If someone doesn’t get back to you, you start assuming the negative.

You start creating this really negative story inside your mind.

“Ooh, they didn’t get back to me because…” and then you list all the reasons why in your negative head—why the person didn’t get back to you.

You then engage your friends, and ask, “Why do you think they didn’t get back to me?” And then you all sit down and create a whole story that doesn’t even exist—you just keep assuming.

Or maybe you text somebody, and they don’t get back to you.  And then you send them another text saying:

Hey, obviously you don’t want to hang…

Obviously? Maybe that somebody was busy.

I hate when people do that to me.  To be honest—since it’s extreme honesty month—it drives me up the wall.

I didn’t get back to you because I had something else going on.  I wasn’t living by my phone.  I didn’t have it in my hip constantly.  I don’t answer my texts 24/7. I’m not some doctor, on-call.

Basically the reason why I wouldn’t text somebody back immediately is because I have a life, and the life that I’m living is more interesting than being glued to my phone.

The next time you go on creating a story in your mind, think to yourself: maybe this person is enjoying their day and having a life.

Get out of your head. Get out of the negativity zone. And if you are in that negative zone, don’t communicate with anyone from that place.

Don’t send the negative follow up text.

Don’t call and leave the annoyed voicemail message.

Be cool. Go out, have fun, and let everything happen as it should.

Is everybody rolling along and being honest?

I’m having a great time with this extreme honesty month.  It’s been a lot of fun.

Last Sunday I was in the parking lot of the farmers’ market with a client of mine. As I was leaving, a guy in a black Saab cuts me off and flies into a parking space.

Being the New Yorker that I am, I of course raised my fist in the air. (I don’t know what that means—raising the fist in the air—you think to yourself, “Wow, I’m raising my fist in the air.  It means that I’m going to do what, exactly?”)

So black Saab guy jumps out and he says, “What are you doing man? You’re so aggressive with your car!”

I said, “What are you talking about?  Your girlfriend is a raving maniac and she flew into the spot.”

All of a sudden I looked at him and I listening to his voice carefully.  He was angry and pissed off. He had an accent. His girlfriend also jumped out of the car, angry.

I said, “Hey, you from New York?”

“Brooklyn.”

“No kidding man, my brother and I have got a business in Brooklyn.”

And just like that, we bonded.  His girlfriend, formerly feisty, was now bubbly and talkative.

I said to the guy, “She’s feisty, huh? That’s good. I like it.”

She said, “Yeah I’m a Jersey girl.”

“I love Jersey girls. I love hot-tempered women.  You’ve got to admit: most of the people in L.A., they’re probably stoned—they’ll let you cut them off and stuff like that.  You drove aggressive like I do. Good for you.”

We talked for 10 minutes and had a really good conversation.

I realized at that moment, that all the times I used to get really angry at people, pissed off, not doing a thing, not saying anything, I could have turned it around and had a great conversation like I did.

And I did it based on a commonality.  It felt really good to just say, “Hey, I’m an aggressive driver like that too. You just happened to cut me off before I probably would have cut you off.”

I admitted that to them.  They laughed, we laughed.

I realized that being really honest feels great on every level.

It’s not just talking to your boss.  It’s not just talking to your significant other.  It’s just letting it all out in all ways, shapes, and forms.

Every day this month I’ve had an episode like that.

Hell, somebody called me a douchebag in an e-mail.

I e-mailed back and said, “Thank you. At least I created an emotion in you.  I’m glad that I was the douchebag that made you write back.”

That’s exactly how I felt.

. . .

How are you guys doing with this?  

Are you really being honest?  

Comments have been good on the blog, but what changes are you guys doing in your life and what do you see?

Are you seeing changes in your life?  

Are you seeing new ways to look at things?

Or maybe you’re staying in a hotel and they messed up your reservation, would you throw a glass of water in the face of the receptionist?

Do you usually threaten people when you don’t get your way?

Let’s say you bought something on the Internet and you don’t like the product.  Do you immediately send someone an e-mail threatening them that if you don’t get your money back, you’re going to call the Better Business Bureau or that you’re going to write a blog post about what a bad company they are?

Do you try to do anything in your power to make people look bad if you feel they’ve wronged you?

If you are this type of person—stop. Stop right now.

The way you behave with others out in the world is exactly the way you are in your interpersonal relationships with the opposite sex.

People who tend to threaten tend to use those threats with the opposite sex because they have been frustrated in their interpersonal relationships for so long.

The minute something goes wrong in an interpersonal relationship, they either make a verbal threat or they take something away from somebody that they used to give lovingly. I call this behavior “passive aggressive relationship mode”.

People who behave this way are very mistrusting.  They think the world is out to get them.

It’s sad.

