I was having a conversation the other day that made me think. People always say that a good relationship should just happen. They say that a good relationship doesn’t take work and that it should just happen naturally.
Do you know what I say to that? I say that’s bullshit. A good relationship takes a lot of work. Ask any couple who have been together a long time, and they will tell you that it takes a lot of work.
It seems, though, like everybody has a negative connotation associated with the word work. The truth is that if you love the person you’re with and you love the relationship, then it doesn’t feel like work.
Every day when I wake up, I never feel like I’m going to work. I love what I do. I enjoy the subject matter. I enjoy the people with whom I work. I enjoy each day as it comes. So the truth is that I never feel like I’m going to work. I just feel like I’m just enjoying myself.
The same thing is true about my relationship. I am constantly working on things in my relationship. I am constantly working on myself and my issues. None of that feels like work, because I truly believe the payoff for doing this is immense.
Do what you love, and the money will follow. Love yourself, and the love will follow.
Are you so obsessed with vagina that you’re missing business opportunities everywhere you go? So many people are out there just looking to meet vagina (I use the word ‘vagina’ very loosely; women are out there looking to meet penis!) So let’s talk about this.
So many men are so obsessed about getting into a woman’s pants that they miss business opportunities all of the time. For instance, let’s say you’re trying to start your own business.
The key to starting a business is customers – if you don’t have customers, you won’t have a business. So, technically, every person you meet is a potential customer – maybe not today, but down the road.
Life is about investing. I look at life like the stock market.
Some stocks you buy, wanting them to pop in five minutes, and then you want to bail out. I look at those as like having a one-night stand. You buy this stock, it goes up $2, you get in and you get out. You get a little bit of a high and you’re done. That’s like getting laid that night.
Other stocks you buy because you know the value of the company. You know it’s undervalued at the moment, but you’re making an investment in the company for the future.
It’s the same thing that happens in dating. When you’re dating someone, you’re making an investment in the moment for the future. Everybody you meet has some type of potential for you down the road.
So here’s what you should do. Get the business card of everyone you meet, and on the back of each card write down the following three things: (1) Where you met them, (2) when you met them and (3) three personal things you learned about them (e.g., what they like to do).
Let’s say four years down the road you open up your own business. Every person you’ve met over the last four years now sits in a stack of business cards on your desk.
Open up a Gmail account and enter all of these people into your address book. For each person input their name, address, phone number, email and all the things you noted about them on the back of the business card. Then when you’re working 75 hours a week trying to build your business, you can write personalized emails to all those people you met.
You can write emails like, “Hey Joe, greet meeting you. Remember we met about four years ago in Georgetown? It was interesting, we had this great conversation about French wine and I actually went out and bought two bottles that you recommended. I never emailed you to say thank you, but here it is! Listen, I just opened up my own financial planning business, and I’m reaching out to everyone because this is a real passion of mine. Whether you’re looking to invest now or in the future, I’d love to keep you abreast of things. I’m writing a newsletter that I’d like to send out to you. If you’d ever like to talk investments with me, then let’s get together sometime.” Then end it with “your friend,” “truly,” “see you soon,” or something else very personal.
So what does this mean? It means that every day, you’re out there cultivating potential clients and dates. You might meet a potential client on a Wednesday, and he may lay $1 million on you Thursday (which is like getting laid right away). Another one might take ten years to get (which is more like a relationship).
Regardless, you cultivate them the same way. Every single person you meet has to go into your database.
Even the person who does hire you right away is an important relationship to cultivate and maintain, because you want to keep them coming back for more. It’s like great foreplay. If you please them and they come back for more, that means you’ve essentially f*^ked them really well and left them very satisfied.
You’ve given them really good foreplay. You’ve gotten to know them — their body and their mind. You’ve gotten them off, they loved it and now they’re back for more.
Life if about treating everyone well. Don’t do business with someone that you don’t like. I tell people that all of the time. That’s why I speak to people on the phone before I do business with them. I have to see if I like them. If I like them, I’ll want to work with them.
To me, it’s a relationship that can last forever. If you do business with friends, than it’s like it’s not really business. Friends trust friends. That’s really what it comes down to in the end.
This dating and sex analogy is a bit weird to think about at first, but it’s true. You just have to make everybody feel good.
