Basically what you do is you go out with a group of guys, and you become what we call “creepers”.  You are in a pack of eight, and one or all of you will creep your way over to the women slowly but surely.  Every five minutes you creep another inch, maybe another six inches. And then, by the time the woman is finally leaving, you quickly bolt over—the whole group, like you guys are all attached by a string.

Then all of you go, “Why are you leaving right now?  Where are you going?  Where are you from?”

Wow, what an amazing opener: “Where are you from?  Why are you leaving right now?  Drink!  Come on, we’ll buy you a drink!  We’ll buy you a drink!  Come on!”  And then the woman always says, “No, that’s okay.”  And you’re like “No, come on, you have to drink, you have to drink.  What, are you crazy?  Have a drink!  Come on, have a drink.”

It’s really strange.  Men truly believe that they can buy the vagina.  They at least like to think that they can buy it.  I’m going to get the vagina drunk.  The vagina’s going to like me, and the vagina’s going to want to come home with me.

But here’s the issue: the vagina doesn’t like you spending 45 minutes creeping your way over there inch-by-inch.  It made her scared.  That’s why the vagina—which is powered by two legs—decided to run outside the bar and leave.  She was running away from you.  Turned off.  She ran away dude.

So here’s the deal: you want to meet her?  Walk over right away.  You offer her a drink and she says no?  Don’t become so self-conscious. Don’t be that guy that busts on her for not drinking. Not everyone drinks.

It’s so weird, people who are drinking get so uncomfortable with people who are not drinking.  You ever been to a party where everybody’s smoking pot and taking hits out of the bong? If the bong is passed to you, and you decline, pot smokers will never look at you and go, “Oh, dude.  Take three hits, man.  Take a hit, take a hit.”  They could care less!  They’re high and they’re having a good time.  They’re mellow; they know you’re going to be mellow.

But alcohol brings out aggression.  So much so that you become aggressive with the way you drink and other people in the room, drinking or not. “Please, drink with me.  Please, I don’t feel comfortable…”

Just. Stop.

So guys, please, keep this always in mind: creepers are creepy and vaginas really can’t be bought.

Today I want to talk to you about something that a lot of guys already know on the inside, but they forget when they’re out in public or they’re in the presence of a woman they’re attracted to.

It’s something that I talk about a lot—it’s the fact that you have to have fun whatever it is that you’re doing.  And if you’re in a situation that you feel uncomfortable in, either find a way to make it fun for yourself or stop doing that and go do something that you actually enjoy doing.

Ditch your friends if you have to.  If you’ve been going downtown to the clubs, but on the inside you actually feel like the artsy hipster girl is a better fit for you than the dolled-up high heels girl, start hanging out with the artsy hipster crowd.

The internet is so full of information about this and that.  I was watching a video this morning that revealed 10 secret places to touch a woman when you’re on a first date.  What?  10 places?    What is this, the game “Operation”?

When I’m on a date, I hold a woman’s hand during the date, and then I kiss her on the lips at the end of the date.  That’s it.

It’s funny how quickly we forget about the basics.  Going out and meeting women is not that difficult.  Going on a date and engaging the woman you’re out with in great conversation is not that difficult.

So why can’t so many guys do it?  It’s because they’re not having fun.  They’re not engaged in the conversation at hand.  They’re thinking about whether or not they bought the right Axe body spray out of the 38 varieties on the shelf.  They’re thinking about whether they’ve touched the girl on secret place #6 yet.  They’re trying way too hard and they’re just not being themselves.  And the most frustrating part about it is that most guys are actually aware that the only thing holding them back is themselves.

So what do you do?  How do you solve this?

You tell yourself that you’re going to enjoy yourself no matter what.  You don’t worry about making the best impression possible.  You don’t worry about getting laid.  Don’t even think about trying to get laid.  You’ll get there eventually.

Go out to a place you like to go out to.  Smile at everyone.  Wink at the hot ones.  Eat what you like.  Wear what you like.  Talk about what you like to talk about.  Tell jokes that you like.  Laugh when you feel like laughing.   If something goes a little awry…laugh at that, too.

And why do you do it this way?  Because the #1 key to attracting a beautiful woman is by being yourself, and I truly believe that it’s impossible to simultaneously have fun and not be yourself.

