Let’s say you and your significant other are discussing whether or not to go to the beach that day. You say that you are apprehensive about going to the beach, and don’t really want to go. The other person’s immediate reaction is, “You don’t want to go to the beach with me.”

Now, I know the beach isn’t the best example, but stay with me here. The other person didn’t hear the part where you said you almost drowned in the ocean as a kid. The other person didn’t hear about how frightened you are of the water.

So even though you’re telling the other person all this information so they will understand your background, and so that maybe you can open up about wanting to try and go in the water again, the other person makes an assumption about what they think you are saying.

A lot of people in life are “assumers.” Assumers always assume the worst because that is the way people have always treated them.  It is the way they have always been treated by everyone in their mind.

They have always been rejected, or they will reject themselves before anyone else can reject them. This is what happened in the beach example above. The other person rejected themselves very quickly, and didn’t stop to really listen to the the real meaning behind the words being said to them.

They have not been able to get really deep with themselves. So many of you do this over and over again when it comes to meeting members of the opposite sex.

You don’t approach someone because you either look for a certain “sign” that you don’t get, or you get what you perceive to be a negative sign. You’ll think, “Oops, they looked in the other direction, so that means they don’t want to be approached. They don’t find me attractive and just rejected me.” All that from someone looking in the other direction?

You are always looking for the negative because you are a negative person and negativity is your comfort zone. That is what you are used to, i.e., being rejected or assuming the worst.

I have a friend who is like this. If I don’t immediately call them back or answer an email from them, they assume there is something wrong. They assume they did something wrong.

The truth is that I didn’t answer an email because I was busy. The truth is that I didn’t call them back because I didn’t have my phone on me over the weekend. I’ve told this friend over and over that I don’t carry my phone on the weekends because (1) I’m not a doctor and (2) I find the phone obnoxious during my time away from things. No matter what, though, this person assumes there is something wrong.

They will ask me, “What did I do? What did I do wrong? Are we back in the non-communication mode?” This person reacts because of the way that people have treated them their entire life, and they can’t see past it no matter what I say to them.

They don’t want to see past it. They don’t want to listen to the depth of what I’m telling them, because all they do is hear what they are used to hearing.

They are used to that rejection.  They are used to feeling that way.  

It is really time you listened outside of your comfort zone, and really listen fully to what someone is saying when they talk to you. If you are someone who has trouble really processing this in your life, then I have a great exercise to help you.

When you have a conversation with someone, write down bullet points of everything you hear. Instead of immediately reacting, take time to really review the conversation and change you pattern.

You pattern will never change until you do this. I know because I am a reactor too.  My mother taught me how to react. 

The minute someone says something negative, I used to react and say “Aha! I knew you felt this way. I knew it!” We do this because it makes us vulnerable to change our ways and this pattern.

If someone is constantly saying to you that you are assuming things in what they say that just aren’t true, then it’s time to change the way you do things. It’s time you learn to listen outside your comfort zone.

You need to step up and realize the things that you bring upon yourself. It’s really, really important to do that. When you do, you will live a better and more enlightened life.

You want to live a more enlightened life and really feel someone’s energy, instead of always focusing on the negative things they might say. If you focus in on negative things, it’s because you’re a negative person.

You’re not somebody who really wants to grow. Even though you say you want to grow and even though you say you want to make changes, you have a hard time doing it because you don’t follow what you’re saying.

So, look into your life. Look deeply into your life. If you’re somebody who has really been focusing in on the negative and only hearing what you want to hear, then you are missing the entire conversation. You are missing an amazing npart of what another person is giving you — the gift of themselves and the friendship you could really have — all because of this neurosis.

So at the Hollywood Bowl last night looking at the two visible stars in the sky, we got to watch Depeche Mode play a concert. It was one of the best shows I’ve ever seen.

Not only was the band great, but crowd moved right along with them. Everyone stood for the entire concert.

The opening band, The Whistlers, was good too. You know The Whistlers — Peter, Paul and Bjorn? I’m just joking, but they were good.

Something that happened last night was really funny. We went to the concert with another couple. They brought so much food, it was incredible.

We also learned something about Sonja’s friend Angie. We learned that she always has an emergency stash of almonds in her purse.

Do you know people like this, who always have some kind of emergency food — raisins, nuts or trail mix or something — in their bag? I don’t know about you, but I’ve never had emergency food in my bag.

I mean, there always is a convenience store nearby if you really need something. I guess if you were trapped on a desert island, then having the emergency food stash is smart. Or, maybe, if there’s an earthquake that knocks all your food on the floor and your dog eats everything but the emergency nuts, then it’s a good idea too.

