon I realized that it wasn’t a limp she had, she was walking that way because she was carrying an extra ass with her.

She sat down to the table all nervous, fingernails bitten raw. The woman I saw in the picture looked glamorous. So I asked her, “How have you been?”
She said, “Man I’ve been really brutal lately. I’ve got this thyroid condition and I’ve just been putting on a lot of weight. I’m so sorry that I look this way. I really will get back to the way that I looked in those pictures, I swear I will.”

Meanwhile I’m thinking to myself, I’ve only known this woman for 15 seconds. This is going to be one of those half an hour dates where I pretend that someone texted me from the office and I’m going to go back.
So I said, “No, don’t worry about it, we all go through rough times. She said, “Rough times, you wouldn’t believe how this year’s been with my mother.” And then she went into this whole story about how her mother told her that she was gay. And how her mother now has a lesbian lover, her father got depressed and had a nervous breakdown. And she dumps all this on me in the first three minutes of our date.

So I start thinking to myself that would it actually be pretty rude to just check out and pretend I got a text from my office right now because I am terrified to know what the other 27 minutes are going to bring. So I did something which I think all of you should do.

When you have a crazy online date–and you will have crazy online dates–give the person a little bit of your time and attention and realize they might just need somebody to talk to. They might need an ear to listen to their stuff and unload on.

I like to be as nice as I possibly can. Why? Because I truly believe in karma, and I believe that being nice and authentic and amazing to people is the only way to treat people. You’re going to get brownie points in this world for doing that.

And then at the end of the date, look at her and say, “I’m so sorry, I’ve got to get back to the office. I really enjoyed talking to you and I wish you all the best.” It’ll make her feel good. She knows you’re not going to see her again. She’s done this on every date for the last probably three, four, five months.

You want to be the one who makes her feel good. Because you might run into her again. She might have a hot friend, and you don’t want to be the ass who basically blew her off on the day that she really needed to talk to somebody more than anything.

It’s about treating people with compassion. It’s about treating people the way you’d like to be treated. I hope you never go on a date and complain about your thyroid condition, how you’ve put on weight, and how depressed you are right now. But if you get that crazy date who unloads that on you, have a little compassion and you’ll see it will take you a long way.

If you think about what is most important to women in a relationship, it’s trust. If you’ve misrepresented yourself, no matter about what it was, a woman will immediately not trust you. Then, no matter how good of a salesman you might be, you will have to spend all your time convincing her that the person you are is not a liar (and that you are actually a great person).

So let’s go through four of the biggest and most common misrepresentations that men make online, and how each of those will backfire on you every time.

Using An Old Photo

One of the biggest misrepresentations men make when dating online has to do with the photos they use in their profile. Choice of photos, in fact, is one of the biggest mistakes men make overall when creating an online profile.

Men very often will put up pictures of themselves that were taken at the peak of their attractiveness. They might put up pictures of them weighing twenty or thirty pounds less, or of them with more hair.

The problem with doing this, is that any woman you meet online will be expecting to meet the person she sees in those pictures — as he looks in those pictures. So when you do meet her in person, she is going to instantly think less of you. This is not for the reasons you’re probably thinking.

It really has nothing to do with how you look, it’s simply the fact that you do not look as you portrayed yourself to look. In other words, you misrepresented yourself. When you meet a woman after having posted these non-current photos of you, her first thought about you is not going to be an evaluation of how you look, but rather it will be that you are someone who wasn’t honest about themselves.

What most guys will then do is defend themselves. They’ll tell the woman, “Don’t worry. I’m going to get back into shape.” You don’t want to be doing this. The way to start a date is not by defending yourself. The way to start a date is with a woman being excited about getting to know you and and what you’re all about. You never want to have an uphill battle on a date, especially a first date.

So here’s what you want to do. Go out with a friend and have him take some current pictures of you throughout the day. That way, women can see what you really look like.

Stay away from professional photos, as they tend to make you look like you are trying too hard. Also, make sure you are wearing different clothes in each of the photos.

The most important thing is to have fun with this! It’s your first impression (along with your profile). So make sure you are smiling and relaxed.

Lying About Your Age

Another major area of online misrepresentation among men is age. There are so many men dating online who lie about their age, because they are perpetually chasing younger women.