Alright, I f*^ked up! I’m not perfect. I was 5-2. 5-2, and I lost my fantasy game too because I tried to maneuver some roster moves that backfired.
Was I angry with myself yesterday during the Colts game? Well it took me a massage, but I got over it.
So, recently I f^*ked up. Today’s blog is going to show you how to f^*k up and enjoy it. Also, be sure to check out the amazing video at the end of this blog that will show you how to transition to sex.
So you f*^ked up. What are you going to do about it?
So many people look back at their “fu^*ked up” childhood and think, “This is the reason I’m allowed to be crazy” or “This is the reason why everyone hates me.”
While there is no doubt that we are programmed by our parents, as adults our f^*k ups are totally on us. It’s all a matter of taking responsibility for your actions.
The truth is that as long as you’re living, you are going to f^*k up. If you are putting yourself out there in life — trying new things, trying to grow as a person and trying to succeed in life — then you are going to f^*k up. It’s going to happen. Period.
The people who succeed in life are those who can admit when they f^*k up and will say to themselves, “Let me learn from this lesson and move forward.” What most people do, however, is play what I like to call “the f^*k up card.”
People allow bad behaviors and choices to continue because they don’t learn their lesson. They will say, “That’s just me. I always f^*k up.”
If you always f^*k up, why don’t you learn from it and move forward? Why don’t you just accept that you f^*ked up and learn a lesson from it?
Winners f^*k up every day, but they actually move forward and learn from them. How many times do you need to same lesson to be put in front of you before you will finally get it?
You need to understand that it’s not making a mistake that is the important thing, but what lesson you learn from it. It’s the changes you make based on the lessons you learn. That is what the real difference is between the winners and f^*k ups in life.
It’s Monday. All right, so I missed with my Titans prediction. I did, however, hit with everyone else — which puts me at 11-1 now for the season going into tonight’s game. For that game, I predict the Vikings will beat the Packers.
11-1 . . . I am pretty impressed! What really does not impress me, though, are men who hang out with strippers and who pay strippers to hang out with them.
We had friends in town this past weekend who stayed at the 4 Seasons Hotel. We went there last night to hang out in the hotel’s hot tub.
There was a middle-aged man alone in the hot tub when we arrived. He seemed like a nice man. About three minutes later, though, three bimbos with long nails came bearing drinks and speaking in Paris Hilton-like sentences.
The man started talking about his hotel room and other such things. The women immediately started “wow-ing” about his big balcony. Then they got on the phone with their friends and started going on and on about how they got their nails done at the 4 Seasons and about the guy’s huge balcony.
You know, anyone can open their wallet and invite three bimbo strippers to their room. Unless you’re going to have the sex of your life, though, being forced to sit and listen to these women is just painful. I swear, Daphne had more to say than these women did.
Why is this such a thrill for guys? Here is this guy hanging out with a group of women who can only manage to speak in Paris Hilton type half-sentences. I never understand this.
Of course I get a guy liking younger women, but there’s certainly younger intelligent women he could find who would like him. The conversations they were having were so boring. No one was listening to each other. All I can think is, “Why?”
I know men, and I have coached men, who have done this. The sex is never any good, because the women aren’t into it. They just want the cash or the fringe benefits (like getting their nails done at the 4 Seasons).
What really happens is that the women just try to get the guy to come as quickly as possible. So who is winning here? It’s just so gross.
I’ve had casual sex, but I’ve never paid for sex. Maybe I’m just more evolved and maybe there are just less evolved people in this world . . . and that’s fine.
It’s fine if you’re the type of guy who looks at women like a piece of meat, is only interested in getting his dick stroked, and couldn’t care less about an emotional connection. That’s not the life I want. That’s not the life I teach.
When we were sitting in the hot tub, the man kept looking at me and smiling. It was like validation for him, as if he was saying with his smile “Look, I have three hot bimbos with me in the hot tub!” I ignored his smiles.
If you want to impress me, impress me with who you are as a person. I’m not impressed that you can get three strippers into a hot tub. That doesn’t impress me in the least.
While he was sharing a second grade-level conversation with those women, we were having a deep conversation about life. So why does he think I’d be impressed that he has three bimbos with him? Sometimes I’m embarrassed by my own gender.