Really, though, there are just some people who are going to make wonderful mothers . . . because a good mother always has an emergency bag of almonds. My mother always had an emergency Valium. So whenever we were hungry on a road trip, my Mom would say “There’s no food” in a not-so-nice tone of voice and then pop the emergency Valium. So, clearly, some people are better prepared to be mothers than others.

On the subject of children, I have a question. Is it just me, or does it seem like everywhere you look women are pregnant?

That brings up another children-related topic I wanted to talk about today. . . I truly believe there should be a DPB (”Department Of Better Parents).

You know, you’d go in there and tell the child experts why you want to have kids. You’d take a test to see if you can parallel park with kids in the back seat. Then the child experts would determine whether you should become a parent.

I think this is a great idea, because I’ve got to tell you that there are a lot of people who wouldn’t pass if they had to get a parent’s license. I don’t think it’s right to have a child just because you want one.

I want a boat, but I don’t think I’ll take care of it. I also want an old car, but I think it will frustrate me and break down too much.

Children are people, not things or possessions. They are not put on this earth so you can relive your frustrated childhood through them, and be made to do all the things you wanted to do as a kid. You need to embrace that, and allow them to be the people they want to be.

I think having a child is not a right. It’s a gift. It’s a gift for which you have to be ready. You have to be someone who embraces that gift. You know, the emergency almond woman from last night would definitely be a good one.

Do you know what I like about getting deep and really talking like this? You learn so much about yourself, about your lover and about how to get closer to each other.

I truly believe that in order to make things amazing in your relationship, you need to get down to the core of your behaviors. I’m going to share more about this a future blog.

Right now, though, let’s talk about another conversation. One that is needed for all lovers to share…

You know, it’s really interesting. I was recently talking to a female client who said to me, “David, I’m having this great sexual relationship with a man but I don’t really know how to communicate things. I love what he does to me, but I don’t know how to communicate more with him in bed.”

Then I asked her a list of things to find out what she likes that he does to her, and also told me what he likes to do and the kind of sex they have together. She also told me what she likes that he does.

So I asked her, “Do you tell him this? Do you tell him that you love when he has sex with you in certain ways? Do you tell him that you love when he goes down on you in a certain way? Do you tell him that you love the way he massages your body? Do you tell him any of that?”

She said, “No I don’t.” I told her that as a man, I want to be told those kind of things.

Let’s say I have great sex with a woman or try a new position or something and the next day she tells me how much she loved what I did to her with that new position. What am I going to want to do? I’m going to want to do it again and again in that position. Even if it wasn’t my favorite position in the world, I’m going to want to do it again and again and again.

Why? I want to do that because in these situations I’m fully embracing their wishes and desires. I’m putting it in my memory bank.

Every time each of you put something in your memory bank, what you’re doing is programming each other. I think everyone needs to reprogram their lover in every which way.

You need to forget about the past, and you need to look at your lover and start finding new ways to make love to each other. So, every single time your lover tells you something that they loved sexually that you did, put it in that memory bank and remember it.

You need to encourage the other person. If the other person does something to you one night and it feels great, encourage them. Say, “I love the way you do that…” What happens when you start doing that, is they are going to want to do those things to you over and over again.

Thank that person for giving themselves to you. Don’t expect, but thank that person. Start doing thiss and your sex life is going to go off the charts.

So since I was up early, I went out to take a nice peaceful walk on the beach. My peaceful walk this morning was ruined, however, by the man with the leaf blower. Yes, there was a man with a leaf blower who was blowing sand off my neighbor’s property.

If you think about it, shouldn’t the beach really be one of the places in the world where you’re sure to be able to avoid leaf blowers? I mean it’s the beach and it’s always windy. So even if you blow the sand off of something, it’s only going to blow back on it a little while later.

For some reason, though, Los Angeles seems to have men with leaf blowers everywhere you go (seeming to many times be blowing nothing at all). You can’t avoid them. I’m going to petition Arnold in the Governor’s mansion to change the state flag to have a man with a leaf blower on it.

Why in the world do you need to have someone blowing sand when you live on the beach? Yeah, that’s what I want to do with my money – spend $10.00 an hour having someone blow sand around the beach that the wind is just going to blow right back where it was. Well, I guess that proves that the power of the wind is more powerful than the power of the man with the leaf blower.