When you’re out this weekend, I want you to feel like this guy:

If you’re feeling a little uptight, play this on your phone.  Forget about other people looking at you.  Stop behaving the way you think others want you to behave.  The reality is that nobody is really looking at you and nobody really cares about how you behave.  Let loose.  Have a drink, for chrissakes.  Approach the entire situation like you’re having a blast, like you’re just having the time of your life.  That’s what makes you an attractive personality, and that’s what’s going to make women want to be with you.

Remember that this whole thing is not that complicated.  The weekend is here for you to enjoy, so go out and have fun!

Now it’s been a while since I wrote anything about bars and clubs.  To be honest, it’s been a while since I’ve been out to any clubs.  But I’m going to be out on the town this weekend with some friends, so I figured I’ll put you guys in the right mindset with a question that comes from an email I got last week:

Hey Shogo,

Thanks so much for the coaching call yesterday, I got some great advice out of it and can’t wait to put it to use.  One question.  Could you help me out with cock blocks in a bar or club, they can be very annoying and ignorant I find and I’ve been cockblocked now and again.  So what could ya say to the guy to stop?

J, Ireland

Hey J,

Here’s how I feel about cock blocking.  I never get cock blocked.  It just doesn’t happen to me. So what that means is that cock blocking has nothing to do with another guy being an asshole, swooping in and taking “your” woman.  It’s got everything to do with YOU.  You can learn all the quick and witty comeback lines and banter you want to be prepared for a so-called cock block, but it’s not going to stop it from happening to you.

Because cock blocking only happens to certain types of guys.  And it happens to them over and over again.

Guys who are very hesitant about expressing themselves to a woman.  Guys who don’t claim their space.  Guys who keep their distance and are afraid to get close out of fear that he’s offending her or coming across as “giving her the wrong idea”.

When you do that, other guys will notice it and see that there is no chemistry there.  Maybe you just look like friends.  Maybe a guy is an asshole, and sees an opportunity there to come in and take her away.  In any case, she’s clear for the taking to any other swinging dick who walks by.

Cock blocking happens to guys who don’t intrigue women.  If she is interested in you and the conversation you are having, she will stand there and listen to everything you have to say.  When she’s not into you, her eyes will start darting across the room, hoping for her friend or some other more interesting guy to come rescue her.

When that starts happening, you’re done. Nothing can save you.  She’ll pray for someone else to come join the conversation.  She’ll be totally open to starting a conversation and flirting with another guy who’s around her.  And a guy who sees that will jump right in.  Sometimes she’ll start a conversation with another guy.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone up to the bar to get a drink, and a girl standing there will turn and start talking to me while another guy was just in mid-conversation with her.

Then I’d look over her at the poor guy’s disillusioned face and give him a little shrug.  Does that make me a cock-block?  Does that make me an asshole?  No.  It means she was bored to death with the other guy and wanted talk to me instead.  It means the other guy needed some coaching—not on how to deal with cock blocks, but on how to keep her intrigued.  Because I’m no better than the guy who just got shoved out of the picture.  But I’m much better in conversation.

Cock blocking happens to guys who don’t claim their own space and walk over with confidence and start great conversations with women everywhere they go.  Cockblocking happens to guys who talk to one or two women a night, and then CLING onto those conversations like their lives depended on it.

Sound familiar, victim of cock blocking?

You sit in the corner of the bar, waiting for what to say to that one girl you’ve been looking at for the past 45 minutes, then you finally get up the guts to approach her and hope it really works out because this is your one shot for the night.

Instead you try and try and try with that one girl you finally approached, even when there’s no chemistry.  And the more you try with a girl who’s only lukewarm about you, the longer you stand there struggling, the more likely some guy with dimples and a great smile is going to wink at her and jump in to the rescue.

So you’re still asking why you need to start conversations with women everywhere?  This is why.  Because when you start doing that, you will start having an abundance mindset.  You’ll start approaching women everywhere.  When I go out, I talk to girls everywhere.  Quick, 30-second conversations.  If there’s no chemistry, if she doesn’t want to talk to me, I move on.  I don’t stand around in a shitty conversation, struggling to make things happen, and wait to be cock blocked by some guy she likes better than me.

You think you’ve been cock blocked, but you really just cock blocked yourself.