I truly believe that when people do this, their lack of trust comes from inside, not from the person that they’re dealing with.  It’s their personal issues coming out.

As a guy that runs his business online, I deal with people like this from time to time. If they didn’t like a product, they send me an e-mail and they threaten me with the Better Business Bureau.

I’ve had people threaten to say bad things about me in public or on their personal platforms.

I’ve had people call me names.

Seriously.

Here’s the deal: I’m the most open, honest person I’ve ever met.  If you don’t like something of mine, I’m going to send you a few e-mails and try to find out why you didn’t like, or how I can help you.

I want to guide you to see if I can help you either:

A.  Find the right product with me.

B.  Find the right product with someone else.

C.  Maybe share something with you that will actually enlighten you to try the product again in a different mindset.

I will also call you out on your own crap, especially now that I’m practicing extreme honesty.

Anger stems from your own frustration in life, your own frustration in your interpersonal relationships—not with the person you’re dealing with.

A mistrust of somebody you’re dealing with stems from being a mistrustful person—it doesn’t come from anything anybody else did.

The front desk clerk didn’t do you any harm at the hotel.  You have no relationship with her, no history with her whatsoever.

It has to do with your interpersonal relationships.  The way you were brought up, how you were taught to trust or mistrust others, all of your experiences in glorious or painful relationships—all shape the way you behave with others.

So the next time you feel this anger arise, look deep inside, and get to the bottom of why this behavior is a habit for you.

Forgive all the people that you think wronged you in your life.

Drop the old, bottled-up emotions.

Rid your mind of the negative thoughts.

And be free.

(We like you better that way.)

They are in constant bliss.

Everything is a joy.

I was walking along the beach earlier, looking around.

I saw these kids build this amazing sand castle. They were having so much fun.  I just wanted to jump right in and play with them.

(The problem is, their parents would’ve probably thought that I’m some really creepy, weird guy wanting to jump into a sandbox and play with their kids.)

The waves were really high and they would come up very close to where I was walking. In front of me, little kids were jumping in and out of the water and screaming their heads off in happiness.

Later, I went to the mall to grab a bite to eat.  A small group of children were staring in deep amazement at a fountain. Their eyes would follow the water as it shot up in rhythmic spurts. They were transfixed––totally caught up in the beauty of the moment.

Isn’t it time that we learned from these little guys? We should all work to become an adult kid.

Just have fun.  Look at the waves like you’ve never seen them before.  Look at a fountain like you’ve never seen it before.  Dig a hole in the beach and just have fun.

I remembered a boot camp that I had in LA years ago.  One of the exercises was to dig a sand castle and then go down the beach and find women to come and evaluate it. Advanced steps were to then get the women to come and actually help build. You’d be surprised at how many of them joined in!

It’s about being childlike and enjoying life.

Who would you rather be around: somebody having fun or somebody standing in the corner with their arms folded?

Life is too short to be miserable.

Dig a hole in the beach.  Stare at a fountain.  Jump in the waves and become a kid again and you’ll start to see how many more people you attract in your life.

Everything you do, everything you experience is about seduction.

From waking up in the morning to getting dressed, looking your best, and feeling your best.

When you look at yourself in the mirror, do you feel powerful, strong, sexy, and amazing?

Walking into work, saying hello to people with command, looking at people in the eyes, smiling, and enjoying your day is seductive.

Eating lunch by yourself, looking people in the eyes, being sure of who you are, being strong, being powerful to your core—these are all seductive traits.

Life is all about seduction.  

The better you seduce, the more money you make.

The better you seduce, the more friends you have.

The better you seduce, the more relationships you experience and the greater love you can feel.

Seduction works in all aspects of life, from getting discounts, upgrades, getting great customer service, and having people respect you in all ways.

You have to master what a great seducer does.

Master seducers are strong and self-aware and they know that they can have and do whatever they want. It’s a powerful way to live. People sense that power, and women can’t resist it.

I urge you to not only work on your game with women, but work on your life game, so that you can walk around with the power of a great seducer.

It’s all about inner game. If you truly know that you can do and be anything, what is there to worry about?

And if you’re not worried, then you’re not in your head.

When you’re not in your head, all of your personal energy and charisma is being expressed without filter. And that’s really the ultimate goal.

Honestly express yourself.

Be authentic.

Be you.

It is the month of May, and I also declare it Extreme Honesty Month.

You’re all going to participate, hopefully.

We’re all going to participate in extreme honesty month.

Here is what it is all about:

For the next 31 days and 31 nights, you’re going to be extremely honest with everybody you come into contact with.

You’re no longer going to worry about what to say. You’re not going to be stuck inside your head. You’re going to speak your mind—no filter.

You’re also going to realize that the world is going to respond to you in an entirely different way. They’re going to respond to you in ways that you never have before.