This is also a big week for me. No its not Shark Week on The Discovery Channel . . . but it’s “Mommy Week” here in the Wygant household. You see, my girlfriend’s mother is coming to visit for a couple weeks.

I know some of you are getting flashes from King Of The Hill, Everybody Loves Raymond, The Simpsons, All In The Family and The Jeffersons. Didn’t Weezie’s mother-in-law hate her guts? Anyway, this is the start of “Mommy Week” for me.

Now it was going to be the beginning of “Mommy Bootcamp” (as my right hand “man” Kristen coined it), because my Mom was also supposed to be visiting this week. Why not, right? Might as well have all the mommies here at once. My Mom got a bad back, though, and decided that flying would make it even worse.

So starting Wednesday we won’t have Shark Week, we’ll have Mommy Week. I’ve already met my girlfriend’s mom and had a great time with her. It looks like I’m going to have a new assistant for the next couple weeks, though, so if I start sounding like a southern woman you’ll know why!

On a more pertinent note and a topic that I really think fits my train of thinking today.

Has anyone ever said to you (or have you said to yourself), “You’re so uptight, what’s with that stick in your ass”?

Here’s the thing that most people need to learn: go with the flow. I’m not talking about your woman’s menstrual cycle, or the flow that comes when your stomach is upset – I’m talking about going with the flow in life.

Sometimes you’re in a conversation with someone and you’re really wanting to get your point across, and then the conversation changes direction. You need to learn to just go with the flow!

If you’re in a cheese shop, talking about cheese, and you really want to talk about this great recipe you have – and then all of a sudden someone barges into the conversation and changes the direction of it, go with the flow! You don’t want to stand there and think, “Damn, somehow I have to get that recipe out!”

Go with the flow of the conversation. Women will look at you and see that you are flexible and can make changes in an instant.

If you think about it, life is really about going with the flow. If any of you readers have children, you KNOW that life is about going with the flow. One second your kid is sitting there calmly and the next he’s running around in circles like a maniac.

You have to be able to go with the flow and react accordingly in every facet of life. Otherwise, people are going to continue to ask you if and when you’re going to remove that stick from your ass!
And during “Mommy Bootcamp” this man is going to go with the flow everyday!

I don’t care if you’re a man or a woman, but one of the best Sunday exercises is going to a museum or an art gallery and hanging out there.

Hang out there for two or three hours and have conversations with every single person you see. Everyone.

Walk over to them and say, “excuse me, what do you think of this painting?” or “how does this painting make you feel?” You will get into great conversations all day long.

This teaches you a few things. For one, it shows you that people don’t bite – nothing bad is going to happen to you if you talk to people.

Secondly, it’s great practice. It teaches you how to listen. You have to listen to be able to talk about the subject that you’re discussing.

Specifically in terms of artwork, there is so much going on in front of you. We’re in a museum right now, and a client just told me how easy it is in here, because there are so many things to talk about – the things on the wall, the collections, etc.

But life itself is like a museum! After you go to a museum, you can walk around your life and find anything to talk about. You find things to discuss and things to ask questions about.

Today, during a bootcamp, we started at a food market, and all of the conversations started with talking about brownies and pastries. And all of those people we talked to came back to talk to us later.

This is why observations are so powerful. In a grocery store, in a museum, in an art gallery – you have all of these opportunities to talk about the things that are going on.

Today I have a question that I want all of you to answer.

Do you believe in Unconditional Love?

Now I am not talking about loving a child a pet or a sports team!!

I am talking about loving everything about another person, loving them so much that you know in your heart and soul that you have met the person that you can grow old with.

We are talking having every need satisfied with them.

Great sex…..great conversation….emotional support and your best friend.

I think you get the point but what I want to know is.

Do you believe in this kind of love and have you ever experienced this and what happened to that love?

Understanding this is why I’ve been able to do it, and it is why I am so passionate about this business. I started putting out my products because I know that without doing the foundational work, that you guys will never be truly successful in your dating lives.

Do you know how I know that? I know that because I tried to find shortcuts for things for much of my life. I’ve tried to find a shortcut for almost everything I’ve ever done in life. I tried to find a shortcut for meeting women, I tried to find shortcuts in business and I tried to find shortcuts in my relationships. What I learned, and what you need to learn, is that there are no shortcuts.

Recently, Esquire Magazine asked me for a quote to put in their May issue. While I won’t know until the issue comes out whether it will actually appear in it, the quote I gave them was “Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Keep your pace slow, and eventually you will find yourself in front of the right path.