We were walking around London last night and I was telling the guys that the best way to meet women at night is to think about what is waiting outside the bar.

Most guys can not wait to get into a bar or club. I prefer to be on the outside where there is no competition.

The best place to meet women is on line. No, not online on match.com or on Yahoo! Personals . . . but rather while you’re waiting on a line.

We spend so much of our lives waiting on a line. We’re waiting for coffee. We’re waiting at the bank. We’re waiting at the grocery store. We’re always waiting on a line . . . sometimes for one minute and sometimes for two hours.

Do you talk to people while you’re waiting on a line? If the answer is no, then read on because what I’m about to tell you is one of the best time management tools you will ever learn.

As a matter of fact, Microsoft Outlook was thinking of adding this tool to their software for Blackberries. Alright maybe not . . . but you get my point. I looked at the line waiting to get in, and I asked my students:

DW: “What do you notice about what people are doing in that line . . .
besides looking pissed off that they have to wait?”

S1: “No one is talking to each other.”

DW: “Exactly! No one is talking to each other while waiting on line to get
into a bar or nightclub . . . waiting to get into a loud, crowded, place
so they can potentially scream in each other’s ears.”

The best conversations you’re going to have are when you’re waiting on line to get into the bar. They will be far better than any you’ll have while you’re inside the bar.

Bar Lines

To prove my point, we got on line there and we proceeded to have a conversation with the group in front of us and the group behind us. When it was time to enter the club, the doorman asked me how many we were, and I said that we were seven but that we wanted to wait on line for awhile before going inside.

As each group behind us got to where we were at the front of of the line, we met a whole new group of people. By the time we left that line about twenty minutes later, we’d met and spoken with about forty people! In light of this, let me ask you a few questions:

• How many of you speak to forty people when you’re IN a nightclub?
• How many of you get phone numbers when you’re IN the nightclub?
• How many of you get people to text you as soon as they leave a nightclub to see where you’re hanging out and what line is cool right now?

These are just some of the things that happened to my students and I when we were waiting on line at a trendy London nightclub.

Since you’re able to speak about the obvious while you’re waiting on line, how silly is it to wait to get inside a loud club before you start talking to people? Whatever your approach is, when you speak to someone while your on line you can always state it with humor. You can always say something like:

“Aren’t we getting too old to hang out on line to get into a crowded nightclub?
This is the best conversation we’re going to have all night. If we met in there,
I’d have to scream in your ear.”

It doesn’t matter what you say. It’s stating the obvious.

I also told my students that if you like someone you meet on line, just close them with this:

Man: “Let’s exchange numbers. If the loud music gets on your nerves,
text me and I’ll let you know where we’re at.”

What you’re doing here is playing the odds. Most women when they go to a nightclub think they’re going to have fun. After about an hour in the nightclub, however, most of them tend to get annoyed. So after about an hour and a half, what you do is text her.

You: “Are you ready to continue our conversation? I enjoyed
speaking with you on line about [fill in the topic you were
discussing].”

That’s it! Short . To the point. All my students did this, and it worked.

It’s called being different. It’s called seizing the moment.

In addition, when you send this text at this time, you’re most likely going to be texting her when she’s at her breaking point. She’ll remember what a great conversation she had with you while hanging out on line. She’ll already have fended off a slew of drunken horny men who had no rap. So what you’re doing is rescuing her from another 90 minutes of thump-thump music and drunken horny men.

It’s all about being different and taking chances. So the next time when someone asks you if you’ve tried online dating, you’re answer is going to be: “Not on the Internet . . . but on line at a club.”

This weekend, go hang out outside a bar . . . and don’t go inside. You’ll have far less competition and have far better conversations than you would have if you went in the place. Oh and by the way, you don’t need a cheesy picture for this form of “on line” dating.

This “on line” dating also goes for all the “on lines” in you life. This is not just for bars . . . this goes for any line on which you find yourself waiting. Welcome to David Wygant’s world of “on line” dating! Welcome to the www of your life.

In dating, being challenging is great. It’s part of the picture when you’re just meeting someone new. You don’t want to be overly agreeable with this new person you hardly know, and you certainly don’t want to be a pushover and play it too safe.

Being a challenge is also fun. You get to enjoy the push-and-pull, you get a sense for each other’s sense of humor, and you build up anticipation and sexual tension right from the get-go.