So this kind of guy doesn’t impress me, nor does the guy who whips out the black American Express card at dinner. Why should I pay a couple thousand dollars a year to have a credit card that does the exact same thing as my free one?
I’m also not impressed by the guy who pulls in front of the coffee house in his Lamborghini but doesn’t bother to put money in the meter because he doesn’t care about getting a ticket. He figures, what’s a measly $60 to him.
If you want to impress me, get deep and tell me who you really are. I couldn’t care less about all this surface stuff.
Oh, and by the way Mr. Hot Tub from last night, I know you’re reading this today because I dropped my business card on your towel (and human intuition definitely wins out every time). This blog is dedicated to you.
I guarantee you got nothing out of last night, except a thinner wallet and maybe an orgasm. In reality, though, you are just as lonely today as you were yesterday.
So how do all of you feel about men who use their wallets on prostitutes and fancy cars just to prove how successful they are?
If you want to know know how to meet women who want to hang out with you, check out this video:
It’s Saturday and as I was leaving this morning to go speak, I was thinking that I still need to give all of you my lead pipe, surefire football picks for this week. I do have my 3-0 record at stake here after all.
So for tomorrow, I like the Ravens and the Giants not only to win — but to crush their opponents. Tomorrow will also be the day that the Lions finally win a game. The Redskins have shown nothing so far, and the Lions are due.
On to today’s blog, and it’s a good one . . .
This blog today comes right from my heart. The wisest person in life is not the one who knows everything. Sure, that person is pretty damn wise, but only if that person has actually experienced everything he or she knows.
There are a lot of “Mr. Humble” people out there. You know who that person is, don’t you? He’s that guy who who is NEVER humble?
He is the one who always has something to say about everything. He thinks he knows about everything even though he’s never experienced half of the things about which he talks.
The wisest people are those who can shut the hell up when something new and unknown comes into their life. “Mr. Humble,” on the other hand, is always feeling like he needs to contribute something to the conversation even if he knows nothing about it.
I know when something comes up in a conversation with which I’m not familiar, that I sit back and listen. I don’t let my ego get in the way. If the conversation is going in a direction that I’m unfamiliar with and I can’t control, I just kick back and listen. As I listen, I’m learning.
Life is a series of repeated experiences. Two weeks after that conversation where I kicked back and listened, I might find myself in another conversation about that same topic about which I previously knew nothing.
Because I sat back and listened the first time, I’m now able to contribute. By contributing to this new conversation, I earn respect and I learn even more about the topic.
People often over-talk because they think that people will respect them more if they have a lot to say. People, however, actually respect you less if you over-talk. If you don’t know what you’re talking about, it’s okay to sit back and listen.
The quiet, silent types are the ones who are always listening and learning. We all know people who will always contribute to the conversation, regardless of if they know about the topic or not.
It’s their ego talking. Their ego wants them to be the wisest person in the conversation. In reality, though, the wisest people I know talk half of the time, and listen the rest.
We went out to dinner last night, and the service was just typical L.A., i.e., you felt like the server was stoned. We actually sat in the bar area and the bartender was our server.
We saw our food sitting in the window for almost fifteen minutes. The bartender forgot to pick it up. We saw the plates sitting there under the hot lights. I almost went to get them myself.
The bartender knew she had screwed up, but when she brought the food over all she said to us was “hot plates!” Of course they were hot. They had been sitting under a hot light for fifteen minutes.
Then she couldn’t figure out how to get our bill to print from the computer. By the time she did figure it out, we were late for the horrible movie we ended up seeing.
By the way, don’t go see “The Informant!” It was really bad (and really dumb).
So when I finally get the bill for dinner, I’m looking at it and thinking about how I have to leave a tip for this woman. I’m thinking, “Doesn’t a tip mean that you enjoyed the service?”
I bartended for seven years, and if I ever didn’t get a tip I always assumed it was because I gave poor service or because someone was cheap. Nowadays, tips are viewed as handouts. Everyone wants a tip. In fact, let’s talk about that . . .
Could I get tipped please? Excuse me, I have some advice for you. Can you leave me a tip?
When did we become a tip society? Have you noticed that everywhere you go — whether it’s Starbucks or a local takeout restaurant — that there’s a little line on the credit card slip for you to insert a tip or a jar on the counter asking you to leave a tip?