It’s unbelievable how many of you are all about shortcuts. You put time limits on everything. You want one certain thing to happen within one month, when in reality it may take for four or five months because there are lessons to be learned along the way.

Being willing to let things take the time needed to really learn what you need to get there is, to me, about being authentic.  It’s being authentic in your life and authentic in who you are. It’s not looking for the shortcut.

I won’t sell you a shortcut. I will never sell you a shortcut because there are no shortcuts in life.

For any of you who approach life thinking there are shortcuts, I say go ahead and spend your money on those shortcuts. What will happen, though, is that you will keep spending and wasting money until you finally realize you have to be authentic and real to get what you really want. The real “shortcut” is to not be detoured by any so-called shortcut in the first place.

If you want to stop playing it safe in your dating life, and want to create your ideal dating life from the ground up so you will NEVER live in dating regret EVER, then click here to read more:

Today’s PODCAST is must listen for anyone who wants to not take a shortcut and REALLY learn how to approach and open up women. Listen to my London coach, Adam, tell you all about it! Check it out here:

P.S.: If you’re having trouble downloading this Podcast from my podcast page, you can download it directly to your computer by clicking on this link

I had every intention of getting this blog out to you on Friday – but between moving and being in constant meetings with my team brainstorming, creating and … let’s say gently critiquing each other’s ideas for the early 2009 launch of my new community site that I’m designing for my members — I don’t know if I’m coming or going half the time!

So my apologies on the tardiness of this blog, but hopefully ‘better late than never’ applies here …

I have recorded a short VIDEO where I share my thoughts and my vision for this new community site. I also give a little preview for what this new site is going to be all about.

So definitely check it out (if for no other reason than to see what I’m like in the middle of a move …). See it here:

OK then … now onto today’s blog.

As many of you know I am a big NFL fan. And no, this is not going to be a blog talking about how well I’m doing in my fantasy football pool (although I am doing quite well if anyone was curious).

I do think that there are some dating lessons that can be learned from football – and as this is a football Sunday, I thought this was a great day to talk about that.

Let me ask you a question. Have you ever gone out with a friend who is so good with the opposite sex that you become intimidated even to open your mouth? Then when you do open your mouth you feel that what you’re about to say could potentially be the wrong thing . . . so you say nothing. You don’t say a word.

I wrote a blog almost a year talking about how impressive Eli Manning’s success was in light of all the low expectations and comparisons to his super-famous brother Peyton that he was up against in making his own name in the NFL.

I also talked about how despite everything that made it more difficult for Eli Manning to succeed, that he never quit. He never let what other people said or did get to him. What he did was manage his game. He took control of his own destiny and his own success.

In your dating life, you need to take control of your destiny and decide that you are going to create what you want for yourself … and that you will do what it takes to get there. It’s about being true to yourself and staying on course.

Eli never quit . . . ever. He kept going and going and going. He decided that he was going to ignore all the critics, and that he would become the best quarterback he could be. After last year’s Super Bowl, I think there can be no doubt that this can create the greatest of success stories.

So when you’re going out to meet members of the opposite sex, stop comparing yourself to ANYONE and stop listening to the critics. Keep practicing. If you throw an interception (which in the dating world would mean getting rejected), keep flirting and keep talking.

I guarantee that if you work on your gamesmanship, you’ll get to the Super Bowl of dating . . . fast!

Have a fantastic Sunday!

Have you ever spent twenty-eight hours with somebody and it felt like one minute? Twenty-eight hours in which the conversation never ceased to stop? Twenty-eight hours in which the excitement kept building and where the connection kept getting stronger as each minute passed?

Life is a gift. It’s time all of you started accepting the gift of life, because when you do what will happen is that you will actually start to meet people who are going to blow you away. When you’re open and you’re being honest, that is when you’re going to find someone who is also open and honest and then life is just going to seem to mesh.

You will be on the same page with this person about everything you think and feel. It’s amazing when you spend twenty-eight hours with somebody, and when they leave all you want to do is start another twenty-eight hours with them all over again. You don’t want that person to leave. You just want them to stay.

Of course we all have responsibilities in our lives. We all need to work. We all have things we need to do. We need to make money. We need to see our friends. We need to see our family. When someone leaves you after spending twenty-eight hours together and all you can think about is getting to spend twenty-nine (or even thirty-six) hours with them the next time you see them, however, you are in the midst of something amazing.

It’s about building. It’s about desire. It’s about experiencing someone so much that when they leave, you think about how amazing your time together was and look forward to more. That is what chemistry is all about.