But be careful when your challenges start backfiring. For a lot of you guys, I know this is happening. A guy who’s too challenging can easily end up repelling women when he’s out getting to know people, be at a bar, at Whole Foods, in line at the coffee shop, you name it. Act too cocky, and people will start shying away from you.

So how do you know when you’re being TOO challenging? It’s when you’re turning the moment into something that’s no longer fun. It’s when you’re going out, and you’re racking your brain about HOW you can be a challenge to this woman right now. If it seems like it’s just so much work to come up with all these challenging, funny lines, you’re going way over the top.

Playing Hard To Get

A very bold, risky woman may respond to that kind of behavior, but most people in everyday situations won’t. Most people respond to someone who’s friendly, who’s got a great smile, and who’s staying present in the moment interested in what’s going on around them. If your challenge is coming out of nowhere because it was something you thought so hard about to say, and not based on something going on in the moment, you’re done. You’re being fake, you’re overcompensating for your insecurities, and you’re going to get blown out.

A challenge demands a challenge back, and if the woman you’re talking to is not comfortable with your major attitude coming at her from out of the blue, she’s thinking, “What the hell is going on!? I was just fine before this guy came along, and now I’m not. I’m outta here because it’s going to take way too much effort to try and keep up with this clown right now.”

I was at Whole Foods with a client last weekend, and at the beginning of the day he came way over the top with all his challenges. We’re getting sandwiches, and he pulls a ticket. As we’re waiting in line chatting, we miss our number being called, and two women order ahead of us.

“HEEEEY,” my client says to the girls in a loud sarcastic voice, “We’re up! Unless you want to buy this ticket from us, eh? How much? $100?” Now he was smiling and trying to be funny and engaging, but it was way too much for the sandwich line at Whole Foods at noon. The girls basically got scared, looked at him really quickly and said, “Oh, sorry, you go ahead.” And that was that.

I told him he had the right idea, but he really had to tone it down. I told him to watch me as I sidled up next to one of them and said in a normal voice, “You know, you did cut in front of us but I’ll let you go this time,” with a smile and a wink. And we proceeded to have a great conversation about all sorts of stuff.

Luckily my client was a great guy to work with, just a great all-around guy, and he watched me and got the picture right away. The very next interaction he had, we saw two more cute girls outside Whole Foods in the pumpkin patch. He walks up, talks to the girls about pumpkin carving and how he’s never carved a pumpkin, and the next thing you know, boom, one of the girls is taking down his information in her iPhone. All because he cut out the fake challenging behavior that wasn’t really him to begin with.

So next time you’re out, ask yourself not only if you’re being funny. Also ask yourself whether you’re actually fun to be around. Watch the reactions of others around you when you challenge them… Do they laugh and go along with it, and give you a little bit of a fun challenge back? Or do they give you a strange look and take a couple steps back?

People like to have a little fun, people respond to a fun challenge, but if you come across too strong, you’re being fake and everyone in the room can smell it.

Actually, if you follow my posts. you know that what I write about really applies any time of the day, wherever you are. Daytime, nighttime, weekdays, and weekends alike. It’s all about having a strong, positive mindset, and that’s really the crux of it.

If you guys read the comments to Monday’s blog, our reader Konstantin asked a great question. From time to time I answer questions directly from you guys when I find them relevant. I’m going to answer Konstantin’s question right here for you guys:

Shogo, this is my problem

First, I read all your blogs and I know all tips of natural approach (observing, listening, eye contact) and also I read Always Talk to Strangers (David’s book).

I go to night clubs most, where are all girls from town. I know that place is competitive but I got no choice.

Hey Dad Lets Go Meet Some Women

I’ve tried to observe to start conversation but I don’t know with what to start. Ex: I see girls most in groups, they see at me and smile at me. I look that she drinks something, she is with friends and all that. As you said it’s unnatural because they are doing nothing, except having good time with her friends. Give something to start with Shogo, as I said before I tried, but conversation was like from script cause I not found anything to start with and not to appear as fool. Thanks.

Konstantin,

You have “no choice” but to go to nightclubs? What’s that about? You always have a choice with what you do with your time. Always. What you decide to do with your time is your choice. You can do whatever you want, and as long as you’re out of the house, women will be there.

So ask yourself, do you enjoy going to nightclubs?