We’re expected to tip people even when we’re getting takeout. I remember sending someone I used to date with my credit card to pick up some food for us. When she gave me the receipt, I noticed she left a $7.00 tip . . . for takeout! I almost went through the roof.
Why am I tipping the person for takeout? What is up with everyone expecting to be tipped?
On an average Sunday, you’re forced to top people all day long. If you go to brunch (which is a ’self-serve’ meal), you have got to tip the waiter.
Wait a minute. I’m paying for food that costs me four times what I would have paid to buy it myself. Don’t restaurants pay people?
I have to pay my employees. Why can’t I pay my employees cheap wages and have them just make up the difference in tips?
You’re expected to tip everybody nowadays. You get a massage, you’ve got to leave a tip. You get a haircut, you have to tip. At a hotel you have to tip the concierge, the bellboy, the busboy, the waiter and the maid.
You have to tip everyone. Tipping the hotel maid? I know they don’t make good wages, but isn’t that the choice they made?
Why are we tipping everyone in the world? Why is everyone in the world entitled to a tip?
Why do we have to tip 20% in a restaurant. Why do we give a 20% tip everywhere we go. If we spent $100.00 on a Saturday, you’re really spending $120.00 because of all the people you’ve tipped throughout the day.
There are tip cups everywhere you go. You go to a local bagel shop, and the person there who decided to work for minimum wage cutting a bagel expects a tip. You get a cup of coffee and there is a tip cup. You get a scoop of ice cream, and there is a tip cup at the register.
People also try to give you guilt if you don’t contribute to their tip cups. The other day I picked up some takeout food, and as I signed the credit card slip without leaving a tip the woman gave me a dirty look as she put the food in the bag. She expected me to give her a tip (instead of hoping that I would leave her one).
I worked many jobs like this when I was younger, and I never expected to get a tip from every customer (or, really, from any customers). If I got a tip, I was happy. Of course, I expected to get tipped when I was bartending, but not when I was working behind a counter.
So, here’s a tip. If you don’t like what you’re getting paid at your job, go get a new one. Why is everyone at every job entitled to a tip?
Recently I was thinking about why a man who has any decent amount of money would would go into a strip club where he will spend a couple grand and walk out of there with only a lipstick smear on his cheek to show for it.
Strip clubs have always been the biggest waste of time and money ever known to mankind. I’ve had a lot of stripper friends. If you ever heard what they thought of the men who walk into a strip club and fill their bank accounts, you would be shocked.
Here are five things my stripper girl friend’s have told me:
1. If your wallet comes out and you’re a paying customer, you are not going to get laid unless you pay for it.
2. If they get you into the VIP back room within three minutes, they will take as much money from you as they possibly can because they know you are easy prey.
3. If they ask you for your phone number, they will never call you. They only want it so they can continue to subtract the Benjamins from your wallet.
4. If you do want to get to know them personally and you do want to sleep with them in the future, you NEVER give in to the lap dance. You instead reject the lap dance and throw it back on her, asking her if she would like a lap dance from you. If you want to flirt with strippers, then you have to bust them and reverse the rolls.
5. Telling a stripper that it’s your first time being in a strip club, even though you’re a regular, is completely transparent to her. She’s a master at figuring out your bullshit. Look at her as a naked used car salesman with the biggest headlights you’ve ever seen.
This blog, though, is not about how to land a stripper. Personally, I’ve dated a few strippers when I was in my twenties. I was pretty fascinated by the stories they would tell me and by the many different ways they used to extract money from gullible men.
Let me ask you a question. Is is just me, or is the idea of having your groin teased with no release just not fun? On top of that, you’re paying for it! I mean really . . . how ridiculous!!
You get to pay someone to dance on your groin, so you can go home later and jerk it yourself. It just seems like really expensive foreplay with yourself.
Why don’t you just take yourself out to dinner, stare into your own eyes, and seduce yourself? Or, why don’t you send yourself dirty text messages all night long about what a stud you are in bed?
Or maybe . . . there is a better option. Why don’t you just get up the guts and go after the women you really want so you no longer have to be teased by strippers who only want your Benjamins.
Let’s be real. If you are going to a Vegas strip club thinking you might actually get laid at the club, save your money ahead of time. It’s just not going to happen. Most strippers are not whores. Some are, but many are not.