Chemistry is about connecting with somebody on every level, and having a very peaceful feeling as you connect with them. It’s is knowing that whatever you say is safe. It is knowing that whatever you’re feeling, they are on the same page with you.

Every word that is said and every moment that is exchanged is building a memory. It’s building things the two of you can talk about in the future. It is the foundation of a relationship.

The first few months you are hanging with someone is building the foundation for what you hope will be an amazing relationship for a long time. So for those of you who are dating someone new, enjoy every moment and every memory because those memories and moments are precious.

There will be a time when you will no longer see that person for twenty-eight hours and will see them all the time. You’ll be so entwined in each other’s lives, and you’ll get there naturally. You’ll get there because each twenty-eight hour period is building the desire to spend more time with each other, to get to know each other better, and to experience more and more of each other.

Connecting with another soul on a deep level like this is amazing and is the best feeling you could ever have, because it’s a connection with no thought process that is 100% natural. That feeling is something that is really going to last and which will really build into more intense feelings.

I think the greatest thing you can have in life is being so content with yourself and so happy, that you are able to truly think about someone else and how you feel about them. I must admit that it’s addicting, and it’s an addiction that everyone needs to feel.

What are your thoughts on this? Are you dating someone about whom you feel this way? If you are dating someone and you don’t have this feeling about them, then you need to move on because this feeling is one that we all need to experience.

There is no other feeling you should experience with someone, because if you’re not feeling this way it means that you’re not connecting with that person on enough of a deep and soulful level. It’s all right if you discover you’re not with someone for whom you feel this way, because you can feel confident that if you move on that there is someone out there waiting for you with whom you will experience this feeling.

If you believe that this type of connection with someone is possible, it will show up. When it does, you need to embrace it because that person could be the love of your life. You’ve got to embrace every little moment of it, because the more you do the better it becomes.

I just wanted to share some thoughts with you today on the art of follow up.

The key is to follow up with everybody. This keeps you in a very social environment – it keeps you very socially engaged all day long.

Women should do the same thing; women should do follow up as well. Many women will not follow up with the guys that they have talked to, so in turn, the guys don’t follow up with them. You want to be able to go out, play, and just have a good time.

Even if you’re not interested in the person, following up is important because other people are always looking at you. Do you see how people have noticed us since we’ve been out here? You can see how people are checking us out, how people are stopping when they see us having fun.

If you’re walking through a mall and you see a woman that you’ve talked to before but aren’t really that attracted to, you can follow up and say, “what are you doing? Are you making laps around the mall?”

By either saying something playful or saying something based on what you remember from your previous conversation, the two other women that are walking in your direction will notice that – they will notice the woman smiling at you. This will give you instant social proof. Everyone wants to talk to the fun person. Nobody wants to be approached by the boring guy.

You’re basically building up your social energy. This is why I constantly stress how important it is to talk to EVERYBODY. You have to make yourself available – emotionally, mentally and physically.

This is where most guys make the biggest mistake – they wait and only talk to the one person that they are attracted to. Women make this same mistake. If you do this, you’re going to be so nervous that you won’t be able to actually speak to that person!

The longer you wait between conversations with people of the opposite sex, the bigger it gets built up and the more the monkey chatter increases in your head. You’ll get more nervous and the experience will become more traumatic.

Client: One of the techniques I use to help relieve the social tension or anxiety is much like you do – I compliment people or find something interesting to comment on. Once I’ve done that, I just let it go. Would you say that is a good tactic?

David: Compliments and comments are great because they have no outcome derivative. This is what we talked about earlier. Paying someone a wonderful compliment, like telling them they look great, basically opens up your energy. It’s like good karma.

You can just walk over to someone and say, “wow, that dress looks great on you” and don’t expect anything from them. You should never expect anything from anybody.

Client: It was like that girl with the tattoo last night. It was like the throw and go.

David: Exactly! The throw and go – that’s great terminology. This will keep up your social momentum, and it will also keep you in a good frame of mind. If you’re in a good mindset, you’ll feel good and you’ll stay open to opportunities.

Once again – the longer you wait between conversations the more difficult it becomes. You will start to lose your energy.

It’s a long day. If you think about it, going out and meeting people all day long is intense. By 7:00 at night, you’re exhausted. Let’s see what you guys feel like tonight at 8:00 when we sit down to have dinner. You’ll be beat.

This takes so much energy. You’re observing everything and you’re constantly aware. You’re fully awake all day long. Most people sleep through the day.

I had this talk with my cleint the other day and thought you would enjoy it….so what are you thoughts today?