If yes, why? Write down the reasons. Do you like the music? Do you like the people? Are you entertained when you see how people there interact? How people dress? Do you like to dance? Do you enjoy watching other people dance and make fools of themselves? Write down all the things you like about going out to nightclubs. These are all going to be your conversation starters.
When you’re out, you see girls who are smiling at you. That’s great! If a girl is smiling at you, you need to go over there and talk to her. It doesn’t matter that she’s in a group. Walk over with a big smile, be open, and introduce yourself.

If you need something to start with, observe everything around you.

She’s drinking something? She’s with her friends? That’s not an observation. Every woman is drinking something and every woman is with her friends.

Be creative. Point out the freaky-looking guy in the corner and how he’s dressed. Comment on how bad or good you think the music is. Make a comment on other people dancing–notice whether it’s good dancing or bad dancing. If it’s really bad dancing, poke fun at it. Use whatever is around you. People in clubs are running around all night acting like fools. There’s always something to discuss. Tell her you dig her outfit (if you actually do dig her outfit). If you don’t like her outfit but you think it’s interesting or weird, tell her why you think it’s interesting or weird.

So here’s the most important part of your question: YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING YOU WILL APPEAR FOOLISH.

Many women you approach in a nightclub will be a little uncomfortable at first too. Just like you, she’s hesitant because she does not know what to expect from you yet. You need to be the first one to be comfortable in the conversation. You need to be comfortable with yourself first.

If you think you’re going to appear foolish, you will appear foolish every time. Or you will never approach. I never, ever believe that about myself when I’m out. I’m out to meet new people, and every conversation that I have is going to be an amazing conversation. That’s all I think about. Period.

Start off by making observations, and before you know it, you won’t even need that anymore. When I go out to bars at night, usually the only thing I say to start a conversation is walk up with a big smile and say, “Hi, my name is Shogo.” That’s it. Guys who have been out with me know that that’s all I ever do. Or I say with a big smile, “You guys look like you’re having fun, mind if we join your conversation?” Or, “You look bored as hell, I’m here to entertain you.” That’s it. Simple.

David is out in Chicago today at his final Communication Seminar of the year! If you missed it but wanted to attend, don’t worry. There will be more coming next year, so stay tuned.

You know I always love giving you guys advice on how to handle going out on the weekends, making sure you have a good time, and being able to make sense of it all. The reason I can give you the insight is because I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to go out on Friday and Saturday nights chasing women around, collecting phone numbers, not getting anywhere, and generally not having a very satisfying time by the end of the night.

But every once in a while, I still get swept up into the Saturday night fever myself. I still get sucked into the same traps, standing around in some bar, talking to some woman I just met over blaring music, not being able to hold any sort of real conversation, wondering, “Why the hell am I here?”

Last weekend, I took a trip out to Montreal with some good friends. We were five guys all together, no women in our group. All around, the weekend was terrific. Friday night? Amazing. We had a great meal and saw some cool live jazz in town. Saturday during the day? Had a great time walking around, meeting people, eating some great food, sitting out in the park, and checking out some of the sights.

How To Meet Women At Night

But then…by the time Saturday night rolled around, everybody started getting nightclub fever. It’ like as a single person you’re led to believe that on Saturday nights you’re supposed to go out to a bar or a nightclub. That’s just what you’re supposed to do. So we all met in the lobby, everybody wearing the same collared shirt, jeans, and black shoes combo. The infamous wolf pack. I wanted to kill myself before the night even started—way too many dudes in the same group. I’ve been in the situation many, many times before and I saw where it was headed: a whole lot of nowhere.

Now don’t get me wrong: I did end up meeting some cool people and generally having a good time, just because that’s my nature and I’ll have a good time wherever I go, but a couple of my buddies were so stressed out from the night. One guy kept wanting to go to a strip club. Another guy didn’t drink and didn’t want to hang around drinkers. Another kept texting his girlfriend every 15 minutes. Another hadn’t been laid in years and was totally unsuccessful in his attempts to chase down women. Everybody was in a different place in their heads and nobody was getting anywhere.