Men who are 45 years old will say they’re 39. Men who are 55 years old will say they’re 45.

When you lie about your age online, you will only fool women until you actually meet them in person. If you put on your profile that you’re 39 years old when you’re really 45, a woman will know you’re not 39 years old the minute you show up to that first date.

She’ll probably, in fact, ask you how old you really are. That’s when most guys will give the standard “why I lied” answer and say, “I look a lot younger than my age in person, and if you knew I was 45 you probably wouldn’t have gone out with me.”

Let me tell you something. If this is a 28 or 29 year old woman who said she was looking for a guy up to age 39, then you’re right that she probably won’t want to go out with you again now that she knows you’re 45.

If she stated that she was looking to meet someone only within a certain age range, then that was a requirement of hers and not a guideline. She won’t want to go out with you again not only because you are not what she already plainly said she was looking for, but also (once again) because she will see you as someone she can’t trust. You’ve already lied to her once.

If you’re looking to date younger women, then online is not the place for you to find them. Meet them in person. People online want to meet people who fall within the parameters of what they specify in their profile.

Not only that, but what do you think it says about you that you are misrepresenting your age? It says that you are not really comfortable about where you are in your life. If you’re a guy chasing much younger women, that will tell her that you may be very emotionally immature.

I’m in my 40s, and to tell you the truth I wouldn’t want to date a woman in her 20s. They may look great, but I find women in my age range to be far more interesting. You share life experiences. So, maybe it’s time you stopped chasing the dream and started to get real about who you are.

It’s time to stop worrying about whether women will date you at your age, and to start showing women why dating an older guy will be such a great experience. With age comes wisdom, and you will be able to show women a whole new side of life.

Telling Her What She Wants To Hear

When you’re dating online, it is important to be really clear about whether you want to have children. Most women want to have children.

A lot of men who don’t want children will check the boxes that say they are open to children or possibly want children. They do this so they will be matched up with, or will be able to get a response from, more women.

Because so many women want children, these men think their choices will be limited if they put on their profile that they don’t want children. This is not the right mindset though.

You need to have an abundant mindset. If you don’t want children, date the women who also don’t want children. There are plenty of them out there.

What you don’t want to do is take someone on an emotional journey on which you are not prepared to follow through. You will only end up in a mess of a situation.

Write down what you really want. Most people who misrepresent themselves online are not really clear about what they want, or they are chasing an illusion or a fantasy. Get clear and have an abundant mindset, and you will no longer feel the need to misrepresent anything about yourself.

So, instead of telling women what you think they want to hear, it is always better to hook up with people by being honest and telling them where you are at this point in your life. Women have been lied to so many times, that being totally truthful will be refreshing (even if you are on different romantic paths).

Whenever I was newly out of a relationship, I would tell women I’d meet that I didn’t want anything heavy at that time. Not only did I have more fun dating that way, but I had some great sex because women always knew where I stood and there were no games.

Mirroring Her (Pretending To Like What She Does)

The last type of common misrepresentation men make online is the way they write their profile. When you write your profile, don’t write it to sound like a romance novel unless you plan to act out that romance novel.

A lot of men who are just interested in fooling around with women, will write their profile in ways that make them seem like someone who is romantic and wants a relationship. They’ll say that they enjoy taking long walks on the beach, or that they are “all about romance,” when in reality all they want to do is sleep with the women they are meeting.

If you don’t want a relationship, then don’t write a romance novel sounding profile with which women will emotionally bond. You need to be clear about your intentions and literally write them down. Say something like, “I’m not sure about what I want in terms of dating right now. I’d like to meet some interesting women, date and have some fun.”

This is not about making a judgment about what you do or don’t want. It is just very important to be honest about whatever it is that you do want. The thing you want to really avoid is taking a woman on an emotional journey on which you are not prepared to accompany her.

Do you really want to continue spending your days pretending you like art museums when they bore you out of your mind, just so you can get certain women online to like you? Here is a better alternative. Negotiate!

Tell a woman that one weekend will be all about going to museums so she can show you her passion, but then the next weekend you two will hit the beach and play Frisbee so you can show her your passion. That is a way to be able to bond with the woman you really like without ever having to pretend you like something you don’t. Plus, if you end up in a relationship together, there will be plenty of days when you will each do your own thing.