For the next 31 days, you’re going to be fully authentic, real, and loving. You’re going to live your life every single day full of love—remember that. The two virtues necessary to be an honest person, are courage and love.

It takes courage to be completely you and say what you really feel. It also takes love to be able to do it without being a dick.

I don’t want you to attack people. Tell people how you feel but do it from a place of love. Don’t call people out from a place of anger or resentment—that will make this month very difficult for you. Be honest from a place of love.

You can come from a loving place, and explain why you’re hurt, why you’re sad, why you’re angry, why you’re upset. You’re more likely to honestly express yourself if you can control your emotions while you do it. Coming from genuine, positive emotions like respect, courage, and love will give you greater control.

This will be your most challenging and empowering month ever.

But imagine being able to walk up to a woman who you think is absolutely beautiful, and actually say it because you mean it, not because you want something from her.

Imagine being able to walk into your boss’ office, and explain to them why things are not working out for you at work, and your ideas on how things can be better so the work environment can be a more powerful, creative environment for everybody to flourish.

Imagine being able to tell your parents things you’ve always wanted to say. Imagine having a sit down with your best friend, who has been real selfish with your time and explaining how you feel.

Imagine being able to say all the things that have been dominating your thoughts for the longest time. Imagine being able to let them out and discuss them, so you can live a free, clear life.

That is what it is all about.

Extreme honesty month, it is time for all of you to join in.

I will be blogging (and tweeting #extremehonestymonth) every single day, sometimes more than once.

I will post videos.

I will post podcasts.

It is all going to be about being real, and I’m going to share with you what’s going on in my life, some of the conflicts, and some of the things I’m working on. Sharing with you is going to help me become more honest, and more real, and more open about my personal life.

I look forward to every day of this month, I hope you do too.

. . .

And if you want to officially join me for a month of total honesty, and you want to do it in a very public way, click to tweet the following:

I am celebrating extreme honesty month. I vow to speak nothing but the whole truth for the next 31 days. Join me. – Click to Tweet.

A dad was playing with two of his daughters and then they began walking up the path.

Just past them, sitting alone on the sand, I saw a little fairy princess ball.

I thought to myself, “Man, that’s got to be their ball, and they probably don’t even know where it is.”

It made me think of my daughter, Layla, and how she would feel if she lost her favorite ball at the beach.

Most people would have ignored the ball and they would have kept walking. But I had all these thoughts running through my head—feelings, emotions, and a sense of responsibility, since I’m the only one that seemed to see it.

I picked up that ball; I walked back down the beach, handed the ball to the father and said to him,

“Hey, is this yours?”

“I think so. Thank you!”

“You’re welcome. I have a daughter and I can imagine what it would feel like if she lost her favorite ball, how I’d have to coddle her all night long and try to get her to like someone else.”

(Because if you didn’t know, when a kid loses their favorite thing, it’s like the world is about to come crumbling down all around them.)

He handed the ball to the little girl. She smiles a toothless smile and they walked off.

I felt good, and rightly so. It’s a law: by performing a random act of kindness, a whole flow of positive energy comes rushing towards you. The universe will deliver good, positive energy flow to people who are really good, strong, powerful, and amazing to other people, especially when doing it from the bottom of their heart.

If you want love and good energy to flow into your life, then you’ve got to do good, loving things for people.

You’ve got to really feel each moment. If you can feel each moment, if you can allow yourself to really get into every fiber of each moment, you’re really going to start having easier moments with the opposite sex.

Life is about feelings.

Life is about being present.

Life is a journey.

Once in a while, get outside yourself and do amazing things for other people. See how awesome it feels, and see what comes back into your life.

You’ll be amazed at your life unfolds without you even trying.

Maui’s a big, cool honeymoon marriage destination, families and so forth.

Sure there’s scattered single people all over the place, but this is definitely a place that families go to relax.

When most people go on vacation, they make it about chasing women, chasing people, chasing relationships, and chasing sex.

I’m just about connecting.

I just walk around all day long, swim, have some lunch, sit by the pool, and chat people up.

I want nothing from them at all.

I don’t want sex.  I don’t want a friendship.  I want nothing, but just the opportunity to communicate with another person who’s sharing the same experience as me—the experience of a vacation.

I don’t care if they have got kids or they’re single, or they’re attached.  I’ve had great conversations with some single people.  I’ve had great conversations with some attached folks.  I’ve had fun playing with some of the kids.  It’s all about connecting and being present in the moment.

Every night I go out to dinner.  The last two nights have been a blast.

I met an awesome couple: she worked for United Air Lines; he was a scientist. They live together in Redondo Beach not too far from where I am in LA.