The fact is you don’t have to go out to a bar or club to meet single women. It’s not true at all. If you want to, great! I like a nice bar. I really do. But if you’re going out on the weekends, it’s frustrating you, and you keep repeating the same pattern over and over, you need to stop going to those places. You need to reevaluate what you’re doing and where you’re going. It’s time for some change. There are plenty of places you can go on a weekend night where you will meet a lot of other single people that don’t involve massive amounts of overpriced vodka, pumping techno music, and people standing around posing in their club gear. More to come on some fun alternative places for you to go on weekend nights in a future blog…

I say this ALL the time before we go out for the evening at our boot camps and seminars, and I’ll say it again: If you don’t actually like to go out at bars, don’t go out at bars to try to meet women. Don’t do it. Just like if you don’t like to read books, don’t hang around Barnes and Noble trying to meet women. If you don’t like basketball, don‘t get basketball season tickets to try to meet women at games. You get the picture…

Now get out there, have a great time this weekend, and enjoy one of our last weekends of summer!

Shogo here with another weekend blog!

For all you East Coast people, hope you’re keeping sheltered up for the vicious eye of the tiger that’s headed your way this weekend.

David and I are here in LA this morning getting ready for another amazing boot camp! I just went for a run on the beach, the weather is great out here this weekend, and I can already tell this weekend’s boot camp is going to be an amazing experience for everyone.

No to toot my own horn, but our events are always an amazing experience. Last month a very cool guy who came out to the New York seminar, whose name will remain anonymous, asked me how it is that I am able speak my mind in front of women with ease. He asked me how it’s possible that I can say whatever I’m thinking in the moment and not hesitate or be worried that I’m going to be offensive or sound like a pig.

This was a great question, and something that I want to share with all of you guys. It’s an important topic to address, especially if you’re out not just approaching women, but getting into real conversations, going out on dates, and talking to women in bars.

Shogo In Nightgame Mode

The thing that’s holding back a lot of guys from freeing up and speaking their mind is that they believe their own inner thoughts will be offensive to others. They think that if other people find out what they’re REALLY thinking, especially women, that they will be seen as a huge pervert. A sicko. An asshole who just wants to get in her pants.

So what happens is that guys get all nervous in front of women, afraid that the woman they’re talking to will find out about all those thoughts and all that chatter going off inside their brain, so they make something up. They come up with lines, they try to be funny, they pretend to be cool and disinterested, and then what happens is that they never let their true selves out.

But the fact is that you don’t have to be squeaky clean. If you really want to get good at this, you gotta let your true self out. You have to say what you’re thinking, no matter what ends up coming out of your mouth. You’re not an asshole or a freak, deep down inside you know you’re actually a really great guy, so start tapping into that part of you. You have to trust that part inside of you.

You have to be unapologetic for who you are. If you’ve never been able to get a girlfriend, or you can’t get past the second date, or you constantly get blown off at bars when you approach women, it isn’t because you’re deficient in something. It’s not because there’s some secret pickup information you don’t know. It’s because you’re covering yourself up. You have a hidden agenda when you’re talking to women that you’re interested in—sure she’s attractive, sure you’d like to have sex with her, sure you’d like to get to know her more—but that agenda really needs to come out into the open. And the rest will follow.

You will feel so much better talking to people.

Before he went out I said to him, “Make sure you’re done at midnight. We’ve got a long day ahead, and there’s no reason to chase the night.”

So Shogo says, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know, I know,” and heads out for the evening.

The next day, I suddenly get a text at 10:00 am on Sunday morning, right before the start to our day. It’s Shogo. He writes, “Hey, I’m running over to your hotel man! I’ve got to shower!”

And just in that text alone there was frantic, exhausted energy. You could almost read it, you know? There were a few sloppy spelling mistakes. The word “running” I think was spelled with one n instead of two. So I immediately knew that someone was out until 4:00 or 5:00 in the morning.

Shogo rushes up to the hotel and goes, “Don’t say it–you’re right man. I know, I shouldn’t have been out until 5:00 in the morning.” Then he jumps in the shower and brushes his teeth in a mad frenzy to get ready on time.

I said, “Well, what’d you do so late?”

“Oh, I met up with my New York friends and they ended up dragging me from one place to the next…”

“Did anything happen?” I ask. He goes, “No. Nothing ever does.”