Spending a couple hundred dollars to sit in a chair listening to some Metallica song playing while a stripper bounces up and down dry humping me is not exactly fun. What’s fun about being teased by someone with whom you’re never going to be able to finish?
I have no issues with dry humping. It’s fun . . . as long as it’s done with somebody with whom I’m going to also do some wet humping.
To go into a strip club so I can give a woman I’ll never see again her rent money, is both degrading and stupid. Guys who think they are going to hook-up and have sex with a stripper might as well just go on craigslist and get themselves a real hooker. It’s cheaper and you’re going to get off.
I have never understood the attraction of going to a strip club so I can be teased all night long . . . and paying for it. It’s funny how many men will go to a bar where they get teased by women all night long, who will then leave there and think it’s a good idea to go to strip club where they get teased more all night long. What’s the point?
The point is that if you want to get laid, then you have got to learn how to connect with women! There is no point in ever setting foot in a strip club if you understand how to relate to and meet women.
For those of you who go to strip clubs and get nothing out of it except an empty wallet, then I suggest you take a good look at my Men’s Audio Mastery Series.
Look, if you want to pay for it, at least go to a rub ‘n tug. That way you get a massage and a happy ending for far less than what it costs to be teased by man-hungry strippers.
The other day I was in Best Buy with a few friends trying to haggle my way into a good deal on a plasma television. The New Yorker in me does not like to pay retail. So after spending thirty minutes trying to get something for far cheaper than what the man in the blue shirt was trying to get me to pay, I walked out. The art of negotiating the sales deal is being able to walk away. The art of seducing a woman is also exercising the power of walking away.
But this blog is not about how to purchase a plasma television or how to walk away from a woman to turn her on sexually. This is about the conversation we had in my car heading to the Apple store.
Of the three guys in the car, two of them are in relationships and I was recently in a long relationship. We got to talking about the pluses and the minuses of being in a relationship. I love a good relationship, but sometimes we’re not ready for the relationship we’re in — you’re too young, you met her when you were in a weird time in your life when you don’t want a relationship, or whatever the reason might be.
There are a lot of reasons why men and women do not want relationships. Some men want to keep on having fun until they’re ready for a relationship. Some women are the same way.
The bottom line here is this: If you’re not ready for a relationship and you’re in one, you need to start being honest with yourself. Ask yourself a few questions:
? Why are you in this relationship?
? What would it be like if you were single again? (and try not to apply the “grass is always greener” idea here)
? Are you happy sexually?
? Do you and your partner communicate really well?
? Is your partner someone with whom you can picture spending the rest of your life?
? Does your partner allow you to be an individual?
? Does your partner criticize you for not being the person they want you to be?
? Does your partner encourage you to hang with your friends and to enjoy things as an individual?
? Do you and your partner see eye to eye on money issues?
? For those of you who have a kid, do you and your partner see eye to eye on family issues?
Life is short and a relationship takes a lot of work to make happen. There are no perfect relationships. But you need to make sure that you’re with a partner who is everything that you want. Otherwise, you’re just wasting time – yours and theirs- by staying in a relationship that is not what you want.
So we were all talking about this in the car, and I came up with the perfect solution for people who are in a relationship that is not working: Instead of torturing each other and staying in a relationship because of the fear of being alone, you need to get out of the relationship and get yourself a Labrador!
Labradors are loyal. Labradors are fun. They’ll cuddle up with you on the floor while you’re watching television. They’ll sleep next to you in bed. They’ll get your lazy ass out the house and be the best workout partner you’ve ever had. Not only that, but Labradors (especially the black English version), are the prettiest dogs.
So once you get of this relationship and get a Labrador, allow the Labrador to be the best prop you’ve ever had . . . because no one can resist petting a Labrador. For those of you who are in co-dependent relationships and need to get out, I’ve just given you an escape plan.
It’s time to break up and get yourself a Labrador. If you’re in need of the name of a good breeder, email me. I know quite a few good Labrador breeders.
And if you haven’t figured it out by now, I have a five year-old Labrador. Her name is Daphne, and she totally kicks ass! She’s not a substitute relationship, but the energy you get from a dog will make you feel far less lonely than you think you would after you end a relationship.