We were talking about his upcoming reunion, airplane travel, the periodic table—everything. I spoke to them for about an hour at the bar while I was eating dinner.  They were great people and a lot of fun to talk to—people that I can hang out with again if I ever run into them again.

It isn’t about getting laid.

I didn’t feel like I had a bad night because I didn’t meet a woman or I didn’t have sex. Most people have that mentality and it makes a good night seem really bad in their eyes.

But it’s really about being present and becoming this great, powerful, strong, attractive person. That’s where a lot of people have it wrong.

A lot of people go and they have pre-determined things that they want.  They feel like the night wasn’t a success if they weren’t able to get a phone number, or make out with someone on the dance floor.

But if your only desire is to make an emotional connection with others—male or female—then you’re more likely to meet that “special someone”.

It’s all about the mindset you have.

Change your mindset, change your results.

I took a flight that I was disappointed in.

See, when I booked the flight, I ended up using miles. I wanted to do first class and didn’t want to pay for any upgrades or anything.

Then American decided that they would take the airplane that was supposed to be the first class airplane and then they went and used another plane.

Not even the same plane at all!  (There’s a big difference between a 757 and a 767.  First class on a 757 is really not a good first class.  But I digress…)

I’m a really picky person—especially when it comes down to traveling.

I truly believe that you pay for something you ought to get your money’s worth.

I ended up getting in the Marriott Resorts—a great little hotel.  First night on the bed, it was mushy, soft and everything bad.  I never like to sleep on a mushy, soft bed.  So I had them change it to something firm.

Yea, I’m that guy.

I’m the guy that’s constantly changing the room.  If I don’t like the view, if I don’t like the smell, if I don’t like the size of the bathroom—whatever it might be—I’m changing it.

I’m that guy that usually spends a week at a hotel and has four different rooms.

Yes, I’m that guy. No, not “dick”, I prefer the phrase “guy that knows what he wants and makes sure he gets it otherwise you’re going to hear from him”.

You deserve to get what you want.  And I find that most people do not get what they want because they never speak up.

They’re afraid to speak up.  They just accept things for what they are.

In life, you should never just accept things for what they are.  If you got a bad hotel room and you can hear your neighbors next door—say something about it.  It’s your trip, it’s your life, it’s your time to do what you want.

Speak up in life. Go after what you want.

I jokingly titled this post The Power of Being Nice—yes, jokingly.

There is no power in being nice. — Click to Tweet

Sure be “nice” if that’s who you are or that’s the mood you’re in, but don’t make it a focus.

Don’t aim to be “nice”—be real.

Be you.

Say what’s on your mind.

Express yourself.

Fortune favors the bold. Life favors the authentic.

There are a lot of us who are too afraid to self-reflect.

Self-reflection is one of the most powerful journeys you can possibly go on—a journey so powerful that you’re guaranteed to make huge changes in your life afterward.

But the changes that you desire may not even be anything that you think.

For me, self-reflection is best when I’ve put space around the things I want to reflect on.

So I decided to go on a trip.

There are two things going on in my life that I really wanted to get away from.  I wanted space to reflect and I wanted to go inside, with no distractions.

I had some offers to go away with some fun people but I chose to go alone and I chose to reflect.

So far, the reflection has been pretty amazing.  I’ve learned a lot about what I want and who I am, but in a very different way.  You see, my life lately has been chaotic to say the least.  Lots of things have been going on, relationships have been changing, and my life has taken different turns.

I really just wanted to go away, kick back, and just get back in touch with me and who I am and how I want to formulate my life.

Life is a gift.  

You know I say that all the time.  Sometimes we misuse that gift and sometimes we don’t even know what we want to do with the gift, but it’s still a gift nonetheless.

I’m going to get personal and share a lot of this journey that I’m on.

I’m going to get a little deeper.

I’m going to give you a few more peeks into my personal life.

I’m going to open up more and I’m going to share my experiences with you because if I’m encouraging you to be more naked, honest, and vulnerable in your personal lives, then I need to lead by example.

A lot of you read the blog but don’t post on the blog—afraid to let go, afraid to say what’s really on your mind.

Now is the time to join us and be honest—be open. 

The journey that I’m on right now is going to be one of absolute truth—100% truth—in everything that I do.

I’m going to live a 100% authentic life.

Next week, starting on Tuesday, May 1^st, Obi and I will be going an entire month without telling a single, little, baby, white lie.

Extreme honesty month—going out of our way to be honest and say what’s on our mind.

We’re going to blog often about our progress during this month, and we want you to join us.

I’m going to tell the truth to every single person that’s out there, whether he or she can handle it or not.

Because creating the life that you’ve always wanted starts with being honest with yourself, and then being honest with everyone around you.

So let’s begin.

Self-reflection.

Extreme honesty.

It’s going to be a very exciting month.