Misrepresenting yourself online really says a lot about who you are as a person. It says that you are really not in touch with what you want. It also says that you don’t practice abundance; that you don’t believe that there are plenty of great women out there, so you feel the need to misrepresent yourself (okay, really lie) on your profile.

Whether it’s about the way your body looks, your age or what you’re looking for in terms of a relationship, misrepresenting yourself online will always backfire on you. You need to believe that there are tons of women out there for you to meet and connect with online.

Dating online is like going to a cyber bar, a bar with tons of women. So you can absolutely find people who will like you exactly as you are and who fit your needs.
When you show up for that first date, show up as you — the real you. Don’t show up hoping to be liked because of (and in spite of) the online misrepresentation version of you.

When you misrepresent yourself online, you will only put yourself at a disadvantage when you meet up with people, and always put yourself in a position of having to work twice as hard for any of those meetings to work out. No relationship can start or work when one person is not being honest with the other person.

We were walking around London last night and I was telling the guys that the best way to meet women at night is to think about what is waiting outside the bar.

Most guys can not wait to get into a bar or club. I prefer to be on the outside where there is no competition.

The best place to meet women is on line. No, not online on match.com or on Yahoo! Personals . . . but rather while you’re waiting on a line.

We spend so much of our lives waiting on a line. We’re waiting for coffee. We’re waiting at the bank. We’re waiting at the grocery store. We’re always waiting on a line . . . sometimes for one minute and sometimes for two hours.

Do you talk to people while you’re waiting on a line? If the answer is no, then read on because what I’m about to tell you is one of the best time management tools you will ever learn.

As a matter of fact, Microsoft Outlook was thinking of adding this tool to their software for Blackberries. Alright maybe not . . . but you get my point. I looked at the line waiting to get in, and I asked my students:

DW: “What do you notice about what people are doing in that line . . .
besides looking pissed off that they have to wait?”

S1: “No one is talking to each other.”

DW: “Exactly! No one is talking to each other while waiting on line to get
into a bar or nightclub . . . waiting to get into a loud, crowded, place
so they can potentially scream in each other’s ears.”

The best conversations you’re going to have are when you’re waiting on line to get into the bar. They will be far better than any you’ll have while you’re inside the bar.

Bar Lines

To prove my point, we got on line there and we proceeded to have a conversation with the group in front of us and the group behind us. When it was time to enter the club, the doorman asked me how many we were, and I said that we were seven but that we wanted to wait on line for awhile before going inside.

As each group behind us got to where we were at the front of of the line, we met a whole new group of people. By the time we left that line about twenty minutes later, we’d met and spoken with about forty people! In light of this, let me ask you a few questions:

• How many of you speak to forty people when you’re IN a nightclub?
• How many of you get phone numbers when you’re IN the nightclub?
• How many of you get people to text you as soon as they leave a nightclub to see where you’re hanging out and what line is cool right now?

These are just some of the things that happened to my students and I when we were waiting on line at a trendy London nightclub.

Since you’re able to speak about the obvious while you’re waiting on line, how silly is it to wait to get inside a loud club before you start talking to people? Whatever your approach is, when you speak to someone while your on line you can always state it with humor. You can always say something like:

“Aren’t we getting too old to hang out on line to get into a crowded nightclub?
This is the best conversation we’re going to have all night. If we met in there,
I’d have to scream in your ear.”

It doesn’t matter what you say. It’s stating the obvious.

I also told my students that if you like someone you meet on line, just close them with this:

Man: “Let’s exchange numbers. If the loud music gets on your nerves,
text me and I’ll let you know where we’re at.”

What you’re doing here is playing the odds. Most women when they go to a nightclub think they’re going to have fun. After about an hour in the nightclub, however, most of them tend to get annoyed. So after about an hour and a half, what you do is text her.

You: “Are you ready to continue our conversation? I enjoyed
speaking with you on line about [fill in the topic you were
discussing].”

That’s it! Short . To the point. All my students did this, and it worked.

It’s called being different. It’s called seizing the moment.

In addition, when you send this text at this time, you’re most likely going to be texting her when she’s at her breaking point. She’ll remember what a great conversation she had with you while hanging out on line. She’ll already have fended off a slew of drunken horny men who had no rap. So what you’re doing is rescuing her from another 90 minutes of thump-thump music and drunken horny men.