Here’s the deal: nothing ever happens after midnight. I personally believe nothing worthwhile ever happens after 10:00 at night. The longer you chase the night—and we’ll call it CTN—the longer you run around doing nothing, the more exhausted you are the next day, the more pissed off you are the next day because you don’t have any energy for the next day. And if you’re drinking, the longer it takes to recover the next day and the more money you’ve just wasted.

What happens here is that you really don’t accomplish anything at all. If you haven’t met a cool, great woman by 10:00 pm, you probably won’t meet her. If you continue to drink and drink the night away, your head’s just going to be more messed up the next day. You think you’re getting liquid courage for when the right woman comes along but in reality, you’re really not meeting anybody good.

And if your friends are dragging you from place to place hoping that THIS is going to be the next great place, then you need to reevaluate your past experiences. Look back at all the times you chased the night. Look back at all the nights you’ve ever spent trying to make things happen with your love life and think to yourself, “Have I really ever met a woman who was interesting or could I have met a great women somewhere else? Did I just empty my wallet and allow a bar to take all of my money?”

Stop chasing the night. When you think about it, nothing fun or productive ever happens after midnight. How many times have you run around all night, and when you finally lay down in bed, it’s 4:00 in the morning, you stare at the clock thinking about all the opportunities you missed, all 8, 9, 10 potential opportunities, and you start thinking, “Man, next week I’m going to do it differently.”

It’s that mad cycle of life. The only reason why you’re not doing it differently this time is because you’re not actually doing anything different with your life.

It’s a fun, exciting world out there. It’s time to explore other options, guys.

I was at a friend’s house for a BBQ recently, and a few of them were planning on going out to bars that night. I started talking to two guys, really cool guys, who were asking me for tips on where to go out and meet women. One of them was in a relationship, so it was the other guy who wanted to meet somebody that night, maybe get some phone numbers.

I suggested some places for them to go out, and the two of them decided that the relationship guy was going to play the role of the wingman for the single guy. So we talked a bit about the “wingman” concept, and I told them some of my thoughts on what the wingman is for why I think having a wingman when you go out is a pretty goofy idea in first place.

For a lot of guys, having a wingman is necessary. They couldn’t imagine the thought of going out by themselves and having to meet people when they’re out alone.

When you rely on having a wingman when you go out at night, you’re basically treating your night out like a sport. It’s like a game, and the goal of the game is to meet some women, get a phone number, maybe hook up that night, whatever it is that you’re into. So in order to accomplish your goal, you need a teammate, a partner in crime, a like-minded cat who’s going to help you get there. In short, your wingman.

How To Find A Good Wingman

A wingman can serve several different purposes. He’ll hype you up to the person you’re talking to and make you look good. He’ll distract other people for you so that you can focus in on the woman you want to get to know. He’ll make it look like you actually have friends when you’re out meeting people and that you’re not a social outcast–social proof, as some like to call it. He’ll make you feel less awkward as you’re standing around scanning the room thinking about all the women you’d like to be talking to.

For all of you guys who are going out trying to meet women at night time, here are my thoughts on wingmen: get rid of the whole concept.

Try going out by yourself for once and see what happens. Why? Because it shows that you have confidence. You have the confidfence to go out at night by yourself, talk to and get to know whoever you want, and have a great time without the help of anyone else. You don’t worry about looking awkward. You don’t need someone to cover your ass, talk you up, or someone to stand there next to you so that you don’t feel so self-conscious.

Going out by yourself is ballsy. It shows that you don’t have to rely on the wolfpack to go out and have a good time, that you do whatever you want, and that don’t really care what other people think about you. Not only that, if you’re out without a wingman or without a group of guys, you HAVE to meet people. It’s like traveling by yourself–which is the only way I travel these days. When you walk through the world on your own, you’re forced to interact with others. You don’t have the excuse of huddling in the corner with the people you know, looking around all self-conscious and never talking to anyone new all night long.

Try it out this weekend. And let’s hear from you guys about what you think about wingmen.

And if you absolutely MUST have someone with you when you go out, if you’re not at the level yet where you feel comfortable by yourself, then go out with a person who you’re going to be able to have fun with. It doesn’t have to be the coolest person, or the guy who is really connected, or the one with the best pick up lines, or the best looking of all your friends–make it someone who you’re going to be able to really enjoy spending time with, someone who you feel good around and you can let loose and just have a blast with. That person is going to be your best bet for a wingman!