It’s all about being different and taking chances. So the next time when someone asks you if you’ve tried online dating, you’re answer is going to be: “Not on the Internet . . . but on line at a club.”

This weekend, go hang out outside a bar . . . and don’t go inside. You’ll have far less competition and have far better conversations than you would have if you went in the place. Oh and by the way, you don’t need a cheesy picture for this form of “on line” dating.

This “on line” dating also goes for all the “on lines” in you life. This is not just for bars . . . this goes for any line on which you find yourself waiting. Welcome to David Wygant’s world of “on line” dating! Welcome to the www of your life.

A client of mine recently reunited with a woman he used to have a crush on in high school, after they found each other on Facebook ten years later. They didn’t know each other very well in school, but they hung recently and hit it off.

They had dinner together, then she invited him over to her place for some drinks. He followed.

The woman had a young daughter, and once the daughter went to bed, my client moved in to try to kiss her. She turned her head away, but they continued chatting. My client immediately thought that she rejected him and that he was put in the friend zone, and didn’t make another move.

A little later, she suggested that he sleep on the couch because they had both been drinking. In the middle of the night, the woman came into the living room and got under his covers and laid down with him. Assuming she wanted to hook up, he then started feeling her up.

She pushed his hand away and said she just wanted to cuddle. Then she slept in his arms for the rest of the night.

Foreplay

The next day my client received a Facebook message from her saying that she was sorry about the situation last night, but it’s not something she does with guys right at the beginning.

Ok, let’s break this down:

My client thought he was in the friend zone because this girl did not want to hook up with him and in his mind, she was sending him mixed signals.

Was he in the friend zone? NO. Was she sending him mixed signals? Maybe, but we’ll talk about why that doesn’t matter.

First, you are NEVER in the friend zone on the first date with a woman. You are not friends with a woman on a first date, so you cannot be in the friend zone. Unless you’ve been hanging out with her for a while with no spark, or she says right in the beginning, “I like you better as a friend,” or “Let’s just be friends,” or something like that, you are not in the friend zone.

So, was she giving him mixed signals here?

Let’s dig into how female psychology works. My client assumed that because she invited him over for drinks that she wanted to hook up. Then he assumed that because she offered for him to sleep on the couch that she wanted to hook up. Then he assumed that because she got under the covers that she wanted to hook up.

He was wrong each time.

So if she liked him, why didn’t she want to get physical with him? After all, if you’re attracted to somebody, you will want to have sex, right?

Kind of. The problem with my client is that he was thinking too much like a man. If you’re a typical guy, the only thing on your mind is the shortest point from the tip of your penis to the entrance of her vagina. You’re attracted to a woman, you want to have sex. Period.

Not so fast with women. Sure, just like men, some women will be horny right then and there and are just craving some action. Even for women who are looking for a relationship, she may be really attracted to the guy and act on impulse and sleep with him, and still want a relationship with him later on.

There is no hard rule. Every woman is different, just like every man is different, and it all depends on where they’re at in life.

A young girl in her 20′s may be really concerned about finding the right guy and want to move slowly because she wants to be romanced and to feel special. Another girl in her 20′s may be sexually open or going through a phase where she wants to sleep with a guy right away. Some women are looking for relationships and will hold off on sex until they’re in one. Some women have been burned in the past and don’t want to get hurt again. Some have children and are looking for a guy who is stable and dependable, who will be there when she needs to call on someone for support. Some women have freed themselves up sexually and all they want right now is sex (the infamous “cougar”).

But most of the time, and this is the biggest lesson a lot of guys need to learn if you really want to turn her on, is that YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT SLOW. Emotions and fantasy have to take time to cultivate and they come into play slowly, not overnight. You have to keep your pants on. You have to lead my taking small steps, being the one to end things first and knowing when to leave, letting the sexual tension build, and giving her space.

You have to be patient with the woman you’re with. Just because you’re turned on does not mean that the pants need to come flying off. For a guy, sex is the goal. No sex? Fail. For a woman, intercourse is not the goal. Cuddling counts. Making out counts. Oral sex counts. Feeling turned on and emotionally connected, these things all count as part of the bigger picture. So don’t get discouraged if she tells you to put the breaks on because you’re moving too fast. A lot of times if you get shot down, you need to listen to what she’s telling you. She’s saying she wants to take it slow and get to know you better, not that she doesn’t like you.

You need to let the sexual tension build up, you have to let her feel comfortable and safe around you, you have to let her know that you are actually interested in her as a person, interested in spending time with her, and not only that you want to have sex with her. You make sure that she knows you’re still going to be around for round two, round three, and round four.

So forget about mixed signals coming from a woman. You have to assume that she’s interested in you sexually if she’s inviting you over to spend time with you.

If you make a move and instead she wants to cuddle in bed with you the first time, that’s ok. Let her feel safe around you and build up your trust level.

If it’s the third or fourth time and she’s still pushing you away, you need to man up and ask her what’s up. She may not actually like you. She may have some hang-ups that you deserve to know about. Be up front and open. Tell her you’re into her, that you want to be intimate with her, and find out if she just wants to take things slow or if she’s not actually attracted to you.

But if you’re getting shot down the first couple dates and she still wants to see you again, that’s actually a good thing, not a failure. You’re making progress, you’re being clear with what you want, and it’s time to slow it down and take control by taking smaller steps instead of trying to go from 0 to 100 in one night.

I know that our usual weekend topic is nightlife and bars, but let’s switch it up a little for today. Today let’s talk a little bit about when you’ve got a date.

When you’re out and you’re dating, you know from the blog that if you’re the man on the date you always want to have a plan on the first date or so. When you ask a woman out, you want to be the leader, you want to have a place to go, but also be open to suggestions from your date. You want to have an idea of where you want to go and what you want to do that night based on the situation, the interaction, or the conversation you had with your date.

“What do you want to do tonight?” are words that should never come out of your mouth when inviting a woman out on a first date. Be thoughtful, be inspired, and show that you actually put some consideration and effort into the evening.

You don’t need to plan out every little detail of what you’re going to do—granted, some men and women do like their evening to run that way, and that’s fine if it suits your personality.

First Date Ideas

But there is a fine line between planning out a fun time on your date and rigidly sticking to your plans without room for creativity if things go wrong. You always want to be flexible in your planning. If things don’t go exactly according to plan, roll with it.

If your date is a vegetarian and you accidentally took her to a steak house, you can always leave and go somewhere else. Find a cool, hip vegetarian place maybe neither of you have ever been to before. You just might have a great new discovery in the area that you had no idea existed. And if the food wasn’t that good, oh well, at least the two of you had the experience and went on a little adventure together.

If you planned out a nice afternoon picnic or walk in the park and suddenly it starts raining, what do you do? Maybe change the plan and take her to a matinee. Sneak your picnic food in her purse have your own little picnic in the back of the theater.

It’s all about being open-minded. It’s all about being open to the fun possibilities out there. Because in reality, nothing goes exactly according to plan. You can never plan anything out 100% and know what the future holds in store, so be open to whatever comes your way, embrace it and make the most of it. The more your rigidly stick to what you planned out and try your hardest to make things to go exactly as planned, the more you are closing yourself off to great opportunities that come your way, opportunities that you couldn’t predict, even opportunities that you never thought could be possible.

So on all of your upcoming dates, I want you guys to have an action plan and a direction going into the date. But I also want to you be open and receptive to change. Be open and receptive to new possibilities on your dates, or in your encounters, or even when you are first meeting and talking to someone of the opposite sex, and see what great moments and great memories that you could never have predicted lie ahead for you.

Things are going really good and then all of the sudden you don’t feel good for a day or two and you just get into a rut. Get a little lazy. Get into a funk.

How do you snap out of your funk? I know when I get into a funk, I always ask myself, “Why am I in a funk? What is bothering me right now?” I try to dig a little deeper instead of looking at the surface things. Because usually when you’re in a rut, it’s usually something that is deeper than what you think it is. Maybe something’s bothering you a day ago or two days ago. Maybe you got a lingering whatever. So the next time you get into a rut ask yourself, “Why do I feel this way today? Did anything happen to me over the last couple of days that just caused me to feel funky?”

Dating Ruts

And once you pinpoint it, and figure out what really made you feel funky, you then go right back to being your cheery self, going right back to doing all the great things that you were doing before that. And it’s okay.

We all get in ruts every once in a while. It’s okay to have an off day, an off hour, an off minute. Nobody’s on 24/7. Nobody has it together all of the time. So, just accept that part of life, and the ruts won’t bother you as much either.

Remember the good old days and how life was back in the 60′s, 70′s and 80′s? Things were done more on intuition. There wasn’t nearly as much information out there.

Nowadays you can get millions of different pieces of information and opinions about anything and everything, from how to get rid of a hangnail to how to raise a child — and have that at your fingertips in mere seconds. It used to be that if you wanted to know how to get rid of a hangnail, you would ask people you know how they have gotten rid of theirs. You used to learn how to raise a child by asking other people, and by using a lot of your own intuition.

Now with the Internet, you can always find somebody who will agree with you and your opinion on any topic. You can always find people who are on your side, and find stats that back it up.

The question nobody ever asks is from where these stats come. People assume if they see a statistic online, that is must just be true and accurate. People are funny that way.

Addicted To The Internet

If someone online says that 33% of people are healthier because they did x and y, most people just believe it. Nobody seems to dig deeper to find out the source of these statistics.

Maybe someone is just plain making it up. Maybe it is just a bunch of marketers manipulating data so you will believe in their product. Maybe it is just someone who is very opinionated and passionate about something, so they make up a statistic to validate it.

We used to be about instinct. Now we can’t even go to the bathroom without first looking on the Internet to find out the best way to do it.

Everything I teach you guys to do involves you learning to trust your instinct. It involves learning how to really understand yourself and trust yourself in every situation.

Life is really interesting. Friends of mine who had a kid got an iPhone App that allows them to check on their kid when they are away from home. These people don’t even trust anyone anymore. Why? They saw a story on television about nannies abusing kids which made them paranoid.

We have lost the innocence we used to have as a society because we don’t trust people like we used to in the past. We have come a long way in a lot of areas, but sometimes it is better to go back to your natural instinct and start trusting what resonates with you as a person.

That is what I teach. I teach you to trust your instinct and your gut, so you can live a fuller life as a less paranoid person who has not been affected by information overload.

I’ll tell you where you don’t go. You don’t go to a movie, you don’t sit there in silence, wondering what she’s thinking, who she is, and feeling all uncomfortable wondering what to say after the movie.

You don’t go and spend money on dinner. That’s right, you don’t sit there and chew food, exchange resumes, and basically talk at each other for two and a half hours.

You don’t spend money on a first date. The reason being is most first dates never pan out to second dates. So why should you invest your hard earned money in a woman that you may never ever see again? Guys, dating is like an investment. You want to pick and choose who you date, who you spend money on, and where you go.

My best first dates have always been activity dates. Miniature golf is great, bowling is a lot of fun, walking in the park is great, playing Frisbee is a lot of fun, rowing a boat across a lake or across a pond is a blast, going to a street fair, and sitting and just having a cup of coffee or having hot coco in the winter time. Simple things, so you can go, talk, and hang out and have no pressure.

Here’s the deal, if you like her you can plan the next date at the end of the first date. But the bottom line is stop spending your hard earned money, stop wasting your money on women you never ever see again. You don’t need to impress her with where you take her, you need to impress her with who you are.

One of my greatest dates I ever had was this woman was telling me how much she loved the sunset. So I took her to this great beach in Malibu. Malibu is about 15 minutes from my house, so maybe I was out $2.25 in gas to get her to and from there. Bought a bottle of wine because she liked wine, I spent $10 on the bottle of wine. We sat, we talked, we watched the waves break, we walked some more, we watched the sunset, and we had a fantastic time. It was a great date. It created a moment.

That’s what women are looking for, to create that moment. They’re looking to have something that they can go back to their friends and say this was a really different date. I’ve gone on hiking dates where it was a lot of fun, where we just talked and we hiked and we saw things, and it takes the pressure off sitting across the table. When you’re doing an activity date it takes all the pressure off of you having to sit there and analyze one another. Not only that, for women, dating is about an adventure. You want to create an adventure the first date. You might go hiking, you might take a walk on the beach, you might take a walk with your dogs. Second date you might grab some dinner at this cool little stand because now they’ve got great food trucks all over the place where you can sit, stand outside and eat. You’re creating a movie for them. You’re creating the moment.

So stop trying to impress on a date, and start having fun on a date.